The Frustrated Writer

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Prenatal

Prenatal development or gestation is the process that transforms a zygote into a newborn. Thus, the process that ends with the birth of a baby involves two sets of experiences: those of the pregnant woman, and those of the developing zygote, embryo, and fetus. At conception, the 23 chromosomes from the sperm join with the 23 chromosomes from the ovum to make up the set of 46 that will be reproduced in each cell of the new individual. Also, male fetuses may be more active than their female counterparts. They also develop more slowly and more vulnerable to most of the potentially negative influences on prenatal development.

Growing up I’m not really sure how much I learned about pregnancy.  In church and in Sunday school, I was told that children were a gift from God and that if I did get pregnant it was because God wanted to use you as a vehicle for creation. I never considered whether she lost her mind trying to deal with Jesus wanting to nurse throughout the night or crying for hours on end.

Once I start brainstorming on the topic and learned how the prenatal stage goes, I quickly become overwhelmed. There is so much that needs to change. I’ll just offer a few thoughts here. First, it would be a lot healthier if we adopted realistic language about pregnancy and childbirth in religious settings. Second, we should talk about how bearing children is really difficult and becoming frustrated with the process does not mean that one has failed to accept any potential gifts that might exist alongside the challenges. One must be stable in all aspects before thinking of getting pregnant. So if you’re not ready, don’t risk it!

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Infancy

Infancy is the period during which the greatest degree of physical change occurs. Although their senses work well, newborns have very limited physical skills. In contrast, 2-year olds not only can move about independently, but they can also feed themselves and, to the dismay of many parents, get themselves into all kinds of precarious situations. Nevertheless, a 2-year old still has a long way to go before he/she reaches physical maturity.

I am not a fan of infants. Whenever I see babies, I always get a sudden urge to pinch their cheeks or cover their faces with a pillow. But after learning this stage of development, I have come to realize that discipline plays a central role in raising a child. Because in the early years I learned that a major aspect of disciplining children was in disciplining one’s self as parents. We were challenged to be disciplined in many ways, including rising at any time of the night when they cried, taking time to really enjoy them during their bath and awake times, being there emotionally and spiritually while they’re nursed, taking them on walks and pointing out flowers and animals.

Also, you can be saying, “I love you,” but your body language is rough, saying something like, “Here is your bottle. Just drink the bottle and shut up.” You may feel like that sometimes, but you’ve got to control it. You have to give a consistent message. Sometimes it isn’t easy. It requires that parents discipline themselves, because sometimes these unwanted feelings come over you, and you have to learn how to deal with them. Just as in a marriage you sometimes feel disturbed by each other, your relationship with your child is going to disturb you sometimes and disturb your equilibrium. I realized that sometimes infants can outsmart you, just when you think you have everything under control.

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Early Childhood

During early childhood, children’s temperaments are modified by social experiences both within and outside the family to form their personalities. Freud and Erikson each described 2 stages of personality development during the preschool years: the anal and phallic stage in Freud’s theory and the stages in which autonomy and initiative are developed in Erikson’s theory. Both theories, but especially Freud’s, place primary importance on the parent-child relationship. More recent psychoanalytic approaches emphasize the importance of relationships with peers and siblings. Children as young as 2 show prosocial behavior toward others. Stable friendships develop between children in this range.

Young children grow up. I have come to learn and realize that what happens during the early years for young children has a profound impact on the rest of their lives. The school a child attends, the support available from the family, friends, and community. The perceptions of parents, relatives, and teachers; all of these make a great difference in the lives of children as they grow up.

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Middle Childhood

Erik Erikson accepted Freud’s view of the central role of peer relationships and the emotions that accompany them in middle childhood. He went beyond Freud’s perspective though, when he further characterized middle childhood as the period during which children experience the crisis of industry versus inferiority. During this stage, Erikson said, children, develop a sense of their own competence through the achievement of culturally defined learning goals.

If middle childhood has taught me something, it’s that our friends and the people we surround ourselves with have a tremendous influence on our own beliefs and actions. It is absolutely imperative, then, that we exercise extreme caution with the people we allow to enter our lives. I’m proud to say the friend group I’ve been with throughout my middle childhood has been one that has taught me great skills, encouraged me to learn from my mistakes, and been perceptive to my flaws. Unfortunately, I also know many who have fallen victim to the negative side of peer pressure – herd mentality – whatever you want to call it. I’ve seen grades drop, relationships tear apart – all in the span of a couple of months. It’s crazy how quickly you can be assimilated into a group and how your lifestyle reflects that. Having like-minded individuals around you is a major component of a great experience. This, of course, entails great risk. Ultimately, it’s all a matter of staying true to what you believe personally and following your moral compass, even in the foggiest conditions.

