young & wild & free

Jesse Hart. 22. pre-med. your friendly neighborhood hedonist.

[jessehart]

basics

Full name: Jesse Ivan Hart Nicknames: Jess Gender: cismale Pronouns: he/him Birthday: August 18, 2001 Zodiac: leo sun, leo moon, taurus rising Sexual orientation: exploring Marital status: single Teams/clubs: captain of the lacrosse team, pre-med society

character inspo

Logan Huntzberger (Gilmore Girls), Dylan McKay (Beverly Hills 90210), Logan Echolls (Veronica Mars), Nathan Scott (One Tree Hill), Zuko (Avatar the Last Airbender)

backstory stuff

Jesse was born and raised in LA. (You can read more about his family here.) He had a very hands-off upbringing which left him seeking attention in every way he could get it. And considering he could never do anything right in his father's eyes, those ways were generally unfavorable because that was all that ever seemed to get a reaction.

But he did manage to make a name for himself in school, throwing parties in his big, empty house and stealing a prescription pad from his step-mom when he was 16, writing scripts for his peers (and anyone who could pay) and earning himself the moniker 'the candy man'.

Facing expulsion when he was inevitably caught, his father threw money at the problem, and it went away. Not for the first time and likely not for the last, and never because it helped Jesse out. Donovan Hart would have loved to throw his son to the wolves if it wouldn't also look bad on his own public image.

Choosing a college on the opposite coast was a no-brainer, and it's really where he shined. Keeping a purposeful distance between himself and everyone else, he put forth his greatest creation: a version of himself that was palatable to other people. He was the party guy, the for-a-good-time-call guy, the down-for-whatever who knew where to find all the best parties. And maybe it was hollow, but it was still better.

ogden '22

The Jesse that returned to Ogden for the fall semester was not the same one that left for summer. He was more antagonistic, like he was purposefully trying to make people hate him.

He goaded Nate into punching him and then name-dropped him to the police during initial sitdowns. When Nate learned about that, he paid Jesse a visit and choked him out in the middle of the hallway in the Alcott dorms. Lots of people saw, no one cared.

Jesse realized Jacqui was enrolled at Ogden and was wholly convinced it was only because they were the brunt of a terrible bet he made a couple years before and they wanted to make him pay for the things he'd done.

His partying started to get a little out of control, but no one really seemed to notice. He kept it in check pretty well

During a confrontation with Greer's boyfriend, he alluded to Greer being in contact with him over the summer even though she hadn't been because he's an asshole who couldn't stand the idea that she might have ghosted him

During homecoming, he kissed Parker after two years of skirting around their attraction toward each other, and then he ended the night with Jacqui, who spent the night with him at the dorm he shared with Parker. He then proceeded to act like he didn't remember his kiss with Parker because he's a coward and can't even own up to his own self-sabotaging, and things were tense and strained between them for a while.

Greer's boyfriend sucker punched Jesse at a dorm party. Lots of people saw, no one cared

Jacqui and Jesse made a tenuous truce and Jesse sort of apologized for the things he'd done and Jacqui was too nice of a person to punch him in the face like he deserved and instead, they moved forward as friends of sorts

Word got back to Mari that Jesse had talked to Greer over the summer and she told her father who told the police, so Jesse was called into a second interview with the cops

During a school-wide blackout, Jesse was absolutely sure he saw Greer pass by a window. He's since chalked it up to drugs, but he does wonder...

During casino night, Jesse's father got into his head and Jesse got absolutely blitzed. Between the coke and the alcohol and the angst, he found himself on stage at some point in the night, making a coked-up speech and poking fun at his father. His dad didn't like that very much and got him outside alone and handled the situation the way he always liked to behind closed doors: with his fists. Only, Nate spotted them and stepped in. Jesse and Nate deciding to put aside their differences for the night (because they were both learning there were far fewer of them than they'd originally thought), went to an underground fight ring where Nate fought and let himself get beat unconscious. Jesse drove him to the hospital, stayed the whole night, and paid the bill on the way out. The intention was for Nate never to know he'd done any of those things.

