Day 4: I was able to do a good progress on my mini thesis and I was able to cook for my free time. I love cooking, it's one hell of a distraction and relaxation.
Day 5: I got my sheets printed for checking at a really low price at Microcadd! Hehe
Day 6: Had lunch with good friends at Yellow Cab for Renz's thesis celebration! Thanks bb! Then I went to Pole Cats that night since I really was guilty for all the pizza I ate.
Day 7: Big Break
Yesterday! For the first time I get to try TRX! It was hell tiring, 'di ko inexpect!! But it was fun! I would definitely go back. Plus our coach, Stephen, set-up the pole so I can demo tricks, and for the first time, I got a stable one hand plank :')
Also was able to receive Celeng's V-day gift, peanut brittle with awesome message inside. Hahahaha.
Then me, Maan, Ken, Anj and Kath went for dinner at Cibo, Shangri-la Plaza, had milk tea and cream puffs! Finally found a haven of cream puffs...if you haven't noticed guys I love those bad boys...
Thank you guys from getting me out of the mini thesis hellhole! You are the best.
Earlier this day, I went to Pole Cats to have pole classes. I came 20 minutes late for the Beginners Class so I joined the Mixed Level instead. I enjoyed the session because I got to do new tricks, and is slowly learning to recover by myself from cross ankle; and basically, pole makes me happy. Pole Cats is my happy place. :)
I also was able to eat my 3-day craving, siomai! Arki Vickie serves only the special one, and I personally do not prefer that (delish, but cholesterol). Sobrang sarap ugh.
Also was able to buy Valentine's gift for my girlfriends already. Such a feeling making some people happy.
This is such a happy day tho I was stood up on a date. Haha!
I am starting this project to help me see through better lenses the things I should be happy and thankful for, especially now that I have been quite sad and stressed.
Being single doesn't really mean having a boring V-day for me, at least. I am thankful for my girlfriends (a.k.a. automatic boyfriends) for keeping me company and for being the instant "dates." Hehe.
I also had a fun time with UPCLAS! I love you guys kahit buong mukha ko, pati damit ko, may icing. Haha! You're the best.
Also felt good helping, I was happy to help my bebe Renz with her model, kahit k'onti lang. I am always here for moral support (and to all my other favorite thesis girls. Date after your submissions, okay?) Sorry I cannot help you na, #minithesis.
And I was really touched in UPCLAS' E.B.A.K. game.
Red: I find you really attractive; Yellow: I like you; Green: I wish to know you better; Violet: You inspire me.
Self esteem +3000 sa dami nung red papers. I am also happy to inspire some, and I appreciate the ones who like me and wishes to know me better. I'll strive to inspire you more.
Capped the day with a heavy dinner with my ladies (minus Celeng) plus Ken at Food Camp. Sobrang busog with the nachos and the quarter pounder burger.
It was a day filled with sugar rush, fats, love, cheesiness, etc.
I haven't been feeling fine. I guess I am depressed. I have noticed I have been thinking deep, far away from the present at most times. I cannot laugh at the same old shallow jokes I used to find joy in. My deadlines are really just unbelievable. Do they expect us to work all the time without taking the time off? I wonder.
Maybe I am just feeling so tired, and just cannot anticipate the taste of freedom next semester has for me; that for the first time in three years, I will be a normal student, with only but a few obligations,being academics the number one priority.
So sorry guys if I have been serious, irritable, annoyed and annoying.
Lately I haven't been feeling my best, haven't been doing my best. Mostly because I am pressured; partly because I am broken.
Pressure on the academics and extra-curricular work hasn't been this great, since... I don't know. It's been hard juggling the creation of a good mini thesis while handling the local college council's final (maybe, even biggest) event, not even mentioning my org projects, together with some other personal self-fulfillment projects.
No, I am not trying to be the role model of the modern day feminism.
Maybe I just did put so much on my plate; maybe I'm trying to prove something to myself, or some other self; HECK MAYBE I'M REALLY JUST WORKAHOLIC, and I love it.
But lately the workload and great pressure have put me into a really distracting position. Most of the time I've been thinking how to handle everything, and handle them fine, mostly I'm thinking of ways and strategies, I have been thinking so much, in turn, been doing less. I'm distracted of the many things I have to do, of the many things I want to do.
I am overwhelmed.
Maybe I should stop thinking and start doing.
Yet, I can only blame so much on the pressure. Lately I have been feeling needy. Maybe it's a part of the stress package, but it's really dragging me.
