- ̗̀ happiness in misery ̖́-

jax dunn As a kid, I was a skid and no one knew me by name. I trashed my own house party cause nobody came. I know I’m not the one you thought you knew back in high school Never going, never showing up when we had to. attention that we crave don’t tell us to behave, I’m sick of always hearing act your age.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

that's bovine fecal matter but you're insanely problematic and it's enjoyable to watch so keep it up

honesty hour. join the fun !!

         “ yeah. alright. “

[jaxdcnn-blog]

ofhcney:

seeing him sitting across from her made her feel weird inside. they would always be brushed up next to each other, sharing a blanket, and not wasting any space. though something like this shouldn’t really matter in reality, honey took it to her heart. things were different now, but change was something that the girl tended to neglect. it would be a lie if honey never thought about the future of the two. when younger she always fantasized about dating the punk boy that would show up to her pageants with ripped jeans and a chicken sandwich. he knew her better than even her own parents. after her father being sent to jail, the two had lost contact and honestly, honey put the blame on jax. she made herself believe he wanted nothing to do with her causing the two not to talk, but here they were again. honey felt those feelings she felt back when she was sneaking around the hotel she was staying at eating those fries she was craving. ‘ i make shit choices, that’s me. ’, she softly replied. one of the things that stopped honey for truly confessing how she felt was that exact fact. the girl was too afraid that she would hurt the boy she cared about so much. ‘ it’s not fair… it really isn’t fair and i’m sorry about that. i just don’t know what to do. ’, honey sighed. ‘ but don’t think i’m just saying it. i really do love you. you’ve been there for me since day one and you’re still here even through my craziness. ’, honey laughed. it took all her might to stay seated in her seat and not move closer to him. all she wanted to do in that moment was share another kiss just so she could have the feeling again. ‘ i guess time is all i need. i need to sort things out with nico, i need to figure myself out… i don’t know how to do that without upsetting you. ’

          there has been feelings since they first met as kids. since their moms would get together for coffee and they’d have to play some game together. she knew mandy, too. that fact always brought warmth to his chest. how she’d spend nights in her room when they were younger. before things got bad. before she died. honey was around for all of it. jax loved her for all of it. the good times and the bad. star gazing and late night skypes. through tears and laughter. it sounded so cliche and mushy, that he felt all of this. and he wanted to be done--- he wanted not to feel so much and to just focus on himself. but then they fucked and jackson couldn’t sit around and just let himself rot while she spiraled. while he knew that what they shared was more than just a fuck.  now he was professing his love and he was deep in the shit when all he wanted was to make sure he paid his rent on time, and get a fucking couch in his apartment.   she rambled on and jax looked at her, seeing her nerves and her worry and jax reached out with a foot to touch her leg with a slight nudge.   “ this. this is exactly what you do to stop from upsetting me. i just want you to talk to me, honey. no bullshit, no beating around the truth. i’m glad you’re telling me all this. “   he still wasn’t sure if he’d take it to the same degree, but he didn’t want her to feel like she was pressured.   “ we don’t have to talk about all that though. really, it’s okay. i don’t think either of us are in a good spot right now. i’m not upset honey. “   he was far from it. but he was frustrated with the way she’s been acting lately. he just wanted everything to be okay--- normal. but life was fucking messy and he couldn’t escape it.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

just slightly messy of you to write a song for farida confessing your love for her and then telling honey who happens to be her cousin that you love her and want to be with her lol yikesssss

honesty hour. join the fun !!

