seeking redemption

Jamie | 31 | they/them

[jamiemoore-francois]

Goodbye, 2019

[jamiemoore-francois]

Levi smiled at what Jamie said about having photos framed all over their home, “That sounds real nice.” He chuckled a bit while reaching up to rub the back of his neck in a rather guilty manner, “I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for Alex makin’ her scrapbooks, my pictures probably would just stay on my phone.” He shook his head a little at himself, knowing he wasn’t very good at getting pictures developed, or doing anything with them once they were. “Are you gonna be takin’ it easy ‘til later tonight?”

“It’s pretty great. I am just reminded of love everywhere I turn,” they grinned. “Honestly, that’s how most people are these days. It takes a lot more effort to get them printed. Back in the day, everyone had to get film developed in order to actually see what pictures looked like. Now you can take a dozen in just a few seconds and delete the ones you don’t like.” They nodded at the question. “Yeah, I think so. I will eventually try to find Zander before midnight.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Start the New Year off Right || Jander

[jamiemoore-francois]

“My knight in shining armor.” Zander replied, pretending to be wooed by the words. In reality, he was quite happy with what his spouse had said, it meant a lot to him that Jamie would be willing to do that, especially after everything that had happened.

“I know you do. I never doubted that. Not for a second.” He admitted truthfully. No matter how angry he was at their actions, he had always known, deep down, that Jamie’s feelings were real. At the mention of their first meeting, Zander couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh god, how could I forget?” He asked, shaking his head. “I made such an ass out of myself that night.” He added. “I saw you and everything I’d ever been taught about being a non-awkward person went out the window.” That night had played out like a movie. As soon as they had locked eyes, it seemed like Jamie was the only one in the room; the only thing that mattered.

Smiling again, Zander felt his cheeks turn pink. “You’re such a sap.” He teased softly before turning serious. “I agree though. You… I met you and couldn’t believe that you’d even want to talk to me. You were gorgeous. You still are. Even then, we fit together so well.”

“I’m glad you never doubted it. I just... was so worried that you would think that I never loved you or that you would think I loved you for the wrong reasons,” they said, looking at Zander. “You didn’t make an ass out of yourself,” they chuckled and moved a little closer to their husband as they danced. “I didn’t think you were awkward at all. I just thought you were cute.” Jamie wished they could relive that night over and over again. It was perfect. 

When Jamie saw Zander smile, every bad feeling they had over the past few days just went away. “I know I am.” They grinned and kissed Zander’s cheek, letting their lips linger there for a couple moments. "I don’t want to fit with anyone else, Zander,” they muttered and leaned in to kiss their husband properly, hoping with fiber of their being that Zander wouldn’t pull away immediately.

[jamiemoore-francois]

Start the New Year off Right || Jander

[jamiemoore-francois]

“You don’t mind sitting through it again? You did just say it was pretty bad.” Zander pointed out, not wanting Jamie to suffer through it a second time just for him. As much as he wanted to see the movie right away, he could always wait until they reached dry land if he needed to.

Zander gently squeezed Jamie’s hand as he took it, suddenly very aware of the other’s touch. Although this was nowhere near their first dance, it all felt new and strange. Once again, Zander wasn’t sure where they stood, what the right thing to do was. As Jamie stepped in closer, although not as close as they would have in the past, Zander felt his heart beat quicken. While it all felt strange and new, it also felt right. It felt like he belonged where he was, arms wrapped around his spouse. 

At Jamie’s words, Zander felt butterflies in his stomach. Slowly, he nodded, inching slightly closer to them as they continued to dance. “I did too… Miss this. Miss you. These past few days have felt like a life time.” He admitted quietly.

“I did, but I love you more than I hate the movie. I will suffer through it again just to spend time with you,” they grinned. “Who knows, I might find parts of it I enjoy on a second watch,” they shrugged a little..

When Zander moved closer as they danced, Jamie grinned a little bit. “It has felt like a lifetime,” they nodded in agreement. “I love you, Zander. I just... I never want you to think I don’t. There’s a reason I married you. You’re it for me. I knew so quickly after we met. You were so cute and goofy and charming. God that first night we met... do you remember?” They asked and leaned their forehead against Zander’s shoulder for a couple moments before looking back into their loves’s eyes. 

