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if i look back, i am lost

Kiana Khansmith
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@justletitfuckingbe
Swim Deep - She Changes The Weather
I can’t think of any greater happiness than to be with you all the time […]
Franz Kafka - from The Castle (via watchoutforintellect)
And now I’m done.
Someone told me I’m the type of person someone will never get over. I had to text my exgirlfriend to see if it were true because if there is anything in life I don’t want to be, that is it. I do not want to be the person a bunch of people won’t ever get over. I don’t want to be the main character in someone’s heartbreaking novel. I can’t let myself become this imagine of failed love. So I texted my exgirlfriend and asked her how is it possible to be someone like me, someone who people cannot get over. She said I do things to people I choose to invest my love in. I do intoxicating things that makes people feel like the only person on Earth. And even more I hate myself for knowing to go to my exgirlfriend because I know she isn’t over me and it’s been a almost 2 years. She said she’ll give her heart to someone else but I’ll still be right under her ribcage. She said she thinks she never will and she said that it’s alright. But ‘alright’ is the last thing it is. It’s fucked up because that shouldn’t be what love comes to. It shouldn’t be stuck in that linger. If someone is fucking hung up on me, how can they successfully move on with their life? She said she hardened herself to the thought of me. I was the person she saw as a point along the road. I do not want to be this person. If this is the person I am I do not deserve to love. I do not deserve to explore love and just jeopardize someone else to add to the list of me. I can’t put someone through that anymore and I wish I could take it all back. Take back all the heartache I’ve caused people who didn’t deserve a sliver of pain. But she replies with no regret, and lessons learned. Explained it as a growing experience and full of worth. But I still do not want to be that fucking person.
Sorry (via dopelez)
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