Johnny Faust

I choose my fate, it’s never too late. Looking through the gates, the devil awaits. |Mature Content RP| #Reckless #AmericanSatan #TheRelentless

[justlethimburn]

|| Johnny Faust

The Relentless

#AmericanSatan RP

Mature and Triggering Content

#Reckless

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words…sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What…what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind…” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“What do you mean you’re not going back to the band?”

I was a little shocked by his words. This was his dream. Everything he worked hard far. I didn’t make a deal with the devil for shits and giggles. A price had to be paid and he would get his soul. Not mine. Lily would suffice and it would be done. I just had to bide my time. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done.

“You have to, Johnny. Your music made a difference and people adore you. You can find someone to replace Lily.”

[justlethimburn]

“Gretchen…the forces of darkness aren’t something to deal with. I’ve learned the hard way. If staying away from the band means that I get to be with you and away from all of that, that’s what I’ll do…But if you want her soul sacrificed, you have to know the full extent of what that means.” I wanted her to understand it wasn’t safe and I didn’t want her hurt in any sort of way, but I’d fucked up and I’d make it right however that needed to happen. “You don’t understand what we all did…what we saw.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“I’m fully aware of the forces of darkness and what comes the realm of dealings with the devil, Johnny.”

I moved away from him and walked over to the window. I gazed out at the falling rain. The sky lit up with bolts of lightning. As I started at my own reflection in that moment, I almost saw a darkness in my eyes, and knew what was coming.

“How do you think /I/ got you out of jail?”

My back was to him. I wouldn’t turn around. He needed to really think about his actions.

[justlethimburn]

I ran my hand through my hair, dark pieces falling to the side as she walked over to the window. The rumble of thunder echoed around the home and I took a few slow steps toward her. Something was off…the room growing slightly cold as she spoke. I hadn’t given that a thought…how she got me out of jail. I figured her and the others had different ways to make it work, ways to get me out and I wasn’t going to question it. I didn’t like the way she spoke, the way her voice grew quieter and she didn’t look at me. 

Taking a few slow steps toward her, I reached out to touch her shoulder, frowning. She shouldn’t know anything bout the forces of darkness. I had to protect her from that. “H-How?” I dreaded the answer, not liking how the conversation was going. 

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes went pitch black. It was almost like I was outside of my body and watching. It was me but it wasn’t in that moment. Turning around to face him. I felt cold but not towards him.

“How do you think?” My voice was an octave higher and the demon was making his first appearance.

“Gretchen did what she had to do. You will do as I say or she /will/ pay this debt with her life. You /will/ continue with your music. You /will/ sacrifice Lily. Do you understand? Do you?”

The demon hissed at Johnny. My eyes changed and I fell against him. Looking up at him with a frightened look on my face. I said his name and apologized before fainting.

“Johnny, I’m sorry.”

[justlethimburn]

My feet took an involuntary step back as her eyes changed to black, shock painted itself over my face. what the hell? The room seemed to drop in temperature as she spoke…no not Gretchen…something else. Fuck. /Fuck/. 

I didn’t have a choice, things were darker than I ever could have imagined. She was possessed and I’d failed her. I was supposed to protect her, stay by her side and in losing myself in the music…I’d lost her. I knew how this worked, and she was the most important thing in the world to me and I would do what the demon wanted until I could free her.

I nodded in agreement, unable to do anything else in that moment. “O-okay. I’ll do it.”

My hands moved to grab her as she fell, turning back into my love. I slowly carried her over to the couch and sat down, pulling her up onto it with me. Tears grew in my eyes as I lowered my head to kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry…it’s all my fault. Not yours.”

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes fluttered open and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I tried to focus my vision on his face. Raising my hand to touch his cheek. I was now in tears. He knew. This was something I so desperately tried to avoid. The lengths I had taken to get him out of jail had cost me dearly.

“No, Johnny. Please don’t say that. I knew what I was getting myself into when I made this deal. I wanted you out of jail so badly. I said I’d five my soul to the devil and her appeared. However; he made a deal with me. He said as long as I got you to contiinue with music and find him a suitable soul. He would not take mine but I would forever be bound to him. I’ve become a vessel for one of his children. I don’t know when it will come again. It could be hours, days, weeks, or even months. I’m scared, Johnny.”

[justlethimburn]

My fingers ran through her hair as I shook my head. “No, love, it’s my fault.” I couldn’t believe this. My Gretchen…I’d failed her in so many ways and I was so angry with myself! Had I followed the plans we initially set out, we wouldn’t be here. “I can’t…I can’t say how thankful I am for you. You didn’t deserve this. I messed up and now you’re being dragged into this even more. I won’t leave your side okay? I’m going to be with you and make sure you’re safe from that demon. We’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll find a soul, I’ll play rock and roll. Anything to keep you safe.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“No more lies, Johnny. There is only so much I can take. Promise me there is nothing else. I don’t think my heart can be hit with another blow like that. I have been miserable without you. Despite everything the way I feel about you has never changed. You’re my life. Things can back to how they once were but you have to stop your wild ways.”

I needed to make things clear with him. Placing my right hand on his cheek. I could see the sadnees in his eyes. I knew when something was bothering him.

“What is it? Just lay it on me. I know there is more.”

[justlethimburn]

I kept her close to me as she spoke, my eyes searching hers to find love, honesty and sadness. I hated that I’d brought us here, she didn’t deserve any of this and she had gone out of her way to make sure I could be safe…even after everything I did. 

Pressing my forehead to hers, I let out a long slow sigh and closed my eyes. She knew about the incident with the girl and her mom on the bus. I’d been open about everything that had happened. If she didn’t find it out from me, she found it out from the press and I never lied to her, not after I had gotten out of jail. I knew that we could find a way to make this work because she had tried so hard to free me. There was just one thing left to say, and I had hoped I could avoid it. My instinct was to keep it a secret so she didn’t get hurt again, but if we were going to clear the air and move forward, I had to be honest.

I took her hands and pulled back, holding them tightly as my brow furrowed. “The girl from the bus…she’s been trying to contact me. Apparently she’s…” The words paused on my tongue and I had to force them out. “Pregnant.” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Hearing that one word sent me into a rage that I could not contain. I was beyond pissed. This sent me over the edge. My teeth clenched and my nostrils flared. I felt like Johnny had just punched me in the gut. Everything I felt for Lily was now overshadowed with the fact that some girl was pregnant. Snatching my hands away from him. I sat up and just stared. Again if looks could kill he’d be dead. Slapping him across the face before getting up and pacing the living room. I wanted to cry but no tears would fall. I wanted to yell at him but no words came out. Doubling over and holding my stomach. I screamed. I screamed like I never had before. The sound that escaped me scared my cat. I saw her dart from the sofa and run down the hall to the bedroom. My hands balled up into tight fists. I silently counted from ten to one. Hoping it would calm me down.

“LEAVE!” I yelled but would not turn around to face him. Was this what I really wanted? No. I wasn’t going to let them win. He was the love of my life. He was mine.

“No. Stay.” I finally said as calmly as I could. “We will fix this. She is a child. She cannot even take care of herself let alone a baby. You will get a lawyer and take the baby away from her. You will not give them a dime. They knew what they were doing. You will not fall into some trap. They are trailer park trash, Johnny. You will get your baby and I will raise the baby as my own.”