“I hope I hid it well, but I was nervous to meet you. Nervous and excited because I love your music so much. The fact that you even gave me the time of day... it was surprising in the best way. And getting to know you better... you were so amazing and caring. The first time you kissed me... damn. I knew there were no other lips that could compare.” Jamie hoped reminiscing would bring up positive emotions and memories for Zander. 

[jamiemoore-francois]

Goodbye, 2019

[jamiemoore-francois]

“Sounds like it makes for memorable holidays.” He smiled a bit and then chuckled hearing them describe the ugly Christmas sweater covered in lights. “Y’all should keep a photo album of ‘em. Alex got me to appreciate scrapbooks a little since before we started dating. It’s nice bein’ able to look back on good times.” For a moment, Levi lifted his hands out of the water and looked at his fingertips, noticing that they were beginning to prune. He reached back slightly on either side of himself and lifted himself up so that he now sat on the jacuzzi’s edge and his right foot remained submerged in the hot water. “Yeah, she’s got enough fashion sense for the both of us, thankfully. I’m sure we’ll find y’all at some point after it happens. I’d show you now but, uh.. it’s back in our cabin.”

“Oh absolutely! Very memorable.” Jamie was so glad they had someone special to celebrate holidays with. And they were never boring with Zander. After they were abandoned by their parents, it was hard to celebrate. Then they met Zander and every holiday was special again. “Oh, we keep photos. I’m actually a really big fan of framing pictures, so we have a bunch of us and our pups all over the house. But keeping them in a scrapbook is also a good option. Keeping them on your phone only is sad,” they said. Jamie stayed in the hot water, even when Levi got out and sat on the edge of the jacuzzi. “Oh, no worries! I’m sure she’ll be eager to show it off later.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Start the New Year off Right || Jander

[jamiemoore-francois]

Zander made a face as Jamie refused to give him spoilers. He knew he could easily just wait and watch the movie but he wanted to know now. “Well good. Because I like seeing movies with you. Maybe we could see Rise of Skywalker together some time this week?” He asked cautiously.

“Well, it is easier than trying to wheel the actual piano outside when it’s nice out.” He pointed out, remembering sunny days full of music and laughter. Hopefully, there would be repeats of those days but he still couldn’t be sure. He still didn’t know where the two of them stood, although he was starting to get an idea.

“Thank you.” He added, blushing. “What better way to watch fire works than while you’re wearing them, right?” Zander asked before his eyes widened slightly. “I… yes! Of course.” He replied, hoping that Jamie couldn’t sense how hard his heart was beating.

Jamie nodded. “We can see it sometime this week. We’ll have to look at the theater schedule to see when it’s playing again. I think it’s playing again... I don’t think we’ll have to wait until after we get home to see it.” Jamie was being optimistic, hoping they would still be together when they got home.

“Well, of course,” they chuckled a little. Jamie remembered doing that with Zander. Jamie laid out on a lawn chair and just listened to Zander playing while they tanned and the dogs ran around in the backyard. Those were good days.

When Zander agreed to dance with them, they held out their hand and took Zander’s hand. It was the first time in days they had the chance to do that, and just the simple sensation was enough to make their heart beat faster in their chest. Jamie led their husband to the dance floor and a slower song was on. So they wrapped their arms around Zander’s neck. Jamie wasn’t standing as close as they normally would, but this was good. It was progress and it was more than they expected would happen.

Jamie hummed along to the song a bit before he looked into Zander’s eyes. “I missed this... being close to you. The past few days...” Jamie sighed. They didn’t want to ruin the mood completely. “I just really missed you, Zan.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Carnation, Prim Rose, Azalea

CARNATION: If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?

Lady Gaga! She’s absolutely amazing. And I don’t need someone to give me tickets to see my husband perform. I can do that any time I’d like.

PRIMROSE: Favorite kind of soup?

Minestrone. It’s a classic and delicious.

AZALEA: What’s a movie you cried while watching?

Marley and Me. If you don’t cry during that movie, you have no soul.

[jamiemoore-francois]

Foxglove, Allium & Peony

FOXGLOVE: Name three facts about your family?

My parents are the worst and they kicked me out when I came out.

My grandfather worked for the mob.

I have an aunt who claims she hooked up with John Travolta.

ALLIUM: What’s the best thing you can cook? 

I don’t cook very well, unfortunately. But I can follow recipes. Still, I think the best thing I cook is manicotti.

