a ratriffic quesadilla

transmasc yuri obsessed loser who can’t stop being gay and himedanshing out. will post cringey art and poetry and stuff. they/he/them/him

[decemberwinter]

man I hate this fuckass country so much

[decemberwinter]

reblog if you hate your country

[cran-does-art-things]

shes doing numbers on tubetube

[discount-supervillain]

[yourgreenpalminmine]

[30]  Log date 6 461 4

I decided to reverse roles and pester Lapis today; asking her questions and prying for answers. She got rather shy, and embarrassed, a stark contrast to her usual confident persona. I was surprised to learn she harbors quite the creative edge; apparently, she makes all sorts of things in her off-time, explaining her fascination with me. She was looking for another, seeking company like herself. 

I’ve convinced her to show me her workspace. I’m excited to see what she’s made, tomorrow.

Note: Lapis has two hidden pockets in her dress. What a smart design feature. If I am to reform again I should fashion a couple pockets for myself… I wish us Peridots had gem storage.

-

It’s strange to see my older art of Lapis. I draw the comics well over a month in advance and I’ve gotten a much better hold on drawing her as of late. She’s still cute here, but I definitely prefer where I take her later!

First Previous Next coming soon! View All

[jaspurrrrrrrr]

I love with desperation

I clawed at your door when you locked me out.

My devotion to wasn’t enough.

Leash thrown in the trash leaving me naked.

Spilled drinks dribble down my throat.

I don’t care my hair as it sticks to my tears.

Puke on my shirt didn’t matter when I fucked you how you wanted.

Now I’m the problem with my desperation and breath reeking of alcohol.

I’m making your stomach churn?

So we’re ignoring all the times I starved for you and gave up my meals and health.

It just wasn’t enough and it was too fucking much.

Loving is for the weak and I’m going to rip my heart out for me instead of you.

What’s the worst you could say now?

I’ve already destroyed my life for you.

So long to that despair and desperation.

12/18/2025

[jaspurrrrrrrr]

Privacy

It’s such a pain to let people into your heart.

They make themselves at home and cover your walls with themselves.

Bits and pieces that, at first, are gentle and then turn harsh and sour.

Pulling those parts of them down after they leave always leaves paper cuts.

I miss when it was full and love when it’s empty.

Even if it’s too cold to be comfortable.

The emptiness is something I can always come back to.

It doesn’t change and I don’t like change.

I keep asking to the stillness of my room to change.

I hate the privacy and remind myself, you can’t be mine.

So I change my mind, privacy is easier, and the lies roll over me easily.

They almost fill the space.

Despite your lack of answer, I lie to myself and say the silence is easier, better even.

The privacy allows me to scream and beg for an answer that will never come.

I don’t want it to come, lying to myself when I do, and I’ll keep saying I like the privacy.

12/07/2025

[jaspurrrrrrrr]

Poetic

I like making every moment and feeling into something I can reread and relive myself with.

Torture is best repeated over and over again.

It’s my favorite form of self harm.

Self dissection should lead to self improvement.

Instead I cannot help trace over my open wounds and leaving them to fester.

12/02/2025

[shencomix]

[prxnce07]

[nessquik64]

[jaspurrrrrrrr]

Forgiveness

Salt in a bloody, dried wound.

The flinches make it worse.

Stifling a scream and biting my lips to bear through it.

Bloody lips and bloody teeth I hide beneath my bloody hands.

It could be worse, I tell myself as I claw my nails into my bones to stop my aching heart.

The salt is being absorbed by my blood and I can see the white fading red.

He was first, the first gaping cut in my heart.

You loved him first and broke me open, this wretched wound that won’t close, second.

I didn’t know forgiveness would be so hard.

11/04/2025

[discount-supervillain]

[what-idk-art]

Happy Halloween

[mohimohioo]

Halloween!!

[jaspurrrrrrrr]

Dreams

I think I want the loneliness right now.

It would be familiar in that way crying into your childhood bedsheets reminds you of home.

I dream of being loved and falling in love on my stained mattress.

He haunts them in such a gentle way that makes the longing for nothing seem wretched.

It’s stupid to want to cry and disappear over a boy who still loves me in someway.

Just not the way I want.

Blurry clothes and unclear places follow him and me.

People who I will never meet comfort me and love me but I know when I wake it will fade.

Like the wine on my tongue.

It tastes light then it darkens into a lingering fouling whisper of what could have been.

The dreams are my mind trying to soothe me from these fragments that haunt my days.

I wince at the sight of him in his room and in her room.

My eyes squeeze shut at his and her voice laughing in unison.

Dancing around my thoughts lies my regrets and anger.

I dreamed I was afraid of marrying someone who I didn’t know well enough.

This fear must have been what he felt.

Even now, his feelings claw their way into me and my murky dreams.

I miss my bedrooms before him and me and her and them and everyone who hurt me.

Everyone who haunts my dreams.

I long for the loneliness of places that are forever changed.

They lack me and I want to lack me too.

10/09/2025

[animatedtext]

[l3ominor]

[jaspurrrrrrrr]

Worm

I don’t want to live together. I’d rather die right now. You’ve wormed yourself into my ribs. Gnawing at my heart. I can’t fucking rip you out. You are so deep in my heart. You are a worm who refusing to leave it behind. I trusted you with my soft flesh and my open wounds and you have worked your way through me like an infection. I am dying from my openness and you are thriving inside of it. Hatred of you and me and us and everything makes my wound ooze. It’s yellow puss that bubbles as it drips out. Forgiveness is a blazing salt that cuts through my nerves. The blood boils but the wounds isn’t clean. I try maggots instead to clean this festering gouge upon my heart. Flies will surround my body and moss with grow on my limbs. Mushrooms crawl through my hair and blind me. Soil chokes my lungs as a I wait for the retching opening to close. The earth eats at everything but my gapping rip. My heart is exposed but it does not rot. The dirt fills my stomach, my liver, and my blood grows brown. The bugs find my liquid rust comforting despite my spasming chest. You will not leave despite my coughing and clawing and crying. The channel nestled between my vertices is so warm. My ribs make a fine cage for you even as I crack them apart to reach you. I pour salt and saline and soap into myself. I cannot clean you out. Your infectious lack of love runs deeps. Why can’t I rip you out despite all my efforts? Because I loved you despite all your sickness and fevers. I coughed blood and kissed you despite it filling my lungs. Your hands turned into claws around my neck. I said squeeze anyways. Your nails left wretched marks for beetles to crawl into. You cut me open, at my request, and placed your infectious love inside. Now I am left with worm you failed to retrieve. I cannot rip it from my last bit of self. The boy who hopes to be loved hiding in the grooves of my whimpering heart. I will rot instead of ripping the worm you left from him. He doesn’t deserve to lose hope.

09/26/2025