[justlethimburn]

I gave her a moment, my heart breaking to watch her like this. I’d caused her so much pain and it just kept happening, but I couldn’t think of anything else I needed to tell her. That should be it, all of the consequences of my actions on the road. I hadn’t been thinking when I fucked that girl, I wasn’t thinking when I did a lot of those things but it was all still on me. I knew that. I betrayed her in so many ways, I was surprised she still wanted to be around. 

Pushing my hand through my hair, I stood up and watched her. She deserved time to process through this, whether or not I was there. The words that left her mouth next shocked me though, my mouth falling open slightly. If she was going to stick by me during this too? Then I would do whatever it took. 

Nodding, I took a few careful steps toward her. “If that’s really what you want? It would be easier than trying to make up some deal…and she’s a kit herself.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“It is what I want. I can look past your mistakes, Johnny. I’m not perfect. I never claimed to be. Was I hurt? Yes. That doesn’t mean that I’ll never forgive you. You’re the the love of my life. We can make this work. Just no more secrets. Do I want Lily gone? Absolutely. As far as the baby. It is not their fault that they’re being brought into this world. That baby is part of you. I will love he or she as if they were my own. I will adopt the baby once everything is finalized with the mother. I mean it, Johnny. You will not give them a dime. You have a good legal team that can help us get your baby. I also want some sort of document signed. Years from now I don’t want the birth money coming back to try and extort money from you or want to be in your child’s life.”

I was determined to make it work with him. Was I jealous that someone else was carrying his child? I sure as fuck was but I was not going to let it get to me. I had him back and that was all that mattered. Pulling him into my arms. I held him tightly. Wanting him to know that despite everything. I loved him.

“I love you, Johnny. Always. Stay with me.”

[justlethimburn]

My arms wrapped around her as I held her tightly, never wanting to let her go. What a situation we found ourselves in. She was possessed by a demon because she made a deal to keep me safe, and I was the father of a baby she wanted. We would make this work though, we had to. I had faith in the two of us after all and I wasn’t going to let anything come between us. “I will get the paperwork done tomorrow, and I’m gonna make sure that we are taken care of forever. I love you baby.” 

Pulling back, I lowered my lips to hers, capturing them in a soft kiss. My hand moved up to cup her cheek as I kept her close. It was getting late but I was by no means tired, not yet. I’d stay with her, remind her why we needed to be together and then tomorrow I would set out to correct all of the mistakes I’d made. 

My hand moved into her hair, tugging slightly as I kissed her harder, losing myself in the taste of the only woman I had ever loved.

[ambrosialmadness]

When he kissed me again. I knew that I was making the right decision. He was were he belonged. With me. I couldn’t live without Johnny. Now that everything was out in the open. We’d be able to move forward. Was part of me pissed about the pregnant teen? Of course but a baby was a blessing. I wanted a baby even if I was not my biological child.

My arms looped around his neck. Fingers threading through his disheveled hair. I was content in the living arms of my heart. His sweet scent had me weak at the knees. Breaking the kiss after several moments. I cupped his face in my hands and just admired his face.

“I will always love you. Our love will always win over anything thrown our way. Others may want to see us fail but we won’t let them get that satisfation. I want to make you happy. We will talk things out. We will make our relationship better. I want you here with me. We can go get your stuff. Starting tonight my house is your house. Move in with me?”

I knew he wouldn’t say no. If he did. He was stupid.

[justlethimburn]

Her words were absolute bliss, her body pressed against mine a familiar comfort. My last would be never hold me back again. I would move forward and find a way to save Gretchen from the demon inside of her and we would have our life together like it should have been.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m here and I’m never leaving you again.” My hands cupped her face as I smiled down at her, finally feeling the air around us clear of lies and disdain. “I’ll stay here tonight and tomorrow we get my things.”

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words…sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What…what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind…” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“What do you mean you’re not going back to the band?”

I was a little shocked by his words. This was his dream. Everything he worked hard far. I didn’t make a deal with the devil for shits and giggles. A price had to be paid and he would get his soul. Not mine. Lily would suffice and it would be done. I just had to bide my time. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done.

“You have to, Johnny. Your music made a difference and people adore you. You can find someone to replace Lily.”

[justlethimburn]

“Gretchen…the forces of darkness aren’t something to deal with. I’ve learned the hard way. If staying away from the band means that I get to be with you and away from all of that, that’s what I’ll do…But if you want her soul sacrificed, you have to know the full extent of what that means.” I wanted her to understand it wasn’t safe and I didn’t want her hurt in any sort of way, but I’d fucked up and I’d make it right however that needed to happen. “You don’t understand what we all did…what we saw.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“I’m fully aware of the forces of darkness and what comes the realm of dealings with the devil, Johnny.”

I moved away from him and walked over to the window. I gazed out at the falling rain. The sky lit up with bolts of lightning. As I started at my own reflection in that moment, I almost saw a darkness in my eyes, and knew what was coming.

“How do you think /I/ got you out of jail?”

My back was to him. I wouldn’t turn around. He needed to really think about his actions.

[justlethimburn]

I ran my hand through my hair, dark pieces falling to the side as she walked over to the window. The rumble of thunder echoed around the home and I took a few slow steps toward her. Something was off…the room growing slightly cold as she spoke. I hadn’t given that a thought…how she got me out of jail. I figured her and the others had different ways to make it work, ways to get me out and I wasn’t going to question it. I didn’t like the way she spoke, the way her voice grew quieter and she didn’t look at me. 

Taking a few slow steps toward her, I reached out to touch her shoulder, frowning. She shouldn’t know anything bout the forces of darkness. I had to protect her from that. “H-How?” I dreaded the answer, not liking how the conversation was going. 

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes went pitch black. It was almost like I was outside of my body and watching. It was me but it wasn’t in that moment. Turning around to face him. I felt cold but not towards him.

“How do you think?” My voice was an octave higher and the demon was making his first appearance.

“Gretchen did what she had to do. You will do as I say or she /will/ pay this debt with her life. You /will/ continue with your music. You /will/ sacrifice Lily. Do you understand? Do you?”

The demon hissed at Johnny. My eyes changed and I fell against him. Looking up at him with a frightened look on my face. I said his name and apologized before fainting.

“Johnny, I’m sorry.”

[justlethimburn]

My feet took an involuntary step back as her eyes changed to black, shock painted itself over my face. what the hell? The room seemed to drop in temperature as she spoke…no not Gretchen…something else. Fuck. /Fuck/. 

I didn’t have a choice, things were darker than I ever could have imagined. She was possessed and I’d failed her. I was supposed to protect her, stay by her side and in losing myself in the music…I’d lost her. I knew how this worked, and she was the most important thing in the world to me and I would do what the demon wanted until I could free her.

I nodded in agreement, unable to do anything else in that moment. “O-okay. I’ll do it.”

My hands moved to grab her as she fell, turning back into my love. I slowly carried her over to the couch and sat down, pulling her up onto it with me. Tears grew in my eyes as I lowered my head to kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry…it’s all my fault. Not yours.”

