I lay here, in the dark, staring up to the ceiling, and I’m thinking to myself. I’m thinking about how lost I am. I don’t know what I want to do with my future, I don’t know who I want to be, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m thinking that no one really knows what could happen in a matter of seconds, or days. hell, maybe even years. anything could happen. no one can predict the future, or see what will happen next. to me, that’s scary. it’s scary not knowing the good or the bad that may or may not happen. our lives are limited. limited by time. I lay here thinking, “why the hell are our lives limited?!”. there’s so much to go and see in life, in just a matter of time. you know I feel bad for those people who are really sick, those people, and even kids, sit in the hospital bed, and think, “why the hell am I the one here? why do I deserve this, why does my life have to end?!”. they want to do something with their life, they don’t want to live off hospital food and hospital beds, they don’t want anymore bad news. they want to go home, to their own bed, to their parent’s fresh cooking. but you never know, things change. I should know. everything has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs these past few years. there was someone. someone I fell in love with, someone I spent most of my time with, someone who saved my life in a way you wouldn’t understand, someone so fascinating, and so, so wonderful. this someone, he changed. I know, I know, people change, I get it. but watching the person you once loved, and who once loved you, is hard. is hard to watch the person you fell in love with, become the person who you thought it was impossible for him to be. my choices and opinions have changed. I was always a person to judge, I was that bitchy friend who always shared her opinion about the ugliest things. I’m so very sorry for being that way. just about a year ago, I realized that, and I’m getting it together. now, I don’t judge, i don’t judge a book by its cover cause I for one knows how it feels. I share my honest opinion about everything, when it’s appropriate, and I love to give people the best advice, i’d say about 80% of my friends come to me for advice. what is said, is completely private, unless told otherwise, and it’s kept to myself. I know from right to wrong. I know. I’m changing for the sake of time. I’m trying to live out every second of my limited life.