PEONY: What’s your favorite hot beverage?

Coffee. Lots of coffee. Just not decaf. There is a time and place for decaf: never and in the trash.

[jamiemoore-francois]

younger-tvland‌:

[jamiemoore-francois]

Start the New Year off Right || Jander

[jamiemoore-francois]

“No, no, it’s fine. It makes sense.” Zander replied quickly. He hadn’t even thought to be mad that Jamie had seen it without him. He’d spent so much time being angry already that it seemed like his mind was completely out of hate to give. He was just sad that they had missed the chance to see it together. “Really? Not even one tiny spoiler?” Zander asked teasingly before shaking his head. “I think that can be arranged. You know how much I hate going to the movies alone after all.”

As soon as he mentioned writing, Zander could practically see Jamie’s thoughts start to spiral. He couldn’t lie though and say that all the songs he’d started writing were good ones because they weren’t. Some were from a place of hurt; but they weren’t all that way. There was love and forgiveness in them too. “It was really helpful, I’m glad I got the chance. And yes! Keyboards definitely count.” 

Zander’s facial expression softened as he heard Jamie’s words, feeling touched. “I’m glad I showed up too.” He added with a smile, resisting the urge to take Jamie’s hand in his. “You look gorgeous.”

Jamie was glad there wasn’t an angry tone in Zander’s voice when he said it was okay that they saw the movie without him. They grinned a little and shook his head. “Not even a tiny spoiler. And I know you hate seeing movies alone. That’s never been a problem for me though.” Jamie loved Zander more than they hated Rise of Skywalker. They could spend another two hours of their life watching the movie for the man they loved. Zander was always worth it.

“Well then we have more than one piano at home. I know the keyboard is easy for you to lug around so you’re not confined to playing and writing in one room.” Sometimes Jamie liked to sit and watch Zander write songs. They could just sit in the corner of a room and scroll through social media while also paying attention to Zander’s process. It was one of their favorite things to do. And they always loved when Zander let them hear songs before anyone else.

Jamie looked down at their outfit when Zander gave the compliment. “Oh thank you so much. You look gorgeous, too. That suit is one of my favorites on you. And I know you can’t wear it often, so it’s a special treat when you can.” It was taking everything in them not to take Zander’s hand or wrap their arms around him. Jamie bit down on their lip for a moment. “Do you want to dance...? With me?”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Flower Ask

DAISY:How old were you when you had your first kiss?

CARNATION:If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?

JASMINE:What color looks best on you?

FOXGLOVE:Name three facts about your family?

ALLIUM:What’s the best thing you can cook?

ORANGE BLOSSOM:If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?

CALLA LILY:If you died right now, what song would you want to play at your funeral?

POINSETTIA:Favorite holiday dish?

OXLIP:Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?

PRIMROSE:Favorite kind of soup?

DAFFODIL:What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?

ROSE:Are you currently in love with someone?

AMSONIA:Would you ever become a vegan?

PEONY:What’s your favorite hot beverage?

TULIP:For your birthday, what kind of cake do you ask for?

MYRTLE:Do you like going on airplanes?

HIBISCUS:Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?

ZINNIA:Who was your best friend when you were six years old?

POPPY:What color was your childhood home?

HYDRANGEA:Starbucks order?

VIOLET:Do you like where you’re from?

LOCUST:What was your favorite book as a child?

RHODODENDRON:What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had?

QUEEN ANNE’S LACE:Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?

MAGNOLIA:Favorite kind of candy?

ASTER:Would you rather be cold or hot?

MARIGOLD:Do you listen to what’s on the radio?

HELICONIA:Do you like when it rains?

AZALEA:What’s a movie you cried while watching?

DANDELION:Do you think you’re important?

[jamiemoore-francois]

Goodbye, 2019

[jamiemoore-francois]

“See as nice as that would be, because I work most of the afternoon and evenings I sleep in way late, and then I dont’ want to be the person to be like come at 10 but I absolutely have to be out the door at 11 and then make them rush through it,” Alex admitted, though she had a small feeling that Jamie and her definitions of massively expensive were quite a bit different, “But good, I’m looking forward to seeing you there.”