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes fluttered open and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I tried to focus my vision on his face. Raising my hand to touch his cheek. I was now in tears. He knew. This was something I so desperately tried to avoid. The lengths I had taken to get him out of jail had cost me dearly.

“No, Johnny. Please don’t say that. I knew what I was getting myself into when I made this deal. I wanted you out of jail so badly. I said I’d five my soul to the devil and her appeared. However; he made a deal with me. He said as long as I got you to contiinue with music and find him a suitable soul. He would not take mine but I would forever be bound to him. I’ve become a vessel for one of his children. I don’t know when it will come again. It could be hours, days, weeks, or even months. I’m scared, Johnny.”

[justlethimburn]

My fingers ran through her hair as I shook my head. “No, love, it’s my fault.” I couldn’t believe this. My Gretchen…I’d failed her in so many ways and I was so angry with myself! Had I followed the plans we initially set out, we wouldn’t be here. “I can’t…I can’t say how thankful I am for you. You didn’t deserve this. I messed up and now you’re being dragged into this even more. I won’t leave your side okay? I’m going to be with you and make sure you’re safe from that demon. We’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll find a soul, I’ll play rock and roll. Anything to keep you safe.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“No more lies, Johnny. There is only so much I can take. Promise me there is nothing else. I don’t think my heart can be hit with another blow like that. I have been miserable without you. Despite everything the way I feel about you has never changed. You’re my life. Things can back to how they once were but you have to stop your wild ways.”

I needed to make things clear with him. Placing my right hand on his cheek. I could see the sadnees in his eyes. I knew when something was bothering him.

“What is it? Just lay it on me. I know there is more.”

[justlethimburn]

I kept her close to me as she spoke, my eyes searching hers to find love, honesty and sadness. I hated that I’d brought us here, she didn’t deserve any of this and she had gone out of her way to make sure I could be safe…even after everything I did. 

Pressing my forehead to hers, I let out a long slow sigh and closed my eyes. She knew about the incident with the girl and her mom on the bus. I’d been open about everything that had happened. If she didn’t find it out from me, she found it out from the press and I never lied to her, not after I had gotten out of jail. I knew that we could find a way to make this work because she had tried so hard to free me. There was just one thing left to say, and I had hoped I could avoid it. My instinct was to keep it a secret so she didn’t get hurt again, but if we were going to clear the air and move forward, I had to be honest.

I took her hands and pulled back, holding them tightly as my brow furrowed. “The girl from the bus…she’s been trying to contact me. Apparently she’s…” The words paused on my tongue and I had to force them out. “Pregnant.” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Hearing that one word sent me into a rage that I could not contain. I was beyond pissed. This sent me over the edge. My teeth clenched and my nostrils flared. I felt like Johnny had just punched me in the gut. Everything I felt for Lily was now overshadowed with the fact that some girl was pregnant. Snatching my hands away from him. I sat up and just stared. Again if looks could kill he’d be dead. Slapping him across the face before getting up and pacing the living room. I wanted to cry but no tears would fall. I wanted to yell at him but no words came out. Doubling over and holding my stomach. I screamed. I screamed like I never had before. The sound that escaped me scared my cat. I saw her dart from the sofa and run down the hall to the bedroom. My hands balled up into tight fists. I silently counted from ten to one. Hoping it would calm me down.

“LEAVE!” I yelled but would not turn around to face him. Was this what I really wanted? No. I wasn’t going to let them win. He was the love of my life. He was mine.

“No. Stay.” I finally said as calmly as I could. “We will fix this. She is a child. She cannot even take care of herself let alone a baby. You will get a lawyer and take the baby away from her. You will not give them a dime. They knew what they were doing. You will not fall into some trap. They are trailer park trash, Johnny. You will get your baby and I will raise the baby as my own.”

[justlethimburn]

I gave her a moment, my heart breaking to watch her like this. I’d caused her so much pain and it just kept happening, but I couldn’t think of anything else I needed to tell her. That should be it, all of the consequences of my actions on the road. I hadn’t been thinking when I fucked that girl, I wasn’t thinking when I did a lot of those things but it was all still on me. I knew that. I betrayed her in so many ways, I was surprised she still wanted to be around. 

Pushing my hand through my hair, I stood up and watched her. She deserved time to process through this, whether or not I was there. The words that left her mouth next shocked me though, my mouth falling open slightly. If she was going to stick by me during this too? Then I would do whatever it took. 

Nodding, I took a few careful steps toward her. “If that’s really what you want? It would be easier than trying to make up some deal…and she’s a kit herself.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“It is what I want. I can look past your mistakes, Johnny. I’m not perfect. I never claimed to be. Was I hurt? Yes. That doesn’t mean that I’ll never forgive you. You’re the the love of my life. We can make this work. Just no more secrets. Do I want Lily gone? Absolutely. As far as the baby. It is not their fault that they’re being brought into this world. That baby is part of you. I will love he or she as if they were my own. I will adopt the baby once everything is finalized with the mother. I mean it, Johnny. You will not give them a dime. You have a good legal team that can help us get your baby. I also want some sort of document signed. Years from now I don’t want the birth money coming back to try and extort money from you or want to be in your child’s life.”

I was determined to make it work with him. Was I jealous that someone else was carrying his child? I sure as fuck was but I was not going to let it get to me. I had him back and that was all that mattered. Pulling him into my arms. I held him tightly. Wanting him to know that despite everything. I loved him.

“I love you, Johnny. Always. Stay with me.”

[justlethimburn]

My arms wrapped around her as I held her tightly, never wanting to let her go. What a situation we found ourselves in. She was possessed by a demon because she made a deal to keep me safe, and I was the father of a baby she wanted. We would make this work though, we had to. I had faith in the two of us after all and I wasn’t going to let anything come between us. “I will get the paperwork done tomorrow, and I’m gonna make sure that we are taken care of forever. I love you baby.” 

Pulling back, I lowered my lips to hers, capturing them in a soft kiss. My hand moved up to cup her cheek as I kept her close. It was getting late but I was by no means tired, not yet. I’d stay with her, remind her why we needed to be together and then tomorrow I would set out to correct all of the mistakes I’d made. 

My hand moved into her hair, tugging slightly as I kissed her harder, losing myself in the taste of the only woman I had ever loved.

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words…sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What…what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind…” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“What do you mean you’re not going back to the band?”

I was a little shocked by his words. This was his dream. Everything he worked hard far. I didn’t make a deal with the devil for shits and giggles. A price had to be paid and he would get his soul. Not mine. Lily would suffice and it would be done. I just had to bide my time. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done.

“You have to, Johnny. Your music made a difference and people adore you. You can find someone to replace Lily.”

[justlethimburn]

“Gretchen…the forces of darkness aren’t something to deal with. I’ve learned the hard way. If staying away from the band means that I get to be with you and away from all of that, that’s what I’ll do…But if you want her soul sacrificed, you have to know the full extent of what that means.” I wanted her to understand it wasn’t safe and I didn’t want her hurt in any sort of way, but I’d fucked up and I’d make it right however that needed to happen. “You don’t understand what we all did…what we saw.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“I’m fully aware of the forces of darkness and what comes the realm of dealings with the devil, Johnny.”

