Something something his vision. Something something not that I don’t have my own vision but… Something about buying into the idea. Yeah! That’s the ticket! My vision includes the idea that I am investing in him and his vision for us both. It’s transactional, so, so you know, he recognizes my wants and needs.
Uh… There is an act of faith happening here. It’s coupled with communication. We have a shared mutual consideration for each other’s wants and needs. We communicate these things to each other, on an ongoing, ever updating basis. Part of my journey as the submissive partner is to strive to ensure our communication as good as it can be, and then hold faith that my entrusted beloved will make wise decisions that meet both our needs, and bring us both as much of our wants and desires as possible.
To do this I need a few tools. I need good communication skills, patience, faith, imagination, flexibility, a sense of adventure, and a sense of humor. Also, the ability to take constructive criticism. And, I also need the ability to prioritize the needs of our family over my own sense of comfort in the moment. Basically… I have to be a fully functional adult with her priorities in order.
Something something concentric circles, or Maslow-like hierarchy. What’s in my head is not the standard (and awesome) list of D-type priority- sub needs, Dom needs, Dom wants, sub wants. I see me and @billfix as a unit- a family. Family needs first. And family needs include our individual needs, but everything is in relation to what’s best for our family. For example, our need to keep a roof over our heads is greater than each of our separate individual needs for shelter. Being under the same roof is more important than each of us just being under any old roof. Another easy example is sex. Sex with Bill is the only important sex to me. We’re both animals with natural urges, and you could argue that sex is a needed thing for a healthy life (even if it’s sex with just yourself). In my mind our family sex life is more important than my own sexual urges. So I don’t have sex with other people. That would harm my family. I don’t even masturbate unless Bill tells me to. This is a way we both nurture what’s best for our family.
So, yeah, household needs first. This includes individual needs, but family comes before personal. Next is wants. For this, it’s sort of a dance between what’s doable in the moment vs who maybe needs a want more at the moment, vs money, vs time. The wants are constantly trying to convince us they are needs. It’s chaos and day dreaming, and full of possibilities. Bill is the ultimate authority on the distribution of wants received. Part of his job is ensuring that we don’t overdo indulging in wants and end up threatening our ability to meet household needs. It’s part of my responsibility too, but Bill is the executive in charge. I’m staff (the benefits are amazing!!!)
Anyway, if this all sounds very traditional marriage, you are pretty much right. I dig traditional gender roles. It’s totally more Adams Family than Stepford, though. And this is our jam. We are “traditional” in somethings and very much not traditional in others. And it’s all kinda nobody’s business, but I just want to make sure that I make it clear that I think any gender matches up with any role in a D/s relationship. So anyway…
We talk about what we need, we both put household/collective needs first. Bill is the guardian of the family vision, and I put my faith in him. Everything rests on communication, hard work, and keeping priorities straight. Oh… And respect. Just throwing that in their at the end. None of this works, if we don’t hold respect for each other.
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