THE SIGNS IN A HORROR MOVIE
aries: the wild child who gets kicks out of killing monsters, the one who'll scream ”COME AND GET ME, ASSHOLES” with a loaded machine gun in each hand
taurus: literally the only one in the group who thinks trying out demonic rituals in a dark forest is a bad idea
gemini: ”you’re not scared of ghosts, are you? come on, give me the flashlight, i’m not scared, lol. this was a great idea, spending a night in an abandoned mental hospital, just you an- wait holy shit what was that? did you hear that? it sounded like a scream…. HAHAHAHA GOTCHA!!!!! i’m just fucking with you i'm hilarious you should've seen you face”
cancer: always screaming and hyperventilating, is haunted by bad luck (cell phone rings when hiding in a cupboard) but manages to survive because of good looks & romantic side story
leo: the popular hot-shot who walks in first and says ”see! nothing’s here” but doesn’t realize the ugly ass ghoul is right behind their back
virgo: kinda tired of it all, like, when the monster’s all hovering over them they're just like ”aw fuck, i really wanted to go to college”
libra: the hot chick who everyone thought was dumb as fuck but in fact is a damn genius and really really good at fighting
scorpio: the silent kid in the group who everyone ignores and makes fun of but in the end it turns out that he/she was the evil mastermind behind it all
sagittarius: ”look at this guys, i found this old box in the cellar with dozens of old photos of dead children, we should check it out. and i bought this ouija board from an old lady and i also tried to summon a few demons yesterday. then i found a room in an abandoned house with 100 old porcelain dolls! it’s so cool let's go there and film everything with our cell phones! i also noticed some weird inscriptions behind this ancient mirror and omg you know what we should do? play spirit in the glass IN THE HOUSE SOMEONE DIED!”
capricorn: probably the survivor, because this guy is super practical and pragmatic but is also super awkward and people love awkward protagonists who become heroes in the end so yeah, here’s your harry potter
aquarius: the ultimate good guy, the brave champion who voluntarily sacrifices themselves in order to save the others
pisces: they are literally cruising on their insanely good luck throughout the whole movie, like, they didn’t even notice that a zombie walked behind them for like 10 minutes but then fell into a ditch because they were listening to loud music and didn’t look over their shoulder
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