dusik lost somebody he loved in every stage of his life.
in childhood, his parents.
in adolescence, his grandfather.
in young adulthood, his best friend.
now in his "true" adulthood, he's met hyejin who sees all of him and loves him deeply. can you imagine how absolutely terrifying that must be?
because on one hand, it must be a relief. to be reminded of the happiness and vulnerability and closeness he felt and shared with others in the past. to know that feeling those things again is actually possible. that those emotions were stowed away in some place hard to reach, but not entirely lost.
but on the other hand, it must also be dreadful. because he knows from his past experiences how quickly joy can turn into sorrow. how a fond memory can become the source of bitter and sad regret. how all of it can be taken away from him in a snatch.
when you've experienced a lot of pain, you're suspicious of every moment of ease. when everything is going well, you brace yourself in anticipation for something bad. it's like you can never fully enjoy anything because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. and life has taught dusik that yes, the shoe will absolutely fucking drop.
when i think of all of these things, dusik's apprehensions and actions become much more understandable. i think that's why the scene at the beach was so powerful; beautiful and yet somehow, so so sad. because you can actually see the fight he's having in his heart play out across his face. and you can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes--the back and forth between wanting so badly to embrace the love he feels and go all in, and fighting that voice that's preparing him for the hypothetical "worst".
(and by the way, kim seonho is an absolute genius, incredibly brilliant actor. his microexpressions really convey dusik's internal tug-of-war, i have been noticing them more and more especially since episode 9! the beach scene is just one example but there are so many bro give him a baeksang)
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