terfs and swerfs will find no welcome here. fuck off🖕🏻
i have many interests but my blog is mostly transformers, godzilla, sapphism, and things my brain thinks is funny.
i also do sapphic poetry at @neosappho, you should come visit sometime!
currently taken: @rosemaryinspring 💚💚💚
help us newlyweds out : https://venmo.com/u/Juni_p_58
i do get horny on this blog tho this blog is not exclusively nsfw.
if you want to interact in a nsfw way feel free to anon ask and mutuals are allowed to dm <3
obv no minors and if you dont have your age in your blog i will not be interacting with you, grab a juice box on your way out <3
rules for nsfw interactions:
1) ask politely, for obvious reasons. nothing unsolicited
2) have requests, i love my body and love when others do too. and i view nudes as a way to show off what the receiver loves most about my body. also im a sucker for following directions
3) remember i dont owe you anything and i will stop an interaction if i get uncomfortable
4) if you want to be an anon, tell me age, pronouns, and leave an emoji for me to organize you <3
what im into as far as nsfw things are concerned:
i am a service switch(?) i dont know if thats a real thing or not but the sentiment of i will dom or sub depending on what you like. but i do tend to lean soft/possessive dom in conversation (mainly i just like to bully people) but if you come in with dom energy i will crumble very easily, please and thank you
titles: goddess, mommy, ma’am, puppy, mutt, baby
women are either my goddess or my sweet plaything and queer men are little pets to me. i am not interested in cishet men, its not you its me.
i am pretty kinky but dont have many specific interests. im willing to try anything once, so ask away!
my big yes’: praise, soft d/s, pet play, giving me specific directions 🫠, knife play, pain, marking (biting/scratching), bondage/pining, voice kink, light intox (alcohol only)
my big no’s: raceplay, scat, rape, male titles (daddy, sir, etc)
butchfemme might be the pre-eminent example of meaningless genderfuck politics. it's a totally predictable pairing (crossdresser x noncrossdresser) that's been fetishized as "special" in some broad way (despite it being a niche & often despised practice) and is aggressively defended against seemingly endless waves of "haters" (people asking regular questions about a pretty vague idea)
like the ferociousness with which regular degular dykes will defend "femme" is disproportionate with the power of the label itself. french for effeminate. a cutesy contrast to "butch" meant to distinguish a certain relationship to power (being fem but not heterosexual). it doesnt help, either, that the word chosen is homophonic with its aesthetic counterpart, fem. it's practically DESIGNED to confuse even the most willing audience
but, where butch describes a real behavior (a woman crossdressing as a man), femme does not. there is no consistent cultural principle behind femme-ininity, no specific set of practices or ideas besides "be a lesbian who fucks crossdressers" which makes it a confusing counterpart to butch-ness. straight women can crossdress too and arguably this means being butch isnt even unique to dykes in the first place.
this makes the defensiveness feel like projection; butchfemme is conceptually incoherent, even before the practical dynamic of "woman who can be employed x woman who cannot" is understood you're already facedown in the water. once you see the obvious power dynamic behind "mean femmes vs obedient butch" it all becomes genuinely gross. it feels like there's a culture of c4t-style exploitation growing like moss over the dessicated corpse of american crossdressing
i saw this post this morning and genuinely could not stop thinking about it all day.
butch to butch i think we need to have this conversation but i want to make an entire post because i feel like its important for other people to see this post and have a bit more clarity on lesbianism, butch and femme identities, and just queer culture and history.
a butch is not simply “a woman crossdressing as man” that is a drag king without the art of theatrics.
