Be my bitter sweet love @jfc-toby - Tumblr Blog

wynnie-r:

“Yeah I mean… you don’t know what’s happening at his home, Tobes… give him a little grace…” Wynter hummed quietly, trying to focus on the contents in the pan not sticking to the only one they had left that wasn’t broken in some way. Sometimes it was hard to think about the ways to assure Toby the captain wasn’t an alcoholic while also being reminded of when her dad would come home from after-work-drinks. She had heard about the captain and his suspected drinking problem for three nights in a row now. Before that it was the receptionist who took too many smoke breaks, and before that was the new guy who couldn’t quite get the drills right.

Wynter loved Toby, and there was never any doubt that she did anything but love Toby. She missed him when he was at work, she missed him when he was in the shower after he got home from work, and all she ever looked forward to at the end of every day was simply being with Toby. Wynter listened to every word he said, day after day, year after year. She felt like it was such a privilege to get to lay with him and listen to him speak whatever was on his mind. Wynter had worked to gain the trust to listen to his thoughts, his troubles, his jokes, and she loved it. But sometimes, just sometimes, she felt like she was only there to listen.

Not just to Toby, but to everyone. Being the youngest, smallest, and quietest sibling meant everyone shared their woes with her, as if she hadn’t experienced it too. Her oldest brother was battling his own sobriety journey, one she had watched him struggle with since the time they were homeless. He had slipped up again just that morning when he was brought back to her sisters house by the police. Her sister, who was having troubles in her own marriage, had called Wynter in hysterics about both situations. Toby’s youngest sister called to report that Elena had forgotten to pick them up from school, again. Did Toby even know that yet?

Toby, who was going through his own inner turmoil, again, had just said something about wanting a beer. A beer right now also sounded like the most tempting thing to Wynter. Wait no, he said it was nicer to come home to her. Turning around, she looked up at him and smiled, she had missed his face all day. Standing on her tiptoes, Wyn gave him a small peck on the cheek before turning back around to the stove. “Hey can you reach that spice up there… I can’t reach it and you’re so tall”

He hummed in response, considering her soft tone for a moment before the image of his captain’s life outside of work came flooding back. He was certainly a lonely man. His children had grown up and moved out, he was divorced. The only thing that he had was his job and that old ass dog. That has to be enough to drive someone to drink. Although, anything is a good enough reason when you’re searching. “How much grace are you supposed to give someone?” Toby questioned, both confused and exasperated, “I mean- we are responsible for peoples lives. Each others lives.”

It was a small gesture. A quick kiss and then she was back to work. “Are you flirting with me, Miss. Rhodes?” Toby teased, drawing out the last name that he was hoping to use significantly less in the future. He held her hip with one hand as he leaned over and picked up the seasoning, using his ‘balance’ as an excuse to hold her close. It was easy to flirt, it came naturally to him, so he was grateful to use it as an excuse to push the conversation away from his admitting to wanting a beer. Placing his chin gently on her shoulder, he handed her the spice and tried not to let his mind continue to spiral. “This looks great,” he spoke softly, but his head was tilted now- admiring her profile for just a second longer. He was an incredibly lucky man. She was beautiful. Talented. Kind. Patient. Funny. Toby was sure that he had never laughed so much until he met her. He wasn’t deserving of her, and yet, here he was holding her in their little kitchen listening to music they both knew by heart. “You look great,” he added soon after, reaching over her shoulder to tilt her head toward him gently so he could kiss her for the first time since he got home. Well- the first kiss that wasn’t just the quick kiss on the forehead she got every time he got home, or the sweet one she had just given his cheek. Even after all of this time, she was the only one he could ever see himself loving forever. He didn’t want to end up like the captain. Alone. Drunk. Sad.

Letting her go, reluctantly, he returned to his place leaning against the countertop. “Did I tell you that we had to go to the underground the other night?” Toby started up again- his mind back on topic. “Not exactly inside, but that platform area before the stairs, you know?” He asked, glancing toward her even though he hardly stopped for her to say either way as he assumed she didn’t. Had she ever been there? The memories of his time spent down there was spotty at best, but he was sure if he was going to ask anyone to help him down there...it was going to be Sam. He wouldn’t have put Wyn anywhere near there on purpose. “Someone had a shitty fire pit and it basically caught that whole area on fire. No one was hurt or even around...but it was crazy to be back there. Have you heard from Sam any time recently?”

justice for wynter

The apartment was quiet. Peaceful. A soft melody echoed from the kitchen and the yellow light cast her shadow across the floor- a beacon for Toby to follow as he left their bedroom. His hair was still damp from the shower and the towel that was once lazily draped around his hips was now slung over his bare shoulder- like a chef even though he hadn’t been the one preparing dinner.

