slip away.

Jane Fitzgerald. 24. The Myrtle. Waitress.

[steviemadis]

archives

Stephanie “Stevie” Madison

Gina Crawford

Clarissa Rhodes

Jane Fitzgerald

Dylan Morris

Elliot Lyons

Anita “Nita” Howard

Margaret Johnson

Zeta Reyes

Marcine “Mercy” Day

Benjamin Roy

Sophie Klein

[chazelle]

Mary Elizabeth Winstead photographed by Amanda Crew

[janegera]

queensnoah‌:

“It’s okay.” He said shrugging. It didn’t really matter anymore now that she was here and they were talking at least now he knew she hadn’t avoided him because she hated him. It gave him a beam of hope though he didn’t want to show it fearing he would look too needy. “I mean…. I’m kind of fucked up too so I wouldn’t mind it. I enjoyed my time with you still and I think you’re fine.” Sure he could smell the alcohol but it wasn’t anything new for the bartender. “We could start over maybe? Get to know each other better?” 

Jane looked at him, unconvinced and a bit suspicious. She wasn’t used to people showing interest in her, the last person to do so had her on and off for years until they cut Jane off. That’s how she was, she came and went and needed people to be there for her when she wanted them. “I don’t know. Maybe. We can be friends.”

[janegera]

queensnoah‌:

Noah stared at her shaking his head. “Why would I be mad at you?” He asked though it was a bit of a lie. He did get upset but he didn’t want to look or sound like a loser for whining. He tried to keep Cyrek’s words close to him. It was normal for people to just up and leave after a lay. He didn’t want to make it too personal. It made him feel better that she asked though and he gave her a smile. “I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me. I was debating whether to call first or not but I chickened out.” He said with a chuckle. 

“Maybe because I said I was going to text you and then I- well, I didn’t.” Jane worried she stank, that her breath might smell of booze and he’d know she’d been drinking. She didn’t want to get too close to him to risk it. She had a hard time maintaining eye contact with him, she didn’t know how to be vulnerable with people. “I didn’t know what to say. Which is lame, I know. Plus, I’m like super fucked up, in case you didn’t notice. You dodged a bullet by not calling me.”

[janegera]

queensnoah‌:

Noah smiled and started to shake his head. “I asked if you were hurt. Not the phone. Are you?” He couldn’t read her expression but it still made him blush. He never really knew how to function around the people he liked or who had seen him in his most vulnerable state. At least physically. He could still remember everything but he doubted the feeling was mutual. “All good. The bar is running well and I’ve been…. Decorating for Halloween.” He said smiling. “How is it going with you?”

Jane had to look away as she lied. “I’m fine.” She glanced back, wondering why he’d care. She didn’t know how to respond to his small talk. She didn’t care about the bar decorations, she wanted to know if he actually hated her or how he’d been feeling since she last saw him. “What’s going on? Are you mad at me?”

[janegera]

queensnoah‌:

Noah felt redness on his face when he realized who he had bumped into. He had been waiting for her to text but she never did. To be fair he never had the courage to contact her either too scared of hearing static line from the other side. Their night had ended on an awkward note though he had found himself wondering if he would ever see her again. He almost kneeled down himself to help her pick her phone but she beat him to it. She didn’t seem comfortable so maybe he needed to keep his distance. Still he couldn’t help the little smile on his lips. “Hi. Really sorry for that.” He said not sure what else to say after. “Are you….. Um. Are you sure you’re not hurt?” He asked. 

Jane decided to play it cool, she pulled her shoulders back and put on a smile. “It’s fine, the screen didn’t crack.” She pocketed her phone and kept her eyes on him, worried that if she looked away he could tell she was uncomfortable. She was still tipsy, not realizing she was looking at him a little weirdly. “How’s it going?”

[queensnoah]

Noah was a little off in his own world. After he closed the bar for the night he was just walking around aimlessly with his ears plugged and a large coat covering most of his body. He was too restless to be walking straight home so he thought he could explore around and allow his feet to just take the wheel. He was tired. He had been decorating his own joint a lot to match the feel of October. He was terrible at it but he was trying his best. It all made him feel more jaded than usual but it was too early for him to sleep. Lost in his own thoughts he didn’t realize he was walking into someone. He felt the bump on his shoulder and gasped. He pulled off his earpieces and started shaking his head apologetically. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve paid more attention. Are you okay?” He asked with his tone filled with worry. 

[janegera]

Jane was out for a walk, taking advantage of the weather not making her feel smothered. It was her favorite time of the year, when it started to cool down and she could put on a sweater. She was trying to get home this way from a night out, drinking away her anxieties. She had her phone out and was looking down at it. She scrolled through Instagram, checking up on celebrities and brands she liked. She bumped into someone and dropped her phone. “Oh fuck.” She picked it up and looked to them. She wasn’t thrilled to see it was Noah. “Ah, shit, dude. Uh, it’s fine.”