“Oh, I get that completely. You wouldn’t want to rush something that’s meant to be relaxing,” they grinned. “I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. I have this glorious gold blazer. It’s one of my favorite pieces of clothing I own. And I can’t wait to see what you’re wearing! You’ve been wearing really beautiful dresses all week, so I’m sure you’ll look gorgeous.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Goodbye, 2019

[jamiemoore-francois]

Levi grinned, “Y’all sound real festive. Somethin’ tells me Alex is gonna be the same way with whatever she wears tonight too. If we run into you before dinner, I’ll make sure ‘n get a picture for y’all too. To remember how you brought in the new year ‘n all.” Levi knew he himself wasn’t a flashy dresser. Stepping up his attire usually meant adding more than one accessory with color to whatever he was wearing. 

“Oh, we’re definitely festive. It’s one of our things. We like to go all out for holiday outfits. Zander has this ugly Christmas sweater... it’s covered in lights. It’s the most hideous and amazing thing you’d ever see,” they grinned. “Alex has been wearing really cute things all week. She has a lot of style. I can’t wait to see what she wears tonight. And I can’t wait to see the ring after you propose.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Goodbye, 2019

[jamiemoore-francois]

“Thank you. That means a lot to me,” Levi responded in earnest. He had already spoken with a couple of members of the ship’s crew and could only hope that they would come through with assisting him in his proposal, otherwise he had a simpler back-up plan in mind. But moving on from the proposal talk, Levi listened to Jamie share what their plans were for the coming evening. “Sounds like a fun way to bring in the new year. But, uh… A fireworks suit? It just has ‘em printed on the suit–they don’t…y’know..shoot off’a the suit, right?” Levi wondered with a slight wariness in his gaze.

Jamie laughed a little at the suit question. “Oh no. It’s just covered in fireworks. It sounds really campy, but it’s honestly a gorgeous suit. Zander has a lot of fun suits, and likes dressing up for special occasions,” they grinned. “I have a gold suit jacket to wear tonight. It’s ridiculously sparkly and I’m pretty obsessed with it.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Start the New Year off Right || Jander

[jamiemoore-francois]

Seeing Jamie’s eyes light up made Zander’s heart do funny things. He hadn’t been expecting that. He’d been expecting to still be mad at his spouse, to not want to see them for the rest of 2019. Here they were, standing in front of him though, and Zander wasn’t sure what to think. Their smile was dazzling and it made Zander jut want to pull them close. 

He couldn’t though. He shouldn’t. He was supposed  to still be mad.

Unable to stop himself, at the mention of the new Star Wars movie, Zander’s eyes widened. It hurt to hear that Jamie had gone to see it without him but it also made him want to see it even more. He wanted to talk to Jamie about the movie, to know what the other meant by hot garbage. “You saw it? What happened? Wait, no. Don’t tell me. Just… did Poe and Finn end up together? That’s all I need to know.” Zander asked, not ready to part with a pairing he’d loved since The Force Awakens. 

“My night’s been fairly low key. I spent a lot of time writing, plunking out notes on a piano I found… I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come to this but… here I am.” Zander admitted, fidgeting with the seam of his dress shirt as he spoke.

“I’m sorry I saw it without you. I just... well... “ Jamie shrugged. Zander knew why. “I was bored and alone. So I saw it to kill time. There aren’t endless things to do when you’re on a ship in the middle of the ocean. So I escaped to ‘a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.’ I won’t tell you anything about it. I don’t want to spoil any of it for you. So I won’t tell you whether or not JJ Abrams sunk the Storm Pilot ship. And I won’t tell you who Rey’s parents are. You’ll have to watch it to find out.” Jamie grinned a little. “The only way I’d see it again is if you dragged me to the theater with you.”

Jamie nodded. They could only imagine the kinds of things Zander was writing about. If he managed to write an entire album of love songs for them, Zander could easily write at least three songs about being angry and betrayed. The idea of songs like that going on an album made his stomach turn a bit. People would talk. They would wonder about the songs. 

“I’m glad you were able to find a piano to sit down and write. I know how.. therapeutic that is for you. It’s the reason there’s more than one piano at home. Well, if you count the keyboard.” Jamie looked at Zander fidgeting. “I’m really happy you showed up, Zan. I wanted to see you tonight.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Goodbye, 2019

[jamiemoore-francois]

“Well I hope that you two are able to fix it, because I want you to be able to have a good new year,” Alex smiled at them, “And I did! I’d never been to a fancy spa before, so it was really cool. I’ll have to see if I can budget for it once we get home. Though I doubt that anything in my price range would be as cool as it was here,” she chuckled, “And good maybe I’ll see you there. I’m going to be the one who looks like a New Year’s Countdown Ball because my dress literally looks like a disco ball.”

