Oil Exploitation Service!

Here for all of your your oil exploiting needs, from the bottom of the deepest oceans, to the driest of deserts!

[jubilees231]

An Apology.....

Many of you might have heard that we here at the Oil Exploitation Service suffered MAJOR issues towards the end of the 4th quarter of 2023. Internal work culture was toxic, abusive and druggie. Therefore, I took the initiative to completely restructure this organisation into a beacon of employee-owned grimey socialism. I understand many of our stakeholders may be upset by this (talking about u JP Morgan), but this is for the well-being of my employees. They are now in charge of all shares of this wide union based company, and I hope all other oil companies follow with this.

As part of government guidelines to reduce oil exploration I have had to cancel planned explorations in the Mariana Trench and Malta. The plan was to turn the entire island of Malta into an oil rig, but the "EU" (idk what that is its a scam) said it was a "Human rights offence". What even r those i eat human rights for DINNER.

My plan to continue to expand this business has led me to seek new revenue streams into otherwise untapped industries. These include investments provided to Latino Drug Cartels in the Americas. With new funding streams from the coke trade, we aim to increase the salaries of all unionised workers by 10% relative to base currency liquidity and company bond yields!

More updates are coming.

[jubilees231]

WHERE'S MY LIME

umm.

[jubilees231]

Solutions Here at the Oil Exploitation Service we pride ourselves in coming up with new and exciting solutions to the problems that ail our world. With this ethos, I am glad to announce our new venture that will aim to eliminate energy insecurity for all of humanity. Our drilling operations on Olympus Mons have dried up, and operations under our Interstellar branch are beginning to wither. I brought together the brightest minds of our generation to come up with a fantastic solution to prevent the extinction of the natural resources that charge our world. These minds pondered and thought for 3 whole years because I kept them locked in cells until they came up with a credible solution. With this incentive they came up with a revolutionary plan that will propel humanity 3000 years into the future. I am glad to announce that the Oil Exploitation Company will be the first corporation to begin harvesting from our very own star, the Sun. A Dyson sphere shall be constructed between 2030 and 2130. Harvesting will commence once colleagues have received the training required to survive life on a man-made energy harvester. With this latest addition to our Interstellar branch we are predicted to see a 98.3 octillion USD jump in profits, becoming the first company to ever to do so. Our monopoly over the energy sector is something we pride ourselves in, BP and Shell ruined our Earth and spilled oil into our oceans. We spill oil into the vast emptiness of space. Shares shall be auctioned in anticipation of this new venture and we welcome all to bid. Prices will start at 3 Yuan per share. This is our biggest project to date, and the biggest development in human history since the discovery of agriculture in the Fertile Crescent. We here at the Oil Exploitation Service hope our legacy is as everlasting and cataclysmic as the empires of old.

[jubilees231]

A Collaboration

The esteemed poet Maya Angelou will be joining the Board of Directors here at the Oil Exploitation Service for a period of 3 months. This deal was struck due to a line in her poem which reads "I walk like I've got oil wells pumping in my living room".

This line from her iconic poem Still I Rise is used to inspire our workers. They too can aspire to have oil wells pumping in their living rooms (they don't have living rooms because they don't have houses). They can aspire to have the cultural impact on us all like Miss Angelou did.

She is "the dream and the hope of the slave" and so our critical oil workers who continue to keep our Caribbean and East African operations running. Miss Angelou will work with us to improve working conditions for those in our Africa bloc. For this she will receive a generous stipend of £32.4 billion worth in shares and bonds. She has also agreed to donate £10 to building a new toilet in one of our oil rigs off the coast of The Gambia!

Images from right to left (Maya Angelou smiling after drowning a rabbit in oil, a living room, newly built oil-rig toilet, and the oil rig pumping in Maya's estate.

[jubilees231]

We Are Back!

A couple of weeks ago, I, as the CEO of the Oil Exploitation Service received a vision of the archangel Gabriel in my dream. I immediately began to weep. I woke up, and tried to decode this dream I had experienced. I interpreted the dream as a call for me to travel to the Holy Land. To see the city that exists in two places, Earth, and Heaven. As I walked the streets, my heart felt at peace, my mind was warring. I felt a sense of guilt. This was the Holy Land I said! Yet it feels unholy. I realised it was because I was walking through the streets, so I left. I have no arrived back in the land I am familiar with and will draw up plans to increase revenue up to 3.4% by years end! Stay tuned for more!!

[jubilees231]

Growth.

I am pleased to announce that we have opened strongly on the stock markets today. We have seen double point increases in London and New York as well as increase of 5.8 points on the Shanghai and Zurich exchanges. Selling shares of the Oil Exploitation Service to customers and investors will allow for exponential growth. We have plans to open on stock exchanges in the Middle East to widen revenue and development in the region.

[jubilees231]

Giving Back.

As part of our mission to give back to the community I pledged to end world poverty by 2456, even if I'm not alive I'm sure someone will achieve it! As part of my mission to create job growth, and therefore pull millions out of poverty, I have invested in creating a new financial district in south Taipei, Taiwan! If China decides to invade, a domino effect of explosives shall be triggered on the Western coast of Taiwan, creating tsunamis that will engulf the entire Chinese seaboard. But that is in the future. I have attached a picture of the construction of the new Taipei stock exchange!

[jubilees231]

A Hard Worker

This is one of our employees in Iraq. Her name is being disclosed due to fears over her safety. She first joined this institution in 2003, helping to kill American troops invading her land. She saw the job advert on a trip to Baghdad and immediately applied. She is now regional director for our Middle East operations. Write your own story today by joining the Oil Exploitation Service. Vacancies have opened in our Oceanic and Asia-Pacific regional offices!

[jubilees231]

A Key Development.

As part of my mission to help a sustainable world, I have invested 3.2 billion dollars in finding brand new oil deposits on the surface of Mars. I can confirm that as of the 26th of August 2023 the Oil Exploitation Service has won exclusive rights from the United Nations to start drilling operations on Olympus Mons, the tallest mountain in our solar system! Workers shall be sent to the red planet at the beginning of the year and are starting to train for life on this mysterious planet.

[jubilees231]

Tragedy.

At 21:34 BST on the 24th of August 2023, preliminary drilling operation Leviathan experienced a major setback. The operation was being conducted in the Mediterranean, but disaster struck when Egyptian pirates raided the rig. The subsequent explosion killed all who were on the platform. My deepest condolences to the family members of those wiped out. Compensation for family members shall be given in the form of 10 barrels of pure crude oil and payment of 2000 Chinese yuan per victim. I take full responsibility for this atrocity.

[jubilees231]

New images of our workers from The Gambia working hard on extracting oil from the West African basin! Contact your local Oil Exploitation Service recruitment office if you're interested in changing the world one oil well at a time!

[jubilees231]

Good News!

We are now opened for maximum oil exploitation!! Full capacity has been reached at our north sea and arctic circle plants! All employees will receive free oil to take home to their loved ones in Africa.

[jubilees231]

Why is your name untitled?

I am not too sure. I shall enquire and report back on my findings.