I moved away from him and walked over to the window. I gazed out at the falling rain. The sky lit up with bolts of lightning. As I started at my own reflection in that moment, I almost saw a darkness in my eyes, and knew what was coming.

“How do you think /I/ got you out of jail?”

My back was to him. I wouldn’t turn around. He needed to really think about his actions.

[justlethimburn]

I ran my hand through my hair, dark pieces falling to the side as she walked over to the window. The rumble of thunder echoed around the home and I took a few slow steps toward her. Something was off…the room growing slightly cold as she spoke. I hadn’t given that a thought…how she got me out of jail. I figured her and the others had different ways to make it work, ways to get me out and I wasn’t going to question it. I didn’t like the way she spoke, the way her voice grew quieter and she didn’t look at me. 

Taking a few slow steps toward her, I reached out to touch her shoulder, frowning. She shouldn’t know anything bout the forces of darkness. I had to protect her from that. “H-How?” I dreaded the answer, not liking how the conversation was going. 

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes went pitch black. It was almost like I was outside of my body and watching. It was me but it wasn’t in that moment. Turning around to face him. I felt cold but not towards him.

“How do you think?” My voice was an octave higher and the demon was making his first appearance.

“Gretchen did what she had to do. You will do as I say or she /will/ pay this debt with her life. You /will/ continue with your music. You /will/ sacrifice Lily. Do you understand? Do you?”

The demon hissed at Johnny. My eyes changed and I fell against him. Looking up at him with a frightened look on my face. I said his name and apologized before fainting.

“Johnny, I’m sorry.”

[justlethimburn]

My feet took an involuntary step back as her eyes changed to black, shock painted itself over my face. what the hell? The room seemed to drop in temperature as she spoke…no not Gretchen…something else. Fuck. /Fuck/. 

I didn’t have a choice, things were darker than I ever could have imagined. She was possessed and I’d failed her. I was supposed to protect her, stay by her side and in losing myself in the music…I’d lost her. I knew how this worked, and she was the most important thing in the world to me and I would do what the demon wanted until I could free her.

I nodded in agreement, unable to do anything else in that moment. “O-okay. I’ll do it.”

My hands moved to grab her as she fell, turning back into my love. I slowly carried her over to the couch and sat down, pulling her up onto it with me. Tears grew in my eyes as I lowered my head to kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry…it’s all my fault. Not yours.”

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes fluttered open and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I tried to focus my vision on his face. Raising my hand to touch his cheek. I was now in tears. He knew. This was something I so desperately tried to avoid. The lengths I had taken to get him out of jail had cost me dearly.

“No, Johnny. Please don’t say that. I knew what I was getting myself into when I made this deal. I wanted you out of jail so badly. I said I’d five my soul to the devil and her appeared. However; he made a deal with me. He said as long as I got you to contiinue with music and find him a suitable soul. He would not take mine but I would forever be bound to him. I’ve become a vessel for one of his children. I don’t know when it will come again. It could be hours, days, weeks, or even months. I’m scared, Johnny.”

[justlethimburn]

My fingers ran through her hair as I shook my head. “No, love, it’s my fault.” I couldn’t believe this. My Gretchen…I’d failed her in so many ways and I was so angry with myself! Had I followed the plans we initially set out, we wouldn’t be here. “I can’t…I can’t say how thankful I am for you. You didn’t deserve this. I messed up and now you’re being dragged into this even more. I won’t leave your side okay? I’m going to be with you and make sure you’re safe from that demon. We’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll find a soul, I’ll play rock and roll. Anything to keep you safe.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“No more lies, Johnny. There is only so much I can take. Promise me there is nothing else. I don’t think my heart can be hit with another blow like that. I have been miserable without you. Despite everything the way I feel about you has never changed. You’re my life. Things can back to how they once were but you have to stop your wild ways.”

I needed to make things clear with him. Placing my right hand on his cheek. I could see the sadnees in his eyes. I knew when something was bothering him.

“What is it? Just lay it on me. I know there is more.”

[justlethimburn]

I kept her close to me as she spoke, my eyes searching hers to find love, honesty and sadness. I hated that I’d brought us here, she didn’t deserve any of this and she had gone out of her way to make sure I could be safe…even after everything I did. 

Pressing my forehead to hers, I let out a long slow sigh and closed my eyes. She knew about the incident with the girl and her mom on the bus. I’d been open about everything that had happened. If she didn’t find it out from me, she found it out from the press and I never lied to her, not after I had gotten out of jail. I knew that we could find a way to make this work because she had tried so hard to free me. There was just one thing left to say, and I had hoped I could avoid it. My instinct was to keep it a secret so she didn’t get hurt again, but if we were going to clear the air and move forward, I had to be honest.

I took her hands and pulled back, holding them tightly as my brow furrowed. “The girl from the bus…she’s been trying to contact me. Apparently she’s…” The words paused on my tongue and I had to force them out. “Pregnant.” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Hearing that one word sent me into a rage that I could not contain. I was beyond pissed. This sent me over the edge. My teeth clenched and my nostrils flared. I felt like Johnny had just punched me in the gut. Everything I felt for Lily was now overshadowed with the fact that some girl was pregnant. Snatching my hands away from him. I sat up and just stared. Again if looks could kill he’d be dead. Slapping him across the face before getting up and pacing the living room. I wanted to cry but no tears would fall. I wanted to yell at him but no words came out. Doubling over and holding my stomach. I screamed. I screamed like I never had before. The sound that escaped me scared my cat. I saw her dart from the sofa and run down the hall to the bedroom. My hands balled up into tight fists. I silently counted from ten to one. Hoping it would calm me down.

“LEAVE!” I yelled but would not turn around to face him. Was this what I really wanted? No. I wasn’t going to let them win. He was the love of my life. He was mine.

“No. Stay.” I finally said as calmly as I could. “We will fix this. She is a child. She cannot even take care of herself let alone a baby. You will get a lawyer and take the baby away from her. You will not give them a dime. They knew what they were doing. You will not fall into some trap. They are trailer park trash, Johnny. You will get your baby and I will raise the baby as my own.”

[justlethimburn]

I gave her a moment, my heart breaking to watch her like this. I’d caused her so much pain and it just kept happening, but I couldn’t think of anything else I needed to tell her. That should be it, all of the consequences of my actions on the road. I hadn’t been thinking when I fucked that girl, I wasn’t thinking when I did a lot of those things but it was all still on me. I knew that. I betrayed her in so many ways, I was surprised she still wanted to be around. 

Pushing my hand through my hair, I stood up and watched her. She deserved time to process through this, whether or not I was there. The words that left her mouth next shocked me though, my mouth falling open slightly. If she was going to stick by me during this too? Then I would do whatever it took. 

Nodding, I took a few careful steps toward her. “If that’s really what you want? It would be easier than trying to make up some deal...and she’s a kit herself.”

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words…sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What…what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind…” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“What do you mean you’re not going back to the band?”

I was a little shocked by his words. This was his dream. Everything he worked hard far. I didn’t make a deal with the devil for shits and giggles. A price had to be paid and he would get his soul. Not mine. Lily would suffice and it would be done. I just had to bide my time. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done.

