If Jimin is bi and JK gay as many think, do you think he may feel quilt? For not being able to give Jimin the family he may want, or they may want.
Too many people today saying about Jimin making a good dad, assuming it’s the right translation.. and then JKs face, as you’ve pointed out. Then others saying they will end up with women to have children?
your ask is brief, and yet... packed with homophobia, biphobia, bioessentialism, ableism and pro-natalism (which is linked with misogyny! 👀)
but i’m feeling generous today, so i’ll thoroughly answer your questions.
let’s break all this down.
⚡️ first, the disclaimer...
let me clearly state that i’m not capable of reading JK’s mind, so i don't know how he feels about JM wanting/having kids, or he himself wanting/having kids. JM was essentially speaking aloud his thoughts while lovingly gripping onto JK’s shoulder and that was exactly how i received his “monologue”:
cr./btsarmy_forever27 - TikTok
“guilt” (your word) seems like a leap to me, but a general sense of preoccupation did seem to appear on JK’s face as JM was lamenting the too-short time span of raising a child. preoccupation with “what” though, is anyone's guess.
also: i think the knee-jerk reaction to assign guilt (or blame) to a monosexual partner in a same-sex relationship who doesn't biologically reproduce with the opposite sex reeks of homophobia and bioessentialism (and in some cases, acephobia and ableism). i think you should explore why you're even asking if the “fault” or responsibility to provide their partner with children should fall to said gay man (or lesbian) in question. yikes!
we'll get to the biphobia in a minute. but first...
⚡️ a bit more about language...
queer people have known since forever that *chosen* family matters just as much as - sometimes even more than - biological family, because our histories of being rejected/kicked out/belittled by so-called "kin" have taught us that love and care go far beyond genetics.
i think the phrase “giving children” to another person is problematic. because no one “gives” a child to another adult through procreation or adoption. children are not considered owed personal property. having children is a conscious, loving *choice* - not an obligation.
anon, you asked about JK potentially feeling guilty about “not being able to give JM the family he may want, or they may want” - but similar to what i said above: family isn’t “given” to another person. building family is a conscious, loving *choice* - not an obligation.
i think this kind of problematic, archaic language - euphemized as “gifting” or “providing” - is rooted in a specific brand of pro-natalism, bioessentialism, ableism, amatonormativity, entitlement and capitalism that upholds the patriarchy and the state, and continues to pressure too many people to autopilot into life scripts they’re not even sure they want.
and unfortunately, many people are socially programmed to use said language and follow said scripts, which leads to lots of unmet needs and unhappiness in the world.
cue NJ's Come Back To Me MV.
⚡️ bisexual men in achillean relationships…
if we entertain that JM is bi, and JK is gay and that they're together...
a man being bi (and possibly wanting children) doesn’t mean he’ll just forego his current achillean/MLM-presenting relationship and default to the “easy” (heteronormative) route and get hitched to a woman - even in a socially conservative country.
that line of thinking is biphobic, plain and simple.
and that line of thinking places the responsibility of bearing children on said imaginary woman - which is pro-natalist and misogynistic, plain and simple.
if said bi man is content with his male/achillean partner, leaving him (child or no child) seems unlikely - especially after 10 whole years of history. *ahem* 👀
why? because queer people, queer relationships and queer families have always found a way to make it work - in history and up until now - in the name of self-preservation and contentment.
and for all we know, Mr. I Go The Other Way JK could want kids, too. so let's not go full-on bioessentialism and assume that gay men and lesbians in conservative societies don't want/have children as well. again, we don't know JK's thoughts on the issue unless he chooses to tell us.
(and for the record, i agree with everyone else on the internet - if he wants to be, i think JM would make an amazing dad! 😭)
⚡️ queerness & relationships…
i’ve seen some in this fandom assume that closeted queer people simply “give up” on sapphic/achillean (WLW/MLM-presenting) relationships they're already in because *disapproving society/parents/military/blah blah blah*… when the truth is usually the opposite.
as a partnered lesbian, i also speak from experience. none of this is new for queer people. we can go from plausible deniability, glass closets and such... to all-out trailblazing and living our truth openly and unapologetically at any given time.
again, we’ve always been stealth and made it work - in history and up until now. most of us have always found a way to be together and build the life we seek.
as we know, SK is currently experiencing a wonderful queer rights “wave” at the moment - with the SK Supreme Court upholding eligibility for same-sex partner benefits and same-sex spousal recognition - with, most likely, more pro-queer legislation on the way.
and as we know, legislation isn’t the only viable path to queer liberation. queer visibility, queer spaces and grassroots activism have significantly increased over time, with - despite massive push-back from local governments, and even outright violence - the Seoul Queer Culture Festival growing exponentially each year. also, queer dating shows like His Man, and queer day-in-the-life-of shows like Merry Queer are making an impact, even if imperfectly platformed.
⚡️ queer parenting in SK…
i've been following the story of this married lesbian couple for awhile - Kim Saeyeon & Kim Gyujin - the first publicly pregnant same-sex couple in SK, who were interviewed in a "modern families" segment in Cosmo Korea (AI-translated, so the English is wonky).
since only heterosexual couples are granted access to donor banks in SK, Saeyeon and Gyujin had to trek to Belgium for the IVF process, but had their baby in their home country. even though Saeyeon (the non-birthing parent) is not legally recognized in SK as the child’s co-parent, both she and Gyujin still live there and (just as queer parents here in the US, both famous and not, have done before same-sex adoption was legal in 2015) are making it work! 💕 and they're appearing on a docuseries about queer families in SK alongside a gay couple of 10 years!
cr./JTBC News & NextShark - Instagram
also interviewed in that same Cosmo article is Hong Seok-cheon - a celebrity and openly gay man (remember his story?) who has now adopted his 2 nephews! 💕
so as we can see, queer Koreans are already making history by existing, being amazing and *choosing* the life they seek, including building families of all configurations.
so, especially as well-resourced celebs, JK and JM building a family of their own - if they choose to - is a viable option, even in their socially conservative home country. even if their beautiful family consists of just JK and JM (and Bam!) 🐾
expanding our view of what “family” looks like and leaning into *conscious choice* - no matter one's identity - will liberate all of us in so many ways.
so... who knows what future life plans JK and JM may have in store!
and sure - being queer in conservative contexts is not easy, but catastrophizing queer relationships and queer families from the outside is actually quite homophobic and does queer people a disservice, whether intentional or not.
unless JK vocalizes his thoughts, we’ll never know his feelings about what building a life together with JM - with or without children - would look like.
until then, i’m just gonna enjoy what they both share with us. 💜💛