Toby hummed along to her cooking playlist as he walked into the kitchen, not wanting to scare his now fiancee. When was that going to feel real? He wasn’t sure, but if he were to guess- never. It would never feel real to have Wynter’s love. To be marrying the girl he had been in love with for so many years.

“Today was so long,” he lamented as his eyes pulled away from the modest yet still shimmering ring that she now wore. It was perfect. She was perfect. And yet, he still complained. Wrapping his arms around her waist, Toby pulled her back into him softly- looking over her shoulder at what she had been making while pressing a gentle kiss to the nape of her neck. It wasn’t anything new, he always came home talking about the same issues as if they hadn’t rehashed them over dinner plenty of times before. Although, in recent weeks he had sprinkled in the fact that he suspected their captain was an alcoholic and it was really taking a tole on Toby. This was someone he really admired and to see all of the older gentlemen sharing a few beers or a glass of bourbon... it was an alienating experience. They both knew that sobriety had not been an easy path for Toby, and it wasn’t an option for him to simply have a drink with the people he not only considered coworkers- but, arguably, family.

“I just don’t know what they are thinking, I mean, he obviously has a fucking problem. Half of the guys in there do..” he rambled, now leaning back against the kitchen counter. His hands motioning wildly as he spoke- passionate about the grief and embarrassment he felt in a situation that included vices he wasn’t able to forget. “It’s just on my mind constantly. I haven’t wanted anything that bad...in my life. A cold beer when I get home? Nothing sounds better. Honestly-” his head shook as he realized what he was saying, “well, that’s not true...” Toby hummed, lips upturned into a knowing and slightly guilty smile- trying to save himself, “coming home to you is better.”

It wasn’t like Toby was intentionally ignoring Wynter’s needs or what she said- or attempted to. He didn’t even think about the fact that he hadn’t asked her about her day, what she was up to in the last 12 hours, or if she was using a new shampoo. His excuse? They just hadn’t had time to connect recently. Busy schedules and time conflicts certainly didn’t help. Though, most of the time they did have together, it seemed as if they spent the majority of it on his newest crisis- or his past that was always biting at his heels and never hers. (sorry wyn)

#4 u. plz do not match length.

wynnie-r:

It took all the focus Wyn had to jump on to his back, afraid she would miss it all together and go tumbling down the stairs. It was a dangerous game to play at the top of the stairs. Securing her arms around his shoulders, she leaned over to smother him in cheek kisses. “I’m ready let’s go cowboy.” She laughed, finding herself funnier than ever.

“Have you told me you loved me lately?? You declared it to the whole world! Look at this! I mean, can you believe it??” Wyn laughed, sticking her left hand out in front of Toby’s face, as if he hadn’t seen the ring on finger at all. But it took about two seconds before she realized she heavily needed both hands on him for stabilization, so she clung back on.

“Woah… anyways you can tell me you love me again anyways. You can propose every morning! That would be really funny. We can just re-do the engagement every day in the kitchen! I’d say yes every time! Have I told YOU I love you lately?? Because I do!” And then she went back to covering his cheeks in kisses until she was placed back down on her feet.

“You already talked to Rose?? Aww Toby! Then we gotta go! Oh we have to go see Rose. Would you get a burger? We don’t have to if I am the only one.” All in one breath, Wynter didn’t stop to think until she was sat in the car, looking up at Toby tucking her hair out of her face. There was a brief moment where it was only them two in the entire world, both looking at the person across from them as if the other had hung the moon in the sky. The room was spinning and Wynter was sure it was because she loved Toby so much, and not because she had a whole liquor store in her system. The fit of giggles took over again. “No we gotta go to Rose’s, you called her!” Plus if she didn’t put some food in her stomach they would all be sorry in a couple of hours.

There was no need for the radio the whole time there, Wynter was gabbing about how beautiful the trees were at night, what kind of cheese she would get on her burger, and trying to re-tie her shoelace.

