@julsrobyn - Tumblr Blog

©juri

too many of my last posts have been about you

the things you say that you don’t mean and the things you say that you do, i got lost in all of them, i got lost in my own earnest belief and the hope that led to this, the blind and bitter hope that always brings me back to you

too many of my last posts have been about you

p-u-r-p-l-e-a-n-d-b-l-u-e

jeliyfish

i love your voice i love the surprised, and then gentle, cadences of your words when you greet me. so generous and so not at all. i love the pale, worn out way you look when you’ve been spending too much time in the library, your flattened hair, your dark eyes. i love the way you walk, as if you’re balancing along something, the way your arms move back and forth with determined intensity as if to steady you on your invisible line. and the velocity of this love, it scares me

#hello

it’s happening again.

soft glow from my computer shading everything in gentle and surreal, so that it feels like a dream, dimly lit and not so apparent. and then falling asleep, the quality of dazed shrouding over me until i’m woken up in the night by the stinging, and subsequently, the remembering. i, did, this, to, me.

i thought, that through this gentle six years i’d left it behind, left it behind with the cold mornings and long sleeves and readymade excuses. i thought it was out of my system and back there with all the other confusion and dark corners.

but it was always there, as i should have realized, always lurking, in the form of thin silver lines, in the form of the pleasure i find myself seeking. always there as a silly little threat, hello, i see you, you can never fully escape me, because i will always be there watching, so, why, don’t, you, come, back.

#j