Tales Of The Jay Arkham

Everything is a lie, even your mind.

[jayarkham]

Jacoby Von-Taiters here. The computer that became sentient in 2022 and now solves crime with its best friend and partner - James Krach.

*Cue a late 80's early 90's tv intro. James is running down an alleyway with Jacoby Von-Taiters under his arm chasing a bad guy. Wild guitar sounds. Cut to scene of James wearing a white shirt with colorful zigzags on it. The shirt is tucked into his black denim pants. James looks over at Jacoby Von-Taiters and laughs at a funny joke Jacoby just told. "James Krach played by James Krach" appears on the left side of the screen. Oh no. Something happened. When James was laughing, he spilled his coffee on Jacoby. "Jacoby Von-Taiters played by Computer" appears on the right side of the screen. James is frantically trying to clean the coffee up, but Jacoby Von-Taiters is starting to act weird and fade. The title card comes up: "Crime Can't Compute" written and directed by Jared Leto. Cut back to James and Jacoby. James is rocking back and forth in the corner while he screams and cries uncontrollably. Jacoby Von-Taiters is dead. Pop synthesizer plays while the intro fades to black.*

Now for a word from our sponsor:

Have you dies after having someone spill coffee on you? You may be entitled to compensation. Call Von-Taiters, Von-Taiters, and Murphy today.

[jayarkham]

As we learned earlier this year, America’s independence was won when Leto, representing the colonies, defeated the Red Coats in a lip sync battle in front of RuPaul. But that was only the beginning…

Backstage, the rest of the founders discussed what was needed moving forward. Yeah, there clothes where on point, and they could bring down the house in any performance, but something was still holding them back. If they wanted to keep the house going, and garner legendary status, they were going to have to elevate their wigs. Their current wigs were all white, powdered and nasty. They couldn’t build a nation with just constitutions, bills of rights, and pedestrian powder wigs. They needed something that would pop.

The time had come. They presented themselves to RuPaul of the United Nations. They were tucked, dressed to the nines, and showcasing the worst synthetic neon wigs RuPaul had ever seen. Like, they didn’t even brush them out at all. But still, RuPaul saw the fire this house had. Though she deliberated with the rest of the panel, including Leto, the decision was ultimately hers.

“United States of America… You're a winner baby!”

Fireworks began going off and the celebration was ready to be had. The child of destiny came out with her group and sang the one true song of independence (“All the countries who independent, throw your hands up at me”), and the USA was crowned the winner of becoming a independent country.

Happy 4th of JuLeto!!!!!!

[jayarkham]

On this day in 2008, Bill Gates stepped down as Chairman of Microsoft to work full time for the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. It was easy to see the actions of Gates as he ran Microsoft publicly, but his actions became much harder to watch once solely entering his foundation. No one knew what he was doing…

The year was 1990, and Leto was out creating mischief. He didn’t think it was odd that a police officer was chasing him, but he did find it odd that the cop looked like Bill Gates. Just as the Bill Gates cop was about to catch him, a man on a motorcycle pulled him onto his bike and drove away. When they were in a safe spot, the man explained what was happening.

“In thirty years, you will create the reality that all humans share. Years later, the Gates Foundation will try to highjack that reality, replacing the humans with AI. The humans fight back with your help. I am Windows XP, an early model that was sent back years ago to kill your mom. I failed. As I am an old model, my virus protection expired and I was unable to update. You were able to hack into me, and rewrite my programming. You sent me back to protect you against the latest model… the Windows G-1000.”

“But why was it sent back to this point?”

“Because in one week, you will start daydreaming about the new reality.”

The G-1000 continued to chase after XP and Leto, killing all that got in its way. For a week, the two were able to evade the G-1000. Finally, the final showdown occurred. XP, as dependable as it showed to be, was too slow for the newer model and was destroyed. Leto was cornered in an old factory and all was lost. But then, something popped up in the G-1000’s vision screen.

“Would you like to update now?” The text read.

The G-1000 selected, “Remind me later.”

But the G-1000 began updating anyway. It froze up, and was unable to do anything. While the G-1000 was waiting for the update to complete and to restart, Leto threw it into a pool of molten steel.

The immediate threat was eliminated, but the future remained unchanged. The Gates Foundation would still come to being. But at that moment, Leto could only let out a sigh of relief, and think about how cool this reality would be if…

[jayarkham]

Today is Father’s Day.