butch is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses masculinity to subvert the gender binary and perform masculinity while simultaneously bastardizing that same masculinity away from ‘maleness’ and the patriarchy and 2) uses masculinity as protection for the lesbian and ostensibly the queer community as a whole. historically butch referred to working class blue collar women who, in order to find a job where a skirt was not required, would find factory and manufacturing jobs so that they could feel comfortable in their own identity and be forced into the gender dichotomy. in the 70’s and 80’s butch leaned closer to the idea of protection due to many butch lesbians putting themselves on the front lines of aggression and agitation from not only bigotry but also police brutality. in fact the first person to be arrested for fighting back against the police at Stonewall was a butch woman. today the butch identity not only continues the work of protection and subversion but honors all of the butches than came before us who did everything they could to exist in a world that forces everyone into a strict binary.
to claim that butch is simply an aesthetic completely negates this sociopolitical identity that has decades of history and culture in the united states alone.
and thats not even considering how you described femmes. femme lesbians, coincidentally, have a very similar history and relationship with gender as butch lesbians.
femme (not fem) is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses femininity to subvert and dismantle patriarchal gender roles of meekness and subservience by being activist and decentering men and the ‘male gaze’ from fashion and beauty standards and 2) use the privilege of passing within femininity to protect people who are ‘visibly queer’ (i.e. butches, mascs, trans people, other gnc queer people, etc)
femmes are not “lesbians who fuck crossdressers” they are integral community members within lesbian and queer spaces and we would not be where we are as LGBTQ+ people without them.
butch and femme are practices. they are roles. not aesthetics. if you want an aesthetic use masc and fem not butch and femme.
as for the “mean femme vs obedient butch” trope, i understand your confusion while not having the understanding of these labels being used in reference to gnc/gender-role subversion. but i also feel like ‘dom butch x sub femme’ trope or ‘confident butch x arm candy femme’ tope, to remove sexual tones, is just as if not more so prevalent due to the watering down of butch and femme identities to just ‘boygirl x girlgirl’ topes
i do want to be clear, i do not think you made this post out of ill will but i do believe you were misinformed about lesbian identities and their relationship with gender and sexuality. your post reads like you come from a background or community of crossdressing and if this is how butch and femme are used as labels in that community then i feel like a different conversation needs to be had within that community about the history and culture where these terms derive.
nevermind i just looked at your profile and your just someone using willful ignorance to make contrarian redditor-ass takes. you wont learn because you dont want to because it makes you special that your non-conformists. im keeping my post up cause i like my definitions of butch and femme. idk enjoy your pity party i guess
i think calling one of the most recognizable gender nonconforming identities in the whole queer community (butchfemme) “meaningless genderfuck politics” is a wild take. especially coming from a rather unique gnc identity, which we share, being butch/masc presenting transgender woman. and then saying that youve seemingly been called a “hater” for asking questions about a vague idea (butchfemme) which again is one of the most recognizable identities in queer culture. i think it may be more accurate that people have made post similar to my first one or maybe even just told you to do you own research into the culture of lesbianism to which you chose to disagree and remain believing that you knew better. im not saying to read the master doc or even stone butch blues cause honestly i havent read them either but the internet is accessible and lesbians exist who actively help with teaching not just lesbian but queer history in general. and even your continued adage of “not knowing what a femme is” can easily be remedied by looking into lesbianism and actually wanting to learn. but just conflating femmes as piss poor foil for butch or just “girl who dresses like a girl” is very trivializing and belittling.
fwiw, you were right that im from a place with a specific definition of "crossdressing" but it's prolly not the way ur thinking. i used to abide by a pretty loosey-goosey "gender is like whatever, man" laissez-faire etc etc attitude until i became the defacto mean lesbian/designated doorwoman for my south florida college's gsa. lottttttta evil white people you gotta shuffle in & out to keep a queer org like that functional. i was very busy 💀
i lost my whimsy doing all this conflict de-escalation & resolution (bitching white boys out of the room), it forced me to reflect on the way that common queer histories about stuff butchfemme or stonewall or AIDS or drag or etc become warped into weapons over time. im very familiar with SBB and blue collar butches and the relationship between butches & drag kings because, like, i was up to my gills in teenagers saying crazy shit like "tboys cant be lesbians" or "im like if a transmasc was transfem" and, yknow, after you get the same curveball a few times u start digging
i can explain how i arrived at my pretty negative feeling about butchfemme if you want but, to save you the time, note that there is no discussion of power in clear terms. like those historical femmes were positioned to financially abuse butches! but we never hear that story!! how many butches were getting disabled by those factory conditions but we only hear about femmes "being nice" all the time when, in real life, they are Not nice all the time. the opposite even, they are people with privilege over us, they're gonna be ignorant and petty and a little rude sometimes. how come we dont hear about butches dealing with that?
