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rupi borrow

because saying hello to him means saying goodbye to you.

2016 / 06 / 28

Realizing, again.

And today I understood that I would never see you again. Not in the way I had; not in the casual sprawl of all those years. It was like being informed of your death.

We'll still see each other, from time to time of course. Perhaps running into you, or maybe even grabbing a drink together. But I know that the drink will only be with your ghost.

the camera setting was still facing me, oh god oh god, the horror

I've always subscribed to the long run. But I wonder:

Wawaweewah

My Mantra at 28

"But does it have back support?"

Funeral

Adam, I took a picture of you yesterday. I took that picture because I wanted to commemorate us. I wanted to remember how beautifully our relationship ended, not in violent flames but in a manner of timely and comforting old age. Kim once told me that she treated the end of her relationships like deaths. I guess that's what I'm doing here. When people die, we gather and mourn. We pay our respects and bury the dead. But most importantly, we remember and we celebrate. I'm still grieving the loss of us. But this photo of you is to celebrate the period of our lives when you were beside me everyday, when you were my rock and I didn't even know it. Our relationship really meant something to me; you really meant something to me. I was so privileged to be in your orbit. I'm terrified to take the next step without you. I don’t know how to swim and it feels like I have to go into the deep end without you beside me. I'm absolutely petrified.

*deep breaths* It's not until the end that I realized how greatly I grew because of you. How much I learned from you. I am where I am today largely because of you. I don't regret you, I'll never regret you. Yes, I mourn the loss of us, but in the end I celebrate us. I love you. I love you. I love you. I'll miss you. Thank you.