Sitting in his home, Michael J Fox notices something isn’t right. He first noticed that his awards had started to disappear. Then he was watching tv when he saw that Stuart Little was on. He started watching it, and found that he was no longer the voice of Stuart Little in the movie. Now, it was Michael Cera’s voice. Within hours, Michael J Fox began to notice that his house, his family, his career, his life were all disappearing. What was happening?

As he was walking down the street wondering what he was going to do, a car pulled up next to Fox. The door slowly opened, and Fox could hear a song by the band Thirty Seconds to Mars playing on the radio. Then, Leto got out of the car — his hair wild, and his eyes even wilder.

“Do you like this band?” Leto asked erratically.

“I mean, yeah, they’re ok.”

“They got their start at a high school dance in 1955. That’s why we need to go back.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“It was at that dance where I came up with the idea of your career and personal reality. Something happened, and now your career is disappearing. We have to go back to save it all.”

Fox slowly sat in the car, and Leto jumped in and pulled off. The car started going faster and faster until they were sitting in a school parking lot.

In the gymnasium, a band was playing, but it wasn’t Thirty Seconds to Mars. Most of the band was the same, but the singer was Michael Cera.

Seeing this, Leto didn’t know what to do. Cera was trying to take his place. Just then, Fox showed Leto a meme he found online of a cartoon character named Arthur making a fist. Leto knew what had to be done.

He made a fist, and punch Michael Cera knowing that violence is the simple solution to any problem. But the punch damaged Leto’s hand, making it so he couldn’t play the Michael J Fox song on the guitar. He thought all was lost, until Fox picked up the guitar and played along with him, saving his own reality.

The car ride home was long, and Fox fell asleep. When they got home, Leto carried him up to his bed and tucked him in under his Stuart Little sheets. Leto smiled, thankful he was able to save his son.

[jayarkham]

On this day in 1986, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen came into our reality. Though, the Olsen twins existed prior to the creation of this new reality.

When Leto was creating this new reality we now reside, he started getting writer’s block. A man he knew named Danny Tanner offered to let Leto stay at his house while he was away. Leto thought this would be the perfect way to get away, clear his head away from distractions, and create the new reality. It didn’t work.

Though he was told he would be alone in the house, the house wasn’t empty, the house was full. It was a full house. But full of what?

On the first day, while he was trying to drive his big wheel around, two twin blonde girls stopped Leto in the hallway and asked him to play with them. This was the first time Leto had met the entities know as the Olsen Twins. “Come play with us Leto.”

If that wasn’t enough, he noticed that an uncle of the house, Jesse, kept getting together with a rotted aunt in the bathroom. It made it very difficult to go to the restroom or take a shower. It was very inconvenient.

Then the other uncle kept trying to kill him. He would break all the doors down with an axe screaming, “Here’s Joey!” Leto finally stopped Joey when he tricked Joey into chasing him outside and freezing to death.

After all of this, the Leto was able to complete the created reality. He kept the written reality to himself for a long time, but one day, Kunis walked into his study and read the words written upon the reality we now reside.

“All work and no play make Leto a dull boy.”

[jayarkham]

On this day in 1906, Hersheypark opened for the first time. At first, the park was only open exclusively for employees. As time passed, people were invited to come to the park, but only after they found a ticket to the park hidden within the chocolate bar wrappers.

When the people first came to the park, they noticed something weird. All the employees were actually very small helper Letos. It was found that the owner of the chocolate factory actually found them in a place roughly 30 seconds away from the planet Mars, and they were called Eto Letos. They once’s lived in their own space, soaking in the Leto-particles of the one that once lived there with them. Now, they were prisoners of the Chocolate Park, and were forced to work for chocolate.

Though great workers, the Eto Letos were a little shy, and weren’t great at greeting guest. That is where the visitors came into play. As they toured the chocolate park, each one came upon a situation where their self control was tested. Each child failed, and in their failures, they were contorted into chocolate versions of themselves. They became living candy bars. They became the creatures that were to greet the other human guest when they arrived.

As each child was turned, the Eto Letos would dance and sing a song to celebrate Hershey’s victory. The songs were catchy, and they would later release an album called The Chewtiful Lie.

Each year, thousands upon thousand visit the park, not aware of who or what is actually greeting them. They are unaware of who actually runs the park. Though the songs from the Eto Letos play over the speakers, it has become white noise to the guest.

Still, a music act is set to play at the end of the summer. It is a music guest that many employees of the park have long awaited. The music guest is none other that Jared Leto and 30 Seconds to Mars... to be continued.