“You have to, Johnny. Your music made a difference and people adore you. You can find someone to replace Lily.”

[justlethimburn]

“Gretchen…the forces of darkness aren’t something to deal with. I’ve learned the hard way. If staying away from the band means that I get to be with you and away from all of that, that’s what I’ll do…But if you want her soul sacrificed, you have to know the full extent of what that means.” I wanted her to understand it wasn’t safe and I didn’t want her hurt in any sort of way, but I’d fucked up and I’d make it right however that needed to happen. “You don’t understand what we all did…what we saw.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“I’m fully aware of the forces of darkness and what comes the realm of dealings with the devil, Johnny.”

I moved away from him and walked over to the window. I gazed out at the falling rain. The sky lit up with bolts of lightning. As I started at my own reflection in that moment, I almost saw a darkness in my eyes, and knew what was coming.

“How do you think /I/ got you out of jail?”

My back was to him. I wouldn’t turn around. He needed to really think about his actions.

[justlethimburn]

I ran my hand through my hair, dark pieces falling to the side as she walked over to the window. The rumble of thunder echoed around the home and I took a few slow steps toward her. Something was off…the room growing slightly cold as she spoke. I hadn’t given that a thought…how she got me out of jail. I figured her and the others had different ways to make it work, ways to get me out and I wasn’t going to question it. I didn’t like the way she spoke, the way her voice grew quieter and she didn’t look at me. 

Taking a few slow steps toward her, I reached out to touch her shoulder, frowning. She shouldn’t know anything bout the forces of darkness. I had to protect her from that. “H-How?” I dreaded the answer, not liking how the conversation was going. 

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes went pitch black. It was almost like I was outside of my body and watching. It was me but it wasn’t in that moment. Turning around to face him. I felt cold but not towards him.

“How do you think?” My voice was an octave higher and the demon was making his first appearance.

“Gretchen did what she had to do. You will do as I say or she /will/ pay this debt with her life. You /will/ continue with your music. You /will/ sacrifice Lily. Do you understand? Do you?”

The demon hissed at Johnny. My eyes changed and I fell against him. Looking up at him with a frightened look on my face. I said his name and apologized before fainting.

“Johnny, I’m sorry.”

[justlethimburn]

My feet took an involuntary step back as her eyes changed to black, shock painted itself over my face. what the hell? The room seemed to drop in temperature as she spoke…no not Gretchen…something else. Fuck. /Fuck/. 

I didn’t have a choice, things were darker than I ever could have imagined. She was possessed and I’d failed her. I was supposed to protect her, stay by her side and in losing myself in the music…I’d lost her. I knew how this worked, and she was the most important thing in the world to me and I would do what the demon wanted until I could free her.

I nodded in agreement, unable to do anything else in that moment. “O-okay. I’ll do it.”

My hands moved to grab her as she fell, turning back into my love. I slowly carried her over to the couch and sat down, pulling her up onto it with me. Tears grew in my eyes as I lowered my head to kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry…it’s all my fault. Not yours.”

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes fluttered open and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I tried to focus my vision on his face. Raising my hand to touch his cheek. I was now in tears. He knew. This was something I so desperately tried to avoid. The lengths I had taken to get him out of jail had cost me dearly.

“No, Johnny. Please don’t say that. I knew what I was getting myself into when I made this deal. I wanted you out of jail so badly. I said I’d five my soul to the devil and her appeared. However; he made a deal with me. He said as long as I got you to contiinue with music and find him a suitable soul. He would not take mine but I would forever be bound to him. I’ve become a vessel for one of his children. I don’t know when it will come again. It could be hours, days, weeks, or even months. I’m scared, Johnny.”

[justlethimburn]

My fingers ran through her hair as I shook my head. “No, love, it’s my fault.” I couldn’t believe this. My Gretchen…I’d failed her in so many ways and I was so angry with myself! Had I followed the plans we initially set out, we wouldn’t be here. “I can’t…I can’t say how thankful I am for you. You didn’t deserve this. I messed up and now you’re being dragged into this even more. I won’t leave your side okay? I’m going to be with you and make sure you’re safe from that demon. We’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll find a soul, I’ll play rock and roll. Anything to keep you safe.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“No more lies, Johnny. There is only so much I can take. Promise me there is nothing else. I don’t think my heart can be hit with another blow like that. I have been miserable without you. Despite everything the way I feel about you has never changed. You’re my life. Things can back to how they once were but you have to stop your wild ways.”

I needed to make things clear with him. Placing my right hand on his cheek. I could see the sadnees in his eyes. I knew when something was bothering him.

“What is it? Just lay it on me. I know there is more.”

[justlethimburn]

I kept her close to me as she spoke, my eyes searching hers to find love, honesty and sadness. I hated that I’d brought us here, she didn’t deserve any of this and she had gone out of her way to make sure I could be safe...even after everything I did. 

Pressing my forehead to hers, I let out a long slow sigh and closed my eyes. She knew about the incident with the girl and her mom on the bus. I’d been open about everything that had happened. If she didn't find it out from me, she found it out from the press and I never lied to her, not after I had gotten out of jail. I knew that we could find a way to make this work because she had tried so hard to free me. There was just one thing left to say, and I had hoped I could avoid it. My instinct was to keep it a secret so she didn’t get hurt again, but if we were going to clear the air and move forward, I had to be honest.

I took her hands and pulled back, holding them tightly as my brow furrowed. “The girl from the bus...she’s been trying to contact me. Apparently she’s...” The words paused on my tongue and I had to force them out. “Pregnant.” 

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words…sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What…what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind…” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“What do you mean you’re not going back to the band?”

I was a little shocked by his words. This was his dream. Everything he worked hard far. I didn’t make a deal with the devil for shits and giggles. A price had to be paid and he would get his soul. Not mine. Lily would suffice and it would be done. I just had to bide my time. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done.

“You have to, Johnny. Your music made a difference and people adore you. You can find someone to replace Lily.”

[justlethimburn]

“Gretchen…the forces of darkness aren’t something to deal with. I’ve learned the hard way. If staying away from the band means that I get to be with you and away from all of that, that’s what I’ll do…But if you want her soul sacrificed, you have to know the full extent of what that means.” I wanted her to understand it wasn’t safe and I didn’t want her hurt in any sort of way, but I’d fucked up and I’d make it right however that needed to happen. “You don’t understand what we all did…what we saw.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“I’m fully aware of the forces of darkness and what comes the realm of dealings with the devil, Johnny.”

I moved away from him and walked over to the window. I gazed out at the falling rain. The sky lit up with bolts of lightning. As I started at my own reflection in that moment, I almost saw a darkness in my eyes, and knew what was coming.

“How do you think /I/ got you out of jail?”

My back was to him. I wouldn’t turn around. He needed to really think about his actions.

[justlethimburn]

I ran my hand through my hair, dark pieces falling to the side as she walked over to the window. The rumble of thunder echoed around the home and I took a few slow steps toward her. Something was off…the room growing slightly cold as she spoke. I hadn’t given that a thought…how she got me out of jail. I figured her and the others had different ways to make it work, ways to get me out and I wasn’t going to question it. I didn’t like the way she spoke, the way her voice grew quieter and she didn’t look at me. 

