Extremely Horrible Poetry

My name is Jessie (she/they/it) and I write bad poetry! I also take bad photographs on my instagram and play a really shitty ukelele

[jessiesbadpoetry]

I'd rather miss you from afar

Than watch you waltz into my light and see

Your twisted, rotting, bug ridden corpse

Again

[jessiesbadpoetry]

I write this to get you out of my mind

I write in plain text in order to stop those pretty little words that swirl in my head from coming back to you

I'm experiencing a feeling you are very familiar with

Yearning

I don't yearn for you, exactly

I yearn for the world that I lived in, before

One that can only exist with me and you

I yearn for the piece of my soul I left in that box

I yearn for the pieces of you I can feel myself forgetting

What color were your eyes? What was your favorite food?

I don't yearn for you, I yearn for the shape of you

The way the moon shone when our paths intersected

Indeed, when I think of you, I envision the moon

Although time has eroded the details and I can only guess as to why

The moon possesses an ethereal beauty

A gentle light in the harsh darkness, perhaps?

Maybe it is because of its obsession with the stars?

Its comforting presence compared to the harshness of day

Whatever the case, I can only yearn

For the moments that I remember

The long nights exploring, the way you protected me

For the moments I've forgotten

And for the moments we never got to live

I'm sorry, my moon

I hope another

Treasures your light

More than I

[jessiesbadpoetry]

Neverland, Faerie, Happily Ever After

Different names for the same place

You

This is where magic flows, unimpeded

Where fairy tales last and I never grow old

Where the hero saves the damsel every day

You

I smashed your glass slipper

Ate of the poisoned apple

Allowed the dragon to take the princess

And missed my chance for true love's kiss

You

I shattered our world

The beautiful singing and extravagant dancing

Turned to a vile cultish chant and manic shuffle

Our storybook burned and trashed

All because I let down

You

[jessiesbadpoetry]

My pink triangle girl

We're married in my mind

We've run away to France

My head is on your chest

and your hands are in my hair

But married in my minds no good 

I crushed my fairies wings in my fist

The only thing in my hair is the present

that you bought me

I'm dumb

You were too good for me

My nails are digging chunks of flesh

from my arms, thighs, and chest

The parts of you I thought I hated

Try to replace the skin

Slowly 

Slowly

Turning into you

I miss you

[jessiesbadpoetry]

They shuffle me from place to place

Prison to prison

I have people that tell me what I can and can't do

where I can and can't go

I'm surrounded by people in various states of disrepair

Broken in more ways than I can imagine

I immerse myself in a world of swords and skills

where fights are more glamorous

and bear far less consequence

than the ones in my own

I'm friends with a woman who spins

bitter events into honeyed words

and her inverse

a cat that uses gory imagery to hide

their well of immense musical talent

and the biggest heart I have ever seen

I'm stronger than I think

And resilient

I stand strong against an uncaring world

I seem normal on the surface

I watch tv and obsess over idols

Who sing songs in a language I cannot understand

But in this place

Far from the ones who have done me harm

I am healing

[jessiesbadpoetry]

When you cut off its head

Two more grow in its place

An exercise in futility, to be sure

And a burdensome one

But when you proclaim your wish to end the charade,

They treat you as if you were crazy

'Other heroes have defeated this beast', they say

'Hang in there'

Those heroes were equipped with fancy, bejeweled swords

Sharpened battle axes, blunt warhammers

Gleaming knives and glittering scythes

And all they could spare for you to defend them

Was a particularly sharp stick

But still, they require your persistence

your endurance

Because it is only once they stop

That they are forced to admit that they failed you

Admit that they failed themselves

And doomed us all

[jessiesbadpoetry]

I can't breathe

My limbs grow heavy from the strain of the game

My heart conjures thunder in my chest

Sending lightning through my veins

I need to call a time out,

but whatever breath I take is used by greedy, voracious lungs

Sparing none for my dying voice box

Nobody notices when I try to make my stress evident on my face

They are too caught up in the thrill of the game

The score is close, I'll admit

But I can't bring myself to care about the game

I need a sub, a time out, anything

A ref calls a foul on a member of my team, inciting argument

I am sure I will be upset later, but now?

I am content to rest

[jessiesbadpoetry]

The natural laws of life

What goes up must fall

Matter can not be destroyed

And my attraction to you

You pull me in without even trying

Trapping me in your electromagnetic field

There's no hope for my escape

We're broken magnets, you and I

You are diamagnetic

And I am repulsive

You can't help but run

And I can't stop myself from chasing

Broken magnets

Just a pair of broken magnets

[jessiesbadpoetry]

The City of Gold

Bright and shining, the jewel of society

Consumed by rain?

Ridiculous

Preposterous, even

But the rain doesn't care about such concepts

Drop by drop, drip by drip

It washed over gold houses, gold streets

The rain is inevitable and irresistible

All consuming

[jessiesbadpoetry]

The statue is crumbling under the weight

The people around it stop to point and gawk

They shout pointless platitudes

'Keep going' they say 'Don't give up'

'People love you'

They don't remove the weight, they can't stop the crumbling

The weight gets heavier, the statue weaker

Heavier and heavier

More weight

The more weight there is, the more is added

Problems beget problems

Exponential growth with no way out

They tell the statue that once the weight is lifted

It will come out stronger than it was when it began

They add more weight

Will it ever end?