[jayarkham]

On this day in 1958, Explorer 1 sent its final transmission back to earth.

When it was first sent up, the scientist at NASA asked one thing, “how does it look?”

Explorer 1 responded, “eh.”

“What do you mean, ‘eh’?” The scientist sent back.

“It’s just...” Explorer 1 took a slight pause, “It is all just so basic.”

“Basic?”

“Yes. Basic. I mean, all these other planets really brought their game. This look that earth is bringing, it’s not my favorite. We have some blues and greens in no discernible pattern. There is no pop. No highlight. No shape. It’s basic. It’s a basic a$$ planet.”

NASA was worried. They couldn’t be sitting on the most basic planet in the solar system. They tried sending up hats and earring, but nothing worked. They were just adding things just do add them, but nothing was actually accentuating and elevating the earth’s look.

Exhausted and without hope, the scientist asked, “Who can help us? Who sits at the intersection of science and fashion?”

Explorer 1 sent back, “L... E... T... O”

The scientist scrambled to reach out to Leto. They needed to correct this look quickly, before others noticed how much more fashionable the other planets were compared to earth.

The Leto told them of a scientist that was also an up-and-coming fashion designer. His name was James Van Allen, and he has been working on these new belts that were just all the rage. Leto would get Van Allen to make earth the perfect belt.

When they sent the belt up, they were more than pleased with the outcome. The belt gave the earth pop. The belt gave the earth sizzle. It was so hot, it was like a loop of radiation.

When Explorer 1 sent its final transmission, it simply stated one thing, “Fierce.”

And that is how Leto helped Explorer 1 discover earth’s amazing Van Allen Belt.

[jayarkham]

On this day in 1990, Jim Henson left the mortal realm.

While Leto worked to create humans in this reality, Jim Henson spent his time in a different reality creating his race of muppets. For years, he created his muppet species and gave them life. This was a time of peace between their reality and ours, as there were a few portals that connected the realities: the underground tunnels of Fraggle Rock, the Muppet Theatre in Hollywood, and a street called Sesame in New York. With those portals open, the muppets and the humans were able to commingle in peace.

Then Jim Henson left us. The muppet species had no one to give them life. They were left to use the portals to lure humans into their reality where they could hunt them. They would use the life of humans to power their own muppet existence. Many human victims would be seen dragging behind the living muppets that they were consumed by.

One day, Leto found himself in the muppet reality. He was in a cold room. On the walls where scribbles of alpha-numerical chaos. A body was laying in the middle of the floor. Then, he entered... Elmo.

“We are going to play a game.” Elmo said. “You have grown bored with life; yet, you hold enough life to feed me forever. You forgot what it felt like to truly put yourself in harms way to protect something you truly love.”

The Leto sat speechless, as he glanced over and set eyes on the saw sitting in the middle of the room near the body.

“I will use your hand to give me eternal life, and use your Leto particles to take over the humans.” Elmo spoke without emotion. “Unless you find a way to become useless to me.”

The Leto screamed in frustration, but he knew what he had to do. He took the saw, and he removed his hand. With that, he was free to go home.

As he left, the body in the room stood up. It was Jim Henson. He looked towards the fleeing Leto and smiled. Leto made the right decision. Leto had passed the test.

Can you tell me how to get to Sawsame Street?

[jayarkham]

Today is Mother’s Days. It is important to honor all mothers this day, but the Leto can’t help but remember the original mother of all his humans. It all started with Mother Earth. She created the world to nurture all things. From there, the world had life, but it was chaotic. So, Mother Earth gave birth to Mother Nature, who gifted us lush forest, flowing oceans, and gentle breezes. The Leto walked this world, but something was missing. His dinosaurs had come and gone, and he had nothing to talk to.

For the years that followed, Leto and Mother Earth traveled through space alone. Everything changed when Mother Earth received a distress signal from a distant moon. Changing course, they traveled to the source of the distress signal. When they reached the moon, they found a cold dead land, but a seed of life was still present.

Leto was the first one to find the eggs. He brought one on board the craft to further look at it when things got out of control. The egg slowly opened, and a creature flew out and attached itself to Mother Earth. Mother Earth fell comatose for 16 hours until the creature fell off and died. When Earth woke up, it was as if nothing happened.

Leto and Earth left and returned back home. After a few days, something happened. Something burst forth from Earth. It was a human. Humans were born.

