there is a light and it never goes out

Jonas Carmichael, 16 and I'm a junior

[jonascarmichael]

There’s been something really bothering me lately and it’s been happening a lot more now than it used to. Girls keep hitting on me. I never know what to say to them when they do so I usually just go “Ew” and walk away but I think I might be hurting their self esteems by doing this so I need to think of a better way of rejecting them. I mean come on if you seen a guy make out with like twelve guys in the past couple hours why would you hit on them? I’m pretty sure the boys hand I keep on holding too is a telltale sign so why are these girls so blind? Am I really that beautiful? With hips like these I don’t blame them for trying but come on ladies most of the girls trying can do way better than me. Some of them are even taller.

[jonascarmichael]

@notbatman: I döñ't néêd shīrtš î gòt ábš !!!!! !!'m

[izzy--perkins-blog]

Thanks for the confidence, man, I can so do this. There!

[jonascarmichael]

See! I knew you could do it! All you needed was a little bit of confidence.

[izzy--perkins-blog]

Can you — wow, this is humiliating, can you help? I don’t even know how I got so tangled.

[jonascarmichael]

Come on you can do it yourself, I believe in you.

[jonascarmichael]

@notbatman: this is a daily occurrence in my house http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2glOppqBRg

[itsjosiebrooks]

JoSquared Moodboard

[mckenzieholtxx]

Gosh, I love when you’re sassy. It’s sexy. No, no.. I mean no hate to them. I just don’t really partake in the activity.

[jonascarmichael]

I'm not sassy, why do people always say I'm sassy? Sh you, I'm always sexy and you know that more than anyone else.

Well you should, they're great and they don't play that stupid bongo music like Costa does.

[yiwxng]

It’s not hard. Just fuck someone.

[jonascarmichael]

Then what? Usually when I sleep with people I try and escape as quick as possible so they don't try and cuddle.

[jonascarmichael]

why am i watching this is infinite again why

[savannah-o-brien-deactivated201]

That seems like an uber awesome way to go about life! And you do seem to be a very good listener. We’re both such good listeners, it’s almost like we’re forgetting to speak at all! I deem that plan freaking awesome. I would sell my soul to be a Hilary-Clinton-Hobbit-Spy (that’s what we’re going for right?) It’s okay, maybe we can befriend the ghost, then we won’t need any spaniards or asians! Hell, maybe the pesky poltergeist is a spaniard and an asian! I guess we won’t know until we go in there and set a trap to catch the ghost….I mean make the coffee…and also set a trap to catch the ghost. It was the baby toe, and it really fucking hurt. But my pain threshold is extremely low, when I got my tattoo I bought snort-able anesthesia off the black market so I wouldn’t have to undergo the wrath of the inky needle. I’ll walk on my hands, it’ll be really inconspicuous. Anyone asks, I’ll tell ‘em the circus is in town and I’m a world renowned acrobat.

[jonascarmichael]

Right? The idea came to me when I was Skyping with my friend, she was telling me all about her uncles goat and how it keeps falling down the well because it wants fresh well water and I was thinking if the goat had just told her it wanted water then they wouldn't have this predicament and I really don't think I have the hips to be climbing up a well so I decided on a new way of life that very night. Right? We should be like the opposite of radio show hosts, since all they do is talk and don't listen. Yea that's totes what we're going for. Hm... maybe we should just straight up go in there as ghost busters and tell them we got an anonymous tip about the ghost in the kitchen. I mean who's going to tell a hardworking service worker that they're not allowed access to the free coffee? I've never broken a toe, one time I broke my pinky and it hurt like hell and my sister made fun of me for crying but it eventually healed. I would never be able to get a tattoo I'd probably cry and then roll home just at the sight of the darn needle. If they ask why you're walking on your hands I'll just ask then what other way would she walk? And act like it's totally normal for you to walk on your hands, they'll feel like an idiot and wont ask anymore questions.

[yiwxng]

That I do.

[jonascarmichael]

I gotta get me one of those.