just my two cents, happy to answer questions or elaborate. godspeed
please show me historical evidence of femme lesbians systemically financially abusing butches. cause this is going away from weird takes into a new type of misogyny i did not think existed
no no im saying i dont know if there's evidence but, given what we know about the context, it's very strange there's not a popular answer past "femmes are just nice lol" bc, in real life, femmes are not always nice. they are people with privilege and you'd think you'd at least be hearing about bad eggs, yknow?
in fact, all the shallow positivity posting and the #pspspsbutches #meanfemmes stuff is the thing that feels so sinister. like femmes just dont have problems like we do, their lives are measurably easier, and yet our time and attention seems drawn to soothing THEIR egos and making ourselves as sexually available to them as possible.
like imagine this behavior in any other context with any other power dynamic. do you NEED to see a history of cis lesbian chasers being a problem to conclude that shit like "c4t" is bad news? i did. and then i met one. i no longer need historical evidence, c4t is nasty work. lots of femmes talk a lot like the c4t lesbians ive known too!
i suspect there's plenty if you go looking tho, guess ill swing back around if i find any interesting examples. cheers
ok cool youre just a misogynist and for some reason are taking it out on femme lesbians. you need to unpack that and block me until you have that figured out
you said with your full chest that femme lesbians were historically abusive and you could go into detail and explanation if i asked and once i did you switch up and change the subject. femme lesbians have historically our biggest protectors as trans women and i will always defend them both as a trans person and a butch.
butchfemme might be the pre-eminent example of meaningless genderfuck politics. it's a totally predictable pairing (crossdresser x noncrossdresser) that's been fetishized as "special" in some broad way (despite it being a niche & often despised practice) and is aggressively defended against seemingly endless waves of "haters" (people asking regular questions about a pretty vague idea)
like the ferociousness with which regular degular dykes will defend "femme" is disproportionate with the power of the label itself. french for effeminate. a cutesy contrast to "butch" meant to distinguish a certain relationship to power (being fem but not heterosexual). it doesnt help, either, that the word chosen is homophonic with its aesthetic counterpart, fem. it's practically DESIGNED to confuse even the most willing audience
but, where butch describes a real behavior (a woman crossdressing as a man), femme does not. there is no consistent cultural principle behind femme-ininity, no specific set of practices or ideas besides "be a lesbian who fucks crossdressers" which makes it a confusing counterpart to butch-ness. straight women can crossdress too and arguably this means being butch isnt even unique to dykes in the first place.
this makes the defensiveness feel like projection; butchfemme is conceptually incoherent, even before the practical dynamic of "woman who can be employed x woman who cannot" is understood you're already facedown in the water. once you see the obvious power dynamic behind "mean femmes vs obedient butch" it all becomes genuinely gross. it feels like there's a culture of c4t-style exploitation growing like moss over the dessicated corpse of american crossdressing
i saw this post this morning and genuinely could not stop thinking about it all day.
butch to butch i think we need to have this conversation but i want to make an entire post because i feel like its important for other people to see this post and have a bit more clarity on lesbianism, butch and femme identities, and just queer culture and history.
a butch is not simply “a woman crossdressing as man” that is a drag king without the art of theatrics.