During a haunted house, Jesse found a piece of what appeared to be Greer's journal, but with too many of the words crossed out or unreadable, there was no telling exactly what it meant

The time capsule videos were leaked and three of the entries had mentioned him indirectly and for the most part, they were not favorable. He felt kind of boo-hoo about it tbh

He received a letter in Greer's unmistakable handwriting and he got super drunk about it and banged on Mari's door and he finally talked a little about how he felt with Greer with someone, and... a sort of friendship began?

Jesse went into an interview with the cops for a third time and it did not go well

A confrontation with Jacqui went very poorly because they voiced their feelings and Jesse's own self-loathing made it impossible to be anything but absolutely horrible to them. And after they accused him of not being able to love anyone, it sort of went to his head

In an effort to prove everyone wrong, and because he was tired of acting like he didn't want the things he wanted, he and Parker made things official between them on New Years Eve

The celebrating was short lived, though. During the storm at the ski resort, Jesse and Diego went out to another chalet to find supplies and instead, found another page of Greer's diary and a creepy pap-style photo of Greer with her eyes crossed out

tasks

Family

Initial sitdowns

Follow-up interview

Haunted house

Time capsule video

Third interview

[walshparker]

if parker's reaction had been any more dramatic, it would've included a faux-embarrassed placing of both hands on her hips and the shaking of her head. she kept it, however, to an amused and endeared roll of the eyes. it was sort of undeniable—the two of them were a little insufferable. obnoxious, even, but it wasn't exactly new.

"only about half the lacrosse team," parker replied, eyes blinking back up at jesse with a magnified show of casual amusement. the look dropped in favor of something more natural after only a couple seconds. "not including court, so you don't have to, like, have a showdown out on the field or anything." a showdown? playoff? one-v-one? the proper terminology alluded her entirely. not that she made a show of caring to get it right, gently nudging him with her nearest arm. "you jealous?" pissed off was probably more accurate, but parker was playing at being lighthearted, here.

[jessehart]

A laugh rumbled in Jesse's chest, one half of his mouth pulling into an amused, close-lipped grin. "A showdown," he repeated, eyes widening with obviously teasing severity. "What's next? Capital punishment?"

The word jealous drew a scoff from him, nudging the conversation away from the part of the conversation that had the ability to piss him off— or the fact that he and Coco were quite experienced in sharing (that didn't seem relevant now or... ever, really) — and parking it comfortably in banter instead.

Still, though. There was a small, petty part of him that wanted the confirmation that he could slide into any scene Parker starred in and whisk her away like her own personal leading man (meanwhile, he was clearly in so deep he was adopting her own metaphors), so he leaned in, his lips hovering just over her ear as if his words were special and meant for her alone. But really all he did was tilt his head in the direction of the drinks and ask, "you wanna come grab a drink with me?" A pause as he trailed a slow, deliberate look down the length of her followed by a smirk, and then: "Mostly, I just wanna show you off."

[montyrichler]

Jesse's voice sent an icy chill down his spine. It took everything in Monty to not outwardly cringe -- to not simply twist on his heel and run away like he really wanted to. He stood frozen in place while staring out at the party, beginning to feel a little too much like a prey animal for his own liking. "Dude…" he exhaled after an awkward beat, raspy and weakly joking, "I thought you'd have more game than that." He tried to play it off with a laugh and squinty glance at Jesse, hoping that a one-second look would help him gauge his mood.

The thing was… Monty couldn't remember if he'd actually kissed Parker or not. Hot and alone did, unfortunately, ring a bell, his own words having come back to him in a nauseating wave when he'd woken up on the floor of some asshole freshman's dorm. He didn't trust much else of what he could recall, though, the night fracturing apart into an ugly blur of anxieties and justifications that didn't seem to piece back together in any logical way. It was safer to just ignore it, he thought. To tuck it all away and never dare revisit it.