Taking a few slow steps toward her, I reached out to touch her shoulder, frowning. She shouldn’t know anything bout the forces of darkness. I had to protect her from that. “H-How?” I dreaded the answer, not liking how the conversation was going. 

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes went pitch black. It was almost like I was outside of my body and watching. It was me but it wasn’t in that moment. Turning around to face him. I felt cold but not towards him.

“How do you think?” My voice was an octave higher and the demon was making his first appearance.

“Gretchen did what she had to do. You will do as I say or she /will/ pay this debt with her life. You /will/ continue with your music. You /will/ sacrifice Lily. Do you understand? Do you?”

The demon hissed at Johnny. My eyes changed and I fell against him. Looking up at him with a frightened look on my face. I said his name and apologized before fainting.

“Johnny, I’m sorry.”

[justlethimburn]

My feet took an involuntary step back as her eyes changed to black, shock painted itself over my face. what the hell? The room seemed to drop in temperature as she spoke…no not Gretchen…something else. Fuck. /Fuck/. 

I didn’t have a choice, things were darker than I ever could have imagined. She was possessed and I’d failed her. I was supposed to protect her, stay by her side and in losing myself in the music…I’d lost her. I knew how this worked, and she was the most important thing in the world to me and I would do what the demon wanted until I could free her.

I nodded in agreement, unable to do anything else in that moment. “O-okay. I’ll do it.”

My hands moved to grab her as she fell, turning back into my love. I slowly carried her over to the couch and sat down, pulling her up onto it with me. Tears grew in my eyes as I lowered my head to kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry…it’s all my fault. Not yours.”

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes fluttered open and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I tried to focus my vision on his face. Raising my hand to touch his cheek. I was now in tears. He knew. This was something I so desperately tried to avoid. The lengths I had taken to get him out of jail had cost me dearly.

“No, Johnny. Please don’t say that. I knew what I was getting myself into when I made this deal. I wanted you out of jail so badly. I said I’d five my soul to the devil and her appeared. However; he made a deal with me. He said as long as I got you to contiinue with music and find him a suitable soul. He would not take mine but I would forever be bound to him. I’ve become a vessel for one of his children. I don’t know when it will come again. It could be hours, days, weeks, or even months. I’m scared, Johnny.”

[justlethimburn]

My fingers ran through her hair as I shook my head. “No, love, it’s my fault.” I couldn’t believe this. My Gretchen...I’d failed her in so many ways and I was so angry with myself! Had I followed the plans we initially set out, we wouldn’t be here. “I can’t...I can’t say how thankful I am for you. You didn’t deserve this. I messed up and now you’re being dragged into this even more. I won’t leave your side okay? I’m going to be with you and make sure you’re safe from that demon. We’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll find a soul, I’ll play rock and roll. Anything to keep you safe.”

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words…sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What…what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind…” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“What do you mean you’re not going back to the band?”

I was a little shocked by his words. This was his dream. Everything he worked hard far. I didn’t make a deal with the devil for shits and giggles. A price had to be paid and he would get his soul. Not mine. Lily would suffice and it would be done. I just had to bide my time. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done.

“You have to, Johnny. Your music made a difference and people adore you. You can find someone to replace Lily.”

[justlethimburn]

“Gretchen…the forces of darkness aren’t something to deal with. I’ve learned the hard way. If staying away from the band means that I get to be with you and away from all of that, that’s what I’ll do…But if you want her soul sacrificed, you have to know the full extent of what that means.” I wanted her to understand it wasn’t safe and I didn’t want her hurt in any sort of way, but I’d fucked up and I’d make it right however that needed to happen. “You don’t understand what we all did…what we saw.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“I’m fully aware of the forces of darkness and what comes the realm of dealings with the devil, Johnny.”

I moved away from him and walked over to the window. I gazed out at the falling rain. The sky lit up with bolts of lightning. As I started at my own reflection in that moment, I almost saw a darkness in my eyes, and knew what was coming.

“How do you think /I/ got you out of jail?”

My back was to him. I wouldn’t turn around. He needed to really think about his actions.

[justlethimburn]

I ran my hand through my hair, dark pieces falling to the side as she walked over to the window. The rumble of thunder echoed around the home and I took a few slow steps toward her. Something was off…the room growing slightly cold as she spoke. I hadn’t given that a thought…how she got me out of jail. I figured her and the others had different ways to make it work, ways to get me out and I wasn’t going to question it. I didn’t like the way she spoke, the way her voice grew quieter and she didn’t look at me. 

Taking a few slow steps toward her, I reached out to touch her shoulder, frowning. She shouldn’t know anything bout the forces of darkness. I had to protect her from that. “H-How?” I dreaded the answer, not liking how the conversation was going. 

[ambrosialmadness]

My eyes went pitch black. It was almost like I was outside of my body and watching. It was me but it wasn’t in that moment. Turning around to face him. I felt cold but not towards him.

“How do you think?” My voice was an octave higher and the demon was making his first appearance.

“Gretchen did what she had to do. You will do as I say or she /will/ pay this debt with her life. You /will/ continue with your music. You /will/ sacrifice Lily. Do you understand? Do you?”

The demon hissed at Johnny. My eyes changed and I fell against him. Looking up at him with a frightened look on my face. I said his name and apologized before fainting.

“Johnny, I’m sorry.”

[justlethimburn]

My feet took an involuntary step back as her eyes changed to black, shock painted itself over my face. what the hell? The room seemed to drop in temperature as she spoke...no not Gretchen...something else. Fuck. /Fuck/. 

I didn’t have a choice, things were darker than I ever could have imagined. She was possessed and I’d failed her. I was supposed to protect her, stay by her side and in losing myself in the music...I’d lost her. I knew how this worked, and she was the most important thing in the world to me and I would do what the demon wanted until I could free her.

I nodded in agreement, unable to do anything else in that moment. “O-okay. I’ll do it.”

My hands moved to grab her as she fell, turning back into my love. I slowly carried her over to the couch and sat down, pulling her up onto it with me. Tears grew in my eyes as I lowered my head to kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry...it’s all my fault. Not yours.”

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words…sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What…what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind…” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“What do you mean you’re not going back to the band?”

I was a little shocked by his words. This was his dream. Everything he worked hard far. I didn’t make a deal with the devil for shits and giggles. A price had to be paid and he would get his soul. Not mine. Lily would suffice and it would be done. I just had to bide my time. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done.

“You have to, Johnny. Your music made a difference and people adore you. You can find someone to replace Lily.”

[justlethimburn]

“Gretchen…the forces of darkness aren’t something to deal with. I’ve learned the hard way. If staying away from the band means that I get to be with you and away from all of that, that’s what I’ll do…But if you want her soul sacrificed, you have to know the full extent of what that means.” I wanted her to understand it wasn’t safe and I didn’t want her hurt in any sort of way, but I’d fucked up and I’d make it right however that needed to happen. “You don’t understand what we all did…what we saw.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“I’m fully aware of the forces of darkness and what comes the realm of dealings with the devil, Johnny.”