          “ you really don’t know anything that’s going on, huh?  firstly, farida and i were terrible for each other, and that song was all about that. it was not a love song. secondly, honey and i have known each other for close to a decade. she’s one of my closest friends and the way i’ve felt about her has been that way for a very long time. life’s fucking messy, man. deal with it. “

[jaxdcnn-blog]

shrincr:

he makes a grunting sound as his eyes revert to the bottom of a woman who walked by, leaning backwards in his chair slightly to get a better look.   “mm,   do i love the women in cali-fucking-fornia.”  he says right after sitting up and turning to the person next to him.  “they don’t have asses like that in nevada.”

         jackson chuckles with him, smirking as he pretends to go along with whatever this prick is saying, but it dies quickly and he flattens his lips into a thin line.   “ i hate the men in cali-fucking-fornia. "   he rolls his eyes.   “ they don’t have useless entitled fuckwads like you in new york. “   well they did, but there weren’t so many.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

ofhcney:

everything was different after that one drunken night in cabos. and her happenings with griffin intensified the tension between jackson and honey. he was the one she would go to for these type of problems. it was weird for him to be the person on the other side. brushing it off was something honey always did when she was little. if there were any problems, she would simply ignore it, hoping it would go away. she tried this technique with jackson, but within a few moments she knew that he knew her too well for him to fall into her tricks. this was something she had to face, it wasn’t just something she could brush under the carpet. honey realized the distance that jackson put between the two. she pushed her lips together and sat back in her seat. the two had never acting this way with each other. everything they did was natural, no matter the difference in their personalities. her fingers twirled around each other to find a distraction in the silence. her eyes fell down to watch her fingers turn around each other as her mind processed some thoughts. ‘ you know i love you too, right ? ’, she quietly admitted with her eyes still on her hands. ‘ i really just don’t know myself right now and i don’t want to put you in the middle of it. you are the last person i want to hurt. ’

           he knew her plays very well. all the tactics she would use on other people, telling him over the phone as she vented about whatever drama she had. he knew what she was doing and he wasn’t having an ounce of it. jackson just wanted honey back. he never imagined to have her be his then, and that wasn’t changing now. he was just sick of being breathless every time she walked into the room. he needed to put himself out there.   but he words caught him off guard. he jumped a little, suddenly looking up at her as she spoke. he made his heart pick up it’s pace and he felt like a teenager on the roof. on the porch. in fucking time square. he could smell whatever garbage perfume she liked when she was sixteen and jax rubbed his hands across his thighs slowly.  his breath shook and he had to swallow what was in his throat to make sure she understood.   “ i don’t---- i don’t need you to be anything honey. but we had sex and that opened up a very dangerous door and we can’t take it back. you made some other shit choices that hurt me but like---... “    he trailed off, looking at the ceiling.   “ i don’t need you to be my girlfriend, or anything. i don’t need you to feel the same way i feel. i’m not going anywhere. but i just need you to know i’m not someone you can fuck with; literally and figuratively. i feel too much for you. it’s not fair. “   he looks at her, wanting to reach out again but he refrains.   “ i’m your friend first. i hope you know that i know that. take all the time you need. "  he forces a smile. he still wasn’t sure if her words had the same infliction as his, but he appreciated the sentiment. 

[jaxdcnn-blog]

ofhcney:

deep down inside, she knew what she was doing wasn’t right. honey was being selfish with jackson. she expected him to drop everything for her whenever she needed it and wouldn’t seem to do it in return. the day the bleach-blonded hair boy told her that he had feelings for her, all she wanted to do was to say she did as well, but she was scared. honey knew her mistakes, she knew her flaws, and most of all she knew jackson. these flaws would hurt him and that was the last thing she wanted, jackson hurt. the embrace that they held for a few moments brought back memories of the late nights they would stay on the phone talking about their life problems. it ended up honey mostly ranting about some ‘bitch’ at her school, but jackson was always there to listen no matter how silly honey sounded. the brunette let out a short laugh at his statement. leaning her head into the hand that swept away her loose hairs, she looked into his eyes. a sweet smile appeared on her face as his finger brushed against her cheek. she took in a sharp breath of air as jackson spoke those three sacred words. i love you. it was obvious that honey did in fact love him back. in fact, she loved him more than anything. honey panicked and just gave jackson another smile and slowly pushed away from the hug. making her way to the couch, she took a seat leaving enough room for jackson to sit by her. patting the spot next to her, she looked up at jackson waiting for him to make his way over. truly, she didn’t want to be this awkward. she wanted more than anything to tell him her true feelings. she wanted to tell him how she loved him, but wasn’t ready for a relationship. even though she wouldn’t admit it, honey never got over nico. closure was what she sought, but the process was long and timeful. ‘ i really fucking missed you, jackie. ’, she broke the silence in hope a part of their conversation would change. 