“Did you tell Rose you were gonna propose? What did she say? You both kept a secret from me!” She asked as they pulled in the diner parking lot, forgetting the next steps to achieving the burger she wanted so badly was to actually unbuckle and open the door.

Toby didn’t want to explain to the giggling girl that the reason he had talked to Rose was less about them going to visit her later on in the night, and more so because it was still a struggle to be in an environment that held all of his vices without being able to join in on the fun. Rose had always been there. She had been his one constant for the majority of his life and it seemed like their bond had only grown stronger during his turbulent journey of sobriety. Instead, the boy just laughed along with Wynter and went along with all of her rambling for the entire ride. Mostly, he hummed in response to her more excited comments and threw in a “oh yeah?” or an “of course” whenever there was time to interject. He was beyond happy to drive around listening to her ramble while he held her hand and stole a glance at every red light. She was his whole world and he felt incredibly lucky that she was still standing by his side all of these years later.

Pulling into the spot he had long ago made his own, Toby smiled at the questioning. “Of course I told her...I had to. I asked your family too,” he nodded, unbuckling her seatbelt as he continued, “Rose was thrilled. Told me not to fuck this up and to buy you flowers. But...in that sweet way only Rose can do where it doesn’t feel like an insult?” Getting out of the car, Toby rounded the car and opened Wyn’s door for her, as he had nearly every single time they had ever ridden in the car together. Offering her his hand, he helped her out of the car and locked it behind them. “I’ll tell you more about it when you’ll actually remember, how about that?” He teased, leading her to the door and into the restaurant.

There was a few people huddled around the hostess stand as they walked in and the smell of fried foods was heavy in the air. It felt like home. “Hey Sally, how are you tonight babe? Is Rose around?” Toby winked, a cheesy smile on his lips as he surpassed the group in front of them and used his free hand to wave at the middle aged hostess. He had always treated the place as if he owned it, but it helped that Rose had already assured him that they had a seat when they got there. The conversation only lasted the beat that it took to get to the booth they had both slid into arguably too many times, but by the end of it he had acknowledged the cook, two waitresses, and found out that Rose was in the back. “I think they only like me because of you,” Toby considered as he sat down across from Wynter, his eyes falling back on her, “do you need a sec or did you figure out your order before we even got out of the car?”

wynnie-r:

After 5 minutes of being talked to by her sisters about how she needs to get ahead on wedding planning because the good venues will be gone and they need to think about everyone’s dietary restrictions and she shouldn’t wear a strapless dress and this and that and… Wynter had finished her drink, using it as a scapegoat by taking a sip every time she didn’t want to talk. Looking around, she couldn’t make out anyones specific faces, and she couldn’t look too quickly or she’d get too dizzy, but she really just wanted to be back next to Toby. (Talk about abandonment and attachment issues with these two).

Her sisters were droning on and on and Wyn couldn’t keep up. Did she even want a wedding like that? Would they get married in a church? Definitely not. Maybe they should just run down to the courthouse and get it over with. That sounded way more appealing… Suddenly her sisters stopped talking and looked right at her.

“You are joking right… a courthouse wedding?”

Oh shit, Wynter did not hear herself say all that out loud. She froze for a second, all eyes on her, and just shrugged. “I mean… we should get the dress soon huh?” That answer pleased her sisters enoughto keep talking to themselves. Like come on, look at her and Toby, you think he’s going to wear a three piece suit? Well maybe if Wynter asked… but she made sure these thoughts were inside her head this time.

Leaning back against the wall, Wyn was over this party. Scanning the room one more time for Toby, eyelids feeling heavy, she suddenly saw her boy come around the corner to save her. He didn’t even have to say anything, the look in his eyes was enough for Wynter to start nodding, finishing her drinks and squeezing her way out of this circle. “Please, let’s go.” She wrapped her arms around Toby’s torso, looking up at him. “You… are THE hottest guy I’ve seen in my life. THE hottest.” Wyn declared before taking his hand and leading the way out of the house. All confident, until they got about three steps further and were faced with flights of stairs. They looked way more daunting from up here in her heels after drink number…. well at this point she had lost track. How did Toby do this literally all the time?

“Um… do you think I can get on your back…. and maybe we can get some fries?”

