Sometimes I lose myself in my thoughts in the middle of the day as if the world keeps moving while I remain suspended in everything that you are.
I think about how you may never know how much I think of you, how often I name you in silence, how many times I speak to you when no one else is listening.
You will never know how much I love you, how much I desire you, how much I miss you, nor how many times I have told others how happy you made me as if saying it out loud could bring you back.
It hurts that we are not together, it hurts that this feels like a definitive ending.
I would give all of myself for a single moment with you, for one second where time forgets to move forward and only you and I exist.
I would lose myself in your eyes, in those orbs that hide truths and infinities I never finished exploring.
I would lose myself in the curves of your body, in a figure that seems sculpted by divine hands with the patience of someone who knows they are creating something eternal.
I would lose myself in your mind, so bright, so alive, lose myself in the way you think and look at the world as if there were always something more to discover.
I would lose myself in your smile, one of the purest lights I have ever known capable of illuminating even my darkest days.
I would lose myself in you, again and again, without fear, without maps, without the intention of returning.
Because loving you has always been this, giving myself completely, even if it hurts, even if you are not here, even if I have to carry this love alone.
And still, if I were given the chance I would lose myself in you as many times as it took.
I love you Calabaza. Always.

