butch is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses masculinity to subvert the gender binary and perform masculinity while simultaneously bastardizing that same masculinity away from ‘maleness’ and the patriarchy and 2) uses masculinity as protection for the lesbian and ostensibly the queer community as a whole. historically butch referred to working class blue collar women who, in order to find a job where a skirt was not required, would find factory and manufacturing jobs so that they could feel comfortable in their own identity and be forced into the gender dichotomy. in the 70’s and 80’s butch leaned closer to the idea of protection due to many butch lesbians putting themselves on the front lines of aggression and agitation from not only bigotry but also police brutality. in fact the first person to be arrested for fighting back against the police at Stonewall was a butch woman. today the butch identity not only continues the work of protection and subversion but honors all of the butches than came before us who did everything they could to exist in a world that forces everyone into a strict binary.
to claim that butch is simply an aesthetic completely negates this sociopolitical identity that has decades of history and culture in the united states alone.
and thats not even considering how you described femmes. femme lesbians, coincidentally, have a very similar history and relationship with gender as butch lesbians.
femme (not fem) is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses femininity to subvert and dismantle patriarchal gender roles of meekness and subservience by being activist and decentering men and the ‘male gaze’ from fashion and beauty standards and 2) use the privilege of passing within femininity to protect people who are ‘visibly queer’ (i.e. butches, mascs, trans people, other gnc queer people, etc)
femmes are not “lesbians who fuck crossdressers” they are integral community members within lesbian and queer spaces and we would not be where we are as LGBTQ+ people without them.
butch and femme are practices. they are roles. not aesthetics. if you want an aesthetic use masc and fem not butch and femme.
as for the “mean femme vs obedient butch” trope, i understand your confusion while not having the understanding of these labels being used in reference to gnc/gender-role subversion. but i also feel like ‘dom butch x sub femme’ trope or ‘confident butch x arm candy femme’ tope, to remove sexual tones, is just as if not more so prevalent due to the watering down of butch and femme identities to just ‘boygirl x girlgirl’ topes
i do want to be clear, i do not think you made this post out of ill will but i do believe you were misinformed about lesbian identities and their relationship with gender and sexuality. your post reads like you come from a background or community of crossdressing and if this is how butch and femme are used as labels in that community then i feel like a different conversation needs to be had within that community about the history and culture where these terms derive.
nevermind i just looked at your profile and your just someone using willful ignorance to make contrarian redditor-ass takes. you wont learn because you dont want to because it makes you special that your non-conformists. im keeping my post up cause i like my definitions of butch and femme. idk enjoy your pity party i guess
i think calling one of the most recognizable gender nonconforming identities in the whole queer community (butchfemme) “meaningless genderfuck politics” is a wild take. especially coming from a rather unique gnc identity, which we share, being butch/masc presenting transgender woman. and then saying that youve seemingly been called a “hater” for asking questions about a vague idea (butchfemme) which again is one of the most recognizable identities in queer culture. i think it may be more accurate that people have made post similar to my first one or maybe even just told you to do you own research into the culture of lesbianism to which you chose to disagree and remain believing that you knew better. im not saying to read the master doc or even stone butch blues cause honestly i havent read them either but the internet is accessible and lesbians exist who actively help with teaching not just lesbian but queer history in general. and even your continued adage of “not knowing what a femme is” can easily be remedied by looking into lesbianism and actually wanting to learn. but just conflating femmes as piss poor foil for butch or just “girl who dresses like a girl” is very trivializing and belittling.