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Adolescence

Heterosexual teens gradually move from same-sex peer groups to heterosexual couples. The feeling of being “in love” is important to the formation of couple relationships. Many homosexual teens experiment with heterosexual and homosexual relationships before committing to a gay, lesbian, or bisexual orientation in mid-adolescence. According to Freud, adolescents are in the genital stage, a period in which sexual maturity is reached. Erikson viewed adolescence as a period when a person faces a crisis of identity versus role confusion, out of which the teenager must develop a sense of who he is and where he belongs in his culture.

The teenage years: for most people, it was overall some of the best of times while for others it was the worst. That delicate age between adolescence and adulthood is a roller coaster ride of hormones, awkward spaz moments, love, self-exploration, and decadence. My teenage years began with embarrassing moments of getting torn apart by the gnashing tongues of my peers muddled with a constant need to remember wearing deodorant due to my recently changing body before it finally evolved into a pretty awesome era filled with the independence I had long craved since childhood, self-actualization, and even self-admiration. For me being a teenager was about friends, socializing, making money, then spending it at my leisure, experimenting with drugs, delving into politics, and above all getting my kicks while I was still young enough to get them.

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Early Adulthood

It is clear that adults are at their peak both physically and cognitive between ages 20 and 40. In these years, a person has more muscle tissue, more calcium in the bones, better sensory acuity, greater aerobic capacity, and a more efficient immune system. Rates of mental illness are higher in early adulthood than in middle adulthood; young adults are more likely to have depression or anxiety or to be lonely than are middle-aged adults. Early adulthood is the period during which personality disorders and schizophrenia are usually diagnosed.

Is it just me, or is being an adult really weird? Like actually becoming one?

When I was younger, adulthood seemed like this defining moment in my life where I'd have a career, house, car, and possibly a significant other as well. It seemed like adulthood was a distinct, separate phase in my life that indicated a clear moment of personal development. Truth is, I’m discovering that adulthood really isn’t like that. So what’s the bright side to all this? Really, it’s freedom. I know it’s a cliche, but life really is what you make it. Granted, you may not get the perfect job or living arrangements right away, but you can set your own goals, make your own path, and live the way you want to (responsibly, of course). Granted, the days of longing for the convenience of childhood aren’t over, but neither are the days of creating a life to help me become the person I want to be. And that’s exciting.

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Middle Adulthood

Nearly every middle-aged person has a story about a peer who has died unexpectedly from an undiagnosed disease. Cardiovascular disease is not a normal part of aging; it is a disease for which there are known risk factors, including smoking, high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol, obesity, and a high-fat diet. Alcoholism can develop at any age, but its effects become evident in middle age when it is associated with increased mortality.  Also, the midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 45–64 years old.

After a few readings and days of reflection, I have come to realize that middle adulthood is nothing to be trifled with though. There are things, both big and small, that we won’t anticipate. They might show up unannounced and demand our attention. Existential questions and physical ailments are most likely to abound in this sweet spot of midlife. Learning to cope is key so we can keep enjoying this awesome time. I have watched my mom walking into a room and having no idea why becomes a fun game she plays with herself. Retracing her steps to find her glasses, which are on her face or atop her head. Writing a to-do list, even if it is on a cool app on her phone, reminds me that maybe her memory is a bit jumbled at times. Unfair? Perhaps. A fact of middle adulthood? Certainly.

Despite the newfound concerns about the future and changes to our minds and bodies, middle adulthood has perks. These things only come after the hard-won experience. There’s no fast forward for them — they’re earned.

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Late Adulthood

Theories of biological aging emphasize the possible existence of genetic limiting mechanisms and/or the cumulative effects of malfunctions within cells. One proposal involves the Hayflick limit, a genetic mechanism that imposes time limits on the capacity of the body’s cells to reproduce. Other proposals claim that programmed senescence, cross-linking, free radicals, and terminal decline strongly influence the aging process. Also, many adults prepare for death in practical ways, such as by buying life insurance, writing a will, and making a living will. Reminiscence may also serve as a preparation. There are some signs of deeper personality changes immediately before death, including more dependence and docility and less emotionality and assertiveness.

Late adults are those who have been blessed to live a full life. They’ve entered a time of harvest from all they’ve experienced. They are to be highly honored and not forgotten. They have much wisdom to offer. But here, despair can set in if regret overwhelms. Before you enter this stage, ask yourself, “Will I have lived a meaningful life?” While you live out this phase, ask yourself, “What are the best parts of my life that I can share?” The next generation greatly benefits from the wisdom of its ancestors. Whatever has happened in your life to this point, there is something positive to reflect on. If you have lived with many regrets, set those regrets aside and search, as for treasure, for what you can be grateful for. If you have lived well, finish well also. There is much from your life that you can share.

In your biological family and church family, honor your elders. Spend time with them. Interview them for their life experience and wisdom. Value them.