I moved away from him and walked over to the window. I gazed out at the falling rain. The sky lit up with bolts of lightning. As I started at my own reflection in that moment, I almost saw a darkness in my eyes, and knew what was coming.

“How do you think /I/ got you out of jail?”

My back was to him. I wouldn’t turn around. He needed to really think about his actions.

[justlethimburn]

I ran my hand through my hair, dark pieces falling to the side as she walked over to the window. The rumble of thunder echoed around the home and I took a few slow steps toward her. Something was off...the room growing slightly cold as she spoke. I hadn’t given that a thought...how she got me out of jail. I figured her and the others had different ways to make it work, ways to get me out and I wasn’t going to question it. I didn’t like the way she spoke, the way her voice grew quieter and she didn’t look at me. 

Taking a few slow steps toward her, I reached out to touch her shoulder, frowning. She shouldn’t know anything bout the forces of darkness. I had to protect her from that. “H-How?” I dreaded the answer, not liking how the conversation was going. 

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words…sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What…what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind…” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[ambrosialmadness]

“What do you mean you’re not going back to the band?”

I was a little shocked by his words. This was his dream. Everything he worked hard far. I didn’t make a deal with the devil for shits and giggles. A price had to be paid and he would get his soul. Not mine. Lily would suffice and it would be done. I just had to bide my time. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done.

“You have to, Johnny. Your music made a difference and people adore you. You can find someone to replace Lily.”

[justlethimburn]

“Gretchen...the forces of darkness aren’t something to deal with. I’ve learned the hard way. If staying away from the band means that I get to be with you and away from all of that, that’s what I’ll do...But if you want her soul sacrificed, you have to know the full extent of what that means.” I wanted her to understand it wasn’t safe and I didn’t want her hurt in any sort of way, but I’d fucked up and I’d make it right however that needed to happen. “You don’t understand what we all did...what we saw.”

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together…” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[ambrosialmadness]

“That is still no excuse, Johnny. You didn’t have a reason to be lost. You had me. You always had me and I was just a phone call away. If you needed me, I would have dropped everything for you, and gone to see you in a heart beat. No. This was something you chose to do. You broke your promise to me. How would you feel if I had done this? If I had gone and fucked someone else because I was lost? Did you stop to think about how any of this would affect me?”

I was still in his embrace. Despite how angry I was that is where I needed to be. Being away from him had been torture but I needed him to feel at least an ounce of what I felt.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. You want to make this right? You will do as I say without hesitation. You will fire Lily and when he comes knocking on your door for payment. You /will/ sacrifice Lily and give him her soul.”

[justlethimburn]

I held her tight in my grasp. No, nothing I said was any sort of valid excuse. I hadn’t given one damn through to her or us. Instead, I’d lost myself in the power of the band and what that meant, forgetting my history, forgetting everything I had promised to her and everyone else.

My brow furrowed at her words...sacrifice? I wasn’t about that life anymore. I wanted away from the band, away from the devil, away from everything that made me sound crazy. Pulling back slightly, I looked down at her, my hand raising to cup her cheek. “What...what do you mean? I don’t even know if I’m going to be back in the band and I’d certainly rather stay away from sacrifice of any kind...” But I’d do anything for her, to make this right. I just didn’t want her involved in the supernatural. “But I’ll do whatever it takes.”

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[ambrosialmadness]

I leaned my face into his touch which was something I should not have done. I missed him so damn much. This was not something that I could just get over. I had yet to give myself to him. He promised to wait for me. It was suppose to be perfect. The thought of him with another female. Especially that one. It made me sick.

“Why?” My lower trembled and I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would you hurt me like that?”

[justlethimburn]

Seeing her so hurt, especially because of me broke my heart. I’d done this to her, me. No one else. I could make up all of the excuses that I wanted but it boiled down to one more awful mistake by me. We had made promises to each other. I wasn’t a virgin when we met but she was, and I was supposed to wait for her, for our perfect moment when the time was right. The pain in her eyes, in the way she would barely look at me showed just how much I had messed up.

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer, one hand reaching up to brush her tears away. “During my time with the band, I did a lot of dumb shit. I lost myself. I was high on cocaine when Lily and I were together...” I was sure Gretchen saw all of the satanic symbols around the band and I didn’t want to bring that piece up unless she did.

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense…how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it…I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I…I don’t know what to say Gretchen…” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[ambrosialmadness]

“Are you serious? ‘I don’t know what to say Gretchen?’ You don’t know what to say? You came over and acted like you didn’t know why I was mad. You had no clue. You wouldn’t have told me! Would you? You would have just stood there and played stupid! Were you going to tell me the truth? Were you? Probably not. Poor Gretchen she is so fragile and naive. Maybe I was before but not anymore. The Gretchen you knew and loved is gone. Mark my word, Johnny. If I ever see Lily. I will beat the shit out of her and you will watch. You will watch me do it and not do a damn thing about it. Lets try this again…”

I was pissed. I knew he wouldn’t have told me. Now he knew that I knew he cheated. It was up to him to make this right. If looks could kill. He would have fallen over.

“How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Damn it! I couldn’t deny it, she knew. She knew everything and all because of that bitch Lily. She had made sure Gretchen knew and would fuck off, selfish skank. I never wanted to see her again. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be back around the band or any of them. We had all done things we were ashamed of, acted in ways that were not who we were on the inside, and now I still didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the same naïve boy who went into the band, that was for sure. But I couldn’t lose Gretchen.

I took a few steps forward, cupping her cheek in my hand and looked down at her. She was fired up, also changed in ways neither of us could understand. We weren’t the same people in any way. “I don’t know how to make this right, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Okay?” My thumb rubbed her cheek softly as I begged her with my gaze.

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

I shut the door once he walked in. Walking past him towards the living room. I stopped the moment he called me baby. Spinning around to reply, I was now mad again, and he was going to see it. He knew what he did. How could he walk in and act so nonchalant about things?

“Don’t call me baby! You lost that right the night you decided to shove your dick in Lily! You think that I don’t know? Well I do? How? I called you and one of you answered. Putting the call on speaker. I heard everything. EVERYTHING!”

I was shouting at him. Fury consumed me and I was shaking.

“Fuck me, Johnny. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I imitated Lily’s voice.

“I’m going to cum. I’m going to cum.” I said to mimick his words.

“Shoot it in me. Do it.” My words were hard and harsh. I didn’t realize that I was crying.

“You did this to us, Johnny! YOU! How can you stand there and act like nothing?”

[justlethimburn]

Her blow up caught me way off guard and I stopped where I was, watching her go off about all the things she wasn’t supposed to know. Nothing made sense...how come she said she knew everything at the prison and that it was in the past and now shew as fuming? 

But /fuck/ she knew! Everything she said pointed right too it and there was no way I could deny it...I could say it was someone else but she knew me too well for that. She would know I was lying and I was in deep enough water that I didn’t need to resort to that. 

Instead, I took a step back, running my hand down my face and frowning. “I...I don’t know what to say Gretchen...” I wanted to deny it, apologize, kiss her, run, I wasn’t sure. I just knew I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t have her hate me forever. 

