ANGER WAS : BETTER THAN TEARS BETTER THAN GRIEF BETTER THAN GUILT
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@jozthen
ANGER WAS : BETTER THAN TEARS BETTER THAN GRIEF BETTER THAN GUILT
#cute, soft boy
i’m alive i just don’t have the energy yet to write stuff atm. super drained by life.
one liners placed within canon timeline, or will vary depending from which verse your muse stands. ( no worries, we’ll work out the small details like verse info, etc. right after i dive in your dms or raid your askbox. )
* NO CAPS !!
AFTG INDIE RP MASTERLIST!
i’ve revamped it from the old one because i accidentally deleted it so here we are! to be added either message @vixexyn or reblog this post with your info in the tags (character name / canon or oc or verse)
𝗗𝗔𝗥𝗞 𝗖𝗢𝗥𝗘 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬 𝗧𝗘𝗦𝗧. tagged by : @russianllterature tagging : @scarfwere / @hcathens / @hneul / @im-possiblelimits / @nancydrcw / @nosestealer
( 90% ) EGOISM — Excessive concern with one’s own pleasure or advantage at the expense of community well-being.
( 37% ) MACHIAVELLIANISM — Manipulativeness, callous affect, and a strategic, calculating orientation.
( 47% ) MORAL DISENGAGEMENT — A generalized cognitive orientation that differentiates one’s thinking towards unethical behavior.
( 0% ) NARCISSISM — An all-consuming drive towards ego-reinforcement and an egotistical interest in, or admiration of, one’s self.
( 30% ) ENTITLEMENT — A stable and pervasive sense that one deserves and is entitled to more than others.
( 27% ) PSYCHOPATHY — Deficits in affect and self-control (i.e. callousness and impulsivity), as well as a lack of remorse, antisocial behavior, and volatility.
( 33% ) SADISM — A tendency to humiliate others via cruel or demeaning behavior, or the propensity to intentionally inflict physical, sexual, or psychological pain on others in order to assert power or for pleasure and enjoyment.
( 0% ) SELF-INTEREST — The unprincipled pursuit of gains in socially valued domains, such as material goods, social status, recognition, achievement, and success.
( 37% ) SPITEFULNESS — A tendency to engage in behavior that would harm others but would also entail harm to oneself.
( 33% ) TOTAL DARK CORE — Your total Dark Core factor. Higher scores indicate a darker personality.
this makes NEIL JOSTEN 13.89% lighter than the average person.
@exysource game #3 » favourite character
a sleeping neil
in any sense of words left in him , 𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥.
he had never travelled before in his life, cooped up only in stifling corners of black rooms and choking smell of blood in dark rooms, until a few months later have seen him in SWEDEN. overwhelming than baltimore and its woods, with bustling crowds and big bricked houses and having nowhere familiar to run to; and yet, he finds familiarity in the dark at the back of a truck, with sharp and cold metal promising hurt by the men who drove it somewhere.
‟ ... ❜ he stayed still behind crates, smelling gunpowder and high risks of uncertainty especially as with every bump on the road, he can only hear the wild racing of his heart and the heat of his mother’s palm on his cheeks. careless, reckless, useless —— surely by now with the reminders of the tip of his father’s wrath on his skin, alex would’ve learned a hell of a curve.
unfortunately, getting separated on their first international getaway is unintentionally not on his list; and hopefully, the german words drilled into him before they get there is enough to keep him alive. before then, escaping capture from an accidental kidnapping - - alex made sure not to make a trace of life when he chose this as a hiding spot - - is the topmost priority. honestly, he should’ve checked the truck first if there’s someone in there before he jumped in to hide ... STUPID !
▬▬▬▬ &; @russianllterature , plotted.
tag dump.
*taps mic* how does my entire ass taste like? / dash comm. i said please‚ i tried to be nice. / wall comm.i have a bit of an attitude problem. / musings. at the equally weak flutter in his chest. / audio. love you‚ hate you‚ don’t care. just make them look at you. / video. i should wear less gray? maybe you should breathe less air. / wardrobe. like his world stopped and started with neil’s mouth. / nsfw aes. this is the moment you stop being a rabbit. / headcanon. mouth full of white lies. / reply. against everything neil knew‚ but he’d queued this path. you know‚ i get it… / crack.
current name usage concept :
alex / alexander - europe ( sweden )
stefan - europe to usa
chris - usa
‟ 𝗧𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿, 𝗜 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱'𝘃𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳, 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 ' 𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥 ' . ❜
▬▬▬▬ &; @puridior , sc.
He’s a little terrifying
‟ 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣 𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙨... 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴'𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄. 𝗦𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝘆𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗼. ❜
▬▬▬▬ &; @lightcreators , sc.
░ ┊ @hcathens 。• ◞
for once , he appreciates the floor under his weight; legs stretched yet body unresponsive to whatever the mind attempts setting on … what , with shoulders hunched and arms laying low , his hands resting in the gap between his lower limbs. the only reason that neil is becoming aware of his limitations is when numbness begins to settle along with slight tremors that he can feel in his fingers.
the way that a thousands’ worth of exy racquet slipping through his grip during the recent drill several minutes ago is a tall tell.
