Joyseas her Journey

joys today stuff & inconsistency hehe

[joyseasjourney]

I feel so matcha better today ♥︎ @Joey's

2.22.22

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his #teeeengsss while in the house

12.12.21

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jason's 1st time @ the house

i'm so happy he came & made effort into travelling from cubi-cubi to san franz. he really woke up 4:30AM and went on a bus early jud ❤️

12.12.21

[joyseasjourney]

unsaid thoughts

tonight’s sunday (12.05.21) and i am typing right now because i have so many emotions i have been feeling lately ever since i got here in the house. i missed my father. i even cried while washing the plates just because i missed him so much.. i missed my boyfriend too. i feel like we have not been talking that much even though we call every night (but also there are nights that it was only short because of the conflict, akong pang luod, iyahang pag pasagda sa akoa, or gamay ra ang time). even now, i missed him. i wouldn’t be typing here right now if we were having a conversation but i feel like we’re really in this part of our relationship we’re we gotta do first what is in our plate before prioritizing the next. long distance relationship na gud mi karon ni jason so it’s really expected nga di na kaayo mi maka storya. pero there’s something in our conversation that i want to have ba while we chat. i want it to be sweet i want it to be wordy but genuine pud. there’s nothing wrong man jud pero untana ba he tries to find ways on how we should be talking nga makapa excite sa akoa bisan ug sa chat ra gud kay dako na gud kaayo na nga butang sa akoa. pero unsaon man lagi pud nga ing-ana naman jud nas jason sukad pas sauna, hilomon, tipid na jud mu chat pirme, mao gani ako gipansin kay naay traits niya nga ganahan kaayo nako sa gusto nako mauyab. aside from that, i’ve been having anxiety about my course. i’ve been questioning myself if i can do it. i’ve been trying to visualize what i’m gonna do once i am in there. i feel like i’m not enough. i feel like i’m not worthy. i feel like stupid. i resent myself for it. i have a lot of things to do but i can’t do even one because i am so anxious. hugh. seriously, i need to calm myself down in these thoughts because it’s making me worse that all i could think of is disappearing from all these. live in an island where no one knows me. lol. what am i thinking. or maybe this is all because of my hormones because my period is coming up in the next few days. maybe... but even if so, i hope i could resolve a thing that needs to be done. 

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I'm home.

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I'm happier than ever

11.18.21 at 📍SM MOA Seaside

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May isang girlfriend na naman ang napagbigyan 😙🤗

[joyseasjourney]

This is the last night i will be here (for now). Thoughts are rushing in as i think about WHAT'S NEXT. I am worried. I am nervous. I am excited. But most importantly, I am grateful.

I am not going to be here if not because of the Planner—which is the Almighty God. I may sound hypocrite, but right now, I am truly grateful. This is His plan.

I love you Lord, thank you.

[joyseasjourney]

This was a great experience!

We won't forget you, our instructor, sir Reynaldo Ramos Andres! ✨ We have learned so much about the tasks we are about to do on board!

(11.06.21)

Last day of Practical Deck Skills & Safe Mooring Operation

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You give me so much butterflies, i wonder how you do it on me.

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It's in your arms that i feel safe.

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"If it is to be, it is up to me"

Maya & The Three

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you will look back on these days and be so grateful that you made it through so do what you do now and keep going

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Cause it's a great day to be alive when i know that there's nothing better than life

Jah Vinci, It’s a great day

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#11thDayofJoyseasJourney

I'm enjoying the view! It's spectacular!

[joyseasjourney]

sometimes, i have confusing thoughts. i feel like i have found my partner in life but sometimes, it feels like he’s not doing enough, or maybe i’m just overlooking it. i feel contented for the man that i have right now, but sometimes he annoys the hell out of me. 

he’s all that i want & need. he’s all that i love that’s why i am communicating stuff (bad or good) on him & yet i feel like he can’t understand me. 

last night, i had a problem with my family. i am hella crying & he’s forcing me to tell him right away in a way that makes me uncomfortable. it’s supposed to be safe, right? he’s supposed to feel that i am uncomfortable telling it, right? he’s supposed to comfort me in ways that he feel right, right? i just don’t know. he neglected me & turned out on me & slept first. now, that’s sad. it’s making me realize that he’s starting to be like that. it’s just so different before compared to now. like he can go on sleeping without fixing it the night before. well, i do understand that change is the only thing that’s constant in the world. 

ah, i don’t really know.

maybe i don’t have to complicate everything. 

let it be, i guess. 

if he loves me, he’ll understand me. 

if he loves me, he should be communicating on me.

if he loves me, he’ll find a way to make me happy & our relationship happy.

[joyseasjourney]

i am your girlfriend, you're my boyfriend. if we love each other, we will fix it together.