It was funny, the fact that they were the first to leave a party in their honor. Had Toby ever left a party early? He certainly couldn’t remember a time he had...unless there was a pretty girl on his arm. Maybe things really hadn’t changed. With his arms wrapped securely around her shoulders he leaned down to kiss her forehead, “let’s go.” It was a simple decision, and honestly? He was looking forward to spending some time alone with his drunk fiancée. It took everything in him not to let the compliment go to his head, but that didn’t stop the smirk that formed on his lips as he admired the drunk girl in his arms. “THE hottest?” Toby shrugged a shoulder, playing coy, “you’re not too bad yourself babe.”

Her confidence came as somewhat of a surprise as she pulled them both out of the house and aside from anyone else stepping back into her path- she was fairly agile. It was impressive until he nearly stumbled into her back at the top of the steps. “Have I told you I love you lately?” Toby asked through his laughter. How did she get away with being this cute even while entirely wasted? Stepping in front of the girl, he leaned down for her to jump up onto his back and held her legs to make sure she wasn’t going anywhere. With a quick ‘you ready?’ he started toward his car just as they had so many times before. “I already talked to Rose- she said she’d keep our booth open for us. So you’re in luck. Hamburgers, fries, milkshakes...whatever you want, hot stuff.”

After the short walk to his car, Toby set her carefully on her feet and helped her inside. “Or we could just go home? How are you feeling?” he offered, concern laced into his words after he buckled her seat belt and finally took a good look at the girl. It had been such a long time since he had started drinking...he almost forgot what it was like in the early days. Tucking a strand of her hair back behind her ear he waited for her response and tried not to get distracted by her big brown eyes.

wynnie-r:

It really hadn’t been too long at the party, maybe an hour or two. The two glasses of champagne, plus one shot, plus her brothers had snuck her two more, plus the one she had just taken when Toby came and found her again were all definitely hitting. She was all but 90 pounds soaking wet and hardly ever drank, let alone took shots with people cheering her on. Wyn felt warm and fuzzy, taking the lime out of her mouth when Toby wrapped his arm around her to kiss him on the cheek. She blushed hard when he called her his fiancee out loud, they had only done that in private. But it was hard to tell what was a blush and what was the alcohol getting to her.

“My fiancé…” She hummed, looking up at Toby and giggling to herself. It was funny to think how many times they had flirted in this kitchen and now she had a ring on her finger. He asked her to marry him?? She couldn’t help but feel a little smug, wondering if Kat was in the party somewhere, or if she was in the house at all tonight…

“I’m good, are you good? Like are you fine? Well I mean you’re fine, so fine, but are you good?” She asked, wrapping her arms around him to be closer to him but also for stability, making sure the cup of whatever she had been given didn’t spill behind his back.

Leaning her chin on his chest, she looked up at him adoringly. “I do wanna get out of here, but can we not stay here tonight? I wanna go to our own place…” Wynter’s attention was called as soon as she asked that, being called by some sibling across the room. She didn’t let go of Toby, but held on tighter as she turned her head to see who was calling her name.

“Give me just like… two seconds and we can sneak out?” Wyn asked after seeing her oldest sister was ushering her over, looking up at Toby with the big brown eyes she knew he couldn’t say no to.

The smell of tequila and citrus lingered on her breath and for a second, Toby wondered if she would even process what he was doing if he poured the next round. Sam’s voice echoed in his head, ‘Come on man! You’re celebrating...what’s the harm in one shot? You can’t take one fucking shot anymore?’ The thought quickly left with the sound of her drunken giggle, instead he smiled down at her and brushed his thumb softly over her pink cheek. Somewhere between the worry and the flirting Toby felt himself fall even more in love with the girl in his arms and he was sure even the most inebriated version of Wynter could see it written all over his face. He was in deep. “I’m okay, Wyn. I promise,” he reassured her with a smile, “How are you? Are you feeling good?”

There was hardly enough time for him to process the sweet look on her face and the request that left her lips before she was whisked out of his arms once again- reluctantly he let her go with a nod and a quick “of course, my love.”

It wasn’t long before Toby found himself being clapped on the back and congratulated by yet another face he hardly recognized. Possibly because he spent the majority of his time at Nottingham in a drug and alcohol induced haze or maybe they were just new around here...either way, he did his best to smile and be nice to the vaguely familiar faces as he made his way through the crowd. He hadn’t seen his twin at the party, not that he was surprised, but he thought maybe he could go upstairs where the little ones would likely be hiding out watching whatever the newest Disney movie was and at least check on them. Someone had to. After a quick knock on the door, Toby opened the door and poked his head into his old bedroom. The girls were sprawled out on pink beanbags watching Moana at full volume to block out the sounds of the party downstairs- an unfortunate trick he had taught taught his siblings a long time ago. “Toby!! Where’s Wynter?!” The check in was meant to be quick, but after 15 minutes he found himself with two nails painted and a promise that the both of them could come sleep over soon. Though, he was confident they only wanted to visit so they could see Wynter. Not that he minded- she was his better half.

