Just here floating around in Lake
Things in marriage haven't been the best. well, that's me putting it in a good way but in reality, it's not even a marriage. we are co-parenting in the same household. Theres no intimatecy and after 9 months I told him (last month) let's just co-parent that's it that's all. I mean all I did was put a name on what we already had going on. He didn't like it of course. Told me to change my last name on social media like it made a difference considering that we are married. A conversation was had and I said what I needed to say as did he. key points I noted was he should have married someone like his mom since she's his number 2 priority besides the kids. Yep, I'm not even a priority but yet he married me; hahah! what a joke! The next thing is that I have no safe space within his as well as I haven't created one for him since he doesn't come to me to his issues but rather to his mom; mind you we been together 13 years this year and married for 5. We never celebrated a wedding anniversary after the first one. We never were on the same page. always stone walling one another. no reassurance or checking on one another. I asked him this time around why he distant himself from me and such and he stated," I dint know why I don't want to be around you or distant myself from you." That shit alone doesn't even make sense in my brain but okay if you say so. He says he feels like he's competing for my attention but like I told him he can't compete at all. how can you when you married the treasure and have the treasure in your hand?
I'm no saint. I've done him wrong in the beginning. i cheated with people i didn't want to let go of sexually. I sexted friends while drunk. yea i wouldn't have stayed with me if the shoes were on the other foot but he did. he said he stayed and put his all because he knew it would all work out but here we are. After i had my first kiddo i think about 1 year he was texting some older woman talking about he was leaving me and that he would love to learn new things with her and all this other shit. Is it worse than what i need no but it its still shitty. i later lied and told him i had to go to therapy after seeing it. but bleh. when I did what i did i didnt feel bad because i was use to having my cake and eat it to always been that way except when I was with zo physically. no excuses though. In this 13 year relationship we both got comfortable had 2 kids and things changed. what i wanted from him i felt i had to keep asking for. Hes a great man and father thats no doubt. He does alot in household and outdoors. but i want to be loved a certain way or so and its like i have to give him a playbook inwhich i shouldnt have to do. He can use the resources of the world to figure it out. people change weekly, monthly, yearly. As a partner its your job to stay intune with eachother to ensure you both are on the same page. For someone to always say "I know you" he really doesnt. We are opposites at its finest and love isnt enough. He says i seek attention but excuse me for posting my pictures on social media or people reaching out to me (male friends who has been in this life before him) Welp this is all for now. I'd say a year will be in a week or so. i don't miss sex thanks to me only able to orgasm through clit stimulation but sometimes i miss a body being in bed. ( I didn't mention above that he moved himself out the bedroom and put his stuff in the laundry room and has been sleeping on the recliner for the past 11 months PER HIS CHOICE!)