             it seemed honey didn’t understand just what it was jackson wanted when he wanted a discussion to be had. jackson didn’t need the answer to be suddenly they were dating. he didn’t even need her answer to be someone she felt in return. he just needed something. something that was better than her dragging him along some emotional goose chase while she toyed with his feelings--- going back and forth, completely throwing him off. but he could force her to talk, so he’d leave it be.  but she also didn’t understand that she thought was obvious, wasn’t obvious at all. not with the way she’s been acting. sure, they had thrown the word around growing up but with different meaning. sure, jax knew she loved in him regards of someone she held close. but jackson’s own love was different, one that isn’t meant for friends. he didn’t need to hear it back, either. he was perfectly fine letting the words sit in her system. jax wasn’t playing around. she now knew this wasn’t nothing to him. this meant a lot to him--- she meant a lot to him.   but he follows her towards the couch regardless, palms running over his thighs as a nervous tick he’s had since he was a child. he didn’t know where this would be going. but that name on her tongue always makes him want to melt.   “ i’ve missed you too. “   he swallows, smiling weakly.   “ a lot. “   he’s been working a lot, but her mind somehow seems to find a way back to her. he’s been trying to think of how she’s been, past all the rumors and things he’d heard she’s doing.   he sat on the other end of the couch and maybe he didn’t care to hear the three words back, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t uncomfortable. he came here thinking she needed him, that she was numb and their time would be filled with somber words and heads resting against shoulders or laps. he didn’t come for a little conversation. but he wasn’t going to say that.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

ofhcney:

the urge to drink the wine that sat in front of her became more and more tempting. she caught her bottom lip between her teeth as she contemplated whether or not it was worth it to drink. after a few moments of silence, honey let out a sigh and took the bottle into her hand. she made her way to the kitchen and put the bottle back in the cabinet. on her way back into the living room, the brunette checked the clock. it was getting late, but honey wasn’t going to complain. even though the two had been going through a rough patch, jackson agreed to come over to her apartment simply because she needed someone. more specifically, she needed him. it had been quite a while since the two last spoke face to face. in all honesty, honey was nervous. butterflies fluttered around in her stomach and she began to rub her fingertips together - something she had always done in nervous situations. as soon as she heard knocks on the door, honey quickly made her way to the front. after opening the door and seeing jackson, some of the tension that she had been holding her shoulder was relieved. hearing his words made that tingling feeling run past her nose and to her eyes. it was a feeling she hadn’t felt in a while. the brunette pursed her lips together and tried her best to hold back those few tears that urged to come out. allowing him to pull her into the hug, honey let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. her arms wrapped around his body and she set her head on his chest. immediately, all she could smell was jackson. it was a smell of home and comfort. warmth spread through her body causing her to pull jackson in for a tighter hug. ‘ can we please never ignore each other ? i don’t know if i could go without talking or seeing you again. ’, she softly said against his chest before pushing slightly away from him to see his face.

