My grandpa died
I haven't slept since Thursday morning. I my grandpa is going to die. We are just waiting now.I dont know if you ever felt this type of sadness. I know as well as everyone that no one lives forever, I know that the last time i talked to him a few weeks ago i told him i loved him, and that i would make him proud. But i cant stop myself from crying every time i think of all the things I couldnt tell him, or how i wish he could see me graduate.some times in the day I dont feel sad one bit, but all of a sudden i start to tear up.Im mostly sad for my dad out of all.i know how he is, And i know that he wished to talk more to him, If I feel regret, i cant imagine what he feels.in all honesty i hate doing this, i hate talking to others. every time im sad i just deal with it myself. But this time i couldn't. being in my room for days, i felt like i was choking in my own thoughts.thank you, and I know ill be okay, I know ill be happy, I know this is life and there is nothing i can do. I know that everyone we love and cherish will leave us. I have accepted that. But i hate myself for being this frail. Why cant i stop crying? I dont know if its the regret that keep pulling pushing my chest tighter and tighter, or the resonating feeling that my little sister and father are also feeling this sadness.I have studied as much as i could into human nature, philosophy, psychology in the past four years, thinking it would me deal with situations like these. When you look at life and it feels unreal, like a bad dream that you hope to wake from, and that everything would be back to normal to a time when you were happy and everything made sense.But the emotions that hit you when someone you cherish will soon be gone. I couldn't have prepared for that. The thing it helped with was how to accept reality.But the emotions that hit you when someone you cherish will soon be gone. I couldn't have prepared for that. The thing it helped with was how to accept reality.My grandpa always thought me to be a good person, He was very generous and understanding. He would never get mad at others or act irrational. He was a very humble person. And i think i cant
stop crying because i never got to ask him if he could tell me what were something i could do to be like that. for a while now I have lived my life without regret. Doing what i felt was right and saying what i need to say, but we will always have regret. We will always have things we wish we did or say in the past.Im happy that the last thing He hear me say was that I loved him
