2018 - half ups, half downs
2018 has been the toughest yet delightful year so far. Started the year with a lot of things to be proud of and ending it with nothing.
For the first part of my year, I’ve struggled a lot on handling the pressure of being a student leader. Being the president of our organization taught me a lot of things that I can treasure for a lifetime. Handling different personalities, dealing with different types of leaders, and facing different problems - I still don’t know how I even survived those times. Having a huge commitment for the first time is really hard as it seems. A lot of struggles have tested my personality but here are the things that I won’t forget the most:
Never forget to appreciate even the little things that matter. Each effort must be given credit to remind a person that you are doing great.
Don’t give up easily on things that you really want to happen. Not all things will go your way. It’s either you will adjust for you to claim it or you’ll just ignore it & waste the chance.
Things might be hard along the way but if you’re struggling with the right persons, everything will be worth it at the end. You don’t need to carry all the struggle alone but you need to trust the people who are willing to help you conquer it. Just focus on the outcome and you will be surprised on how far you’ve come.
Thank you so much to the people who helped me while I’m struggling on how to become an effective leader and for not doubting me that I can deliver. All of our achievements would not be possible if no one believed in me. I’ve build a family whom I can rely on and I’ve created leaders who I’ve given my trust to make a difference.
Being able to survive and conquer those struggles of being a student leader wouldn’t be possible without the presence and support of my trusted close friends. I’m beyond blessed for being able to find persons who know how to handle not only through my happiest and proudest moment but also through my worst moment. Having an anxious mind makes me think of different scenarios that made me weak. However, those friends that I’ve got made me feel that I’m not alone all through out. Thank you so much for believing in me and for being my strength when I feel that I’ve got nothing for myself. Thank you for rooting on me.
Same year - graduated college and became a Degree holder as a Academic Awardee. I may failed achieving those Latin Awards but having the Award (which is a step closer to a Latin Award) means a lot to me. That’s the extra boost that I needed to finally decide to pursue my dream 2 years from now - to take up a Post Graduate Degree. A lot of professors challenged my capabilities along the way. And at the end, it just made me stronger and made me believe in myself more that I can do anything just to pass a subject. A lot of sacrifices have been made - sleepless nights, busy weekends, unable to go home to Tagaytay for months - but it was all worth it. After all those researches, case studies and defenses, I finally did it. Conquered the hardest part of being a student but the most awaited time came - my graduation day. All of those struggles became nothing but appreciation for making me equipped of different knowledge and making me a strong person.
Even before my graduation day, I’ve started applying for job with the mindset of I want to start earning income quickly to help my family in our financial needs. I got carried away with pressure without thinking how scary it is to start the new chapter of my life & to enter the real world. I didn’t think about taking a rest for a while because I felt the pressure to need to be employed quickly. I encountered different applications and different rejections that drained my mental and physical self that made me realize how hard it is to find a job for entry level. But then after several times of trying, I finally got employed after a month of getting my diploma. Then everything changes as I enter the real world.
For the first part of working - I’ve been enjoying a lot of things about corporate life - the new environment, new friends, getting income, discovering new processes and encountering with different employees. I’m too lucky to have my first job in a company where I have a lot to be thankful for - benefits, work-life balance and a stress free environment. Moreover, my team made my transition to adult life less hard for I’ve got an instant family in the company who made me feel at home every day. Working on a process that needs a hundred percent of accuracy made me to become keen to details and perfectionist for work. My lead always reminds us to be extra careful for we must avoid mistakes in what we’re doing. I’ve learn to work with people who have different perspectives and I’ve learned that we have different work ethics. As for me, I keep on going beyond the extra mile - to accomplish things even if it’s not asked to as long as I can. In return, I’m gaining appreciations, compliments and praises which I treasure the most for it keeps me going.
After several months of working, I’ve felt that I’m becoming vulnerable and made me think that I’m not that strong as what I thought. My shift starts at 4AM that needs me to wake up by 2AM. As time goes by, my body is getting tired of waking up that time wherein you really just want to sleep more. I can’t keep in touch with my friends - not being able to catch up with them through meet ups or not being able to talk to them because their work ends by 5PM or 6PM because I usually sleep before 6PM to have a full energy for work. Also, I keep on missing my family each day and made me think that at the end of each tiring day at work, you just really want to be feel at home that comforts you the most. My body adjusted to my work schedule but my mind didn’t that brought me to my weakest personality.
I’ve been thinking that maybe this is not the right job for me and maybe this is not the right place for me to have a career. For the last couple of months of 2018, I’ve been on my lowest lows that made me think about my life direction. Going away from home every Monday wishing that it was already Saturday for me to come home already and waking up everyday and I’m already tired and wanting to sleep more made me not happy anymore in my every day life. I’ve never thought that adult life is really hard that made me weak every now and then. It’s true that I’ll never know what I really want until I experienced it. This first job made me realize what I truly want to be doing every day and where I want to be. I’ve accepted the fact the for fresh graduates - the first parts of adult life will always be an trial and error stage wherein we’ll be figuring out the path that we want to take as time goes by.
2018 made me the happiest yet the loneliest person at the same time. That year made me become a lot of things and made me experienced a lot of feelings. Started the year with an upside life and ending it with my downfall. I ended 2018 with negative thoughts that made me questioned my personality a lot. I’m still thankful for all the experiences that I’ve encounter that make me the person that I am today. I still have a lot of paths to take on and a lot of time to figure everything out. This year is just a beginning of my adult life. Thank you so much, 2018.
(Posting this 2018 realizations this late because I find it hard to find the right words to express what I really feel when I started this post last December - the time of my downfall and breakdown. Update: I just resigned in my current work and my last day will be on February 28. Next post for further details.)
