Writings

Diary, Para, and Secret Keeper.

[jglwrites-blog]

Distant Memories (01)

The news articles read it all. Jake Gylenhall seen out with some other girl. Not just some other girl but some beautiful, tall blonde model. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and this girl was definitely not the last girl he was dating. Normally Joseph was not one for gossip. He hated when paparazzi came after him so why read the filth on someone else? Yet as he scrolled through the article on the bright pink page of Perez Hilton Joe found himself just as absorbed as any other non-famous person. Not even part of him felt slightly guilty as he gave the article another hit, another view. This was important.

Why would it matter to the brunette man sitting at his kitchen counter who Jake was dating? Why did it matter who anyone was dating? Especially a man he had only met maybe once or twice. And a man he thought was a terrible actor to start with (and no he was not blinded with jealousy....that much) and had no reason to care about. Well that all had to do with the other articles related to Jake. The most recent probably twenty all had to do with Jake and a beautiful, innocent actress. An actress that Joseph had been in love with for far too many years. It was the girl he had lost to Jake. Two and a half years ago ago Mary Elizabeth had walked out of his life, and two years ago right into the arms of Jake Gylenhall.

This surely only meant one thing. Jake and Mary Elizabeth were no more. They couldn't be because Mary Elizabeth would never put up with a cheater or an open relationship. Sure he was Jake, but she had morals and respect for herself more than any cheap actress in hollywood. She knew she deserved only the best. Was it wrong that Joe's heart leaped with joy at this revelation? That sure she was heartbroken but at least she was single. That Jake no longer would stand in the way of destiny, and destiny certainly was Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Mary Elizabeth Winstead. They could still have their fall wedding and their six kids, it was still possible and that thought was far more elating than any news he had as of late. It was rather pathetic he was taking joy in her break up, but she made him sink to levels he never knew were possible sometimes.

Maybe he shouldn't go see her but Joseph immediately felt it was his duty to be the knight in shining armor. Combing his hair, spraying himself with her favorite cologne, and galloping out the door Joseph would run to the ends of the world to save her from any tears, and maybe garner himself some brownie points. He loved her so this was all in good nature, even if she didn't want to see him. It didn't really cross Joseph's mind that maybe Mary Elizabeth wanted to be alone, or her friends, not her ex boyfriend. To him this was perfect, he would show up just like the knights in fairytales and whisk the damsel off her feet and they would live happily ever after. It was a movie scene flashing through his brain as he hopped into his car and drove off into the sunset, well not really a sunset but it was more dramatic that way, to find the love of his life.

Armed with a bouquet of yellow roses (which were actually her favorite flower surprise surprise) and at her doorstep twenty minutes later Joe stood and waited, heart in hand for the queen to descend upon the stairs and allow him into her kingdom. There was no other way for this to turn out in Joe's head than for them to live happily ever after. Maybe he was far too confident but Joe felt that he and Mary Elizabeth were divinely inspired, blessed by the gods to be together. This was fate and he just had to catch it. This didn't mean Joe wasn't insanely nervous, he hadn't seen her in months and here he was with flowers and wine hoping she'd just let him inside. What was he going to say to her? Joe had no clue, truthfully he knew the right words would never come out but he had to take the chance anyway. She was the love of his life and if he wasn't willing to put his pride and comfort on the line for her, than he would never deserve her.

[jglwrites-blog]

Dinner(03)

Joseph was nervous about Mary Elizabeth's reaction. He hoped she would take to his words kindly, take them as a compliment rather than getting offended. He meant them as a compliment, he would never trying to make Mary Elizabeth uncomfortable on purpose nor was it his goal to upset her. He held his breath until he saw the familiar smile and with that his heart stopped beating erractically. She was okay with him and everything he had just said, she wasn't upset or offended. She didn't get up and walk out, she was still right there. Joseph knew in his head that she wouldn't over react, Mary Elizabeth was one of the most laid back people he knew yet it was still a fear that one day she would no longer want to put up with him and his quirks.

The prospect of another sleepover made his grin grow larger as he leaned back in his chair, confident once more. "I think you just want another million roses, I think that's all you care about" he teased, poking fun at his mistake from the first sleepover. Of course he wanted to have her over again, he wanted to have any amount of time with her from hours to sheer minutes. Any time spent in her presence was far better than whatever he spent away from her. Before he could say anything else the waiter came around and took their orders and once the man in black left Joseph leaned forward "Ater dinner want to go do something else?" he asked quietly. Though he loved his friends Joseph was more concerned about spending time with her. His friends were always around, but she was not.

