fake it until you make it || amelia & alice
xalice-clara :
As much as she had avoided talking about this with anyone, it was almost cathartic to talk to Amelia about it. She felt comfortable sharing with her, knowing from work and and the Order that she could trust the woman with just about everything. So much had happened to her in the past few weeks that she thought would change her, and make her lose trust in everyone. But talking to her friends lately, she had realized that she had not changed as much as she had thought. It was a learning and healing process for all of them, and they just needed to stick together and be there for each other. They knew what they were signing up for when they joined the war effort, knew that nothing was going to be easy. This was just another hurdle they had to get over.
“Yeah, that’s something I’m rather good at. Voicing these grand ideas without even knowing how to put them into practice,” she said airily, watching Amelia sip her coffee, gripping her own tightly between her fingers. It was especially true lately, it becoming harder and harder for her to follow her own advice. “I think we need to accept is a part of our past, a part of us. It might be the only way for us to move on, you know?” Nodding as she spoke, she wanted to laugh at the irony of their situation. “Let’s only let them make us stronger from now on. If we’re going to win this war, we can’t let them break us every time they strike.”
Letting out a sigh, Alice ran a hand through her hair and nodded. She had not been candid about her relationship with Frank, even to those who knew about them. “Yeah, we both said it…” she replied, trying to keep her tone even even as her own words hurt her. Over the weeks since everything had happened, the weight of her actions and the pain that came along with it, had begun to hit her harder and harder. “Being traumatized doesn’t excuse what I did to him. It was… different with us. What I said, what I did? I broke his trust, something that’s not too easily earned. And I didn’t stop to think about how that would affect us at work. If that doesn’t make me a prat, I don’t know what would.” Feeling her friend attempting to comfort her, a small smile made its way across her lips for a split second in thanks. Shaking her head, she looked up at her. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. Unless he has to. Which we’ve somehow avoided so far.”
Alice had not been expecting Amelia to agree to her idea, but in that moment she had never been more grateful for the decision. While she would have preferred to be able to get work done, she still wanted to get as far away from the office as possible. A true smile broke across her face as she heard the other girl’s reply. “Yes! Let’s go!” she said, laughing as she was pulled from her chair. “Don’t worry, love. Molly gave me a killer hangover potion that will make it seem like you drank water all night.”
As difficult as it was to speak about all this with anyone, she was glad that she was able to discuss it with Alice. There was almost something soothing about it, as if the knowledge that the other girl had been ruffled too made it easier for her to accept her own weakness. Alice was one of the strongest people she had ever met, and the intensity of their reactions seemed normalized now that the were capable of discussing them at length. Trauma wasn’t only physical, and at times it was difficult to remember that when they saw so much pain, suffering, and death, that strength came from within during their darkest hours. Perhaps that was why they needed one another, now more than ever, to remind one another that it was okay to be afraid and it was okay to mourn their losses, but eventually they would have to stand up and fight again, for themselves and the people they loved.
Merlin forbid the day Alice Prewett was no longer in her life.
“At least you’re coming up with ideas. That’s half the battle right there. Putting things into practice is... complicated, but at least our hearts are in the right place,” Amelia said confidently, giving the other girl a warm smile as she shrugged one of her shoulders simply. “What matters is that we learn from this experience and we grow, right? Maybe we’re more prepared than ever to fight those jerks now. We’ve already seen the worst they can do to us, and while it’s horrifying, we can keep them from playing it out to the best of our abilities. If we can’t, well, at least we tried. It’s better then sitting back and putting our hands up and letting them get the best of us. I think they were hoping this would scare us into giving up. If we saw everyone we love die, that we’d somehow think backing down is the right answer.” Letting out a scoff, she shook her head, pursing her lips. While it might have caught them off guard for a while, it was clear the enemy didn’t know who they were dealing with. They were stronger than their nightmares, stronger than anything they could throw their way. “We have to be unbreakable. You and me, we’ll remind one another of what matters if we ever feel this way again, okay?”
Glancing sympathetically at Alice, she pushed her hand through her own tawny curls, trying to put herself in the other’s shoes. She could understand her guilt over the situation, the agony that must be excruciating as it radiated out from her broken heart, and she wanted nothing more than to be able to ease that pain for her. “You were scared of what could happen to him. Scared of making yourself vulnerable, Alice. That doesn’t mean you’re a prat. Yes, maybe you hurt him, but you hurt yourself too. That much is apparent,” Amelia said softly, her gaze searching her expression. “You’ll talk again when the time is right. Give it time. I promise you it’ll be okay in the end, whatever happens. Even if I have to step in and lock you both in your office together,” she joked, her lips quirking at the corners. “I’m not above doing that either, just say the word.”
Releasing a laugh, she looked over at Alice with a grin, making her way out of the Ministry with the other girl. She hoped that with any luck the two of them getting to have some fun would make them feel better and remind them why they had to keep up the fight. Bumping her shoulder against Alice’s as she walked, she raised both brows. “You got it from Molly? Oh, I have severely underestimated her in that case. Merlin bless her.”