fwiw, you were right that im from a place with a specific definition of "crossdressing" but it's prolly not the way ur thinking. i used to abide by a pretty loosey-goosey "gender is like whatever, man" laissez-faire etc etc attitude until i became the defacto mean lesbian/designated doorwoman for my south florida college's gsa. lottttttta evil white people you gotta shuffle in & out to keep a queer org like that functional. i was very busy 💀
i lost my whimsy doing all this conflict de-escalation & resolution (bitching white boys out of the room), it forced me to reflect on the way that common queer histories about stuff butchfemme or stonewall or AIDS or drag or etc become warped into weapons over time. im very familiar with SBB and blue collar butches and the relationship between butches & drag kings because, like, i was up to my gills in teenagers saying crazy shit like "tboys cant be lesbians" or "im like if a transmasc was transfem" and, yknow, after you get the same curveball a few times u start digging
i can explain how i arrived at my pretty negative feeling about butchfemme if you want but, to save you the time, note that there is no discussion of power in clear terms. like those historical femmes were positioned to financially abuse butches! but we never hear that story!! how many butches were getting disabled by those factory conditions but we only hear about femmes "being nice" all the time when, in real life, they are Not nice all the time. the opposite even, they are people with privilege over us, they're gonna be ignorant and petty and a little rude sometimes. how come we dont hear about butches dealing with that?
just my two cents, happy to answer questions or elaborate. godspeed
please show me historical evidence of femme lesbians systemically financially abusing butches. cause this is going away from weird takes into a new type of misogyny i did not think existed
butchfemme might be the pre-eminent example of meaningless genderfuck politics. it's a totally predictable pairing (crossdresser x noncrossdresser) that's been fetishized as "special" in some broad way (despite it being a niche & often despised practice) and is aggressively defended against seemingly endless waves of "haters" (people asking regular questions about a pretty vague idea)
like the ferociousness with which regular degular dykes will defend "femme" is disproportionate with the power of the label itself. french for effeminate. a cutesy contrast to "butch" meant to distinguish a certain relationship to power (being fem but not heterosexual). it doesnt help, either, that the word chosen is homophonic with its aesthetic counterpart, fem. it's practically DESIGNED to confuse even the most willing audience
but, where butch describes a real behavior (a woman crossdressing as a man), femme does not. there is no consistent cultural principle behind femme-ininity, no specific set of practices or ideas besides "be a lesbian who fucks crossdressers" which makes it a confusing counterpart to butch-ness. straight women can crossdress too and arguably this means being butch isnt even unique to dykes in the first place.
this makes the defensiveness feel like projection; butchfemme is conceptually incoherent, even before the practical dynamic of "woman who can be employed x woman who cannot" is understood you're already facedown in the water. once you see the obvious power dynamic behind "mean femmes vs obedient butch" it all becomes genuinely gross. it feels like there's a culture of c4t-style exploitation growing like moss over the dessicated corpse of american crossdressing
i saw this post this morning and genuinely could not stop thinking about it all day.
butch to butch i think we need to have this conversation but i want to make an entire post because i feel like its important for other people to see this post and have a bit more clarity on lesbianism, butch and femme identities, and just queer culture and history.
a butch is not simply “a woman crossdressing as man” that is a drag king without the art of theatrics.
butch is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses masculinity to subvert the gender binary and perform masculinity while simultaneously bastardizing that same masculinity away from ‘maleness’ and the patriarchy and 2) uses masculinity as protection for the lesbian and ostensibly the queer community as a whole. historically butch referred to working class blue collar women who, in order to find a job where a skirt was not required, would find factory and manufacturing jobs so that they could feel comfortable in their own identity and be forced into the gender dichotomy. in the 70’s and 80’s butch leaned closer to the idea of protection due to many butch lesbians putting themselves on the front lines of aggression and agitation from not only bigotry but also police brutality. in fact the first person to be arrested for fighting back against the police at Stonewall was a butch woman. today the butch identity not only continues the work of protection and subversion but honors all of the butches than came before us who did everything they could to exist in a world that forces everyone into a strict binary.
to claim that butch is simply an aesthetic completely negates this sociopolitical identity that has decades of history and culture in the united states alone.
and thats not even considering how you described femmes. femme lesbians, coincidentally, have a very similar history and relationship with gender as butch lesbians.
