"With all my knowledge and intrusion... I could never entirely predict you. I can feed the caterpillar and I can whisper through the chrysalis, but... what hatches, follows its own nature and is beyond me."
i have a request if thats okaaay would you please do some hurt/comfort with astarion... maybe format like the kisses post where its how he likes/needs to be comforted and then how he does it for you... 🥹❤️
YESSSS I LOVE THIS THANK YOU FOR ASKING LOVELY ANON
Astarion: how he gives and receives comfort
this one's kind of long but it's such a good question
gives:
sharing space, words of encouragement, acts of service
admittedly, Astarion isn't very skilled in giving comfort or comforting others. BUT
you matter to him. so much. so very much that he's trying desperately to learn what to do when you're upset.
he's never really cared before... for anyone. so there's a lot to mess up here -- the love of his life is going through something and he does not know how in the hells to handle it. this means that in the beginning, he'll run away. before he's sure of himself and your relationship, he'll give you space and not really want to confront the fact that that may not be what you need in the moment. he's scared to try because he doesn't want to make things worse. you'll have to tell him that you need him. and while this does make him feel incredibly valued and wanted, it scares him.
after some time, he'll try in his own way to comfort you. this often means telling you (through some awkward throat clearing and maybe not with the best eye contact) that he cares, and he's trying to learn how to show it. this means he'll say things like: "darling, we've overcome the world together. there's nothing you can't accomplish with me by your side." or "no matter what happens, i'm here. you're a gift too precious to squander." or "to hells with them all anyway. swine can't tell the difference between silk and shit." [an: damn that's a good line. i like that one. i'll have to write that into a fic or something]. he wants you to know that he's loyal to you and he's devoted to supporting you.
sometimes, he can tell that you don't want to talk. if he doesn't know what to say, he'll sit with you. sometimes this means mending your wounds or holding you, and sometimes this means just existing in the same space as you. he understands better than anyone that touch isn't always the most comforting thing to someone in distress.
but he will do what he can for you. he gives you space to grieve or to be upset. now -- this takes some time for him to learn. just like learning what to say, he has to learn that a spoiled mood isn't something you can always rush someone out of. in the beginning, he wanted to 'fix' your disposition as soon as he could. he doesn't like seeing you hurt. but after some time and some experience, he's come to accept that the best treatment for a broken heart or a crushed spirit is to mourn the fragments of something that was once whole. he'll do whatever he can while you're in that space. cleaning? done. cooking? he'll try his best. he may even hum to you if you ask.
overall, he just wants to make it better. and he doesn't believe a man like him is capable of that, in the beginning, but he puts all he can into learning how to.
recieves:
being given space, words of encouragement, non-sexual touch
one of the reasons Astarion gives you space before he knows how to comfort you is that he appreciates having space when he's upset. he's spent so long living in someone else's shadow, it's a relief to know he can have the time and space to process his feelings all on his own. but there's a fine balance here. he likes to be able to choose to be alone, but he doesn't want to be forced to be alone. the best way to handle this is to ask him if he needs space. ask him if something is wrong and what he needs to feel supported. the first time you asked him this, he was shocked and didn't know what to say for a moment. a common theme in my interpretation of Astarion is that he stalls out when shown kindness or thoughtfulness. this is mainly because of how he reacts in game when he's allowed to choose whether to bite Araj. he seems to pause when shown consideration. so, ask him if he needs space, if he needs to talk about what he's feeling, or if he wants a distraction. nine times out of ten he'll want some time to figure out what he's feeling. he hasn't had the autonomy or agency to process his own feelings for two centuries or more. so he needs some space to decide what *he* thinks and feels first.
encourage him. tell him you won't leave. tell him that you're happy to give him space, that you're happy to give him time, that you're not angry with him for not knowing what he needs yet. reassure him that you'll still choose him, always. he's scared that you won't. i feel that Astarion thinks something is "wrong" with him, and that a core anxiety of his is that people will always leave him or betray him once they see how damaged he is. this claim requires a whole other post for elaboration, but to clarify: i don't think Astarion lacks self esteem or self respect, i just think he has a monster complex. so when you show and tell him that you see him as your partner and the person you love rather than an indulgence or a temporary temptation, he appreciates it very much. he likes when you tell him you've got his back.
give him a hug. please. no flirting, no teasing -- no sexual contact. at all. just support him through connection. and ask him before you do!! hold his hand, kiss his cheek, hold him close, rub circles on his skin -- ground him through the physical contact. it makes him feel seen and cared for, not lusted after and used.
overall, he wants reassurance that you're here for *him* and that you see him wholly and still want to stay.
i hope this covers all the bases! and if you have more to add i'd love to hear it <3
jbbartram-illu
blakekathryn
2087
origamiaround
vaporwave
andulkaphoto