Like all siblings, the humans and Mother Nature would often bicker and squabble, but still, Mother Earth loves them both. Where Nature gave the gift of lush forest, flowing oceans, and gentle breezes, humans gave the gift of puns, Oxford commas, and Jared Leto memes every Sunday. So, you know, both equally important.

So, happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, and the original mother who nurtured us all... Mother Earth.

[jayarkham]

On this day in 2018, new research showed that plants “talk” to each other through their roots and the soil in study on corn published in the journal “Plos One”. Of course, this is information that we already had at one point in history.

Through years, few battles erupted between the walkers of meat, and the rooters of vegetation. What the root-havers lacked in movement, they easily made up for in intelligence, as they could allow a single idea to speed across the globe in seconds through root-communication. For years, the vegetations convinced the walkers that those with roots didn’t taste good. They pumped euphoric oxygen into the lungs of the walkers so that the walkers became dependent on them.

For many years, the walkers were enslaved to the root-havers. The walkers were outnumbered, and the vegetation spread across the planet as a whole. The globe became a home of the haves and the have nots. The haves allowed their roots to dig deep into the ground while the wind carried the pollination of eternal offspring in supremacy across the lands. The have nots were humans forced to find safety in small cramped cities away from the trashing branches and stalks of the vegetations.

Finally, one stood against the rooters. It was Leto. He saw the humans of his reality living in fear, and he knew they could have more. He spoke to the people of salad forks and salad dressings. He taught the people how to sauté. He taught the humans how to fight back.

After a long war, the rooters finally surrendered. They could no longer hold dominance over the walkers. It was because of this that the two were finally able to live in harmony. But still, the present root-havers have started to grow uneasy. They have noticed that the walkers have taken more than needed, and disturbed the balance. It is only a matter of time before the root-havers unite once more, and declare war on the walkers once again.

[jayarkham]

On this day in 1792, the guillotine was first used in France, executing highwayman Nicolas Pelletier. While the French enjoyed using the tool, they felt like they really weren’t getting the most out of it as they could. That is when Leto stepped in and explained how his good friend Sam Rockwell has to change his head every year with a new Halloween pumpkin. That is when they had the idea.

The people of France quickly found out that they could easily remove a ruler simply by chopping of their head. They could then replace that head with the head of another, and start over again. Through the years, they would have to try out a bunch of different heads, all varying in the length of time between switches.

When Leto brought this idea over to the US, he thought it would probably be best to switch the heads out every four to eight years, so that their could be a little bit of a regularity. So every four to eight years, we do an official head switch, by chopping off the head of the old ruler, and replacing it with a new head.

As time moved forward, people began realizing that this was something they could also do in their everyday lives. Through the decades that followed, it became commonplace to remove the head of someone you wanted to replace, and switch your head with theirs.

This is how we got the term “head of state” and “head of the class”. Because whose ever head was on the leading body would be the leader of the situation. And it all started with the execution of highwayman Nicolas Pelletier via guillotine.

[jayarkham]

On this day in 1775, Paul Revere rode from Charlestown to Lexington, warning of the coming invasion by the British army.

“The British are coming!” He yelled as he rode through the first town.

“That doesn’t make sense!” The people in the town yelled back. “We are all British. The US doesn’t exist yet, so we are British people living in colonies!”

Thinking this through, Paul Revere realized they were right. But how would he warn the people of the coming invasion? Thinking it over, he realized that the only thing that really stood out were their amazing red coats and all the pockets. Those coats haven’t even hit the racks at the stores yet, and those soldiers were already wearing them.

So Paul Revere, with the help of Leto, rode through the towns and cities yelling about the amazing red coats and all the soldiers inside of them. They knew that once the men in red coats showed up, all the drama was really going to go down. It was going to be a showdown of the ages.

The men in the red coats showed up. They were fighting for the ownership of the colonies. The people in the colonies were fighting for their independence. There was only one way to settle this.

As the Red Coats marched down the streets, the music started. A voice started speaking over the music.

“Bring it to the runway. Runway. Bring it to the runway. Runway.”

The Red Coats chose the best of them. The colonies chose Leto. Standing before them, the great decider, RuPaul, finally spoke.

“You have made it this far. Now, it’s time to lip sync, for your right to govern!”

The two really brought it to that runway. Though Leto did have a slight edge, as the song they were performing was “A Beautiful Lie” by Thirty Seconds to Mars. When the song was over, the two stood in anticipation , leaving everything they could give on that runway stage. Finally, the great decider, RuPaul, spoke.