femme (not fem) is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses femininity to subvert and dismantle patriarchal gender roles of meekness and subservience by being activist and decentering men and the ‘male gaze’ from fashion and beauty standards and 2) use the privilege of passing within femininity to protect people who are ‘visibly queer’ (i.e. butches, mascs, trans people, other gnc queer people, etc)
femmes are not “lesbians who fuck crossdressers” they are integral community members within lesbian and queer spaces and we would not be where we are as LGBTQ+ people without them.
butch and femme are practices. they are roles. not aesthetics. if you want an aesthetic use masc and fem not butch and femme.
as for the “mean femme vs obedient butch” trope, i understand your confusion while not having the understanding of these labels being used in reference to gnc/gender-role subversion. but i also feel like ‘dom butch x sub femme’ trope or ‘confident butch x arm candy femme’ tope, to remove sexual tones, is just as if not more so prevalent due to the watering down of butch and femme identities to just ‘boygirl x girlgirl’ topes
i do want to be clear, i do not think you made this post out of ill will but i do believe you were misinformed about lesbian identities and their relationship with gender and sexuality. your post reads like you come from a background or community of crossdressing and if this is how butch and femme are used as labels in that community then i feel like a different conversation needs to be had within that community about the history and culture where these terms derive.
nevermind i just looked at your profile and your just someone using willful ignorance to make contrarian redditor-ass takes. you wont learn because you dont want to because it makes you special that your non-conformists. im keeping my post up cause i like my definitions of butch and femme. idk enjoy your pity party i guess
i think calling one of the most recognizable gender nonconforming identities in the whole queer community (butchfemme) “meaningless genderfuck politics” is a wild take. especially coming from a rather unique gnc identity, which we share, being butch/masc presenting transgender woman. and then saying that youve seemingly been called a “hater” for asking questions about a vague idea (butchfemme) which again is one of the most recognizable identities in queer culture. i think it may be more accurate that people have made post similar to my first one or maybe even just told you to do you own research into the culture of lesbianism to which you chose to disagree and remain believing that you knew better. im not saying to read the master doc or even stone butch blues cause honestly i havent read them either but the internet is accessible and lesbians exist who actively help with teaching not just lesbian but queer history in general. and even your continued adage of “not knowing what a femme is” can easily be remedied by looking into lesbianism and actually wanting to learn. but just conflating femmes as piss poor foil for butch or just “girl who dresses like a girl” is very trivializing and belittling.
butchfemme might be the pre-eminent example of meaningless genderfuck politics. it's a totally predictable pairing (crossdresser x noncrossdresser) that's been fetishized as "special" in some broad way (despite it being a niche & often despised practice) and is aggressively defended against seemingly endless waves of "haters" (people asking regular questions about a pretty vague idea)
like the ferociousness with which regular degular dykes will defend "femme" is disproportionate with the power of the label itself. french for effeminate. a cutesy contrast to "butch" meant to distinguish a certain relationship to power (being fem but not heterosexual). it doesnt help, either, that the word chosen is homophonic with its aesthetic counterpart, fem. it's practically DESIGNED to confuse even the most willing audience
but, where butch describes a real behavior (a woman crossdressing as a man), femme does not. there is no consistent cultural principle behind femme-ininity, no specific set of practices or ideas besides "be a lesbian who fucks crossdressers" which makes it a confusing counterpart to butch-ness. straight women can crossdress too and arguably this means being butch isnt even unique to dykes in the first place.
this makes the defensiveness feel like projection; butchfemme is conceptually incoherent, even before the practical dynamic of "woman who can be employed x woman who cannot" is understood you're already facedown in the water. once you see the obvious power dynamic behind "mean femmes vs obedient butch" it all becomes genuinely gross. it feels like there's a culture of c4t-style exploitation growing like moss over the dessicated corpse of american crossdressing
i saw this post this morning and genuinely could not stop thinking about it all day.
