Celebrating Jesus This Resurrection Sunday
For years, it has always been about service to me. God has been God but my church service too felt like god to me. That if I don’t get to serve, then it means I’m not offering enough.
No one makes me feel guilty, but I would feel guilty missing a service. Eventually, my work changed. My schedule became more unpredictable. It became harder for me to serve the way I used to.
“There are people there with more drastic schedules, and yet they get to serve.”
I’d hear my mind saying that and I’d feel bad even more. So I needed to serve because that’s what I know I was made for, I was made to serve Him and to worship Him.
Eventually, I started reading the bible, more deeply connected than I ever have been. I started discovering lines that I seemed to have missed before.
“Hey, I read this many times. I never knew they tried to push Jesus off the cliff?!?!”
I realized that I’ve heard so many stories of people’s lives and how the Lord has changed their lives. Their up and down seasons. Their fall and their peaks. Jesus is real. Jesus and real.
I know, He is.
I’ve believed and I believe He is.
But maybe I spent a decade yearning to know what He does to people and yearning to do acts of service and being part of the kitchen so much that I started wanting to know another side of Him. Maybe I have an imbalance of serving and reading.
I probably served and talked more than I ever listened.
And then I hear my friends saying they feel different. Obviously, the church now is different. You don’t see people, you see screens and emojis.
“I don’t really feel it anymore.”
I hear them say. And it is true. It is hard to feel the church because it’s different now. :( It is.
But I would lie to say I feel the same thing.
The past 2 and a half years are the years when I felt God the most. Mid of 2019 when I committed a complete surrender, a lot of things shattered. I lost my job, my finances crashed. Sure eventually, I met my life partner. But I re-surrendered to God first before I met him. I will forever thank the Lord that in my seeking of Him, I found my other “him”.
I decided to do things differently, to serve Him differently, and to know Him beyond music, beyond the preached Word.
I’m at that point that I want to take a break to know what they are saying about Him. I want to know what He is directly saying to me.
In this season of my life, I don’t want Him described by someone else. I want to nurture this direct moment, this “me and Him moment” that I was able to develop.
I’m not going to be tone-deaf and thank COVID. Not me. But I will thank the Lord for all the seasons of life that He brings to me.
I will thank the Lord for creating a season for me (by force) to strip off of everything that is around Him so I could focus on Him.
It’s easy to hear from people that I am busy because I’m in a “coupled season” in my life now. Finally in a relationship. But truth be told, I was busy even months before that.
But here I am now, thanking the Lord for my deepest heartaches. The ones that pushed me to disconnect, to unfriend, to be silent, not to turn to a friend or my usual coping mechanisms, but this time turn to Him.
Not Him and shopping.
Not Him and endless rant to friends.
Not Him and seeking people’s company.
Not Him AND.
JUST Him.
So when I was forced to embrace the pandemic, I knew that I was back. That as always, my lowest seasons are the ones that strengthen, nurture and refine my connection.
My most beautiful Psalms (yes I write my own Psalms) I wrote when I was in my deep cries to the Lord.
So this is me sharing where I am now.
Now I feel more the black and white-ness of things. Not of people, but of myself. I’d like to focus on God and myself now. I know much clearer now the directions I’m willing to take and the directions I’m not willing to gamble.
I’m in that season that I hear Him more, much louder and much clearer. And when things crumble, what used to comfort me (then being worship songs) is now the prayer and the Word.
It’s still all foreign to me how God twisted it just like that. What used to be the mic as my sword has now become the book and three steps back to the back seat. No more the stage.
But it’s not what I do that defines me now. But how much I know of Him, and how much I am willing to follow Him.
I thank Jesus for undergoing for us this Living Story that we rediscover again and again.
You died not just for my better version. You died even for my dark past.
But just like when you healed the sick, your message wasn’t “Okay, as you were.” Your reminding message was simple, “Go and sin no more.”
I thank you Jesus for dying for me.
As we celebrate Your resurrection, I pray that we be so so committed in our reborn as well.
All praises and honor to You, our King.
Happy Resurrection Sunday!
Jesus is risen. Jesus IS alive! ❤️











