"oh FUCK, I forgot to take off my neckstrap"

my life is just one big shit post XI:XI mobile navigaton

[celebgames]

Here’s a photo of the band evanescence playing donkey konga in 2004.

[brambeag]

IN 2019 WE HEAL + WE THRIVE

[dankmemeuniversity]

[bobthebobking]

anyone else have that one villager that lived in your very first animal crossing town and you just love them unconditionally

[bender-rodrigas]

[hangryhoes]

Yas my gurl Isabelle, Fuck It Uuppp!!!

[letcasbehappy]

Jake, at Doug Judy's funeral: I just need a moment alone with him.

Terry: 'Course Jake. *leaves*

Jake, leaning over the coffin: Now listen I know you're not dead

Doug Judy: Yeah no shit

[dailyb99]

Words fall short to describe my love for this

[floralsnclouds]

It’s true

[dare-i-say-asexual]

[donuuthole]

what boys must think of me

[pr1nceshawn]

How Food Looks Before It’s Harvested.

Sesame Seeds

Cranberry

Pineapple

Peanut

Cashew

Pistachio

Brussel Sprouts

Cacao

Vanilla

Saffron

Kiwi

Pomegranate

[biochromium]

exactly 1 minute ago i had absolutely no idea what the plants sesame seeds and peanuts came from look like and i am shocked and surprised

[coolhotdad]

my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

[youstoodmeupforayardsale-mo-blog]

this passed the bechdel test

[rabdoidal]

for the love of fucking god let me reblog ads tumblr

[saffron-not-so-joy]

is that a fucking game boy cartridge case?

[izgir-moved]

when you die you go to the mii plaza

[iapislazuli]

facts about mort the lemur from the Madagascar series that you should know

 he is 35 years old in the movie series, and 50 years old in the spinoff series “All Hail King Julien”. however, in the madegascar timeline, this spinoff takes place before the events of the movies, suggesting it is some kind of alternate universe, or perhaps a continuity error.

he is obsessed with feet. his obsession is so consuming that it gives him the raw strength to uproot a tree with his bare hands, if given feet as an incentive. 

in “All Hail King Julien: Exiled”, julian starts a nightclub called “Club Moist”. mort is the star entertainer here, going by the stage name Pork. his main act is singing a song called “I Love Your Toes” about king julian’s feet. yes. this is all entirely, 100% true. i cant make it up, seriously

this song has a full version on youtube 

this next fact i cant even think of a way to meaningfully communicate in my own words so im just gonna copy/paste an except from his wikia page: 

“In All Hail King Julien: Exiled, it is revealed that Mort is of a species that is immortal and can suck out the life force of other immortals giving them multiple personalities. This explains Smart Mort. Also, it is revealed that Mort sucked out his grandmother’s life force, and she now lives inside his mind.”

also, according to the wiki, his most important quote is “FEEEEET!” 

[celestialrunes]

i didnt need to know any of this

[just-shower-thoughts]

If you wore a vr headset linked to a camera drone that was set to follow you from a few feet behind you could live in third person.

[greenbaconsmoothie]

disassociating

[vikingofficial-deactivated20241]

If you can’t dissociate naturally store bought is fine

[teathattast]