Kowakatte Datte ii Sa @jumptotheskies-blog - Tumblr Blog

The end?

Soooo i realized i’m not that active anymore. Guess i lost the energy to make my thoughts into walls of texts 😂 i still have lots of them, but i just don’t have the motivation to put it into words. It doesnt eat me up if i dont write it anyway, so ill keep it as is. I still have hoards of drafts. Most of them are negative energy 😂 I’ll see if I can come around to finishing it (and adding disclaimers as to when I felt that way lol)

So, Hikaru’s back and JUMP is finally celebrating their 15th anniv as complete 8-member group 🥹 whatta great way to start their 15th.

And i’m still a fan, not to worry!

From now, i’ll only post birthday messages for the members until this year (which is Chinen and Hikaru!) and then ill probably stop altogether.

Ill continue to be active on IG, and will lurk on twr. You can still check out my unsolicited thoughts there 😁

#fuji blogs #sometimes i hope when people stumble here #they won’t get angry with my thoughts #because some of these feelings are not true anymore hahahaha #i had ~character development~#or smth like that

Writing this here so future me can look back and hopefully laugh about it 😂

If 2025 is a roller coaster, this is the Xcelerator ride where you zoom up to the peak then fall straight back down 🤣

Started the year with Jumparty countdown concert, which I consider is the best way to celebrate JCD after the johnnys hullabaloo 😂 Then I went straight to Fukuoka to watch H+ and have the best Kyushu trip.

My birthday trip includes accepting Yamada’s solo career and watching him be his best self onstage, and my Osaka adventure with Jesse in Beetlejuice and being lucky enough to see Chinen up close and personal in ChiQ 😂😭 All of this while travelling solo for the first time.

Aside from that, I still did my monthly musical watching and even got to meet and chat with some actors.

I was feeding my fangirl side well, I’m starting to learn my travel personality, and I’m already planning on what to do next. Work and life was good.

Then, everything hit all at once. The day after my whole team got laid off, Yuto left so suddenly and Jump gave that lousy “apology” letter. So this is what a 1-2 punch literally feels 🤣 I really felt the world had gone dark. This one rare time that I don’t understand them and it’s with this big issue in the group 😂

I ended the year with a new job (thank the heavens) but I am still all over the place with jump. This made me realize that I did a lot of things with them in mind and now that they’re not, I feel lost.

But whatever I built because of them, I want to continue it. Honestly I’m not excited for 2026 or new things. I just want to keep and continue whatever I have left in me. With a very very tiny hope that things will get better.

#whether that better means getting back to jump #or having a slow death from them #as long as i feel at peace #and happy again with myself #fuji blogs #hey! say! jump

Do you know what’s annoying?

Even before the fallout, I already have plans on moving on from jump and looking for new things to do and obssess about. But I just want to add on my fangirl life, not replace them. I still want my yearly winter trips to watch their concerts. I still want to see their weird tiktok/ig gimmicks when marketing their stuff. I still want to listen to their weird songs, hate it then eventually liking it after a hundred listens 😂 I want to continue on bullying the members as if we’ve been friends for 10 years 🤣

I still want them to be at the background, because at the end of the day they’re still my main 🥹

But now it’s just painful because whenever i see them, i see a bunch of liars 🥹 and now i’m too sad to look for something new 😂🥹

#I KNOW #it’s my fault for liking them too much 😂#now i’m empty and lost #tried watching their cdtv perf of encore #couldn’t get past inoo’s intro line HAHAHAHA #i need to fix this because i wanna see chinen dance again!!!!!#i miss my fairy boy princess

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Can’t stand those posts and tweets already talking about JUMP love as if Yuto didn’t rip everybody apart 2 weeks ago. Already thinking about the future with them. They can imagine an energetic and happy 7nin jump already???? How?????? IS THERE EVEN A FUTURE WITH THEM?!?!

How about me? Why am i stuck here :(

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What’s worse (and my fear) is when jump finally comes back with a single or album announcement, it’ll just be normal. As if Yuto wasn’t there for 18 years. As if jump has always been 7. As if Yuto wasn’t a big part of the group (especially the songs) and he didn’t leave a fucking big hole.

I hope whatever they’ll do next will have a subtle message. Like what they did with NegaFai and Jumparty 2017 with Keito.

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And wow I am so right 🙁

They released an album with new songs and MVs. I still don’t have the heart to look at any of that so I don’t know if they showed any hints of respecting 8nin.

