malaprəpō

Signing out

[janinosensyo]

I hope this would end,

I hate this feeling,

I had enough,

I really want to end this.

[janinosensyo]

Now that you know you’re worth and what you deserve, I’m giving it, then, to you. 

[janinosensyo]

You did not choose me to pursue you, but I choose pursue you, thoroughly.

You owe me nothing; but i owe you everything.

[janinosensyo]

Hurting you is never been my choice. I’m so sorry.

[janinosensyo]

I don’t know this guy, but he has the point.

[janinosensyo]

I’m getting tired, I’m so sorry.

[janinosensyo]

I know I’ve implanted so much pain in you, and I’m so sorry for that. I know how hard it is to accept my explanations and reasons why I’ve done such things. But I hope you can understand. I know you’re smart but you’re just being dominated by your emotions. Please, let me see your light again. I’m loosing my hope. I don’t know until when I can hold this situation. I’m loosing my strength. Di ko mapapangako na kakayanin ko hanggang bumalik sa dati pero gagawin ko lahat para maka abot dun. para sana kung pwede na pwede pa. sana andun pako sana nakakapit pako. But, if it is otherwise, I’m so sorry okay? Tao lang din kase ako e. May katapusan din yung strength ko. Pero tulad nga ng sabi ko. I’ll do everything to keep on holding to the idea of “us”.

[janinosensyo]

I hope you can read this

Alam ko busy ka ngayon. Madami kang iniisip. Madami kang inaalala. Academics, family problems and I guess ako (o baka assuming lang). For sure puno ka ng anxiety ngayon. You’re bothered, I think. Pero kahit ganun, cheer up okay? You should know na andito lang ako. Still waiting like what I’ve said before. I won’t leave you. Maybe I’m away but you should know na lagi mo akong kakampi. YOu can call my name. You can chat me anytime. i might not be able to read it immediately but I’ll be attending to your needs. I’m always yours, Okay?

However, I know I’m giving you so much to think but you should know na I’m always here, I won’t leave you this time, I won’t hurt you at any circumstances.

Nagkamali siguro ako ng desisyon, pero ako parin to, okay? ako parin yung taong minahal mo several months ago. Ako parin yung tao na nakasama mo manood ng fireworks last January 31, 2019. Ako parin yung taong nakasama mo sa exact 18th birhtday mo. Ako parin to and yes mahal na mahal parin kita.

[janinosensyo]

Parehas nating ginusto, pero di natin nagawa.

[janinosensyo]

I want to talk to you like what we used to: talking about future, about our children, about our travels, about us. I want to make fall in love with me over and over again. Cheesy pick-up lines. I want to do all of those, with you. I miss you so bad, can’t we just go back to the days our love was strong?

Talking to you just about anything under the sun and even over it. Four hours talking about nonsense issues and our fruitful pasts, I miss all of those. Kissing and hugging you virtually I miss those times. Can we just go back to the days our love was strong?

[janinosensyo]

Ay yakapin mo ako Kahit hindi na totoo Maiintindihan naman kita Kung sawa ka na, kung sa'n ka sasaya 'Wag kang mag-alala Oks lang ako

JRoa

[janinosensyo]

I want you to listen to this song. I bet you’ll like it. I want us to listen to this song sharing earphones, while on the road walking or by bus. Going somewhere, church or park, I just want to be with you and with this song. I love you.

[janinosensyo]

You keep on insisting that I must forget you.

But how could I? You give me so much to remember you.

How could I forget you if all I see in my life is to be with you?

How could I forget you if your name is now the lisp of my conscience?

How could I forget you if your face is the pleasure of my eyes?

How could I forget you, if the memory of us become the center of what I am now?

How could I forget you if your language is now my second nature?

How could I forget you if our lives now must be connected?

How could I forget you if your kisses and hugs are my needs now?

How could I forget you if the idea of it makes me long for you more?

How could I forget you if I so much in love with you?

Tell me. How could I forget you?

[janinosensyo]

What must I do now that I have lost you?

I continue asking this to myself. Numerous answers would emerge. At that point, I would begin to overthink. Would it be a good idea for me to continue pursuing you? Imagine a scenario in which I become so worn out in the center of the way, yet you actually continue running so quick. Until when would it be advisable for me to continue doing it? Imagine a scenario where you failed to remember that there was somebody who's pursuing you.

 Or on the other hand

 Would it be advisable for me to allow you to flee from me and look out for the finish of the way? Imagine a scenario where you have met somebody in route. Imagine a scenario where you failed to remember me, who's looking out for the opposite side of the way.

 What must I do now that I have lost you?

[janinosensyo]

Hug

Isa ito sa mga actions na pwedeng magpakita kung gano natin pinapahalagahan yung isang tao. The space between the bodies tells us how close we are to the person. The tightness of touch implies how important the person to us. Nagpapakita ito na hindi natin kayang mawala yung isang tao. Kung mawala man, mahirapan tanggapin.

Ito yung pinaka gusto kong gawin pag nakita ulit kita. Kahit gano katagal, kahit saan, kahit sino makakakita. Gusto kong iparandam sayo kung gano kita kamiss. Gusto kong iparandam sayo na sobrang lungkot ko nung nawala ka. Gusto kong ipadama sayo na ayaw kitang mawala.

Gusto kong sabigin na yakap mo yung hanap ko pag naiiyak ako. Na yakap mo yung hanap ko pag nag ooverthink ako.

Gusto kong ipaalam sayo na yakap mo yung kailangan ko.

[janinosensyo]

Pipiliin ka, laging ikaw Ikaw lagi gustong tinatanaw Pipiliin ka, laging ikaw Ang pangalan mo’y laging isisigaw

Lagi akong malayo Madalang kung tayo’y magtagpo Dalawang beses lang sa isang buwan Kung tayo’y makapag kwentuhan

Lagi kang abala Nag-aaral, nagluluto, naglalaba Minsa’y inaaliw pa ng ibang tao: Mas matino, mas guwapo, mas buo

Di ko alam paano pananatilihin Ang katotohanang ikaw’y akin Baka mamaya o bukas malakawa Sa iba kana sumasaya

Mahirap lumaban ‘pag walang laban Kahit kailan pwedeng maiwan Masakit masaktan Mahirap mahirapan

Tama nga siguro yung nasa paligid ko: Wag mong gawing mundo yung alam mong tao.

[janinosensyo]

Loosely associated argument.

Tapos na yung oral comprehensive exam. Two researches pa. Two culminating tasks. Kapagod. I hope you’re here to cheer me up. Ikaw lang kase kayang mag pawala ng stress ko e. Isang sabi mo lang na “kaya mo yan” tas sasamahan pa ng “I love you” hays.. I’m fvcking miss all of those things.. I miss you.