How I Waste My Time

Jen, 31, she/they, pan

[gaygoatshane]

ilya promising children cash if they win knowing he's gonna let them win and then asking shane for money because he doesn't have his wallet. he wasn't even an annoying husband yet but he was letting shane know his potential

[pronouncingitwang]

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

[yokowan]

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

[le-jardin-inculte]

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

[shithowdy]

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

[whitachi]

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

[araceil]

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

[chachi-baby]

I like to imagine Rose’s brothers gave her shit for not sticking it out with Shane Hollander long enough for him to meet the family then when they find out it’s because Shane is gay they give her shit for not passing him along to one of them and she’s like??? you’re not gay??? to which they’re like !!!! everyone’s gay for Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov ain’t special

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

WHY IS THIS SO GOOD?!

[the-ladyrae]

They put drugs in this show, and this edit is the closest I've come to being able to snort it like cocaine. Excluding binging the entire show in 6 hours after first turning on episode one to see what all the fuss was about.

[verlierer-is-lost]

It’s hilarious how everyone thought Shane and Ilya let each other win when “Montreal goes home crying please PLEASE” is a canon line that came directly out of Ilya’s mouth before a game

[lavenderprose]

Scott, two days after the Chirp Heard Round The World, having had a nap and ate a carb and kissed his boyfriend and realized that he should have under no circumstances let the two craziest motherfuckers in hockey know that he knows their secret: Ilya Rozanov is going to shoot me with a gun.

Shane, pacing in Ilya's living room and wringing his hands: Ilya, Scott Hunter knows about us we need to kill him we need to make it look like an accident we need to do it now

Ilya, kicking his feet and giggling: He said you sound like me?

[cloudabserk]

BEST DAY EVER ☀️🌸❤️🦋

based on this

[grimalditeuthis]

what they don't tell you about hadestown is that orpheus and eurydice are not the main characters. neither are persephone and hades. or hermes. or the fates. the main character is whoever in the band is playing the trombone because holy fuck

[truegenius]

hollanov x TEETH

[deqncas]

my hollanov fic recs (5)

part 1 ! part 2 ! part 3 ! part 4

matter of fact, i caught you lookin' back by sargeantwoof | explicit | 19k words – Ilya's apartment is under construction. Shane's in town for a game. It'd be a shame if they somehow had the same hotel room.

the heart is hard to translate by catknives | explicit | 20.8k words – in a world where you can understand whatever language(s) your soulmate speaks, it takes Shane and Ilya an embarrassing amount of time to realize they’re soulmates.

hey, love, we'll get away with it by buckleyspencer | gen | 5.6k words – 5 times Shane and Ilya broke the rules they had set in place to get away with it + 1 time they realized they had nothing to get away from.

careful fear and dead devotion by CorvidCordelia | explicit | 44k words – Shane and Ilya are cast in a production of Ember & Ice and eventually they fuck about it.

fresh from the fight by flairlies | mature | 23.5k words – The Voyageur is strong, fast, handsome, and just about everything the city of Ottawa could ever want in a superhero. Shane Hollander is very good at staying under the radar as a local crime reporter. Ilya Rozanov is just trying to take down his family's corrupt business from the inside. He didn't really intend to become a vigilante and he definitely didn't mean to develop a crush on the city's #1 super-boy. Or on the journalist helping him take his father down.

It's Been A Long Time Coming by leiascully | explicit | 20k words – Ilya and Shane are so excited to have made the playoffs in Shane's first season with the Centaurs until they remember: no sex during the playoffs.

rose garden filled with thorns by galactictsukki | explicit | 14.6k words – famous Shane meets non-famous Ilya on a cursed flight from Ottawa to Boston and kind of (totally) falls in love with him at first sight (and first chirp)

My Hopes Are Prone to Elevate by shanehollandertwentyfour | explicit | 106k words – what if Ilya and Shane had been drafted to the same team? Inspired by every rookie bestie dynamic duo in the NHL that made you think, "what if they kissed???"

Absolutely Not by broccolicheddarchicken | explicit | 23.7k words – Over the course of the first half of his fifth season on the Centaurs, Shane considers retirement, homophobia, his public life, family, and his legacy. He also gets a tooth knocked out, visits the beach, and is repeatedly pissed off by how hot his husband is.

[heated-hollanov]

I love my bisexual menace. 😈😂

[yrsonpurpose]

In these more stoic cultures, it’s like, if I don’t know you, you’re not in. But the moment you are in, I will fucking die for you. Once Shane was in, Ilya was like, “You’re mine forever. I will do anything for you.” — Connor Storrie

[heymacy]

HEATED RIVALRY SEASON ONE + hall of fame text posts

[my-2nd-account]

[sinmonger]

HEATED RIVALRY | From Page to Screen: Season 1, Episode 2

[joker-arewethereyet]

[pheenick]

💥 JUSTICE MAY BE BLIND, BUT LOYALTY CLOSES ITS EYES