And right now is the first weekend of their tour. The only thing i read is that they still sang Negafai AND THEY KEPT THE MEMBER FANCHANT. They literally erased yuto! And added “jump” after yabu. This doesn’t feel right. It’s not “jump” anymore after everything that happened.

I mean looking realistically, they still have to do their jobs (releasing an album and performing on tour, removing negafai is impossible because it’s a popular song) but what I loved about them is always putting little hints and messages of love and respect and being gentle with how the fans will feel. But now, I feel like there’s no emotional component anymore.

I also read that Yamada apparently cried on the final message part. Past me would’ve broken down too. But now why should I feel anything for those fake tears? You guys didn’t do shit when I was crying for days on end after August 28. I mean it still sucks that Yamada cried, but why add the “I want to protect the fans” nonsense? You lost us already. (Okay maybe it’s just me HAHAHA but you don’t realize i made them my whole world and trusted them too much and now they weren’t able to protect that and Im ruined)

Tell me you’re sorry for ruining our fantasy, apologize for making me think that the Parade is over. Say you’re sorry for all the promises and lies you gave. I don’t want more of it, I’m tired already.

#I TOLD YOU YAMADA YOU’RE DEAD IF YOU BREAK JUMP #AND THEY ALREDY ARE

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How about me? Why am i stuck here :(

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I hope whatever they’ll do next will have a subtle message. Like what they did with NegaFai and Jumparty 2017 with Keito.

#my bargains are becoming smaller #PLEASE i am so so tired already

How about me? Why am i stuck here :(

#what sucks the most #is that i know nothing will happen #such a japanese thing for status quo #No wonder they’re great for forgetting history LOL #I’m in the anger stage again

September 7.

This is my personal anniversary with jump (and the og hs7). I don’t remember if this date is exact haha, but I used 7 because it was a lucky number for me back then. Because I met HS7: chinen, yuya, daichan, yamada and yuto.

I don’t make a big deal about this every year but I always remember high school me watching their performance of hey! say! in music station, as I said “one last song please” to my mom before turning off the TV. Good thing she said okay.

And now after 18 years, a hiatus phase, 3 members out, and after many cycles of going through the stages of grief 😂 i will….. not support yuto.

For now. Haha! 🤣🤣 The wound is still too fresh that i can’t face him, or see his beautiful face. I muted his IG but unfollowed his photobook account. Since he’s not part of the fc anymore I don’t plan on watching his butais. But I still want to support him, even if it’s in the far future. I still believe in him as an actor, and I know he’s amazing and will do great in his next projects. I still hope his English skills will bring him far, farther than London. I still want him to take photos (just not of the members anymore 😂).

I still consider him my childhood friend. I just hated how he ghosted us in the end haha. And i don’t think I’ll ever forgive him for that

Also I did promise Daichan to love and support jump in all their versions. And that means facing songs with yuto’s voice, and listening to the new versions without his voice. And seeing a whole new jump dynamic without the gentleman and energetic yuto (which i am not ready to see as of this writing).

I thought Keito leaving was tough, and I keep on reminding myself and my heart that something like this will happen again, but this is too much, too fast. The next few months will be very tough for everybody.

I still want to attend to their 20th anniv tour though since that’s the only long term goal i am VERY focused on achieving 🤣 and after that, if the rumors are true that they will disband by then, the world is my oyster.

But after all this muni muni this week, i still wish to support everybody wholeheartedly in the future, Keito and Mori included. I loved them as 10, literally grew up with them, and I want to end my fangirl life with no ill feeling towards them, no matter how painful each exits were.

#i’m now in the acceptance stage #that i guess this is the eventual breakup that i predicted lol #but i didn’t realize it would happen so early

This pain is just proof that I loved Yuto and JUMP. Too much love, I regret to say. But this is a different pain than what Keito left me.

With Keito, I felt a sinking feeling in my chest and stomach. This is the same with Hikaru’s when I was listening to his hiatus announcement in Rajira.

But when I read Yuto’s message, everything just felt empty and dark. Like i literally don’t know what to do or feel anymore. Everything just disappeared into thin air and i am left with nothing.

Maybe this is how Yuto felt for a long time? But even so, should he NOT share and multiply that emptiness to 600k+ fans around the world?? You know the influence and power that you hold and yet you choose to be mean.