Visions of them walking to the park and talking for hours floated through his head. Maybe they could get coffee and laugh like old times at the people walking by. Maybe he could covince her to spend the night and maybe then he could get the courage up to tell her the truth. To spill that he still loved her and wanted a second chance. Though he was never busier Joseph knew that if he had one more shot to prove his affection that he could make it work. She was no longer just an added perk to his lifestyle but a priority far beyond anything else. Joseph would make her realize that she was more important to him, he would do all the things he should have done years ago to keep her with him. He would do anything for her and to make her a part of his life once more. Though the idea of sharing all that sounded perfect in his head Joseph knew it probably would never happen, he lost all courage every time she looked at him. She was a Queen and he was a peasant, he simply could never be enough.

[jglwrites-blog]

Dinner(02)

Mary Elizabeth's confidence never ceased to amaze Joseph. She didn't even miss a beat smiling that perfect smile and sticking out a manicured hand. Everyone at this table knew their history. Who didn't know their history? They had been together for so long and had met many of these people together. Joseph could see a few people watching them, curious as one would watch apes interacting at the zoo, almost enthralled to see how they would act with each other. Many expected animosity, the break up hadn't been bad but hard on both, and no one knew that they were actually on excellent terms. Better terms than they had been in years. It was as if many thought that just because they broke up that they should hate one another but Joseph could never hate her. He loved her and his love was still as strong as the first day he got a glimpse of the beautiful young girl.

"A fan? Well I'm charmed, remind me to sign something before you leave Miss Winstead" Joseph teased with a wink as he took her petite hand, kissing the top before letting it go. This gesture seemed to grab more attention and soon things were quieting down around them. "You look positively ravishing" Joseph told her, allowing his tongue to pass over his bottom lip playfully, as he zeroed his attention in on her. She didn't need to know how terrible the last few weeks had been. Joseph never wanted her to think of him pathetic, or worse that it was her fault. His favorite part of Mary Elizabeth was that she had a heart made of solid gold. She was the kind of person who ran into a wall and apologized to the wall, she was sweet to the core and if she knew how upset he had been she would have been gutted. And that in itself was enough to break his heart worse than she ever could by simply throwing in the towel with him.

"Blue certainly is your color, I know I say that about every color but navy does wonders for you" Joseph was very good at playing it cool. He was suave and he knew how to treat a lady no matter how easily freaked he was on the inside. He was sweating bullets on the inside afraid that Mary Elizabeth would turn her nose up to him. Once everyone around him seemed to be busy chatting once more Joseph felt comfortable enough to slump forward, leaning his lanky frame across the table of sorts and lowering his voice "I'm sorry I haven't called" he told her quietly, making sure to keep his eyes level to hers. "I didn't....I didn't want to seem needy" he told her quietly, dropping his eyes to look at the white table, "I missed you a lot and I just didn't want you to think that I couldn't handle seeing you".

[jglwrites-blog]

Dinner (01)

Three long weeks. Three weeks since Joseph had seen Mary Elizabeth. Almost three weeks since he had left his house. It didn’t surprise him this time; he knew it was coming just as it had every time before. She had gotten up and left and Joseph felt nothing but emptiness. He could barely eat, barely sleep, all he did was sit at the window hoping her car would pull up the circular drive. It was pathetic, really, this sitting and staring. He felt much like that stupid scene from Twilight when Bella waited for months on Edward, that thought just made him feel worse, he was more pathetic than the worst part of cinematic history. It crossed his mind to call her, it was the sensible answer. Call her and invite her over once more, it was what a normal human would do. Joseph wasn’t normal. He would pick up the phone and stare wistfully at it for minutes at a time. He wanted her to call, wanted her to make the first move so he didn’t look desperate.

  Joseph was desperate though, very desperate for her touch, her voice, just her presence. Spending even one night at her side had reminded him of what he had left walk away. She wasn’t just a girl, she wasn’t just another page in his book. Joseph knew that but he wasn’t sure if she did. He didn’t want to push her so instead he just drove himself crazy. On the bright side he wrote a lot; new movie plots, books, and poems sprung from the tortured mind. He wrote best when he was miserable and miserable he was. So it was a miracle when he was coaxed out of the house to enjoy a low key dinner with a few friends. A locally owned eatery, very small and yet as he was dressing Joseph wanted nothing more than to just lay back down in bed. His tie felt like a noose, tightening as he made efforts to get out of the house. His friends knew he was miserable, the reason was unknown, yet they could tell because no one had seen him for a while.

