Just Jam, I Am

I’m a whole lot of nonsense unleashed. Living life for Jesus and sharing my ups and downs.

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Bro

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Burn baby Burn!!

I never thought I’d be considering it, but here it is. I have to join a gym. I’ve been fighting PCOS PASSIVELY far to long. I can’t keep living like this. So, as part of my commitment to ttc it’s time to shed some pounds. I’m 5’ 2” and 170lbs the largest I’ve ever been in my entire life. I have no idea what I’m getting myself in to. I don’t know how to treat my body. I don’t know how to eat right. I don’t know what to do to prepare for a work out. I don’t know what to expect from a workout. I don’t know how to recover from a workout. I’m on the hunt though. I’ve got a lot of gym options in my area to choose from, but deciding which will be best is going to be difficult because I don’t know the differences. There are body building gyms with classes and trainers. There are gyms that are individual based. There is CrossFit, Boot camps, hot yoga, rock climbing, and the list goes on. I’m clueless. I don’t even know of any recourses to research this stuff... I feel like I new born. We shall see how this all unfolds I suppose. I just hope I don’t convince myself I’m defeated even before I start.

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Struggling.

So, this appointment coming up with my new doctor is stressing me out. I think I’m finally at a place were I think it’s okay try medical treatments to conceive. I’ve been battling this decision for a long time and at times have felt conflicted about it due to my religious beliefs. I don’t want to compromise on the word of God, but He also has allowed the development of medicine. Soo.....

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Can I go home yet?

Oh man. I’ve been visiting my family for the last 10 days back in my home town. Well, I’ve been visiting my sister and brother while my parents are on vacation. It’s been difficult emotionally. I look at them and I want to see the tiny little monsters who pronounced my name incorrectly and that became my nickname. They would follow me around and adored me. I didn’t always appreciate this and now it’s really hitting hard. They’re TEENAGERS. Its Awful! I’m ready to run. Thank goodness I go home in two days.

[quotesick]

“I tried being reasonable. Didn’t take to it.”

McCree // Overwatch

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Lol

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Tumblr is a strange place..

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Let’s get real.

Hey everyone! I’m starting again and it’s kind of strange. I feel the need to document and share the process with you all.

I’ve been dealing with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) since I was 17. My husband and I have been not trying/not preventing (NT/NP) for 3yrs, but nothing has happened. I go through phases of being really excited to try then nothing happens or improves. I end up discouraged and I stop all together. I haven’t seen aunty flow (AF) since Sept 2017. I’ve been really nonchalant about my health for years and things are just progressively getting worse. I’ve done some research lately and I’ve been kind of awakened to the reality that this is not healthy. My PCOS is affecting my overall health. I’m morbidly obese despite carrying my weight inconspicuously, my cholesterol is sky high, my blood sugar is not great, recently digagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS),and now dealing with daily acid reflux...

I managed my PCOS with birth control for many years and I’ve felt great guilt and shame because of my religious convictions because of it. I’ve also felt great fear of trying other medications, procedures and treatments to actually try to have a child. I stopped birth control in Dec 2017 and still haven’t seen af. I also took a medication to jump start some things recently and nothing happened. I was so upset and really embarrassed. I shut down and refused to call my doctor because I had been through so many conversations of I want to do something to actually conceive and the first step I took failed. It was heartbreaking.

I’ve found a new doctor closer to my home I was previously visiting a doctor that was an hour away, and I’ve come to realize how unrealistic it was to maintain that. I’ve also felt such shame about how inconsistent my efforts to conceive have been. I do have some reservations regarding the fact that my new doctor is male. I’ve never visited a male obgyn, but I’m trying to be unbaised and hope that he is genuinely well educated despite his lack of personal experience with female issues. I hope that his professional experience is incredible and that despite how anxious I may be that he can help solve these hurdles that have stood in my way of having a child.