@jewlzie - Tumblr Blog

kushblazer666

my mom’s getting too into the meme game

lornagonigall

your mother is funnier than literally everyone on tumblr

aisforarthur

thebackyardigans

……his own fam

railroadsoftware

wow

freddeybenson-deactivated201411

*police dog is looking for weed*

*dog finds weed*

“you smelt it you dealt it”

*dog goes to jail*

fukuzawayumi-archive-deactivate

のほも is such a good word?? the concept is kind of hard to fully get across in translation, but basically it means a feeling of pure, deep, platonic affection, and i think thats beautiful

indigoire

You son of a bitch.

thebootydiaries

It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before.

That changes today.

“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say.

Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.

“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“

Suddenly, silence.

1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice.

He is moved.

“Aight”.

thebootydiaries

My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my lily-white friends down. Not again.

The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.

All I can hear is heavy breathing.

“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”

There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol.”

“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”

“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.

“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”

He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”

“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.

The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.

“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.

I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™, and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.

“Kk.”

babyanimalgifs

dragon-in-a-fez

where do TV shows get this idea that high school is constant drama, nothing even fucking happened to me in high school

dragon-in-a-fez

I’m now remembering that my school got a slurpee machine and then had to get rid of it two weeks later after someone poured toxic chemicals into it that they stole from the science lab in an attempt to poison the entire cheerleading squad so like, maybe I was just boring

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

where do TV shows get this idea that high school is emotional drama, it’s all chemical warfare and espionage

unofficial-starter-packs

srafandseedpods-deactivated2014

OH MY GOD one of our tigers did this (and it isn’t stuck on his head; one of the keepers went in to see if he needed help and he undid this and redid it on his own a few times) but oh my god hE’S PRETENDING TO BE A LION IM GONNA DIE