butch to butch i think we need to have this conversation but i want to make an entire post because i feel like its important for other people to see this post and have a bit more clarity on lesbianism, butch and femme identities, and just queer culture and history.
a butch is not simply “a woman crossdressing as man” that is a drag king without the art of theatrics.
butch is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses masculinity to subvert the gender binary and perform masculinity while simultaneously bastardizing that same masculinity away from ‘maleness’ and the patriarchy and 2) uses masculinity as protection for the lesbian and ostensibly the queer community as a whole. historically butch referred to working class blue collar women who, in order to find a job where a skirt was not required, would find factory and manufacturing jobs so that they could feel comfortable in their own identity and be forced into the gender dichotomy. in the 70’s and 80’s butch leaned closer to the idea of protection due to many butch lesbians putting themselves on the front lines of aggression and agitation from not only bigotry but also police brutality. in fact the first person to be arrested for fighting back against the police at Stonewall was a butch woman. today the butch identity not only continues the work of protection and subversion but honors all of the butches than came before us who did everything they could to exist in a world that forces everyone into a strict binary.
to claim that butch is simply an aesthetic completely negates this sociopolitical identity that has decades of history and culture in the united states alone.
and thats not even considering how you described femmes. femme lesbians, coincidentally, have a very similar history and relationship with gender as butch lesbians.
femme (not fem) is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses femininity to subvert and dismantle patriarchal gender roles of meekness and subservience by being activist and decentering men and the ‘male gaze’ from fashion and beauty standards and 2) use the privilege of passing within femininity to protect people who are ‘visibly queer’ (i.e. butches, mascs, trans people, other gnc queer people, etc)
femmes are not “lesbians who fuck crossdressers” they are integral community members within lesbian and queer spaces and we would not be where we are as LGBTQ+ people without them.
butch and femme are practices. they are roles. not aesthetics. if you want an aesthetic use masc and fem not butch and femme.
as for the “mean femme vs obedient butch” trope, i understand your confusion while not having the understanding of these labels being used in reference to gnc/gender-role subversion. but i also feel like ‘dom butch x sub femme’ trope or ‘confident butch x arm candy femme’ tope, to remove sexual tones, is just as if not more so prevalent due to the watering down of butch and femme identities to just ‘boygirl x girlgirl’ topes
i do want to be clear, i do not think you made this post out of ill will but i do believe you were misinformed about lesbian identities and their relationship with gender and sexuality. your post reads like you come from a background or community of crossdressing and if this is how butch and femme are used as labels in that community then i feel like a different conversation needs to be had within that community about the history and culture where these terms derive.
nevermind i just looked at your profile and your just someone using willful ignorance to make contrarian redditor-ass takes. you wont learn because you dont want to because it makes you special that your non-conformists. im keeping my post up cause i like my definitions of butch and femme. idk enjoy your pity party i guess
butchfemme might be the pre-eminent example of meaningless genderfuck politics. it's a totally predictable pairing (crossdresser x noncrossdresser) that's been fetishized as "special" in some broad way (despite it being a niche & often despised practice) and is aggressively defended against seemingly endless waves of "haters" (people asking regular questions about a pretty vague idea)
like the ferociousness with which regular degular dykes will defend "femme" is disproportionate with the power of the label itself. french for effeminate. a cutesy contrast to "butch" meant to distinguish a certain relationship to power (being fem but not heterosexual). it doesnt help, either, that the word chosen is homophonic with its aesthetic counterpart, fem. it's practically DESIGNED to confuse even the most willing audience
but, where butch describes a real behavior (a woman crossdressing as a man), femme does not. there is no consistent cultural principle behind femme-ininity, no specific set of practices or ideas besides "be a lesbian who fucks crossdressers" which makes it a confusing counterpart to butch-ness. straight women can crossdress too and arguably this means being butch isnt even unique to dykes in the first place.