But here was Jesse, that edgy glint to his eyes making discomfort balloon in his chest. For a split second, Monty thought about just closing his eyes and going in for a kiss -- mouth open and tongue out, of course, for maximum comedic effect -- but that would probably only guarantee him getting slugged. It would've been timely, though, considering that last year around now it'd been Milo bruising his nose. A little headshake and he cleared his throat, turning to face Jesse while taking a casual half-step backwards. "Wassup?" Monty chirped instead, obtusely refusing to address the Parker of it all.

[jessehart]

Jesse frowned, the downward curve of his mouth exaggerated. "You think it's a bad line?" There was feigned hurt in his tone, though the amusement never quite reached his eyes which were slow to take Monty in. Jesse was holding a grudge— even if he knew, deep down, that it was entirely unfair. And likely entirely one-sided.

Instead, he leaned into his righteous indignation. Monty had lied to him— again. He'd also tried to kiss his girl. He had accrued loyalty Jesse didn't believe he deserved. There were plenty of justifiable reasons to feel the way he did, thank you very much.

So, he wanted to push. He ignored Monty's attempt at casual conversation, his lips curling at the corners as he noted the small step away. "I was thinking about trying it out on P, anyway. You two were friends last time I checked, so you tell me. You don't think she'd be into it?"

[ollieinoue]

Ollie fiddled with the black mesh scarf on his outfit, wandering through the event venue, and spotting Jesse. He felt like they hadn't talked in a long time, and he could figure out why that was, but he hadn't really thought about their fight in many weeks now so it was all whatever to him. He had never been one to stay angry at someone for longer than a week, for better or worse. So, he made his way over and tilted his head a little bit. "Be the change you want to see in the world," Ollie said, shrugging his shoulders. "Only more evidence that G is actually AI. It's making everyone lazy and complacent. What? Jesse Hart can't even figure out how to cause a scandal without their help now?" He teased. "Please."

[jessehart]

Jesse was one to hold a grudge, though he tended to nurse them in private, to feed them with his own insecurities until they warped into something unrecognizable. But on the surface, Jesse only flashed a cool, lopsided grin. "Maybe I was hoping the pass the mantle. This place is gonna be dull as shit next year if the underclassmen don't figure out how to step it up. It's called... free-range parenting." He swirled the contents of his drink around his cup, eyes falling to the liquid for a moment. "Plus, administration has made it very clear that I'm on thin ice this year"— the words were spoken with an eye roll— "and I can't think of anything worse than having to repeat another year in this hell hole."

[jessehart]

WHERE: spring fling. WHO: open.

"What are the chances," Jesse drawled as he felt rather than saw the presence of someone else, "that tonight ends in absolute fuckin' disaster?" The hint of a wry smile curled at the corner of his mouth. If G had taught them anything, it was that no event was complete without something going horribly wrong. "Maybe it's fucked up, but I kind of hope it does. If it's gonna be my last spring fling, at least make it memorable."

[jessehart]

WHERE: spring fling. WHO: @walshparker & jesse.

An exaggerated bite to his fist, Jesse made a show of making his way toward Parker from across the room. He'd seen her already tonight, of course, but she looked fucking amazing, first of all. And he liked making a show of the fact that, for some reason, she was with him. "Hey, beautiful," he greeted her with a crooked smile, sliding up beside her to pull her in and press his lips against her head. "Been kissed by any of my friends yet tonight?"

[jessehart]

WHERE: spring fling. WHO: @montyrichler & jesse.

Jesse was in a good mood. Not a manufactured mood for the occasion— a real, genuine good mood. There'd been a moment of reflection earlier in the night, his thoughts turning to Greer and the fact that she'd been gone just about as long as he'd known her, that she might only be a blip in his timeline, despite the indelible marks she'd left behind. But it hadn't clung to him the way her too-loud absence had a tendency to do.

Might've had something to do with the shot (or two) he'd allowed himself.

And then, as if the universe were testing the theory, Monty crossed his path. There was a very slight darkening of his mood that, somewhere, very deep down, Jesse knew Monty didn't deserve. But he also didn't think Monty deserved the ride or die way that Ollie defended him, so there. They were even.

