I’m freaking out about everything right now I have no idea what I want to do with my life I feel like I have no options that I like enough to want to have a career in or at least ones that don’t scare me. I’ve been stressed out for so long about this, what do I do. It’s so hard for me to reach out to people and not think that I’m disturbing them in one way or another.
Nothing feels right, I just need a sign. God please give me a sign. It’s completely eating me up inside. I just don’t have the slightest clue. I don’t know what I feel good about anymore. I’m struggling so much here and I can’t talk to anyone. I wonder what kind of trauma I’ve had that makes me like this. Incapable of feeling confident about anything. It’s definitely something someone said to me as a child.
I don’t wanna day that I don’t struggle with suicidal thoughts still but it’s hard to avoid. Considering everything that has gone on recently in my personal life. I’m a broke, pathetic college student who doesn’t have the slightest idea what they want to do anymore with major body image issues.
My hope in humanity and the future right now seems pointless. I know something is wrong with me but I can’t get professional help. To be honest, the only reason I’m still alive is because I know how much of a burden me dying would be on my family. This might be my cry for help idk. I know that if I was gonna off myself I wouldn’t tell anybody. I’d leave a note. And if anyone questions why I didn’t ask for help - it’s because it seemed like nobody wanted to listen, I remember reaching out to my friend while I was going through a dark time and I thought this was someone who didn’t mind me coming to them but I was wrong, she went off on me about how all I do is complain and how it seems like I just don’t care anymore. She didn’t want to hear any of it. I think that’s just want closed me off now. That and a huge fight I had with an ex, I know he had his own problems that he was having but I can’t get the thought of him calling me a bitch over and over again out of my head. I’m not mad at him anymore. But they shit sticks with you, even when you know that they didn’t really mean it. I don’t know how to get past this. Everything is happening so quickly and I have no idea what to do with any of it. And this was just a small fraction of junior year.
I was really on here trying to make a second blog just dedicated to music, I’m now using this as a twitter that no one I know will see, anyways
Fuck Donald Trump, hes racist, misogynistic, homophobic and I don’t understand how people can support him, I don’t care if it’s his economic policies, people’s human rights could get taken away if he gets another term. His “jokes” are harmful. Over 150,000 Americans are dead because of his administrations failure to take action against COVID-19. He disrespects women and has been charged with rape against a 13 year old girl, this is not “fake news” this is public record. He called Mexicans drug dealers, called black people lazy, and called Haiti, parts of Africa and Central America “shithole countries”. He tried to make it illegal for gay couples to adopt, when gay couples are the main group of people adopting. He is ignoring the safety and care of these children, and there would be an overflow of children in these adoption and foster agencies that are already flawed not getting the support that they need. He doesn’t care the people at all.
Also remember, black people are still fighting for their equal rights in 2020, hundreds of black people and other people of color have been murdered by police with no justice being served. Listen to the victims stories, get informed about their battle for equality that has been going on for far too long, I understand that you’re republican and use “fact over feelings” but this isn’t about politics, it’s about human rights. How can you look past the innocent, men, women, and children who lost their lives due to people’s ignorance and hatred. Just because someone looks “suspicious” does not justify their lives being taken away. Stay angry because this fight for equality is not over. Police brutality is real, black people are being targeted, the KKK is still active, and children now have to be taught how to not get killed by the people who are supposed to be protecting us. This is not the country of opportunity and freedom that America claims to be. Black Lives Matter is not saying “black lives matter more than yours” it is simply saying that “black lives matter too” that black lives are just as valuable and as precious as everyone else’s. If you true thought that “All Lives Matter” you would agree with the movement. By saying “all lives matter” that is silencing the black community, when all they want is equality. Justice hasn’t been served to the many black lives that have been lost. That NEEDS to change. Spread the message, educate yourselves and others, this fight is not over.
Abolish ICE. They are holding people at the boarder for simply being at the boarder. They are assuming that the people trying to cross are criminals, and holding them and mistreating them. Many of the people in ICE custody are trying to seek refuge and give their families a better life in America. However, they can’t even seek refuge if ICE is holding them for no reason. Over a thousand children have gone missing in their custody. Over 700 children have been separated from their parents, traumatizing them and mistreating them. Hundred of people have died while in ICE custody for what reason other than pure negligence. This is dehumanizing, and absolutely disgusting. “They would be illegal immigrants,” we don’t know that because in order to seek refuge they would need to go into a city and apply. They aren’t able to do that if the first thing they do at the boarder is tear gas you and put you in a cramped cell. Abolish ICE.
do I really have a good personality? Like it feels so made up but I can’t help it. What do I got going here for me, basically all of my friends are gone or are moving significantly far away, I can’t leave here but it seems like everyone is gonna do so well when they leave and I’m gonna be the one who had to stay behind.
More for the time machine. Well I’ll swap out the Aerosmith one for the Small Faces at the Marquee and the Eagles for Queen either in Cornwall or an early US gig when they were still at the ‘wow we have made it because we are touring somewhere in the US’ stage, I’m not fussy
stormborns
theartofmadeline
andulkaphoto