Once he was back down stairs he made quick work of finding his significant other. “Hey you...ready to go?” Toby smiled, hopeful.

#lol don't worry i got us

wynnie-r:

I seriously cant even remember how to do this

It was the day after Wynter had said yes to Toby asking to marry her. A day which is still so weird for her to think about actually having happened, and if you had put money on them being engaged it was a fair bet to say it would never have happened. But Wyn couldn’t stop looking at the ring all day, giggling when her hand hit the light and the ring sparkled. They hadn’t even left bed, lamenting in the glow of being a newly engaged couple, too giddy to get up.

Until Toby absolutely made her, which was a weird change of pace. Usually she was the one dragging him out of bed. She couldn’t figure out what was making him the secret keeper all of a sudden, refusing to tell her where they were going or what kind of outfit she should put on (because how would a guy ever know).

Toby insisted she looked great, and if she kept stopping to stare at the ring they would never make it. They sat in his old car like they had done a million times before, Wynter begging to know where they could possibly be going and Toby being smug in knowing something she doesn’t.

After Toby had taken his sweet time driving in circles to throw Wynter off (and probably procrastinate showing up at all) they arrive at the old Nottingham house, filled with all of their family in the kitchen for a surprise engagement party. Right away Wyn could tell this was 100% her sister and 0% Toby, both on planning and enthusiasm. Now she also understood why he was insisting on keeping the secret because her sister would have thrown a fit if the secret was spoiled. Wyn could confidently step on stage and sing in front of anyone, but ask her to be the center of attention in any other setting and she would rather crawl in a hole and never be seen again. But the only person worse at her at being the center of unwanted attention was the guy who hadn’t let go of her hand since they left the house. They both knew this celebration party was more for the people throwing it than Toby and Wynter themselves.

A glass of champagne was immediately shoved in Wynter’s hand, but Wynter had never really drank in front of Toby. How could she do that with a clear conscience? But the look Toby gave her, with the little nod of encouragement, was all she needed to down it. Just one to get through the nerves and awkwardness of this surprise party. But one more couldn’t hurt. And then when her brother asked her to do just one shot to celebrate how could she say no? Just one is fine. But she has 4 brothers. And 3 sisters. And it was kind of fun anyways…

It wasn’t as if Toby worked with Wyn’s family to make things happen often, but when he had asked for permission to propose it became inevitable- her sister would be throwing an engagement party. A piece of him thought about turning around, maybe taking Wynter to an early dinner or to the beach instead. Surely there were better ways of celebrating their engagement that didn’t involve anyone else.

Toby wanted the party to be about Wynter, uncomfortable with all of the congratulations when really he could tell they were all just wondering how long this would last before he fucked it up. It didn’t matter how many years it had been since they started dating. He just had that air about him. With that goal in mind, he smiled as she took her first glass of champagne and then the next. She never drank in front of him and who was he to hold her back from having a good time? It was only after noticing the second round of shots being poured that he grew a little concerned and made his way through the crowd. Wrapping his arms around the petite woman's waist, he leaned down and kissed her temple. “How’s my beautiful fiancee doing tonight?” Toby asked, his tone playful and soft, “having fun?” The kitchen Island had quickly gone from a place of snacks and delicately arranged champagne to a unique mix of beer pong and tiny clear shot glasses sitting in a mixture of sticky liquids. Everything about it was a recovering alcoholic’s worst nightmare in the making, and yet, all Toby cared about was if Wynter was having a good time. Tonight wasn’t about him. Plus, he had already texted his sponsor and Rose. He wasn’t going to fuck things up this early on. He couldn’t let Wyn down...again. “Do you want to get out of here? I hear there’s a room or two available in the house..” he teased, his voice soft as he pulled her back into his chest.

#do i know what im doing? absolutely not.#im sorry this is so shitty #i will figure this out eventually!!#also- not sure how much of the party you wanted to do so i left it open ended #either way!