@hannahclarkes
the monotony hit about ten lifetimes ago -- when cognizance settles down like a layer of dust in an empty house, and the memories return like a mere afterthought. certain things bring him back to a brief period: rebranded as vintage or repurposed for the sake of nostalgia. he wears the feeling like a sentimental piece, which all his lives were. he can’t bring anything physical, so he brings the sadness and the pain and all the loose ends he can never tie because he always dies right before he’s about to hit his mid thirties. at first it was a race: do everything as fast as he can because the end is imminent. now it was a chore. he’s not sure where this blessing or curse came from. the memories were always a double edged sword. there were sweeter things he’d have given up the incessant cycle for eons ago, things that slip through his fingers like sand, like a constant reminder that time was hardly ever on his side.
in this life he’s a nobody, but he likes it that way. he’s got a steady job as a mechanic, makes good money, has a half decent social life. could be better, but he’s too preoccupied with trying to revive a retired pantera back to her glory days. again, monotonous, but it’s something. today he’s decided to humor his friends, all the same assholes who he grew up with. they did dumb shit like steal from their parent’s liquor cabinet and drank themselves silly in their dens, skateboard in empty pools, and skip class to spark joints. they technically still do the same things, just in between school and work and dating now. they’re at some acquaintance’s party tonight, and he’s trying not to look too bored as he nurses some shitty drink his friend got him from the liquor table. the music was generic, the people were uninteresting, but his friends wouldn’t let him stay cooped in his garage for another day.
his eyes slid to the last one of their tight knit group, fashionably late with his latest girlfriend to be in tow. he doesn’t pay much attention to her, instead gives a nod to his friend before the formal introductions begin. cameron goes and introduces them all one by one, and it wasn’t until jude’s name was called did he finally lift his gaze to meet hers. he’s got a polite smile on but it fades away, and he can’t help the dumbfounded expression on his face. all it took were her eyes -- that familiar blue that he compared to everything beautiful but could never compare to the real thing. the memories collapse in on him all at once and he remembers the sound of her laugh, the way her touch brought him to his knees, the taste of her lips on his. he blinks, sure that the prolonged silence was made aware by everyone at this point. he opens his mouth to speak but the utter lack of elegance has him looking like a complete asshole. “sorry, yeah, my name's jude. i could have sworn we’ve met before. what did you say your name was, again?”