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it… Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that…that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[ambrosialmadness]

Did this dickhead think he was going to sway me with that smile? Fuck. That smile was something I missed. My heart could not take it. Just having him close made all these unwanted emotions come to surface. Why did it have to be this way? Could I forgive him? The truth? I didn’t know. I was a virgin and he promised to wait until I was ready. The fact that she slept with Lily is what hurt me so much.

“You want to work things out? Okay, Johnny. We will work things out if you can tell me why I’m so angry. If you know and tell me why it happened. We can work through whatever and get back to the way we were.”

I leaned against the door but decided to let him in. Moving aside I asked him to come inside the house.

“Come in.”

#misshim #ihatelily

[justlethimburn]

For a moment I didn’t think she was going to let me in, but the moment she moved aside I gave her a grateful nod and slipped inside of her home. I ran my finger through my hair and tucked my hands into my pockets, not going any further. She was dodging everything I threw out there, acting as if she didn’t know what had happened There should have been no way she knew, but at the jail she claimed she had. I was so damn confused. She let me in though so that was promising. 

Turning back to her, I waited until she was back inside and slipped my hand over her arm softly. “Baby, I have no idea why you’re angry at me. Can you help me out a little?” 

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down…and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck…” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer…not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[ambrosialmadness]

I always knew that there was good and evil in the world. Did I believe in God and the Devil? Yes. It was something that had been taught to me from a young age. I just never thought that I’d be caught in the middle of it all. Johnny was the love of my life. My dreams were his and his were mine. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him. When he left to pursue those dreams. I was his biggest cheerleader. I wanted The Relentless to succeed. We kept in contact and I’d even gone to California to visit him. After being accepted to UCLA, I packed up my car, and headed to the West Coast. All I could think about was surprising him. The last thing I expected was to be heartbroken.

I’d thought about heading home and calling it quits. The only thing that kept me in California was my education. I was not going to put my dreams on hold just because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Just the thought of him being close to that skank bitch whore Lily infuriated me. He called and attempted numerous times to see me. I ignored him and refused to let him know why I was pissed. He should have known better. He did know better. Diving head first into my studies. I kept busy and tried not to think of him. That was until chaos erupted. His mother called me hysterical. I’d been so busy with work and school that I was not aware of what was happening. Against my better judgment I went to the prison to see him. Part of me felt it was karma but the other part of me just wanted him in my arms. It was difficult to see him in such dire straits.

On my way out of the prison I was approached by a man I’d never seen before. He was quite charming and had a way with words. Words that I could not overlook. He promised me that Johnny could be out of jail, have the success he deserved, and The Relentless would go down in history as the best rock group known to man. I was skeptical at first. I knew there was a price to everything. As angry as I was with him. I didn’t want him to rot in jail. I wanted him to be everything he could be. I knew the potential Johnny had. It just got clouded with greed. Agreeing to the terms bestowed upon me. I agreed and allowed myself to be possessed by a demon. I was now a vessel for one of Satan’s soldiers. In this agreement I asked that Johnny never know what I had done. Signing my fate in blood. I watched as he was released. That did not mean things would go back to normal between us.

As months went by I kept busy as usual. Taking on advanced placement classes, extra shifts at Dean & Deluca, and studying. Johnny sent texts and would call. I’d read the messages. Listened to the voicemails. Never responding to anything but he never gave up. Hearing a knock at my door after getting a call from him. I knew he was on my doorstep. It was time to just rip the band-aid off and face him. Walking across the living room to the small foyer of my townhouse. I unlocked the door and opened it. He was a sight for sore eyes but the moment I saw him. All I could hear was his voice telling that slut Lily he was going to cum.

“What do you want? I thought by now you’d get the hint that I want nothing to do with you.”

As the words came out of my mouth. It hurt me to say them. I still loved him so damn much it hurt.

#AmericanSatan #LilySucks

[justlethimburn]

Just getting to lay eyes on Gretchen jerked my heart forward, as if it would pull right out of my chest. I wanted her closer, needed to feel her soft skin beneath my finger tips, but here was no denying that she didn’t want that. As much as I did, I’d fucked up. I wasn’t myself, I was lost in the music, in the drugs. She’d understand that, I was sure of it... Still, there was no way she could have known that and we hadn’t talked in depth about what she knew about the Lily situation, but I’d respect her defensiveness.

I took a step closer to her and gave her that charming smile I knew she loved, pushing back my own pain so it didn’t show through  my eyes. “I’ve missed you, Gretchen. We were away from each other for so long. You came to the prison to help and I thought that...that we could work through everything and chat you know?” 

[justlethimburn]

We Lost Control

- Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from With the weight of the world Swing me back and forth again Like a pendulum I forgot where I came from -

Storyline with @ambrosialmadness​  

I was free from spending the rest of my life in prison but the past few weeks didn’t feel that way. I’d signed the agreement to take council from the attorney Elias knew and was surprised to find I /did/ get off on the technicality just as he promised. That stop me from feeling like I was still imprisoned. 

For weeks I’d spent my time hiding out in my bedroom, only coming out for food and to use the rest room. After all I’d been through with the band and the media’s sensationalizing everything I needed time away from it all. Reporters came to my home repeatedly, wanting to know my version of what happened. The other band members had agreed with my words about the devil but also agreed it was just rock and roll music. Elias claimed the shooting of Malcom was just a show, all a hoax to gain more media attention. There were copy cat killings, whispers of odd events surrounding the band and a darker, deeper meaning to the music. After all, wasn’t the devil a big part of all that? The heart of rock and roll?

Fans continued to send their mail to the band, buying up our merchandise and listening to our music. Nothing seemed to sway them. To them? We had brought a light to a dark world. They saw the positive changes, the lowered rates in children committing suicide, less bullying in schools, and more focus on music and love. But damn it was so hard to look at all of this and say that it had been a successful ride.

I’d fallen for the devil, done everything I swore I’d never do. I deserved to rot in that prison cell away from the world, writing music that would never be heard. I’d betrayed those I loved the most in the name of drugs, sex and rock and roll. I couldn’t take that back. I had plenty of material for songs but no motivation to get them recorded. I only had two things on my mind, keeping my mom and I safe from the media until it all died down...and Gretchen.

The last time I’d seen Gretchen was in prison. She’d come with the others to encourage me to get out of prison and live my life, including going back to the Relentless. She claimed to know all of what had happened but since I’d gotten out, she’d screened each and every one of my phone calls. To say I was confused was an understatement. If she wanted me out so badly, why ignore me? There were things we needed to talk through, apologies I needed to make even if she could never forgive me for the things I did. 

Just after dark on a Friday night, I borrowed my mom’s car so no one would know it was me and headed down the road to visit her. I wasn’t sure if she would answer or not but it was worth a shot. I parked the car on the curb and pulled out my phone, texting her again to see if she would answer. Nothing. 

“Fuck...” I shook my head and dialed her number. I didn’t want to just show up like some crazy asshole. She probably thought of me that way because of what I did and how I acted in prison. Still, no answer.

Groaning to myself, I turned of the car and got out, shoving my keys and my phone into my pocket as I walked up to her place. I knocked on the door and said a small prayer...not that it would help me at all. I was sure the gods that be, whoever they were, hated me by now.

[justlethimburn]