A Gallery of Our Relationship

Silly Candy Boy Jordan Mallory and LP Superstar Devious Vacuum

[jovaclyfe]

DVac: I’mma cosplay as my favorite goober: u

Jordan: :O!

Jordan: better get a Hawaiian shirt and some mistakes

[jovaclyfe]

Jordan: What if - Tetris, but turn-based.

DVac: That's just playin' with blocks, son.

[jovaclyfe]

Spatulas are so good at their job...

Jordan, wistfully

[jovaclyfe]

Did you know that ‘Mallory’ is actually short for 'meme gallery’?

DVac

[jovaclyfe]

Jordan: My art will be appreciated in due time

DVac: After you die, when our children create the Jordan Mallory Memorial Meme Gallery in downtown

[jovaclyfe]

I got to the middle of this banana split flavored lollipop and it tastes like root beer so you can have it

DVac, to Jordan, after searching for a root beer lollipop in the bag for Jordan and not finding one

[jovaclyfe]

I've never set foot in a hotel.  You can quote me on it.

Millennial Tech Writer Jordan Mallory

[jovaclyfe]

God doesn't give us more boyfriend than we can handle

DVac

[jovaclyfe]

Pissed Off Shaun

DVac: You got me!!

DVac: You got my goat!!

Jordan: Just a lil

Jordan: Just a small,

DVac: Just a small goat

DVac: He's very small and very angry

DVac: Like me

DVac: He is just as small as he is angry

Jordan: Aww

DVac: He is not one bit sad, only angry

Jordan: What's his name?

DVac: His name is...

DVac: Pissed Off Shaun

[jovaclyfe]

Rollos

DVac: My abs hurt, from the crunches I did yesterday

Jordan: From the rollos?

DVac: Yeah

DVac: ... we should get some Rollos

Jordan: We should

Jordan: What if they made a candy that gave you good abs

Jordan: I'm gonna eat my muscle candy

Jordan: I'm gonna eat my rare candy

Jordan: and level up like a Pokemon

DVac: I was... gonna say that...!!!

Jordan: That's because we're both Pokemaniacs

DVac: Get out of my house

Jordan: Would you rather I have said "Pokemon Masters"?

DVac: I WOULD RATHER you had said "Wow DVac, you are very pretty and I love you," if we're being specific

[jovaclyfe]

Jordan: Can I go vape first

DVac: No, because I am sitting on you and I am a boulder

Jordan: *picks DVac up, carries her around and places her in a chair*

DVac: I've been owned

Jordan: I didn't mean to own you

DVac: I'm a weak baby

Jordan: You're not a baby

DVac: I'm a baby

DVac: I just got borned

Jordan: No, that would be gross

[jovaclyfe]

"I won't take pills"?!?

Jordan, interpreting the lyric “I love cheap thrills,” in a song called “Cheap Thrills”

[jovaclyfe]

Update: we didn’t have to get a new house

[jovaclyfe]

Cars go outside, not inside.  You can't fool me.

DVac, driving past luxury car dealerships in Beverly Hills

[jovaclyfe]

I've been arrested for crimes against my own butt

Jordan

[jovaclyfe]

DVac: You have so few shirts we can name all of them

DVac: They all have names

DVac: This one is Vacation Dad

[jovaclyfe]

DVac: I usually don't like chocolate bunnies because they're usually made of low-grade chocolate

Jordan: The only time I ever buy a chocolate bunny is if it's real fucked-up lookin'

DVac: That's the most Jordan Mallory thing you've ever said