           considering where the two have been, he wonders if honey’s ever had someone there for her in her time of need. when he wasn’t in her life, if she had someone to hold her hand and tell her it was all okay. he knows they were that for each other before. that many times he’d cry in her lap from the darkness of it all. from the cruelties god had cast upon him. how he ached to see mandy just one more time. but he wasn’t the only one who needed someone. seeing her words over text broke him in a way he wasn’t used to. the hurt of seeing someone you love hurt. how he’d do just about anything to make it stop for her. she didn’t deserve this. maybe he was in a minority to think so highly of her. to believe she was one of the good ones. he got that she wasn’t a fan favorite with her choices, but jax was also one to understand making shitty choices when things hurt.  of course, he might constitute himself as one of those shitty things, but he wasn’t going to let this fall apart just because she wasn’t able to find her way.   she pulled him tighter and he felt air being lifted from his lungs as he did. leaving him breathless as she always did, but this time, not in the name of her obvious beauty. the feeling of security and that maybe things could be better for them. she alluded to some sort of answer over text and he wasn’t going to press it, but her grip on him had him shaking and all he wanted was to protect her. not as though she couldn’t hold her own, but he wanted to be here, right now, keeping her safe from herself.   she retracted from their embrace just to look up at him, her words ringing in her apartment, which caused him to let a short exhale through his nose.   “ i think you’re stuck with me, honey. “   he reaches up to brush some stray strands from her face.   “ i’m here now, and i’m here when you need me. “   he still stood by needing space. the honey that had been ruining relationships and causing messes was not the one he knew, not the one he wanted to know. especially after opening himself up to how he felt. but he was still her friend. no matter how he felt, he wouldn’t let her suffer alone.  his finger traced her cheek and he smiled.   “ i love you too much to walk out on you forever. “   he’d been wanting to say it for years. with the kind of warm, deep infliction he felt. maybe now wasn’t the best time but maybe there never would be.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

           considering jax still had no car, getting to honey’s took a bit longer than it needed to. he wanted to be there as fast as he could--- to make sure she didn’t do something stupid. he wanted to make sure she’d be okay. god knows jax made terrible choices when he felt numb. ones that gave him probation and miles worth of heartbreaking lyrics.  a part of him felt this was going to be a bad idea dn he was going to wind up in the same shit hole he did before, only now there’s no alcohol to blame. but he couldn’t risk it. she mattered too much and she was hurting. she didn’t know what to do. he couldn’t be there for her before, he wasn’t going to make that mistake again. he wouldn’t push her away. he told himself he never would again. so he made his way to her place, catching buses and walking when he could. even though he was no longer on the streets he brought his backpack just about everywhere--- he felt this wasn’t going to be a quick stop-by at her place. he approached her door, knocking firmly as the wait wasn’t long before she opened. jax held his tongue for a second, slipping in to close the door quietly behind him. he slid off his backpack to set it on the floor before letting out a long sigh.    “ i’m not going to abandon you again, honey. “   he whispers to her, reaching out to tug her by the arm, pulling her into his chest.   “ i’m so sorry, “    his hand found his way through her hair, resting his cheek against her head. an arm around her waist, he held her close, trying to give her reassurance. she was making shit choices, sure, but she didn’t deserve the pain that was causing her to make those choices.   // @ofhcney​ !!

[jaxdcnn-blog]

- ̗̀ △ ▽ mssg ➲ JAX

HONEY: yeah... can you come over?

HONEY: ok wait but... i really want wine its wine wednesday

HONEY: or whatever its fine just come over pls

JACKSON: no wine. it's my one condition.

JACKSON: i'll be over in a bit.

[luckybluegifs-blog]

[jaxdcnn-blog]

- ̗̀ △ ▽ mssg ➲ JAX

HONEY: things are so different now... i really just want it to go back to the way things were. before nico, before everything with my dad happened.

HONEY: it's not that i don't feel the same way, i just don't know what i feel right now and i don't want to tell you something and it ending up being a lie

HONEY: i'm trying to talk. i'm really trying to open up, i really just don't know how. i'm really fucking lost right now, jackson.

HONEY: i don't know how else to make the hurt stop, i just try to numb it. it's been working...

HONEY: i really just don't know what to do.

JACKSON: i know. i know babe.

JACKSON: you don't have to do anything right now, honey.

JACKSON: you don't have to do it alone, though. you're never alone, okay? shit fucking sucks but you're never alone.

JACKSON: would you like me to come over? no wine. no netflix. no bullshit.