“Believe me, that’s what I want too,” they said. It made them sad to even consider the fact that it might not happen. “I love fancy spas! Getting a massage, a facial, a pedicure... hm it’s heaven,” they grinned. “You never know! There are apps to let a masseuse come to your house with everything. So you don’t have to even leave home. I’ve done that a couple times. And it’s not massively expensive.” Jamie grinned at the description of Alex’s dress. “I’ll be sure to say hello there. I am planning on going. Even if Zander doesn’t show.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Goodbye, 2019

[jamiemoore-francois]

Levi smiled a bit, not the least bit surprised by anything Jamie was saying about Alex. It was very true, and reminded him of how he met Alex–him being in a bad place, her being unfailingly kind to him, even when he didn’t deserve it. Undoubtedly, he was the one who made their relationship –from early friendship to a monogamous relationship–more of a challenge than she had because she was so charming and adorable. Listening to their advice, Levi took a moment to process and then nodded, “I’m probably over-thinkin’ things. Which’ll probably still happen come tonight but… thanks. Thanks for sayin’ that. At this point, I’d just like the stuff I do have planned to go well. Hopefully the rest will just work out. Are you ‘n Zander gonna take part in all the New Years Eve things happenin’ here on the ship, or have a quieter night in your cabin?”

“I will keep my fingers crossed for you that things go according to plan,” they grinned. When Zander proposed, Jamie almost didn’t let him finish because they were so eager to say yes. And when Jamie proposed back a couple months later, there was no pressure on it because they were already engaged. “Oh. I don’t know. I was planning on going to the party. At least for a bit. I love fireworks. I don’t know what Zander’a plan is for tonight. But I know he has a fireworks suit that is just incredible. I hope I see him there.”

[jamiemoore-francois]

Start the New Year off Right || Jander

[jamiemoore-francois]

Zander had been hesitant to go to the New Year’s Eve party. The thought of being around so many people didn’t really sound all that great at the moment. He had heard Jamie getting ready earlier and just the idea of being around so many people, knowing that one of them could be his spouse, made Zander want to crawl under the covers and binge watch whatever was on TV. After watching more episodes of Veronica Mars than he’d like to admit though, Zander sighed and decided to get off his ass and get ready. Maybe the new year would be different and it wouldn’t do any good to ring it in by being miserable.

After throwing on an appropriately festive suit and running some product through his curls, Zander took a deep breath and stepped out of his room. The hallways were empty. All the kids were either asleep or at the childrens’ parties and everyone else seemed to have already gone up to the main party. It was odd walking through the halls, not seeing a single soul. It made Zander think of The Shining or Inception, one of those movies where something terrible is waiting at the end of the hall. Maybe, for him, there was. Maybe tonight would be the end of everything. He didn’t really know.

Quietly, trying not to jump to conclusions, Zander made his way onto the main deck. Although he’d hoped to avoid Jamie for as long as possible, almost as soon as he walked up to the party, that’s exactly who he ran into. Immediately, Zander felt his heart begin to beat faster. Jamie, standing in front of him in a well fitting suit jacket, holding a flute of champagne, reminded him so much of the Jamie he’d first met, years ago at a charity ball. The thought of their first meeting made his heart twinge. “Hey Jamie.” He replied softly, smiling hesitantly. “How’s your night been so far?”

Jamie couldn’t help but smile when they saw Zander in his fireworks suit. Jamie saw him pack it, but they were still a bit tickled to see it on their husband. The best part was that the suit fit Zander perfectly. Few things were more attractive to Jamie than their husband in a well-tailored suit.

“Oh, my night has been fine so far. I have been at the party for a little while. Had some champagne. Danced a bit.” Jamie was glad to see Zander, even if they were fighting. Jamie was still so in love with the man and it made their heart beat faster.

“Earlier was just okay. I saw Rise of Skywalker.” Jamie knew they were supposed to see it together, but they were bored and weren’t sure Zander would ever want to see a movie with them again. “Parts of it were fine. But it was hot garbage over all. But you’ll have to see it to know what I mean.” Jamie would see it again with Zander if he asked. “How has your night been so far?”