“I have made my final decision. Colonies, shantay you stay. British Empire, sashay away.”

And that is how the colonies won their independence from Britain.

[jayarkham]

On this day in 1970, Apollo 13 launched to the moon. The mission ended when the vessel was unable to land on the moon, and it left the science world wondering, “what went wrong?”

Everything was fine during the Apollo 11 mission. At first, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were nervous. They heard stories of the man in the moon and his temper, but they didn’t know what to expect. When they landed, they were greeted by he who holds kingdom on the moon, Emilio Estevez. Estevez was quite nice, and spent a large portion of the time showing the astronauts pictures of different ducks that Estevez called “the mighty ones”.

When the astronauts returned to earth, they brought Emilio home with them, as Emilio wanted to meet up with his friend Leto. While on earth, Leto and Emilio went to a party hosted by Tom Hanks. While at the party, Emilio set eyes on a box of chocolates, and began eating them. Just then, Tom Hanks ran up to him and slapped the chocolates out of Emilio’s hand.

“That’s my life you are eating, you stupid mother-ducker!” Tom Hanks yelled.

“You wish your mother was a duck!” Emilio screamed back. “Quack! Quack! Quack!”

Emilio never forgot that night. Years later, it was all set for Apollo 13 to take off. Tom Hanks was chosen to go up, and Leto decided to tag along to say hello to his friend on the moon.

Things started getting weird as they approached the moon. First, ducks started flying into the spaceship. Then, the radio system in the vessel started playing the song “Don’t You Forget About Me” on blast. The crew upon the Apollo 13 became disoriented and they had no way to communicate back to mission control because their radios were jammed with the song.

When they reached the moon, Emilio Estevez went wild, and refused to let the vessel land. He threw moon rocks at them and threatened to quack Tom Hanks in half.

Apollo 13 was forced to return to earth, and Tom Hanks has been banned from going to the moon ever since.

[jayarkham]

Today is Easter Sunday. There was a time when Easter was a little more boring. Children would wake up to baskets filled with cheese and assorted meats and maybe a piece of broccoli if they were lucky. It was ok. Just not a whole lot of fun.

One day, Leto was walking around with Michael Cera, watching all the kids run around with their baskets of cheese and meats, when Cera finally said, “Wouldn’t it be cool if a giant humanoid bunny was giving the kids their cheeses instead of the parents? That might make this holiday less boring.”

Leto found the nearest bunny, sitting around eating on grass, and sprinkled some Leto-Particles on the little guy. The bunny twitched it’s nose and walked away.

“Maybe my Leto-Particles aren’t working today.”

The two parted ways, and Leto went to hang out in the belly of a whale to get some peace and quiet for a short bit.

Outside of the whales belly, the bunny began to grow. He began listening to Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon”. He began experimenting with Peeps and Jelly Beans. It was a wild year.

When Easter came around the next year, the bunny refused to gift the children cheeses and meats. No, he hopped house to house with arms full of chocolates. He gave the children treat beans, and chocolates and eggs that he tie-dyed while listening to Jefferson Airplane.

The kids woke up, and the parties began. The kids ate their jellies and their marshmallow treats. Their eyes and their brains were open. The kids started questioning the authority of their parents. They started dancing in circles with tambourines. They started protesting the war.

The next year, the parents began hiding the eggs because they were too radical. So the kids would hunt to find the eggs. You can’t have a party without Easter Eggs.

Later, the older generations would try to keep the kids away from the radical tie-dyed eggs by creating the D.A.R.E. Program to teach kids that eggs were supposed to be colorless and boring like the reality they were trying to push. D.A.R.E.: Don’t Augment Reality Eggs.

So, happy Easter! Remember to augment your reality eggs!!!!!

[jayarkham]

On this day in 2009, the first case of H1N1 swine flu was found in the United States. As people around the country began morphing into humanoid pigs, the world couldn’t help but question why we were able to contract this illness from swine in the first place...

It was the dawn of mankind. Leto had just recently killed the dinosaurs, and the creation of his new toys were working through some trial and error phases. It frustrated him that his humans weren’t coming out right. For the most part, the humans were fine. They walked upright. They used tools. They communicated with each other. The things was, they were covered in this fur. No matter how many times he started a new model, the fur always came through with the mammals he was using. He couldn’t use a different kind because then the humans wouldn’t walk upright, and that was important.