I miss having a constant companion. I miss not being this independent (not that I'm saying it is a bad thing). I miss having that one person who you can always try something new with, do some old things with...
I miss having warm hugs instead of snuggy sweaters. Those lazy afternoons watching movies between the sheets, and still be able to call it a perfect day.
I enjoy my own company. Hell I can, and am willing to try things by myself... it's just that it's more fun having that someone around to spike any ordinary occasion into a special event.
I don't know. Maybe I miss the idea. Maybe I miss the idea of the old one. Maybe I miss him.
"You’re the coolest girl I know…" "There’s really something in you I find irresistible." "I really admire how you’ve become so independent." Well, I miss you.
Maybe, just maybe, I’m starting to like you. I think you are amazing, and it’s funny how we get along. I am unsure of what’s going on, but I know I enjoy what’s happening, I enjoy your company, our talks. I want to start this right, if there’s anything that’s gonna start. I want to take this slow. I want to get to know you.
It's been almost seven years since I had my first pet cat. We haven't had one before. My dad's colleague gave them to him, and with some consideration, he accepted them, thinking they will be housed for only a few weeks then will be given away.
Milo had a sister we named Daphne (we're bad in naming them, sorry). They were a week old when we got them, but Daphne died a few days after their arrival.
I found Milo too adorable to be abandoned. I fed him, cleaned his dirt, even cooked meals for him (I had a cat food cookbook, huhu), I bathed him. I felt like I am his mother, and having him was like a fulfillment of every girl's little doll fantasy.
Milo is a sweet alpha male cat. A few years ago, he had decided to leave, but not for good. He wanted to live outside, not confined in a house with no other of his kind, and with no nature that surrounds him. We let him, as we trust he'd always come back, and he does.
I had been busy. With academics, work, etc. I haven't noticed he hasn't come back for more than a month now. Milo has been obviously becoming old, his battle scars are all evident on the stretch of his body. Maybe he is now gone.
Just the thought brings me to tears.
I hope he comes back soon enough, or I just wish he's happy and at rest.
I hope I had been a good owner to him.
Bebeboy, mamagirl will always love you (yes, 'yon tawag ko sa kaniya). *tears*
It is kinda sad how people today view falling as losing; that giving into feelings as weakness, so putting your guards really high up means strength, and being indifferent to matters of the heart is winning.
Don't get me wrong, I get why.
It's just falling in love is such a wonderful thing. It is sad, isn't it?
I have been lately stressed and bothered, yet today it all ended and I started feeling better. Also, I really was big time flattered by the random promo guy (gay) a while ago who kept telling me I look lovely (in a gay, honest way; love him). I hope I win the car on that raffle. Haha!
2013 so far has been my wildest year, in so many ways. I cannot say it's the happiest, but I guess it was the most meaningful yet.
2013 Highlights:
My first in a couple or so years to be single again. This, I think, is one of the biggest factor that played. After being dependent from the comfort of 29 months of a serious relationship, it's hard moving on and to start again; heck I do not even know if I already have completely moved on, but I am getting there. It also made me appreciate all the other people that loves me. Hell, a lot of people really loves me.
I ended my term as an UPCLAS ExeComm and became a part of the ASC. I always want to challenge myself. After the tenacity of being the UPCLAS Externals Committee Head has given me, I wanted to be a part of something bigger, and I found a place in ASC. Leadership has always been the service I enjoy. It has given me the niche to grow while doing good for the others. It has given me the confidence of being a part of something bigger while staying behind the stage. It helps me know better about the environment I'm living in while widening my horizons - by giving me the chance to know more people, and the acumen to understand people better.
I was given the responsibility of being the VP for Finance of Sunken Garden Rehabilitation Project.
My first year to live away from home during schooldays. I have learned to become a little more independent: to wake up by myself, tidy up my own shit, budget my allowance, and be responsible enough to keep myself safe and informed on the things and places I go to.
I got a job! Modelling. Hoping to be able to renew my contract this April!
I started to pole dance. And will continue forever.
I am more flexible. Being flexible allows a lot of dance tricks and techniques. As I slowly ease my way back to dancing (I used to dance as a kid but my parents wanted me to focus being a math wiz on academics so they made me stop), I think my first step is to work on being flexible, so I promised myself back in September that I will be able to do splits before the year ends! (Proof: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BczlnvlIQAAxp-y.jpg)
I learned ukulele... the first in many instruments I'm planning to learn. I used to play guitar but I guess I'm too lazy to bring around such a huge piece. Now I'm focusing on ukulele, and I think I'm doing pretty well!
