Did somebody say Joey Webber?

The name's Joey Webber. Yes, the Joey Webber that's currently starring on Broadway. I'm only 26 years old, but I'm the dad of the greatest 9 year old in the world, and married to the best girl in New York City.

[joey-webber]

dellycarts:

I– I can’t believe…I would never abandon her. I would never do that. That’s not what any of this– that’s not what I– 

I’m gonna…get ready for bed.

I’m going to go out for a little bit.  Clear my head.  Don’t wait up.

[joey-webber]

dellycarts:

She could help, at least with smaller things. I don’t expect her to babysit or change diapers, but just because she’s eight doesn’t mean she’s not capable of helping out. And it’s not sudden, I’ve always wanted a kid. When you started taking care of Maddie, I wanted to help as much as possible because I cared about you, but also because I love kids. I love them so much. You know I think of Maddie as mine, but when it comes down to it, she’s not. I’ve never been pregnant, I’ve never experienced the joy of holding your own baby for the first time. I want a baby that’s ours, Joey. Really ours.

No, Delly.  I have a kid of my own.  And look, I’m sorry that she’s not enough for you, but I’m not going to have another kid just to please you.  Not when I think you might completely ignore my daughter in the interest of your kid.  She’s already had one mom abandon her, and I really think it’ll screw her up more if another one replaces her.  If you don’t think of her as your own though, then that’s your own damn fault because she sure as hell thinks of you as her mom.

We’re not having a baby.  We can’t.  I can’t.

[joey-webber]

dellycarts:

Maddie’ll help, too. I’m sure she’d love having more responsibilities that she actually thought were fun. And, I don’t know, you could take a vacation for the first few weeks so that you wouldn’t have to worry about that. They offer paid days off, don’t they?I just…I want this so bad, Joey. I don’t understand why you’re so against it.

She’s eight.  Do you honestly think an eight year old who is as active as Maddie is could help take care of a baby.  Of course they offer time off, but Delly... I like my job.  I don’t want to leave it just because you suddenly want to have a kid.  I don’t want a baby because we can’t take care of a baby.  It was a nightmare taking care of Maddie when she came here and she was two then.  I can’t imagine a newborn and what a pain that would be.

[joey-webber]

dellycarts:

At the same time, but one of us is usually home. And both of our situations are temporary! I mean, some day I won’t be in school anymore, I’ll have regular business hours. Plus there’s a thing called maternity leave, and daycare, which we can totally afford if we’re careful. I’ve thought this through more than you think, Joey. In fact, it’s pretty much all I think about anymore.

Delly, I’m tired of having this argument.  We can’t have another kid.  We have Maddie, and she’s just now getting to the age where we’re able to trust her with stuff.  I can’t have some other baby crying at the ass crack of dawn when I have to get up and perform the next day.  It’s just not realistic.

[joey-webber]

dellycarts:

Why are you so worried about that, Joey? Why is that so bad? It’s not like we can’t handle it!

No, we can’t handle it, Delly.  The two of us are never home at the same time, and having a baby would just make things harder on both of us.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

It doesn’t matter, we’re married.

[joey-webber]

But I don’t want to run the risk of getting you pregnant.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

Maddie’s asleep, right?

[joey-webber]

Wait, wait, wait.  I don’t have a condom.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

Mine, too. What a crazy coincidence.

[joey-webber]

Yeah, totally weird.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

Oh, right, we did have that whole ceremony, didn’t we? 

[joey-webber]

Yeah, that was sort of a thing.  Pretty much still at the top in my list of super important days.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

I do. It’s cute that you worry for me, though.

[joey-webber]

Well, you’re my wife.  It’s what I’m supposed to do.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

That’s not what it is at all, Joey! Don’t worry, it’s what I want. I don’t feel like I have to do shuffle my schedule, I just want to spend all the time I can with you. Besides, it’s not as if I have important things on every day off you have. 

[joey-webber]

If you say so.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

What? Why? No, no, it’s not supposed to do that! It’s just so that we can spend time together, which is all I ever really want. It’s a high priority, so I schedule to accommodate it.

[joey-webber]

Because if you want to do something, and my day off happens to be the same day as your plans, I don’t want you to feel like you have to stick around.  I can find other stuff to do.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

It’s not a big deal to schedule things around that– especially since they’re few and far between.

[joey-webber]

It makes me feel shitty though.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

I mean…I do things. Just, I try to push those things aside when you have time off.

[joey-webber]

Well, you shouldn’t do that.  If there’s something you want to do, you should do it, whether I have time off or not.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

Of course, of course, you’re right. So we’ll just have to live the ones we have to the fullest! But next time tell me when one is so that we can plan something nice! Simple, still, of course, but maybe a nice little outing in the city. We do live in the best city in the world, of course. Seems like a shame to squander that.

[joey-webber]

But I kind of like just being able to hang out on the couch her.  It lets me relax.  You can always just go out and do stuff though.  It won’t hurt my feelings, I promise.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

I know, I know. I guess the small amounts of time just make them more…valuable. Precious.

[joey-webber]

Yeah, I know, Delly.  And you know I hate having to leave you guys but... I have parties, and workshops, and appearances, so we can’t get spoiled on days off.

[dellycarts-deactivated20250407]

It can be like a nice little getaway. Or maybe you can take some of your vacation days? I know they try to discourage the use of them, but that seems a little…illegal to me. I just…I miss this time together! Today is so nice, and now that I’ve had a taste, I want more.

[joey-webber]

I don’t know, Dells.  I still think it’d be better if just you and Maddie went somewhere and I came up for a little while.  Because it’s not just the shows I’d be missing.  You know that sometimes I have to make appearances on things, and I don’t want to have to miss those.