  They would be in for a surprise when they saw him. His skin was sallow, his eyes with bags, and his cheeks sunken in. He didn’t look well yet he put a smile on his face as he splashed himself with water. IF he told himself was better than maybe he could fake it enough for everyone else. He didn’t want his friends finding out that it was a girl that had caused him so much grief so instead he rolled up the sleeves of his dress sleeves and practiced being the carefree Joseph they knew. Maybe tonight would be good, he could sit and laugh. Joke around and drink, maybe she wouldn’t pass his mind. Maybe tonight was the night that he could finally get around to feeling better. It looked more and more positive as the closer he got to the actual dinner. Twenty minutes to he was in his car and on his way to the restaurant. Once joining the party her name was lightyears away.

  Down near the end that was his table setting, smiling and shaking hands with everyone he barely noticed the large volume of friends. He barely noticed anything as he made his way robotically down the table. A “Hey, how you doing?” to everyone he passed. Sitting down a big grin was on his laps and with a flourish he set his crisp white napkin on his lap. Mary Elizabeth who? Calling down the table he laughed as someone ordered him a drink and leaning back slightly, just enough to tip his chair onto two legs, Joseph Gordon Levitt began to relax. It ended very quickly because as he looked up a ghost seemed to appear. It was enough to scare him into letting his chair fall with a thud back onto four feet. The girl he had tried so hard to get away from was sitting square across from him like some angel. Was he seeing things? Was this real? But this was as true as anything he’d felt in the last two weeks as a soft smile met him from across the table and swallowing an audible gulp Joseph was back in his weird place again, never to recover, “Hello, Mary Elizabeth”. 

[jglwrites-blog]

The Sleepover (03)

The seconds of shock that illuminated Mary Elizabeth's face only served to worry Joseph. What if she thought the flowers were cheesy? What if she didn't like the gesture? Yes it was grand but Joe thought that since it was only flowers he could be grand. However at seeing her smile Joe was able to give a sigh of relief, she liked them. "I had to make up for the years somehow" he grinned watching as she delicatey played with one of the roses. Seeing the happiness on her face was honestly the best sight he had seen in ages. Especially knowing the fact it was because of him that she was happy. It proved to him that he could do better and still could get to her a little, he knew how ticked and it made him happy to see her in such a state.

Leaning over he gently pressed his lips to her cheek before giving her a grin "I hoped you'd like them and not think I was super creepy". Taking a step back he cleared his throat once more, forcing his probably too happy smile down as he ran a hand through the dark hair on the back of his head "Are you hungry?" he asked, tilting his head to the side, I have food. I got food before you arrived in case you were hungry, so I wasn't a bad host" biting his lower lip he took advantage of her silence to intently look her over once again. He wasn't really checking her out, it wasn't that because Joe was perfectly aware of how sexy she was, it was more taking in her beauty for the fact he was there.

Joe was never sure if he would ever be able to say that Mary Elizabeth Winstead was standing in his living room ever again. Their break up had been so sudden and they had been so distant as of late that Joe was never sure if they could recover. He had messed up and this was his second chance, maybe if he played his cards right. Mary Elizabeth was a rare type. She was not your normal girl, her talent blossomed from eeverything she did whether it was walking into the room or acting on the big screen. Yet she also was not your average actress. She was not haughty, nor did she demand a lot. Mary Elizabeth was not flashy nor did she bother with common luxuries like expensive makeup and excessive clothing. She was still the same girl he had met all those years ago who preferred flats and wearing her hair in a bun.

More actresses should take cues from Mary Elizabeth, that's how Joe felt. She cared less about herself and more about her roles. Though painful, Joe had watched Smashed hundreds of times intently zeroing in on her acting. She was a fantastic actress who bled the role she was given and that was why so long ago Joe felt the need to help her with her roles. If the people in Hollywood weren't so blinded by mediocre bimbos they would see the raw talent of his love. He was her biggest fan and not just because he was completely infatuated by her, but because she was such a great actress. The kind of actress he yearned to direct.

