its always been you it will always be you

***** hi, my names jordyn i'm 23 and this is just a place i put my writing. ***** dearest lover, i love you, i'm sorry all my poems are sad. i would only write happy love poems for you if i knew how. please don't take these to heart because i love you and i know you love me too.

[jordynjournals]

it’s all over now, isn’t it?

[jordynjournals]

i miss writing pretty words, but i don’t want to make you sad anymore

[jordynjournals]

“i don’t think either one of us meant to hurt the other. maybe we did, but i don’t think it’s what we wanted. i think we would have been happier if we met in any life other than this one, or maybe just under easier circumstances. i’m sorry for all the pain we caused each other. maybe in the next life it won’t be so hard. what do you think? will you meet me there?”

—i love you but our origin still haunts me, in the next life, meet me in the sunflower fields, i’ll be waiting for you.

[jordynjournals]

thank you for staying by my side through it all

[jordynjournals]

i don’t know yet if the self doubt ever goes away after being someone’s second choice,

because even after he changed his mind so long ago, my heartache still lingers.

[jordynjournals]

i know it’s hard to stay strong sometimes and that’s okay just hang in there because this will pass. this will pass. you’ll be okay.

i still don’t feel okay

[jordynjournals]

“don’t you understand??? i fucking love you, i would scream it to the heavens if i believed in them. i’d shout it loud enough for the bottom of the sea to hear if only noise traveled so far. i would stop to tell every person on the streets of New York City if only it were possible. i would plant a million sunflower fields just to see your smile as we drive by. when the windows are down i watch the wind play with your hair. i would travel to every country spreading my love for you. everyone would know our names and everyone would know my heart beats for you. don’t you understand? you’re all that matters. the sun rises for you. i rise for only you.”

[jordynjournals]

that shit still fucking hurts.

i need a goddamn therapist.

[jordynjournals]

depression

[jordynjournals]

when i’m feeling insecure,

i read her poems

because sometimes it’s just nice

to agree with someone.

and she’s the only one who understands;

how terrible i am.

[jordynjournals]

the loss of a child

[jordynjournals]

tell me you love me;

tell me you love me more than you’ve loved anyone,

more than you loved her.

tell me you didn’t make a mistake choosing me

[jordynjournals]

[jordynjournals]

i feel like you’re still not over her, like i’m not the real love of your life, like i’m just filling her spot until you make your way back to her. i wish you would prove me wrong but i don’t even know how you would

[jordynjournals]

you always have been and always will be enough

i just feel like i can’t do anything right i don’t want to be alive anymore

[jordynjournals]

i’m not enough

[jordynjournals]

why don’t you ever write for me? do i not inspire pretty thoughts?