[keeganrodgers]

Did you get shitfaced? I make the best coffee in town. What do you want? 

[jonascarmichael]

Hm, not really, I just got kinda drunk. Not too big on the drinking thing, bad things happen when I drink. Just a black coffee will do, or if you're feeling up for it you can make me a soy chai latte, medium.

[mckenzieholtxx]

Well, it’s some good bull spunk then. Devastating. Sorry I can’t be more help, then. Sucks that none of these indie coffee places will ever outlive Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts.

[jonascarmichael]

Gross you drink spunk. Wait I really can't say anything, disregard that. Shut your whore mouth Trevor Elizabeth Ford, indie coffee shops are the best thing out there.

[yiwxng]

Well yeah but I have friends I usually send on coffee runs for me. Because I usually just drink tea. So when I want coffee I just make them get me some.

[jonascarmichael]

Friends that you send to get you tea and makes you coffee when you want it, kinda sounds like you have a caffeine bitch.

[keeganrodgers]

The party sounds like it was intense. I work in a coffee shop that isn’t Starbucks, so I can get you a coffee. 

[jonascarmichael]

It was pretty crazy but I had a great time, it was nice seeing old friends again. Oh my goodness, you do? Please, please do. I swear I'm going to like pass out or start having withdrawal symptoms if I don't get coffee soon.

[mckenzieholtxx]

Hell, welcome back, man. Coffee, coffee, coffee— I’m more into energy drinks. But there is one little hipster place down town? I think.

[jonascarmichael]

Thank you, baby, it feels good to be back. You know energy drinks have bull spunk in them. Oh no that place closed down, they tweeted a goodbye tweet with like eight crying at emojis, it was tragic.

[savannah-o-brien-deactivated201]

Jeepers, I find it quite difficult to believe that it’s even possible for you to be a stranger to anybody considering the fact that you were pretty much just a sentence or two short of telling me your life story. It’s all good though, sharing is caring, and I’m a great listener! In terms of the coffee, I would suggest that office building across the street. Sometimes I sneak in there wearing a Hilary Clinton-esque pantsuit (so I can blend in,you know?) and I find my way to the break/lunch area. They have a super sick expresso machine, that makes A+ coffee and it’s free! But sometimes I think it might be haunted because the refrigerator door opens by itself, and once I somehow got locked in from the outside even though the door doesn’t have a lock on it! So I had to jump out the window and swing through the trees like Tarzan, but not really because it’s on the ground floor. Still, I broke a toe during the escape. It’s still kind of bruised. Ouch. 

[jonascarmichael]

My life story? Oh no trust me my lift story is super long and super complicated but if you want to hear it then I'll totally tell you it since I'm starting this new thing where I don't hold anything back and I just say what I want to say rather than going about it in the most complicated way possible since that's what I used to do and it just made everything so difficult and I'm not exactly the most subtle person in the world but I'm terrible at dropping hints so it's like almost impossible to see when I want something unless I straight up say "hey you see that thing right there, yea that one, I want that thing right there" so that's how I'm going about my life now, isn't it wonderful? I'm an amazing listener, I sit and listen to people talk all the time I mean a lot of the time I don't exactly take alot of it in but I still listen to all of it and sometimes I listen carefully but other times I'll go to say something and be like wait what did they just say oh well just wing it and hope it has something to do with what the other is saying. The office building? Hm that sounds fun, it could be like a mission impossible-esque type thing like we could wear sunglasses and carry briefcases and hold our ears when we talk all we need is some Spanish person and an Asian and we got ourselves a diverse cast for Mission Impossible: Asheville Coffee Quest. Wait quest makes it sound more like Lord of the Rings, we could be like hobbits trying to make our way to the sacred coffee fountain over yonder, we just need a tall old guy to help us cross the road and capes. Free coffee?! You've said enough, we have to invade that place, you grab your pantsuit and I'll go try and find us some capes. Totally sounds haunted, I can't see any other reason as to why that would ever happen. What toe was it? You should probably hop just to make things a little easier, I don't want to have to leave you behind on our quest/mission.