Btw to those who said he didn’t have a choice — read his letter again. Even if he was “forced”, he still made that choice. He can choose to stay, or choose to have a 30-day period to slowly let the news sink in to the fans and the members. He can choose to go to hiatus. He can still choose not to attend a-nation but still go through with his graduation plans (if there is one).

I especially hate when he said that he’d rather leave now than leave later with half hearted feelings. I was really hurt. Does this mean he had half hearted feelings all along? The photos by Yuto. Him being a gentleman and doing all the small stuff. His huge jumps during concerts. Being the cute baby brother that best always picks on. Being yamada’s “wife” and chinen’s tall partner. I know these are just acting and characterization, but it meant something to us fans. Sure he doesn’t care about Yuto the idol, but doesn’t he care about the fans who supported him all those years?

I know he probably doesn’t like the members or his idol work anymore, but I trusted him to at least respect the years that they had together. And respect whatever current work or plans they have to have a proper transition. But he didn’t, and he chose to leave so sloppily. And now i choose violence lolololol

Now my next goal is to lessen the pain, and see how my love will grow or diminish in the future. And to accept it. 🥹😭

#i don’t know what my point is here lol #i just want to let it out

It feels like i can’t get to the Sadness stage if I can’t accept how everything was just left. I see a sad post with an image of a lonely yuto from their Your Song short film, and I do have my thoughts on that film and how they made his character, but I’d rather just throw my phone 😂😂

Am I in Denial? Bargaining? Hahaha. One thing’s for sure — I’m still hella angry at everybody 🤣

I can accept cutting off instantly in any job. I can do it right now and resign effective today HAHAHA. But my clients are not fans who are emotionlly invested for 18 years so it should be okay. I thought he had a heart and a conscience. And respect for human beings.

#maybe he just really doesn’t care ever?#that’s a very long time to keep negative feelings #but it’s also such a yuto thing to do haha #i’m still so confused #and don’t get me started on that terrible a nation performance #i know they tried their best and objectively they were okay #but i’m not yet ready to face yuto-less songs #ESPECIALLY ASU E NO YELL #FUCK THEM FOR ADDING THAT IN THEIR SETLIST

I cried the whole day today

Went home with a headache

And i go online but i can’t look at my usual happy sources because they make me cry too

#when will this end #this is so tiring huhuhuhu

Never been so angry at jump like this.

I never cared if members leave or they will disband. All I want is they handle it gently and with care for the fans. Just like how they did everything for the last 18 years.

Please don’t make me regret loving you guys.

#yuto left so abruptly #fuck him #and jump still performed and smiled as if nothing happened #fuck them

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So I just finished watching the 2019 Unit Meetings, and it’s so interesting to see them again in a non-idol state, similar to the White Love interviews. But this time, I got to see their thought process when coming up with ideas on their unit songs and how they work with each other. It honestly looks and feels just like any other office meeting, but the office workers are so handsome LMAO 😂😂

—❤️💙

First is yamada and inoo, for Napa Napa. I was interested in their pairing because I can’t imagine how their styles will mix together. And I was right lmao even they find it hard to work together XD Also I realized it sucks to be Yamachan because he’s super busy that they had to do this in between shows at Waku Waku, that’s why I really appreciate his effort for jump.

Another thing that I liked about Yamada is his frankness. He really showed his concern that they can’t dance if Inoo is there, but he didn’t make it seem like a burden. He still made it work by reaching to a compromise on their dance. And even with that simple choreography, you can see that he’s still enjoying it very much! So cute ❤️

And with him thinking about Inoo’s abilities, I now appreciated him nudging Inoo to perform the piano version of White Love in the Fab Live. Inoo might still have insecurities over it but we all love it so much!! I really hope Inoo gets more confidence in his skills.

—💚💛

Next are one of my favorite OTPs, YabuHika with Go Fighter. Their clip was honestly the most fun that I watched. Maybe because I enjoyed seeing their creativity, or that I love their dynamic so much. They’re very relaxed with each other, it’s almost as if they’re one person already. I was even scared when they did a “I don’t like him” gag because it’s a legit fear of mine that those two might clash one day because they’ve been together for almost their whole career. Just seeing how tight those two are made me feel more secure for JUMP’s future. Also it’s amazing that they still continue to write lyrics.

