You earn it
The other day I said āIāve had people come in to my life & just assume this role without earning it. And then you come along & want it but act like you donāt deserve itā
I said does that make sense?
You said, not really.
I asked if I should elaborate.
And you said if I want to.
I didnāt because I wasnāt sure how I could articulate it , but I have been thinking a lot about it.
I meant that, other people have come in to my life & just assumed the role. They see what I do & who I am & decide, ok, this is nice, I think Iāll stay. And we fall in to this routine without even working to get there. I like people, and I like doing things for others and I like to make people happy, so I never thought much about falling in to place until I began to realize I wasnāt given the same in return. Iād wind up spending my life with these people that I had this unspoken duty to nurture, but my needs were never met in the same way. Not only that, but they would end up having a negative effect on me. I think women are built that way. A lot of us, anyway. We just care to take care. It doesnāt matter what you do to us, itās just our duty & we do it. Until we get burnt out. Until we recognize that weāre being taken advantage of or not valued for all that we do. I donāt mean to say Iām this saint that should be recognized & rewarded for all my hard work. But through all those relationships and all those people and all those years, Iāve finally decided that, no. Iām not doing that anymore. Iām not going to pull the full weight of a relationship. It takes two people. Iām not going to waste my time or energy when it wonāt be reciprocated.
And then thereās you.
Youāve never relied on me or depended on me or expected me to do anything. You donāt assume Iām going to just take care of you & carry this relationship on my own. You support me and love me & are kind to me every day. You worry that youāre too much for me and are afraid to ask too much of me. You care about my needs and strive to make sure theyāre met before your own. You are the first person in my life who has not just taken me without asking. Youāre the first person to consistently care about my burdens and boundaries. Who cares that I am always satisfied with how we are progressing and worried that you are not enough. You have yet to just settle in and allow me to or expect me to serve you.
I have always said that I want a partner, and you are exactly that. We have this seemingly perfect balance of support and fondness for one another. We have this abundance of joy and love that I have never experienced before. I donāt even know how to explain it. It feels deep and clean and pure and just exactly right. Without a hint of resentment or doubt.
Itās like all these other people have taken without deserving what I have and who I am. But you. Youāre cautiously asking but overwhelmingly earning everything Iāve been and more. And to make it even more worthwhile with you, you acknowledge and appreciate what I do for you and us. Big and small, it feels like nothing gets by you. You always make sure I know that it hasnāt gone unnoticed and youāre always so grateful. You are my finally. Everything you do & everything we are. Itās just an enormous sigh of relief. Finally. You are my last. My love. You are everything I have ever wanted and more.
And, you earned it.