[tara-palmer]

Tara had been trying to treat herself in honor of her birthday, but so far, she wasn’t doing great. She’d given herself the night off from the club, but was still exhausted from the night before and her day job and the lack of sleep between the two. She couldn’t take herself to a bar, considering she wasn’t interested in being an active alcoholic– again– and she was just really bad at allowing herself to spend money for fun. So far, she’d been in Target and Crate & Barrel, and all she had was a pair of $3 Halloween socks and a throw that was on sale for 13.99, which she’d needed for months since her last one had been ruined by someone else’s bleach in the laundromat. “Any tips for self-indulging on your birthday? At this point, I’m considering getting a box of Ding-Dongs, eating them all, and going to sleep at 7 pm.”

[janegera]

Jane looked to the woman. “Hey, digging into Ding-Dongs sounds like a birthday indulgence.” She couldn’t think of anything nonalcoholic to do. Jane usually celebrated her birthday by getting shitfaced and dancing alone. “How old are you now?”

[janegera]

And I don't know anything (uh uh uh) Except that green is so green And there's a special kind of sadness that seems to come with spring

[janegera]

hcatheralcott‌:

Because you never called to tell me. “I didn’t hear anything for a long time. When you contacted me again, it was a couple of cryptic messages then I found out I was blocked. I figured you had moved somewhere else, and I was tired of playing the waiting game over and over again when my life was also in shambles. I’ve done that for years, we’ve done that for years. I deserved to try and move on, to have my own space just like when you needed yours.” Heather sighed when Jane continued to follow her, trying to alter her coarse words into white noise in the background. She stood next to her bike, taking its helmet into her clinch and looking up at her. “Are you done?” She asked. “Satisfied? Anything that you say won’t change anything, I have made my decisions that I’m absolutely fucking certain of and I’m sticking with them. You’re only wasting your breath following me around. If you want to talk, then maybe find another time and try doing that without shouting at me or shoving me. I really have to go now. Her shift is almost over and we gotta head back home before it gets too late.” She strapped on her helmet then revved the engine, “take care of yourself, really.” She mumbled, beginning to drive away.

“Yeah, Sam told me you were seeing someone and I was, I still am, hurt that you didn’t care to call. I altered my fucking voicemail. All you had to do was call.” Jane stopped, staring at Heather in utter disbelief. She was completely shocked that they had gone from ice-cream and rosé to this. “No, I don’t want to see you again.” She chuckled, burying her face in her hands. She looked up when the engine revved. Heather was dead to her, not even a friend now. “Fuck you.” She said, not even trying to get Heather to hear it. It was something for herself. She watched Heather drive off. She was furious, not jealous, just angry that Heather Heather was being fake with her. She punched the brick wall outside of the bar. “Fuck!” Her knuckles throbbed. She walked back into the bar for another drink.

[janegera]

What is your favorite family vacation?

“We stayed at a really cool, big big Disney resort and both my parents were drunk off their asses all weekend and let me swim for hours and bought me poolside nachos. I drank a lot of pina coladas. They let me ride It’s A Small World like ten times by myself. That was fun.”

[janegera]

Favorite childhood memories?

“I always loved going to Disney. My parents would make a whole weekend out of it. I don’t think they had a lot of fun though.”

[janegera]

Do you genuinely like Noah?

“I don’t know, and now I probably will never be able to find out because I made it awkward.”

@queensnoah

[janegera]

hcatheralcott‌:

“I’m not trying to complicate shit. You asked where I went, and I fucking explained the best I could.” This wasn’t going anywhere but south, anything that she spewed would likely sound wrong, would likely make Jane feel even worse and so she kept her teeth and tongue caged for a moment; staring at her when she went off, taking jabs at her mental recovery. “You don’t get to say that. You have no idea how many times I had to fucking get myself back on my fucking feet and the hell I had to go through to get myself here. I didn’t spend years struggling and fighting on my own against my own head to just fucking breathe through another day without crushing every part of body or wanting to choke on every pill that I had until I fucking combusted only for you to say I hadn’t done anything. I have, I am. I’m not healed but I’m fucking trying.” Readjusting her wrinkled shirt, scowl painted over her face as she grit her teeth, attempting to deliquesce the agonizing fire in her chest. She wanted to break something, let adrenaline run through her knuckles until she bled, but instead she shut her eyes; letting fragments of what, who, was waiting outside smear over her mind, wavering her down. “I have to go. She’s waiting for me.” Heather turned to look at the bartender. “Please. Don’t give her any more than what she just had.” Grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulders, she began to saunter past the brunette. “Goodnight, Jane.” 