I became fit. 2012 was a busy year, and I used to resort eating sweets to cope up with the stress. Waistline got into an alarming 30, which limited my ability to wear most of my bottom pieces, plus it brought my self esteem rock bottom. So I started to workout religiously and eat the right things; I also was persistent in my PE 2 Weight Training class. Now I can say that I am stronger, with a hint of abs forming, and with a waistline of 25. Also I was able to cut rice and fast food (not yet completely, it is a process).
I explored.
I got drunk. Blackout level, first time, not happening again. Hehe.
I got an offer to run in a political slate. Included this here because I think it is an honor to be referred and be chosen to represent, but I'm taking a break from extra curriculars next year.
I got into a spontaneous road trip to a beach, campout style. We got lost along SLEX, spent the night counting stars with no electricity, bad phone signal and just cellular flashlight but it felt happy and right.
I become more spontaneous, in general.
I was able to drive around UP. Automatic.
I jumped a cliff in Tali. An achievement knowing that I do not swim that well.
I turned 20.
What I learned:
Being busy is never an excuse. Really. You can always find ways for the things you want to do and the people you'd like to be with. If not today, you can make an effort doing it next time. No one's ever too busy.
Keeping friends is an effort. Keeping in touch cannot always be just done on free time. Keeping friends in 20's is an effort one should be willing to make for the people he'd like to keep.
Never forget your passion. Always find time to do the things you'd like doing; the things that make you happy. Photography? Drawing? Travelling? Dancing? Whatever it is.
Happiness is a choice but it's okay to be sad. Things cannot always go our desire, and there's no use weeping on them; however, feeling their damage is an homage to the fact of loss, and IT'S OKAY, it's even necessary, to keep us grounded. However, staying miserable [or being happy, or trying to be happy] is a choice.
If you burn out, it's okay to take a break. We are only humans. We need to rest. After a hard work, you deserve a break.
A progress is a progress. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by tasks we are to take, which causes us procrastination. A progress is a progress. Do whatever you can now and skip the overwhelming.
Never assume. Do not expect. Humanity pained a lot for doing such. Optimism is good, but be careful of giving yourself false hopes. Also, give them a break by being straightforward, always.
People come and go, but the best will stay. Everything has its purpose, including the coming and going of people around you. For the ones you have lost, just remember the cliche "be happy because it (or they) happened," but I guess be more thankful of the people who stayed, because they're definitely the ones worth keeping.
Tell people you appreciate them. You do not know the miles a simple "you're good," "you look nice today," etc. can go, so let them know if you appreciate them.
Gender stereotypes is a bitch. All humans are the same, grounded by the fact we're humans. I do not have to be a guy to ask someone out, tell him I like him, etc. Girls can do what guys can, and vice versa (except of course for the things the sexes can do because of physiological factors).
Do not be afraid to say how you feel. We always wait for the perfect timing, but usually now is the right time. Be ready to take the risk of rejection, because it is better to be turned down than to continue growing false hopes while playing mind games in your head's backyard.
2014 Goals:
Continue working out; should have a stronger core, and waistline 24 or 23.
Eat healthier; completely cut down rice and white bread, as much as possible no fast food.
Ace mini thesis; and keep my CS standing.
Give thesis a good start.
Stop nail-biting. Ugh
Learn another language, or two.
Take dance lessons (first in the list: contemporary).
Earn money to finance lessons.
Be better in ukulele, and learn violin.
Watch 100 movies.
Read at least 3 books.
Be mindful of expenses.
Get in touch with old friends.
Join another org and/or a recreational team (UP DUO or Tennis Club, or Judo Club)
Hike. And actually try more adventures.
Keep my best foot forward, always.
Exceed expectations.
Bonus: Learn how to swim. Explore photography, both film and digital. Give more time on modelling.
I have been into quite a lot lately; matters of the heart specifically.
It dawned to me that I haven't really moved on. I realized I'm stuck. I reached the point when distractions aren't just working anymore, and it pains me to see him finally take his first steps away from me right when I have decided to bring him back into the focus. But I am not in the position to demand anything.
The most I can do is accept this fate and move on. I got tired of feeling.
I guess it's time to focus on myself. Be selfish, for once. It's time to better myself (do the things I love and be good at them), and connect with people (talk to them, know their stories).
There's no other way of looking at things than on the brighter sid, because there's no use keeping oneself in the dark.
I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it, and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good, either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.
Roald Dahl (via avictoriousfeast)
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