Last Friday, one of my ex-colleagues paid a surprise visit at work. This girl whom I became a close friend with had left the country to follow her dream of being a director of short film and documentary. Just like how she left the company/the country, she came back without a notice but what was different this time was that she was glowing with happiness.
We then had a quick catch up at her favourite cafe next to work. I bombarded her with questions like, how's things in the new country (she is currently in Cambodia), what's film making like, what do your parents think about your decisions...
Her answers were pretty much this.
She is now so much more confident and comfortable about herself because of the decision she made to leave everything behind and to pursue the dream of being a director. The country is chaotic and raw because of the trauma that runs deep from the Khmer Rouge era but the people are so optimistic and the developing status of the country means there are full of opportunities up for grabs. Financial insecurity was initially what made her to have a second thought but she could not continue with a job that gave her no purpose in life just for a little bit of comfort.
I was completely admiring her bravery and envious of her freedom. Freedom to just cut everything loose and find her way to a place where she wants to be.
Then I thought of these brave people around me who made life changing decisions. Surprisingly, there were a lot of them. A friend who did a marketing degree with me in university became a full time yoga teacher, spending her Friday mornings at Bondi beach while I crunch numbers to forecast the next quarter spend; another good friend who dropped a financially rewarding illustration job to pursue her passion in pottery who is now too busy supplying her work to galleries in various cities in Australia; a director of sales from a partner company who became a personal trainer...the list goes on.
I too, have been wanting to pursue a different life for a while (although the changes are not as dramatic as above-mentioned cases). Going to overseas, change a job, travel more, read more and write more. Perhaps get back into play instruments again, taking more pictures and learn how to dance.
When did all this become a distant dream? I think perhaps when I decided to commit. Committing to things or people that I care about and that will be disappointed or broken if I stop. This includes my partner, my parents, my savings account for a house deposit and even the team that I built.
I know chasing my dreams are just temporarily on hold because the opportunity cost for pursuing it is far greater than not, at least for now. Of course, waiting for that moment to just do what I want is pretty unsettling especially when I see people moving on and doing something exciting in life.
But didn't someone great say 'life is all about choices'?
I am making what I believe is an educated choice to wait for the right moment and unleash my desire to do something more life-fulfilling. This may sounds like I am giving my self an excuse for not having a gut to just do what I want but I believe there is more to gain in long term if choices are made with a careful evaluation of pros and cons.
So until the right time comes, I will focus on the positive aspect of the decisions I'v made. Small things but things that reassure me of my choices. Like getting a bunch of flowers from him for no particular reasons or entertaining the prospect of owning a place in the close future (where I can have a dog!).
What about you? Are you up for making a life changing decision?
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