OEUVRE

[jhonalism]

OEUVRE turned 12 today!

[jhonalism]

It’s 1:50pm, and I just woke up. I was glad I did.

I had a dream. This is the first time I felt extremely glad that it was just a dream.

The dream was vivid. It almost seemed real. The feelings, I can feel them rip my heart.

In my dream, he cheated on me with somebody from his work. She was beautiful. I was calling him and the woman answered. Asking why I was calling. The difference from all other cheating-on-me dream was that this time, he admitted to it.

The first thing I thought of was, “What’s going to happen to Axl now? What about the house we’re paying? Can I do it all alone?” It’s as if I already accepted it was gonna happen and is planning on how to go about my life without him. I even thought of asking for seeking the help of a lawyer for child support. About annulment.

I was hurt. I can’t explain. There’s something hollow in my heart. It’s as if somebody punch my heart and left a hole in it. But I couldn’t cry. I tried to cry, but I couldn’t. I complained to my mom about the pain. I was acting like I was crying but there were no tears. The thing I was saddest about was the fact that I believed he was a good man and that he will not do that to me. It hurt my pride more than anything else.

When I woke up, I was glad it was just a dream. But it left some uneasiness in me.

[jhonalism]

Your fingers exploring the landscape of my body the way an artist stains a virgin white canvas for art ~

[jhonalism]

I still have the ring you gave me.

I crushed it with a rock to know how much you loved me.

I loved you to pieces too.

[jhonalism]

I never want to write our breakup poem.

[jhonalism]

I'm not saying I want to be an angel, but how many times do I have to die inside before I get my wings?

[jhonalism]

The experience was extra special because I got to spend it with you. Happy birthday bae. You'll always be my baby boy 🖤 #RandomAxlMemory #Birthday #Boss https://www.instagram.com/p/B7cX62mBofifBDhMrAsSduf2roc998ULhVKXSY0/?igshid=689fxuopw5k0

[jhonalism]

Ikaw ang boss ko. 😂🖤 https://www.instagram.com/p/B7bzwPvhwYaCaKEKQhjDBu6E9ehm4INXe4E-tM0/?igshid=1s1fcwg94hkta

[jhonalism]

If there is a word more powerful than love, what is it?

[jhonalism]

We should not mistake fake wings for wings that can fly.

[jhonalism]

How can they be mistakes if they led me to you?

[jhonalism]

Perhaps freedom is when you can read the pain out loud.

[jhonalism]

My heart aches for you.

Dracula, Netflix

[jhonalism]

There exists for each one of us, a perfect taco. 🖤

[jhonalism]

Yeah, of course you don't. You don't have an idea what it takes to live my life. They don't write books about women like me. No one would think to.

[jhonalism]

I'm usually not a love poet,

but if I were to wake up tomorrow morning

and decide that I really want to write about love,

my first poem would be about you

Jhornalism.tumblr.com

[jhonalism]

I am so full of love and pain and confusion and hope. I might be breaking apart, please come hold me.