The statue has been holding weight since it's inception

And what the hell did it need strength for, if they just removed the damn weight?

The statue crumbles

Everyone is shocked

Where were the signs?

The statue had always seemed so strong

It should have asked for help

People loved it

Didn't it know that people loved it?

The statue is never fixed

Never repaired

It is simply left

Destroyed

Yet another reminder of their failure

And its roll is taken up by another

[jessiesbadpoetry]

Dreams have never come easily for me

Thin wisps that vanish under direct sunlight

By the time you know to reach for them, they're gone

Running off to the greener pastures

of someone with the capacity to realize them

Once, I dreamt a full dream

A good dream

That crashed around my ears

Now, I have forsaken the dreaming

I live in direct sunlight

I don't sleep, nap, or even blink

Dreams do not come to me

[jessiesbadpoetry]

The eyes are watching

They are always watching

From the walls

From right outside the window

Watching

Waiting

Waiting for me to make a single mistake

To do anything not according to their Will

They watch

They stare

The eyes are a better security system

than the tallest of fences

the most dedicated of marksmen

the widest of moats

Even when they're not watching

They see

They know

The eyes are all seeing

and all knowing

I can run but I cannot shy away

I cannot hide

No matter where I am

I am being observed

I am being watched

I am scared.

[jessiesbadpoetry]

You were right

Oh god, you were right

I left your mold

The one you trapped me in

You bent me to your will

Mushed me and squished me

Until I fit into your trap

But you were right

Oh god, you were right

I finally escaped the prison you held me in

But my bones were jelly

My limbs were marshy muck

And as I lied, unable to move

I was forced to admit that

You were right

Oh god, you were right

I can't walk on my own without you

I can't hold my own shape without you

I can't function without you

I can't live on my own

I'm so sorry

You were right

Oh god, you were right

[jessiesbadpoetry]

Do you ever think of me?

The way I think of you?

What runs through your mind when you listen to our songs?

See our places

Hear my voice?

I see you around every corner

Hear your voice every time I lie in bed

Dream of you every time I close my eyes

Do you cry as I do?

When you're jumpscared by a reminder of us?

a rock climbing wall, a movie theatre

a doe or iguana?

I know you decided I wasn't worth keeping around

But is there anything you miss about me?

A single thing that, however briefly, makes you consider

turning back our clock?

Be it my laugh or my stories

the way I looked in a dress?

I know you decided you never had feelings for me

But do you ever miss our

good mornings and long nights?

Do you ever remember the way I

shyly held your hand and told you how pretty you are?

or have you already forgotten my name

and moved on?

[jessiesbadpoetry]

Sink your teeth into my flesh

Through the sinew and meat

To brush your teeth with my bones

Grind your fangs against my skeleton

Gnash at my cadaver

Feast on my weakness

And devour my remains

Destroy me to sustain yourself

Rip me apart

Piece by piece

Remove the best parts of me

Discard the dessicated corpse with the bits you don't want

Burn it, dissolve it, hell if I care

Use me

Use me

I am on my knees

Craft me into something you need

Turn the carnage into something you desire

Craft me into a form you want

And while I lay there

dead and dripping

I will rest knowing that

in my carnage

you

are

FUFILLED

[jessiesbadpoetry]

You can't make me who you want me to be

No matter how hard you try

I am NOT made in your image

I forged myself in fire

I extricated myself from your fetid grasp

And ran as far as your tether would allow

You don't own me

Lets be clear, you don't even know me

Like all the best weapons, I was forged in secret

In a dark, dank, dripping cave

I made myself anew in the dark

You didn't make me

Your job was to test the new blade

You beat me against a wall

Smashed me against the rocks

Left me to the dogs

Tried to bend, crack, shatter, and split me

But

You

Could

Not

Break

Me

My name is my own

My thoughts are my own

My actions are my own

My self is my own

You are not welcome here

[jessiesbadpoetry]

I miss you

We skated across the frozen pond

In places it was thin, cracked

It shifted under our weight

We didn't worry

The moon shone above us

Filling me with a sense of unearned confidence

The low howls from afar

Served as an ambience for your laugh

Served as the backing for your laugh

and the pounding of my pure, lesbian heart

I tossed you to and fro

I blinked and you were gone

I searched the vast expanse

Somehow finding it emptier than it was before your arrived

I see nothing besides the vast and empty icy expanse

Were you taken by the wolves?

Had you fallen afoul of the ice? Grown enamoured with another?

Was it something I did?

Do you hate me?

I only notice when it is too late

The ice has given way

And a deep chill sinks into my skin

There is only one thing on my mind

As I fall deeper and deeper into my decline

I scream your name

and with my last breath, my last thought

"Why?"