His feet moved before his brain had even registered the mischievous intrigue that propelled him forward. Monty was alone and Jesse took the opportunity to sidle up next to him, a half smirk on his face. "You're looking hot and alone," Jesse said, deliberate emphasis on the words. "Should we make out?"

[ironlvngs]

link's grin didn't falter, just deepened into something slower, more amused. he rolled his head lazily toward jesse, the seat swallowing him like he belonged there already. "a detour," he echoed, liking the idea. "you offering a scenic route, or just trying to get me alone somewhere dark?"

his hand ghosted over the center console, fingers tapping, curious but not quite touching yet. "you always this generous with your toys?" he murmured, eyes flicking to the wheel, then back to jesse, "or am i just the exception?" and then, with a little tilt of his head and a voice soft like bait, "go on, then. show me where this little detour is. but if it is boring," a pause, then a grin, "i am driving."

[jessehart]

The county road boasted no streetlights, the headlights barely illuminating more than a few feet in front of them. Jesse pulled to a stop and surveyed their playground, the hammering of his heart drowned out by the roaring of the car as he revved the engine.

He'd been out here before; it was a prime spot for drag racing. Quiet and tucked away from the bustling parts of the city, it felt almost a world away. A slow, lazy grin spread across his face as he rolled his head toward Link— the only warning he gave before the car shot forward.

They flew down the street and the world outside whizzed by in a blur. Despite the anxiety, exhilaration heated his blood, taking its place as he hit sixty, then seventy, then eighty. Nearing one hundred, he hit the brakes, fishtailing into a, expertly done one-eighty with smoking and squealing tires. A loud laugh and a whoop ripped itself from his lungs as he turned back to Link, nodding to the steering wheel and back again. "Think you can do better?"

[magnolia-rhodes]

He doesn't say anything, but the shrug speaks for itself.

Or, perhaps more accurately, she lets it speak for itself. Ascribes it meaning and subtext and a life of its own, until she is sure it encompasses all the bits of her she likes the very least. And for all her previous bluster about feeling contentment in spite of people's dislike, it needles at her. This infernal desire to be liked. To be loved. Even though she knows none of that will be offered up to her by Jesse.

"Do you know who might?" She tries, tone gentler now. As though she might, if she treads carefully enough, find use in this conversation all the same.

[jessehart]

He could have let his annoyance bloom, could have snapped at her for continuing to push on this when he clearly wanted nothing to do with the conversation. A breath drew in just before he opened his mouth to say something that would surely send her scurrying off only to pause and consider.

"You should try asking Monty. He'll sell anyone anything anytime. Not that I think you'd get anything honest out of him even if you did." Another day, another seed planted. Try and kiss my girlfriend again, bitch.

[walshparker]

parker leaned against his dresser as though she, herself, didn't have anything to pack. of course she did, but that would take her all of thirty seconds to gather on the way out. no, she was much more preoccupied watching jesse shuffle around. the urgency that'd initially filled his voice wasn't entirely gone from him, but it'd lessened enough that she didn't feel the need to try and compel any further details out. maybe with a bit of distance from campus, fresh air... no finals to worry about... being out of g's immediate scope... they'd reveal themselves. once they did more than this. they could do more than this, easy.

it hit her for the first time, as jesse turned back to pull her in, that she really needed the time away, too. "you're welcome," parker murmured only after he'd broken the silence, pulling back just enough to look up at him. "you know i'm always here for you." a small nod followed the sentiment, then a quick peck to his shoulder as she untangled herself and started again towards the door. because, really, she did need to pack some things.

having crossed into her room, parker immediately began sliding things off of hangers and tossing them onto her bed. "besides," she called, "the g thing is getting me to, too." it came out quite casually, for something that'd had her shaking when she'd initially told him. her, basically having told them to fuck off with their guessing game. them, basically having replied 'no' and that she'd made herself a target. the waiting game, the jumping at every text or odd look. "and the monty thing." something far less terrifying, but perhaps still just as jarring when she'd relayed it to jesse the following morning. she still hadn't told ollie. to be fair, she hadn't seen him since. maybe she'd text him once they got to... wherever. ask to hang soon. "and all of the—fucking scary end-of-year theatre department things." at that point, she was just venting. cut the crap, parker, he gets it.

it'd all be dealt with later. everything could wait a few days. the sentiment breezed over her as she, too, slung her bag straps over one shoulder and approached jesse. "for once, we're not the most dramatic thing going on with us. maybe we do deserve a reward."