“You didn’t go anywhere. You just never bothered to show up for me.” Jane was a little insulted at Heather mentioning that Jane didn’t understand or know her. “Maybe I don’t fucking know, because you never called to tell me. Don’t blame me for not reading your fucking mind. You know what? I hate you, I fucking hate you. You’re just another person who pretended to give a shit about me to make yourself feel better and less of a fucking monster.” Jane was furious when Heather spoke to the bartender. “Hey!” She followed Heather, forgetting that she left her credit card with the bartender. “Don’t treat me like shit and then make decisions for me. Okay? You’re not my fucking mom. You’re no one to me, okay?” Jane was really trying to hurt Heather now, she wanted her to feel as bad as she did. “I can’t believe I ever let you touch me, you disgust me.”

[janegera]

hcatheralcott‌:

The shove barely made her budge, although it caused her entire torso to tense up in alarm and nerves, fingernails graving into flesh to distract her brain from chalking Jane as someone who was attempting to tear her limbs apart and her own body from lashing out in self-defense. She had known Jane’s tendency to get quite physical during an argument, and perhaps Heather had opened the dam by spewing her remark, but still, the display catapulted all the memories she’d tried to bury and lock forever in her mental closet, all the shoving and shouting and blaming. Her childhood fear glimpsed for a second in her eyes but she tried to steel herself, to not look at the other girl’s moving shoulder and wonder if breaking it would make her stop, please stop. Walk away,. it’s Jane, don’t fucking hurt her. Walk away, you have a family waiting for you. “My wife,” she murmured, darting her gaze up to meet hers, firm when she spoke her next words. “She’s my wife, I married her.” She inhaled, her sternum bursting into fire. “You wanna know where I went?! A week after you left I was just here, in this bar, lying face-down on the floor and choking on my own fucking blood because I never got to hear anything from you or Nita, or anyone. Because all hell broke loose at the shack and my name was stained red and I ended up being everybody’s fucking laughing stock and I kept that shit, kept myself caged because I was an idiot who didn’t know how to deal with my fucking pain or let people in again until it all fucking destroyed me from the inside! I was in my worst state and nobody knew, I couldn’t reach out to anyone, until I found some people, by luck, I guess, or by fucking fate– whatever, and her, and started trying to fucking pick myself up again, bit by bit. There. That’s where I went. How come,” she grit her teeth, voice wavering, “how come everyone gets to leave and heal and I keep getting fucking shouted at for trying to do the exact same thing?” Heather remained on the floor after Jane left, one hand on her chest, anxiety gnawing close - she let herself calm down for a bit, pushing herself up seconds after. Her skin felt ablaze still when she walked out, a weight in her throat that she couldn’t scratch off, until she spotted Jane again, ordering a drink. She shut her eyes for a second, head aching. “Jane–don’t.” 

Jane scoffed. “You got married? Good for you, good for fucking you.” She paused. Heather didn’t need to tell her that, Heather didn’t need to be here. “You’re just trying to get a rise out of me. Fuck you. See, now you’re just turning it around on me. Like you want me to be happy for you that you’re better, but when I had to go somewhere for help you’re mad at me? What kind of backwards bullshit is this, Heather? You’re making it all way too complicated, I don’t need you to make me feel any worse. You didn’t heal, you just tethered yourself to another person and you’re using them to make yourself feel better. And one day they’re going to see through it and leave and you’ll be back to bruising your knuckles because that’s who you are and you haven’t done anything on your own to change it!” Jane poured back her shot. She set it down and looked over to Heather. She never would have expected this to be where they ended up, not even when Heather made her skin hot, her head light, and her knuckles white.

[janegera]

queensnoah‌:

“Okay.” William said a little too giddily. He was too naive for his own good and trusted people easy. He was just hoping he wouldn’t get tricked or jumped by the end of the day. He just wanted to see his brother again. Maybe get to know who she was considering that seemed to hold secrets or at least get to know how she met him in the first place. “Sure. I don’t mind.” He said in response of buying her a drink. “So… Are you two friends or something?”

“Don’t make me regret it.” Jane shook her head. “No, no. He’s just a really great bartender.” She looked to the guy as she walked. “Did you say your name? I didn’t catch it. I’m Jannn- Jane.” She wasn’t sure, as she spoke her name, if he should know it. She was being super messy with this dude.

[janegera]

queensnoah‌:

William smiled. Finally his search was over. He had missed his brother so much. It had been such a long time and he was excited at the prospect of catching up with him. “Not at all. We know each other well. We were in the same orphanage together.” He explained to the girl. She looked nice to him if not a little reluctant. “Could you take me there?” He asked hoping it would not be too troubling for her. “I’ll buy you a drink if you want.” He added politely.

Jane put her hand down on the sticky bar counter. “Alright, dude. Let’s go. You’re not too far off.” She was still uncertain. If someone came looking for her, said they spent a lot of time together in rehab or psych units, Jane would probably want to see them. There was people she never wanted to talk to again, but others she wouldn’t want to lose. “You can buy me a drink there.” She pushed herself away from the counter and towards the exit.