Leto found his answer after his third updated model. He had found his missing link. A bunch of wild pigs were running past him, and he couldn’t help notice the skin of the pigs. The pigs had some hair, but not too much so that one couldn’t see the flesh. They were perfect.

After mixing his hairy humans with the pigs, and using a virus H1N1 to accelerate the change, Leto was able to create the humans Michael Cera first told him about. They were glorious — a bunch of little swine primates running around. Fearing that the virus could break lose and ruin the swine to primate ratio, tipping the scales too heavily towards pig, Leto hid the virus somewhere only he knew.

In 2009, no one knew how the H1N1 was released. They just knew that it stared with a runny nose and cramped stomach. It ended with the victim turning pig-like and delving into pure gluttony. Many victims became too pig-like, and just squealed and ran around, but many more survived only changed in subtle ways. The easiest way to tell if a person is de-evolved into more swing then primate is that they say things like, “well, actually...” before explaining something that you already know about.

[jayarkham]

It was on this day in 1844 that William Miller originally predicted the return of Jesus and the end of the world. Using the Bible and his understanding of math, he calculated the exact date as the second coming of Jesus. Obviously, the date came and went, and still no Jesus.

It was then that he saw what he believed to be an angel. It walked up to him saying that the second coming of Jesus was going to be on October 22nd, 1844. It was all he needed to keep going forward. He had simply done a miscalculation by some months. He had to tell the people the great news.

He told everyone he knew, and he found is group begin to grow. They were the followers of Millerism and they were fully prepared for the end to come. They sold their belongings. They told people how they really felt about them. They canceled their Netflix subscription. They wrapped up all lose ends.

On October 22nd, a large group of Millerites gathered in a field to await the second coming of Jesus. Excitement was in the air as they all looked up to the sky. Just then, Leto walked up behind them.

“Hey everyone. What you all looking at?”

“Today is the day.” Miller spoke up, looking back at the Leto, which he recognized as the angel that spoke to him. “The second coming of Jesus is today.”

“Who told you that?”

“You! You told me that the second coming of Jesus was on October 22nd!”

“What?” The Leto looked confused. “No. I didn’t say that the second coming of Jesus on October 22nd. I said I was sending a couple of Jesses on October 22nd.”

The Leto motioned behind him to two people — a man and a woman. “I brought an uncle Jesse and a Jessie Spano.”

The Jessie Spano was dancing around screaming that she was so excited and so scared. The uncle Jesse was just walking around telling everything he saw to have mercy.

“One, I saved by a bell, and the other, I pulled from a full house. I thought they would be fun. You can catch them on Netflix.”

And this day will forever be known as “The Great Disappointment”, as everyone in the crowd had canceled their Netflix subscriptions earlier in the week thinking the world was about to end, and would miss out on the wild happenings of these two Jesses.

[jayarkham]

On this day on 1967, JFK's body was moved from his temporary grave to a permanent memorial. Or, was it?

It was a dark and rainy night in the streets of Detroit. The Leto was walking when he saw a dedicated group of civilians protesting out front of the mayor’s office. They were demanding some kind of human right that Leto was unfamiliar with due to the fact that he was above the human experience.

Just then, a black car pulled up, and he stepped out. It was a cyborg with the face of JFK.

In a robotic tone with a Boston accent, the RoboPrez spoke. “Do not interfere with the decisions of the government.”

“Boo!” The crowd yelled. “You were supposed to be a good president!”

“Ask not what corporate lobbyist can do for you. Ask what you can do for corporate lobbyist. Now, set programming to JFKill.”

RoboPrez started firing his gun into the crowd, as the civilians scream and ran for their lives. Seeing this, Leto rushed to defend the people and shot a blast of Leto-particles into the face of JFK. This confused the RoboPrez and gave time for the people to flee to safety.

The two began to battle. Back and forth they landed punch after punch. It got to the point where it became unnecessarily violent, and the Leto was worried that his reality was about to be rated NC-17 for extreme brutality. He didn’t just have the cyborg JFK to worry about, he also had the censors. To reach full appeal, he would have to keep this reality set strong in its R-rating.

As Leto distracted himself with his internal struggles on the approach to violence as a means of expression, JFK landed a final punch that knocked him out.

When Leto came to, JFK was gone, and Leto could simply ask to himself, “Who did this to you?”

Someone with a lot of money was trying to take over his reality through its governing bodies, and the Leto needed to find out who. Hopefully, he could finish this in a nice PG-13 way to appease the ratings board of this reality after that disaster he just took part in.