"I don't know if I said this already, but you look beautiful" he told her absentmindedly, his cheeks turning a light shade of blush. "You always look beautiful, but I think I prefer this look to that of the red carpet, truly". Before she could respond Joe had turned and left the living room, afraid she would scold him for saying such things, walking into the kitchen to prepare them plates. "We can eat outside in the gazebo, I have a table out there and the weather's nice". As he strated placing the food on the plates Joe paused and looked up at Mary Elizabeth in his doorway "Not turning vegetarian on me, are you?" he asked with a playful smirk, teasing, "If you are I do have bird food for you, always make sure I'm prepared".

[jglwrites-blog]

The Sleepover (02)

The moment she was in his doorway Joe barely had any time to process Mary Elizabeth before her arms were around him, sucking him in once more. The physical contact lasted no longer than two seconds tops and yet she had him hook, line, and sinker barely inside his front door. She was radiant, his front room glowing simply by her standing there, and his house felt like a home. Joe was very disconnected from houses, he was not one of those people who felt like his house was a home, to him a house was simply a shell to protect from the elements. Even his childhood residence had no emotional attachment and there were no heartstrings pulled when he sold one place to move to another. The house he was in right now, the apartment he spent the majority of his time in the city, and hotel rooms all felt the same. Mary Elizabeth had this gift to change the atmosphere and suddenly the shell no longer felt like a shell but a place where he belonged, she belonged, they belonged together.

For a moment they stood just staring at each other, taking each other in. Joseph didn't even have a sly comment as he felt her eyes search every inch of his body because his were doing the same to her. Sure he had seen her in the past ten years, quite a few times, yet it was different to see her now in normal clothes compared to gala gowns and excessive Hollywood-esque attire. He could see that she hadn't changed in height, still just an inch shorter than he, because he was still able to look right into her eyes without having to move a muscle. She had thinned out again, reminding him of the tiny ballerina that she was during their first meeting, and Joe wondered if it was for a role. She was so different than any other actress, or woman for that matter, he had ever had the pleasure of knowing. Unlike the others her porcelain skin barely held a scar or blemish and he recognized her far better in this state with barely any makeup than when she was all dolled up on the carpet. His Mary Elizabeth frowned upon excessive use of makeup, quite the opposite of the last few ladies he had worked with barely recognizing Zooey or Scarlett without ten pounds of makeup.

Joe could read her body language, processing that she seemed nervous as she tucked a thumb into the waistband over her jeans, tugging on them. He however forgot about her nerves as she absentmindedly flashed a hipbone causing his mind to get lost in the aching pain of wanting to reach out and touch, as he had many times before, and knowing it was not his place. Just like that she had his mind swirling and his heart racing, the overall appearance of doll like innocence figuratively bringing him to his knees in heartache. When he became aware of his staring Joseph cleared his throat as she began to ask about the house. Smirking slightly Joe looked down, shrugging idly, he couldn't give a straight answer. The real one was as soon as his manager had told him she was living in this town he had bolted to find a place of impressive stature, remodeling a home to fit his taste, in hopes that one day he would accidentally bump into her at the grocer. "About a year and a half" he told her, "I needed a place outside of the city and LA, Matthew Gubler suggested this place" okay that was a lie, but he doubted she'd actually look into that one. "I was surprised to find out you lived here too, weird coincidence". Oh he was so bad at this but it was a desperate attempt to save some sort of face.

"Let me show you around" Joe interrupted, hoping to get off the topic of why and how he had moved here, instead taking the lead of usher and explaining to her the various rooms and their uses. He knew she could care less about his editing studio, or his formal office space, but he couldn't stop talking in fear she'd excuse herself early from finding him boring. Goose bumps marred his arms and pulling down the sleeves of his shirt Joseph knew he had to find some sort of way to get himself to calm down every time she came within four inches of him or else the evening would end in her wondering what had happened to the cool and confident man she had once known. After the upstairs was completely toured he led her back down into his backyard, showing off his pool and gazebo, before leading her through the kitchen and finally into the living room. As they entered he remembered the thousands of flowers covering the room and he nearly had a stroke as she walked in anyway. "Uh..." he et out a nervous laugh a hand moving through his dark hair, "You were complaining about the red roses earlier, so I figured I'd get you enough flowers to make up for all my past faux pas" smooth, very smooth, he mentally patted himself on the back for being able to make up an excuse on the spot.