this makes the defensiveness feel like projection; butchfemme is conceptually incoherent, even before the practical dynamic of "woman who can be employed x woman who cannot" is understood you're already facedown in the water. once you see the obvious power dynamic behind "mean femmes vs obedient butch" it all becomes genuinely gross. it feels like there's a culture of c4t-style exploitation growing like moss over the dessicated corpse of american crossdressing
i saw this post this morning and genuinely could not stop thinking about it all day.
butch to butch i think we need to have this conversation but i want to make an entire post because i feel like its important for other people to see this post and have a bit more clarity on lesbianism, butch and femme identities, and just queer culture and history.
a butch is not simply “a woman crossdressing as man” that is a drag king without the art of theatrics.
butch is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses masculinity to subvert the gender binary and perform masculinity while simultaneously bastardizing that same masculinity away from ‘maleness’ and the patriarchy and 2) uses masculinity as protection for the lesbian and ostensibly the queer community as a whole. historically butch referred to working class blue collar women who, in order to find a job where a skirt was not required, would find factory and manufacturing jobs so that they could feel comfortable in their own identity and be forced into the gender dichotomy. in the 70’s and 80’s butch leaned closer to the idea of protection due to many butch lesbians putting themselves on the front lines of aggression and agitation from not only bigotry but also police brutality. in fact the first person to be arrested for fighting back against the police at Stonewall was a butch woman. today the butch identity not only continues the work of protection and subversion but honors all of the butches than came before us who did everything they could to exist in a world that forces everyone into a strict binary.
to claim that butch is simply an aesthetic completely negates this sociopolitical identity that has decades of history and culture in the united states alone.
and thats not even considering how you described femmes. femme lesbians, coincidentally, have a very similar history and relationship with gender as butch lesbians.
femme (not fem) is an active sociopolitical role within the lesbian community, describing a gender nonconforming lesbian who 1) uses femininity to subvert and dismantle patriarchal gender roles of meekness and subservience by being activist and decentering men and the ‘male gaze’ from fashion and beauty standards and 2) use the privilege of passing within femininity to protect people who are ‘visibly queer’ (i.e. butches, mascs, trans people, other gnc queer people, etc)
femmes are not “lesbians who fuck crossdressers” they are integral community members within lesbian and queer spaces and we would not be where we are as LGBTQ+ people without them.
butch and femme are practices. they are roles. not aesthetics. if you want an aesthetic use masc and fem not butch and femme.
as for the “mean femme vs obedient butch” trope, i understand your confusion while not having the understanding of these labels being used in reference to gnc/gender-role subversion. but i also feel like ‘dom butch x sub femme’ trope or ‘confident butch x arm candy femme’ tope, to remove sexual tones, is just as if not more so prevalent due to the watering down of butch and femme identities to just ‘boygirl x girlgirl’ topes
i do want to be clear, i do not think you made this post out of ill will but i do believe you were misinformed about lesbian identities and their relationship with gender and sexuality. your post reads like you come from a background or community of crossdressing and if this is how butch and femme are used as labels in that community then i feel like a different conversation needs to be had within that community about the history and culture where these terms derive.
happy fathers day to those who, on purpose, dont have a father.
i cant be your father, but we can go fishing as a poor excuse to day drink next to a body of water. we can also sit in silence while we share a knowing glance of ‘neither of us are having a bad time.’ oh oh! then afterward we can go get burgers! :)
my wife and i had sex for nearly 3 hours this evening and toward the end i was using my mouth and a toy on her and she squirted a very large amount onto the sheets. she then, in an act of dominance, shoved my face into growing puddle on the bed and called me a “bad dog” for creating “such a mess on the bed”
moral of the story is, tell your partner your fantasies so they can fulfill them intentionally and dont just wait for a miracle.
one of the performers had lollypops and put the stick end in her mouth and had audience members take the pop part on their mouths and i was one of the lucky chosen audience. it was an incredible experience and the best birthday ive had ever
