I really don't know how to handle losing a best friend and a girlfriend on the same day. One day, everything seems perfect and the next, with the involvement of her very manipulative sister, she seems swayed towards a choice and a change of behavior towards me that is difficult to comprehend.
You see someone everyday, and you share everything in your head with them, and they do too, and they care if you're alive or dead as you do about them and than all of sudden, you are not supposed to exist. It's "too soon to talk." Suddenly you go from seeing them everyday to hardly exchanging words.
I wrote a song today (posting this session soon), and part of the lyrics go "I wrote this song, but you never heard it." That sums up how I feel, I could scream at the sky begging for someone to care and in the end no one really does. I mean people do, but not with the immediacy that she used to care about me.
I'm hurt, frustrated, and I feel emotionally oversensitive. It's easy for her to just sign off Facebook chat and ignore the phone calls I made to her, but I could have sworn we'd be together until we died.
So many reasons why this could have happened, that doesn't really matter because I can't think about that. It already hurts too much sobbing into a pillow and know that the one person you really, really, really thought cared about if you were okay doesn't care enough to get past the awkward post break up conversation.
I could die and it'd probably just be one of those things where she'd be like "oh that was my ex-boyfriend who died in that horrible car accident." And someone else would be like "oh my god, that's so terrible, you poor thing."
origamiaround
titsay
turnnoffyourmind
gummygunk