[jglwrites-blog]

The Sleepover (01)

Joseph wasn't quite sure why he invited Mary Elizabeth over in the first place. It the same mistake he made countless times before. Just as he was possibly ready to let her go he put himself in a position where it was impossible. It wasn't any fault of her own, no instead Mary Elizabeth was quite innocent to the whole ordeal, it was a mental thing. He would see her at some premiere, some party, or invite her over himself and they would begin to talk. It never moved past talking, maybe a hug if he was lucky, yet afterwards he would fall into a small depression of sorts. His mood would be sour for days after she left, a dark cloud hanging solemnly over his head as he pondered about the mistakes of his youth. He was twenty four when he lost Mary Elizabeth, barely an adult, and ten years later he still regretted everything he had ever done.

In Joseph's defense he was trying to be helpful. He had not realized how much his comments affected her. A casual "I can get you a role" was something he meant, he didn't like seeing her struggle with tiny roles that she barely liked, yet to her it was a shot at her talents. Joseph saw so much in her. He saw a world class actress, one that would win countless awards, and be remembered far after she retired yet she just needed a breakout role. At twenty four he was more than willing to get her that breakout role, he knew directors an he could sweet talk his way into getting her the perfect role. Joseph was established and on his word he knew a director would be more willing to take a chance on a practically unknown. Mary Elizabeth had wanted none of that, instead determined to do it on her own will. Ultimately it was what drove them apart. His asinine desire to help had really done the opposite and he paid the price for the ego trip.

That was ten years ago and now fifteen years after Joseph Gordon-Levitt had met Mary Elizabeth Winstead backstage at a Broadway show he was still sweating bullets getting ready for her to arrive. His mind told him to relax, his chest would not allow it as he barked commands at his housekeeper to phone in some favors for him and have a florist over with as many yellow roses as they could bring, he'd buy out their entire supply and pay top dollar and more if they would get to the house within the hour. Then it was demands to have food arrive because he was too nervous to cook dinner right now. His staff knew this was not like him, normally even tempered and kind with his words, it was his nerves pushing him to the brink of madness. It was when the flowers arrived that Joseph realized how big of a mistake he had made, he figured that their entire stock (it was only a local florist shop the size of his garage maybe) would be a few dozen, instead he was left with a few hundred, possibly thousands, yellow roses. Mary Elizabeth would think he tried too hard, but maybe he could get it to work in his favor his time was running out and he had no time to find homes for flowers that would be sufficient for twenty weddings.

After pouring thanks on everyone in his household he sent them all home; his personal assistant, the housekeeper, the cook, the man tending to his pool, and even all the security his manager required to perimeter the house at all times. He wanted no one there to ruin his evening and now his house was silent. Mary Elizabeth hadn't been to this home before, she had only been to his various apartments in the city and the small house he had in Los Angeles. He wasn't a man of many luxuries, feeling it was wrong for him to have so much while others had so little, yet this was one of his few luxuries. It wasn't a huge house, not by any means, but it seemed grand in comparison to the one man living there. Marble floors, a resort sized swimming pool, and the most modern of amenities incorporated under one room, he prayed she didn't think he had become a snob over the last decade. It was just a house, no reflection of character, and it so happened to be his residence in the same town she kept residence in. Some would call the coincidence creepy, Joseph preferred to think it as romantic.

Did he have time to shower? No probably not, she was to be here any minute. So his last few moments of insanity Joseph spent brushing his teeth and changing his shirt (she had told him once she liked him in blue) and putting on some fresh cologne. Yes he probably seemed like he was trying way too hard in retrospect but he couldn't help himself, she was the one who got away and Joseph needed to do anything in his power to at least impress her slightly. Just as he was debating if he should put on shoes or not the intercom sounded with the gatekeeper signaling that "Miss Winstead is on her way up the drive" causing Joseph to nearly die on the spot. Swallowing all fears and forcing himself to calm down he paced slowly, shaking himself so he could appear calm and collected for Mary Elizabeth. Yet the moment the doorbell rang he could feel all his confidence wash away, his acting skills would really have to come in handy this evening. "You can do this" he whispered to himself rolling his shoulders once more and opening the front door. The perfect hollywood grin was effortless the moment his eyes fell on the lanky beauty on his stoop "And to think I was starting you were going to stand me up".