[jessehart]

It was as if now that he knew he'd be leaving this place behind, if only temporarily, the restlessness began to fade. He took his place leaning against Parker's doorway as she packed her things, trying and failing not to make a face at the mention of the Monty thing.

Jesse wasn't really sure why he couldn't seem to put down this grudge he'd been apparently holding against Monty, but the thing with Parker gave him an excuse not to. So, he didn't. "You talk to him about that yet?" Jesse asked, almost positive the answer was no. A small, mischievous grin curled the very corners of his mouth. "I can if you don't want to."

As she approached, he pushed off the wall, straightening and offering a more genuine smile as his hands settled on her shoulders. "That's called character growth, baby." And again, he found himself thankful for just how easily she could call him out of himself. What a difference actually making an effort could make. "Now, let's get the fuck out of here before I cash in that reward early."

[ironlvngs]

link didn't break stride at first, just a flick of his gaze toward the glossy cayman as it crept alongside him like a sleek, overfed cat. he clocked the driver, that smug tilt of jesse's head, the way his arm slung over the wheel like he owned something.

then he slowed.

"so you decided it's no fun flexing alone?" he planted a hand on the roof, leaning in just enough for his voice to carry, casual but close. "if this is your idea of foreplay, you might have to try harder. so is the plan just cheap beer or are you gonna let me drive this thing?" he questions with a little grin as he gets in, a grin that should tell jesse he should not be trusting link behind the wheel.

[jessehart]

An aura of menace threaded itself in the space between where Jesse sat and where Link leaned in. The smirk that danced across Jesse's face hid sharpened teeth, his head cocking to the side. "You can use your left hand and pretend it's a stranger, but it's never as fun alone."

And that seemed to answer that as Link slid into the passenger's seat. "She's only mine until we get back," he said, revving the engine with a loud roar, the tires squealing as he shot out onto the road. "But I've been known to share, so maybe if you say please real nice you'll put me in that giving spirit."

It was bravado, definitely, and he hoped it hid his unease, but as the road unfolded before him, a shred of that wild freedom slipped into his veins. He slid a look over to Link, an eyebrow arching. "You wanna take a little detour?"

[walshparker]

"and miss out on spending spring break on campus?" parker retorted in a soft, entirely sarcastic tone. the fingertips that grazed jesse's forehead pulled back and lowered until her hand met his shoulder, then slid to a comfortable hold on his upper arm. meanwhile, her eyes flit from point to point across his face like a star-gazer scanning for the hallmarks of a constellation. she'd gazed at that face countless times—across crowded rooms to no one's knowledge, mere inches from one-another in the heat of their worst arguments and most intimate moments—but the action still provided no answers.

after a beat, parker's gentle grip loosened until both arms fell back at her sides. she then moved for her bag, head tilting downward in the brief search for her keys. once her finger looped through its heart-shaped carabiner, she dug them out and held them at her side. "i'm ready when you are."

perhaps she shouldn't have been so encouraging, but parker had ran away enough times herself to know that, sometimes, it was just needed. at times, it should be indulged. really, it was probably the healthiest thing to do, all things considered. "wanna tell me why the sudden urge to flee on the way or when i've already become your accomplice?"

[jessehart]

Spring Break. Right. He'd forgotten about that in the midst of this new game of G's. A little bit of the tension he'd been holding in his shoulders loosened, as if the break were a boon meant specifically for him. They loosened further when Parker was just ready to go, no prodding, no questions, no stalling.

He was never more thankful for her.

Already, he could feel himself coming back down— the need remained, but he no longer felt on the verge of losing control. His hands didn't shake as he began shoving clothes into his half-packed backpack, laughing a little stiltedly at Parker's question. The sound of the zipper met the air first as he finished packing, tossing the strap over his shoulder and turning to face her. "This G shit's just getting in my head," he said. The truth, even if it only edged around the full scope of it. "I just wanna get away from this place and, like— I don't know— remind myself that there's more than this."