—💜💙

Next is takaki and yuto with Trending Love #Reiwa. I did NOT know that they’re not really in good terms, and they even clash with each other. I was actually scared of Yuto when he was talking about his reaction about Takaki haha. I remember someone saying that he’s a stoic person, and that is so true. He may always look like full of energy on-cam, but this time he was very serious, like you can’t joke around him or else he’ll beat you up. That is a very different side of yuto i didn’t know. I remember he also clashed with yamada at one point in their career so I’m actually glad that he’s still in the group lmao, but I hope he’s not too beaten up with all the stress of his workmates.

Anyway, I feel like I cannot judge them if they have potential to be good producers in the future because it’s already a handicap that they don’t like each other. I didn’t like it when they joked that they should leave the ideas to the fans, because it felt like they don’t want to do it. Then again that should not be a hindrance to their work. I’m just happy that they still managed to think of a concept that they both agree on. I personally don’t like it lmao but it is what it is.

—🧡💗

Last but not the least, my favorite producers, AriChine! Basing on their dynamic with each other, I can see why they are tapped to be Fab Live’s producers. It seems that Chinen has a lot of interesting ideas, both for songs and performances, so I see a lot of potential in him to be a producer ala Matsujun. However I thought he’ll be a choreographer like this beloved sempai lol. I also love his confidence when he said that they already “win” with their concept! As for Daiki, I really love how he’s supportive to Chinen’s creative mind. Especially when he said that he wants to lessen Chinen’s worries by making sure that he’ll execute his ideas. What teamwork 🥺

—

To end this, I think watching this after watching the Happy Live made their performances make so much sense. It just sucks that I can’t understand Japanese so I still can’t really appreciate the songs fully. Also, I think that it’s daichii and yabuhika who has the potential to have careers in the creative team, so it’s either jump will still has plenty of productions and content to show in the next years, or at least they’ll still get a job if ever they won’t be performers anymore.

Lmao i don’t know how to end this okay goodbye thanks for always reading my wall of texts 😂🙇🏻‍♀️

2024 thoughts

I’m gonna go straight to the point — I think I felt hurt this year by jump. Mainly because they promised at the beginning of the year that they’ll be with us, and they semi didn’t fulfill that.

They were radio silent for around 10 months. They even lost a lot of regular jobs like itadaki (rip), urujan and rajira. Their IG is even demoted to jump+staff (okay i can let this slide since they have solo accounts already). They’re losing things left and right with nothing to replace it, what the hell would i think about their future?!

Members had solo projects, but it didn’t feel enough (there’s no song for Yamada and Yuya’s drama. Like wtf) Yeah they did a bombshell of a single announcement with UMP, but honestly it still fell flat for me. Very few promotions, and then they just went straight to a new album? I want to feel that i went through life with you guys, so the album will be like a culmination of that. But now I don’t understand H+. (Tbf I already had the same sentiments with Pull Up haha. Maybe what really ticked me is it happened again, haha.)

I’m honestly disappointed with whatever they’re doing now compared to all the good things they did from the 2019-2021 era. Not that I want the exact same things, but I really miss the excitement of announcements. The suspense of the weird countdowns, the websites and twitter accounts. Me being amazed of their worldbuilding through their music videos.

AND Yamada realeased his first Digital Single. Lots of fans are happy because he finally realized that he can still do a solo career without compromising his group, and I agree. But I still felt betrayed that he did that when he’s been firm in his words back then that he’ll either perform with his group or he’ll quit. Hon estly I feel that this single is a step in a totally solo career, but I never thought that he’ll compromise his group even if he leaves though. But I know my heart will rip out in pieces if it happens.

What makes SWITCH release even more confusing is that I’m still very proud that he released something new from Oh My Darling, and it’s totally separate from the group.

I’ve had friends who tell me that it’s okay for me to be angry, especially since i’m a longtime fan and emotionally invested in them 😂 I already hold jump at pretty high expectations, and sadly they fell flat and so I’m all these sad and negative emotions. Hmph.

In the end, I’ve learned my lesson. Sometimes I feel that I’m so far away from them, because why are so many fans happy while I’m stuck back here, disappointed and unhappy? Maybe it’s not a bad thing to hang around here than to force myself to like what they’re releasing right now. I have to take a step back, because holding them too much might lead to me leaving altogether, and i don’t want that.

Phew I really need to (hyper)focus on something else 😂 I should try to move on without them. We’ll never know when this reality will suddenly come 👀👀

Love you always, JUMP. As of posting this I’m currently watching their Jumparty countdown and lord knows what emotions are running around my head at that time 🤣 i hope it’s positive and not that full of hope HAHAHA

To being less crazy in 2025 with you guys.