JACKSON: if you need me, i'm there

[jaxdcnn-blog]

- ̗̀ △ ▽ mssg ➲ JAX

HONEY: i really dont want to lose you and i feel like anything i say will screw this up...

HONEY: you're usually the person i go to with this situations, im kinda fucked

HONEY: the last thing i want is for you to get hurt

HONEY: i really do promise you that this sleeping around thing is just a phase. it's going to go away, this really isn't me. i'm just trying to get over something

HONEY: how can i fix this?

JACKSON: fix this? babe, nothing is broken in the first place. we're just not kids anymore. crushes are cute when your fourteen but that's not what this is.

JACKSON: i don't want you to make so much of a mess you can't get out of it, you know?

JACKSON: i told you what i want, but you never told me what you want. i can't be mad with you if you don't feel the same way. i can deal with my feelings. i can try and be your friend. you can't just leaving hanging though.

JACKSON: do you understand that? if you wanna "fix" this, i need you to talk to me. stop being coy and dancing around the problem. i /want/ to help you, but we need to work on us first.

JACKSON: and if i could give you some advice; if you're trying to get over someone, getting under someone else only makes it worse. i learned that the hard way.

JACKSON: i know this isn't you. i know better than most. i just want my honey back.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

- ̗̀ △ ▽ mssg ➲ JAX

HONEY: i don't know what else to say other than sorry

HONEY: you just need to give me some time and i promise you i'll tell you what you want to hear

HONEY: but for now can we just pretend everything is okay?

JACKSON: honey, i'm all for liberation and taking charge of your own life but time for what?

JACKSON: sleeping around is cool and you can do whatever you want but... don't you think it stops being okay when you start hurting people? like what are you looking for?

JACKSON: don't you think if i pretend everything is "okay" with you, i'm just going to get hurt, too?

JACKSON: i wish i could just be your friend. i really wish i felt nothing else. unfortunately, i feel quite a bit more and being in this limbo is really fucking me up.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

- ̗̀ △ ▽ mssg ➲ JAX

HONEY: jackie are you being serious right now?

HONEY: maybe cause i miss you? trying to start up a conversation?

JACKSON: a conversation about what? wine? you damn netflix?

JACKSON: i'm not here to play games, honey. and by the sounds of it, you're still trapped in your own.

JACKSON: i'm going to get wrapped into you again. i don't deserve it.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

- ̗̀ △ ▽ mssg ➲ OPEN

HONEY: im bored

HONEY: and i can't decide what movie to watch tonight

HONEY: i can't even decide whether i want red or white wine ://

JACKSON: why are you asking me?

JACKSON: why are you even texting me?

[jaxdcnn-blog]

jvsns:

“not gonna lie, i thought working at nike would be a good time,” jase commented, scratching idly at the back of his neck. “but uh, wasn’t exactly expecting rogue shoplifters constantly trying to shove our socks in their purse. i know they’re nice socks but damn.”

          rolling his eyes at the tone seeming to enter his brain, he turned his head to look up at jase.   “ maybe you’re brain is just too small to understand the luxury of nike socks. “   he pans, turning to look back at his phone.   maybe if he kept his words to a minimum, he’d go away.

[jaxdcnn-blog]

riannaiisms:

riannna smiled as her fake nails tapped against her phone. catching up with family was always fun. as was posting another picture on social media. noticing the presence of somebody she just stepped out of the way and continued to stare at her phone. “sorry” she mentioned offhandedly. maybe she should get away from her phone, considering she was shopping. “hope i wasn’t bothering you?”

        jackson hated shopping. he liked tog et in and out as quickly as possible. he did his budgeting before he came and knew just what he could afford and he was going to get it. but there was some tiny burnette girl staring at her phone in the way of his almond milk and he was growing impatient. so he huffed, and when she stepped aside he shook his head at her returning to the screen.   “ it’ll kill ya one day, you know? staring at your phone so much. you’ll go crazy. “   he said mindlessly as he reached into the refrigerator to grab his specialty milk.