He figured that answer would suffice for now and headed for the door, only to stop suddenly and turn back to her. In one swift movement, Jesse pulled Parker into him, tucking her head under his chin, eyes closed as his arms settled tightly around her.

Affection had always been easy for Jesse, but it was vulnerability that terrified him. It was letting someone in enough that they became necessary to function, to reach a point of having something to lose, that he knew made him keep people at arm's length. But he drew her in now and let it settle into his bones. He'd taken her for granted so many times— too many times— and yet, she was still here. "Thank you," he whispered against her hair. For today. For everything. He didn't deserve her, but it was well past time to try.

[walshparker]

"hey, so i was gonna make a stop at the commons—" parker's thought was cut short as the door finished swinging open, eyes settling on a bundle of nerve-endings molded into a person. jesse's unease was immediately apparent, a stark contrast to the way in which her limbs had loosened with relief at the sight of his door. it zapped whatever suggestion she was about to make from existence and replaced it with a confused look.

for a few seconds they stayed like that, parker hardly noticing the way her shoulder met the doorframe in a slight lean as she tried to discern the situation she'd walked into. with no obvious tells, she took in a breath to ask—and was swiftly beat to the punch.

the ask, though no more revealing than the quiet, broke through the stillness and parker began walking towards him. "sure," she answered with ease and without hesitation—'of course, let's do it'—offering a couple nods. when nearly close enough to feel his breath on her face, she stopped and, without looking down, slid a hand into his. "but do you mean somewhere like out-of-the-dorm or somewhere like... we'll need to stop at the gas station first so i can fill up my tank?" her free hand rose to move some hair out of his face, despite there not really being any to move in the first place.

[jessehart]

Flecks of color seemed to enter the room as Parker moved toward him. Instinctively, it made him want to retreat, to throw up walls against that feeling of needing someone else. She didn't hesitate, an immediate yes on her lips without probing him for answers. She was steady, a tether that kept his feet on solid ground the moment her hand slipped into his.

A rough, mirthless chuckle scraped its way out of his throat, Jesse's eyes falling to their hands before he blinked up to meet her gaze. He wanted to go. He wanted to go and keep on going, outrun his secrets, his demons, fucking G. None of that was possible, though, so he just shrugged. "We'll probably need that tank of gas." A ghost of a smile curved at the very corner of his mouth, but it didn't touch his eyes. "Wanna run away with me for a few days?"

[magnolia-rhodes]

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She looks up at him, arms crossed tightly over her chest, straddling the line between confrontation and self-preservation. It was not an actual question, so much as it was a signifier of dislike. Lola knew what others thought of her. She knew she ticked certain boxes, fit neatly in the slots people wanted her to. Knew she was a cardboard cut-out, an archetype rather than an actual person. She had made her piece with it, she thought, but to hear it weaponised like this? It hit something buried deep at her centre. Came into contact with the insecurities she had learnt to think of like her personal brand, as opposed to what they actually were: fatal flaws.

“This didn’t have anything to do with you,” Lola insists, wanting to slap herself over the petulant quality her voice takes on when she places the emphasis at the end of the sentence. She hadn’t gone into this thinking it had, not really, but now? All this anger had to be rooted somewhere. It couldn’t all simply be because Lola had stuck a toe (well, a whole foot) over the line. “All I’m saying is, you were friends. You’re as likely to know as the rest of them. And you are here.”

[jessehart]

Jesse took her question as rhetorical and only offered a shrug. He'd already decided why she'd sought him out so it never would have mattered what she'd said, anyway. From the moment she'd landed on his radar, Lola Rhodes had made it abundantly clear to him that if he didn't disgust her, she at least didn't care much for him. And that was bound to color the rest of their interactions until they never crossed paths again.