#fuji blogs #i was actually thinking #of totally cutting off from them #and i thought is this what it feels like to break up with someone?!?#hahahahah #they were unhealthy for me this year i admit #felt like i did nothing but complain #and they don’t deserve that

So the last time i went to japan (it was my birthday week! Lol), Daiki dropped a huge bomb of an announcement 😂 he’s getting married (or already married, he didn’t mention any specifics)

I was alone on that part of my trip so I had a lot of muni-muni moments while sightseeing 😂 (but seriously i want to thank the fangirl gods that i wasn’t “alone” the moment i heard the news. I was chatting with a good friend and when she told me, instead of breaking down in the streets of Nagoya, i broke down to her 🤣)

And the outputs of my muni time is here 😂

I know it’s part of an idols job to look out for their fans since let’s face it, we’re their customers and a major part of their livelihood.

I don’t usually take it seriously whenever my idols talk about their fans because it’s usually generic or i’m accustomed to it. But whenever it’s Daiki, somehow his words always get through to me.

During IO, he said something about thanking his fans whether they were there ever since or just new to the jump train. I was just rediscovering them at that time, so what he said felt like he was literally speaking to me as an old AND new fan. I remembered my high school days and imagined how my future looks with them. 🥹

When he directed virtual Fab and said that he wanted to show a different version of jump since the group is going through a change at that time, my feelings when I watched it made so much sense. I was so touched that I even made a promise that i’ll love jump with their many versions no matter how many or how shitty they’ll get 😂

And now, another set of words that would alter my parasocial relationship with them again.

僕のファンになってくれてありがとう。

With my usual self i didn’t really think much of this. But some interpreted this as thanking his fans for the last time. Wtf?!?!

Now i don’t know japanese at this level to be able to dissect this, but if this is the case. Then 🥹🥹 I’LL JUST CRY HAHAHAH. I think this means that he’s aware that this news will greatly affect his fans that some will even leave and he wanted to do something about it.

But, I don’t want to see him suffer ☹️ then again it shows a lot about him if he’s ready to take the brunt of reactions. We should be celebrating their milestones with them, just like how we mention them when we celebrate our own milestones. Isn’t what this relationship is supposed to be?

I’m sounding like a broken record already when i say that they’re people too and they have a life separate from being idols. And it’s up to them how much of that private life they want to show. And our job is to continue to support them no matter what.

But anyway, eff the haters. You’ve finally weeded out the ugly ones and the the real ones are here to stay. Congrats Daichan on your marriage (i won’t ever shut up about it haha) and best wishes to your new family!

#arioka daiki #fuji blogs

Sometimes I wonder how jump (or other janiz idols) seem so humble and nice and looking so good, when they’re most probably abused as kids like most child actors 🥹🥹🥹🥹

I just hope they don’t have regrets at this point in their life, or that they’re doing their best to make for lost time 🥹

#fuji blogs #this feels too heavy so i’d rather share it in this darkness of a blog 😂#hey! say! jump #ill learn how to ride a bike for the member #who said that they never experienced riding a bike with a girl #going home from school 🥹#i totally forgot who said that lol but that story stuck with me 🥲

so it’s been more than a week since my japan trip and my first live with jump. it’s still a whirlwind when i think about it. i’m also been writing about my experiences left and right, and hoping that it would rid/transfer my feelings.

But turns out after a week of writing and work and unpacking my luggages and merch, my hangover feelings never really left and now i’m exhausted. And to add, there are new jump contents (namely the jshop ambassador tour vid and yuto’s oshare clip guesting) and they’re not really helping me move on lmao

But even when i’m tired already i still don’t want to let go because it feels like it’s the only thing i have right now 🥲🥲🥲 this would take a long while.

#fuji blogs

Randomly checked my ig stories archive and saw that it’s already been a year since hikaru’s announcement that he’ll go to a medical hiatus. Suddenly i felt that chest pain again, even though he’s already back and I finally got to see him in concert.

I’m just so glad this went well. I’m glad he took this time to rest. I’m proud of JUMP and their fans for being so strong through those 10 months. I’m soooooooo happy to see him live, with his squishy cheeks, sweet smile and flashy headphones 🥹

Love you Hikaru! Welcome back 💛

#to a stronger hikaru this year!#yaotome hikaru

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