‟ I’m trying. ❜ voice strained , holding back frustrations veiled in the exhaustion creeping in his system , and avoiding having another tiring same old arguments with kevin. of course there’s no time for neil to sit on his ass because the games aren’t going to win by themselves; but —— ‟ You don’t need to remind me about the nooses around our necks. ❜
it hurts … but nothing worse that he hasn’t survived before. the anger dissipates under the silent acceptance and grumbling under his breath , annoyed that as when he stands up , the redhead has to hold onto his knees for a while before straightening up. wincing slightly , frowning greatly at the disappointment he received when he moves his right shoulder in a circular motion. testing , testing.
‟ …Let’s go. ❜
his body was made of adrenaline.
exy was everything that moved kevin since he could remember, that feeling of overcoming the exhaustion was something he was used to. he long learned to ignore his body’s pleas to stop moving in favor of playing, practicing even further. that’s why he was one of the best exy players alive. that’s why he was the best exy player alive.
even then, with his racket down while he talked scolded to neil, kevin couldn’t stop moving. body screaming as he moved from one foot to another, small little jumps to keep his body going against it’s own will. kevin never knew when to stop. all he knew was exy and that didn’t change just because going back to the ravens weren’t a threat anymore.
he was still playing for his life, afterall … and so was neil, that’s why kevin pushed him.
accessing his friend’s exhaustion, kevin sighed, stepping back as the younger man followed his order and got up. — ❛ two more sets with this drill and we can call it a day ❜ — grimace twisted kevin’s features with discontent, but he knew better than to push to hard and end up with an hurt neil, out of the games for the rest of the season. that was a privilege they both didn’t have.
he changed the racket to his right hand, rolling his left shoulder and frown a little enraged by the fact that he still couldn’t over-work his dominant hand – that he was still afraid of doing it. but it was useful to have that little bit of surprise in the games, being able to hold the exy racket either way. — ❛ you’re fast and your shots are getting stronger each day, but you still lack precision. we need to work on that before the next game ❜ —
fingers flex as if playing symphony of aching knuckles and calloused palms, testing smaller tendons in between. left hand holds pressure down on affected right shoulder, thumb forcing abused muscle not to flare up in similar to what heat he feels all over ―― nerve wires under the pump, fire running through veins ...
𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘭.
‟ 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻. ❜ diced words for kevin’s convenience while neil picks up his racquet without bending too much; else, there is fear that he’ll just collapse there and then and be damned with the consequences. didn’t bother to look up to kevin as he shifts his attention to the hand-chosen equipment picked by the exy legend himself; more so the reason neil can’t really give up now. he did , after all , 𝘥𝘪𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘵.
now holding racquet with two hands, neil decides to shift the topic away from things they never really talk upon ... just like how he looked so much like death incarnate and how he smelled of it and kevin never noticed from the start until shit happened; and now, they’re here. ‟ 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗵, 𝗜 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗲𝗱. 𝗔𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗹𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗶𝗺 ? ❜
( * BLACK MIRROR PROMPTS !
seasons 1-2. feel free to change pronouns / titles as needed !
❛ i won’t have to do anything. ❜
❛ everyone’s laughing at us. ❜
❛ you don’t know that. ❜
❛ we can’t not laugh. ❜
❛ nothing is going to happen. ❜
❛ you’ve got a phenomenal voice. ❜
❛ you think i’m being cheesy? all right, i am being cheesy. ❜
❛ i just want something real to happen. just once. ❜
❛ have you prepared a speech, is that it? ❜
❛ we’re so out of our minds with desperation, we don’t know any better. ❜
❛ show us something real and free and beautiful. ❜
❛ it’s only so much wonder we can bear. ❜
❛ fuck you, that’s what it boils down to. ❜
❛ i’m a serial monogamist. i’m staying faithful to my cornflakes right now. ❜
❛ you lied. ❜
❛ not everything that isn’t true is a lie. ❜
❛ you know when you suspect something, it’s always better when it turns out to be true. ❜
❛ it’s totally batshit crazy i can even talk to you. ❜
❛ i shouldn’t have drunk last night. next time, ould you try and stop me? ❜
❛ sorry, hang on. that’s a very difficult sentence to process. ❜
❛ there’s no history to you. ❜
❛ you nearly killed us back there. ❜
❛ yeah, well, i wasn’t expecting you to be there, was i? ❜
❛ i’ve just saved your lives. ❜
❛ a wee “thank you” would be nice. ❜
❛ i should’ve just run you over. ❜
❛ you’re not going to win. ❜
❛ why not be honest? ❜
❛ i was lashing out. i wasn’t even articulate. ❜
❛ i notice you keep that pretty quiet. ❜
❛ so i return to my original question, is that really what this is for? ❜
❛ prove me wrong. hm? speak. ❜
❛ i’m here to ask you an important favour. ❜
❛ look, come on, there is a little bit of a conversational drought happening here. ❜
❛ not big on conversation. ❜
❛ practice makes perfect. ❜
❛ maybe i’ll bore you. ❜
❛ people want to be noticed. they don’t like to be shut out. it makes them feel invisible. ❜
❛ people just want to be heard. ❜
❛ you’re a locked box. i mean, that’s a good thing. ❜
❛ most people are too easy to read, especially if you know minds. ❜
❛ using party tricks to pick up girls isn’t knowing minds. ❜
one liners placed within canon timeline, or will vary depending from which verse your muse stands. ( no worries, we’ll work out the small details like verse info, etc. right after i dive in your dms or raid your askbox. )
* NO CAPS !!