He didn't want to admit to himself that she didn't exactly deserve all this ire. He hadn't even really been aware of the fact that he was holding onto so much of it. He wasn't about to rein it in now, especially not when he could see the stubborn set of her refusing to back down from her point, either. "Well, I don't. Sorry to disappoint."

[jessehart]

WHERE: some off campus party. WHO: @ironlvngs & jesse.

Jesse settled into the sleek leather interior of the Cayman. Jared had been bragging about the sports car for weeks now; a gift from his father. Just because, as far as Jesse knew. He wanted to pretend like that didn't bother him, that someone else's healthy relationship with their father didn't needle. Especially when that someone was Jared, the fuck ass meathead that was arguably worse than Jesse himself in every single way.

He'd handed over the keys easily enough, though. Despite the way he slung his dick around like he was god's own gift to the world, he was still desperate to prove himself to his lacrosse captain. Which was how Jesse found himself settled into the driver's seat now, the engine purring beneath him.

Now, all he needed was a passenger.

And, as if on cue, Link Crawford swaggered across Jesse's field of vision. He nudged the car along, rolling down the window as he pulled up beside Link. "Hey," he called, leaning across the center console to peer out the passenger side window. "You wanna go on a beer run?"

[jessehart]

WHERE: their dorm. WHO: @walshparker & jesse.

The dorm was uncharacteristically empty. The room was illuminated only by the waning sun filtering in through the blinds, casting golden stripes across the floor. Somewhere, Jesse could hear the ticking of an old analog clock.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

His leg bounced. He chewed at the skin around his thumb. He tried desperately to drown out the static in his mind, but that only seemed to make it all grow louder.

It had been a while since he found himself feeling this desperate for that quiet numbness he'd retreated into last year. And it pissed him off that all it had taken was one text from G to do it.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

He wanted to rip the god damn clock off the wall. In fact, he might have done just that, his fingers digging into the arm rest of his chair like he might spring from his seat. It was only the turning of the doorknob that had him freezing in place. There was little more he wanted to do in that moment than face his roommates with their probing stares and quiet judgment. He was ready for it to set him off.

And then it was Parker who appeared in the doorway.

A rush of relief left his lungs in an exhale and Jesse found himself on his feet. He didn't close the space between them, instead lingering where he stood like he might start pacing. There was no hiding his unrest. And honestly, for maybe the first time, he didn't want to. She'd said she could handle all of him. Maybe it was time to find out just how true that was.

"Let's go somewhere," he said, the sound of his voice cutting through the otherwise stilted quiet. It wasn't a greeting, wasn't the calm and collected confidence that usually dripped from him, but rather an almost desperate plea. "Anywhere. Can we just..." Jesse raked a hand through his hair as his eyes settled on her, "go?"

[magnolia-rhodes]

Why choose him to ask? It was a fair question. Only, she did not have an answer he would like. Nor the answer he seemed to be angling for. Lola had, in an uncharacteristic display of methodological thinking, asked almost everyone. That seemed the best way to get around having to actually confront anyone. The truth was this: Jesse had been there. In her path. It was as simple as that. Though, had she known the anger it would inspire in him, maybe the conversation could have been foregone. She could have just texted his name back, without the need for any of .... this.

"You were close to her, were you not? I figured it would not be someone peripheral in her life."

[jessehart]

Jesse didn't buy it. Perhaps, no matter what she said, he wouldn't have believed it because, in the back of his mind, he would always be worried that the scandal would follow him for the rest of his life. That he would be measured against it forever, a scarlet letter carved into his forehead. That he would be Jesse, the recovering addict instead of just Jesse.

And the other, slightly less jaded, part of him wondered why he gave it so much power. Why he played his father's game and accepted his own defeat without even surveying the board. But now wasn't the time for introspection as he eyed Lola, trying to drag the truth— or what he'd insist was the truth— out of her.

"I was," he admitted with a nod of his chin. "And so were a lot of other students." Even more than he knew about, he didn't say. He didn't know why it still ate at him, that he and Greer hadn't been as close as he'd thought, but it did. "But sure, we can go with that. I'm sure you're not the kind to stereotype," Jesse said with a dry tone that clearly said he thought the opposite.