Can’t sleep. Got a bad phone call from Mom that my cousin who has autism died in a fire overnight. I’m in shock. My family is an emotional mess (especially my sister). I wasn’t particularly close to him, I bonded more with his brother. My grandmother before she died cared for him and constantly worried about him in the future. I had trouble connecting with him but I certainly never wished any harm to him. He didn’t deserve to die! I was his godmother (I think. I remember his baptism but it was at the same time as the other brother’s so I can’t remember which one I was paired with). I feel terrible for my aunt having lost a child... especially in such a tragic way! I don’t know what to say or do. Consolation was never something I was good at. I hate sad, depressing situations, and can’t emotionally connect to people when they’re crying. “There, there” or “I’m sorry” seems horribly apathetic. So I just sit in silence cursing myself for not coming up with something comforting to say. I just wish my cousin had gotten out of the house okay. Now we have another family funeral to attend. Both grandmothers a year apart from each other was bad enough. I hope he’s with my grandmother now. I hope they’re together again somewhere.
