a lady's world.

ask - archive - incmedia sc: onlynor | ig: noweeanne

[boohwanj-deactivated20240316-de]

2020-04-11

Canon EOS R + RF85mm f1.2L

https://www.instagram.com/hwantastic79vivid/

[justnowee]

25!!!!!!!!!

[justnowee]

kinda used to being in the dark now

[justnowee]

I’m already too lazy to just get up lol

[justnowee]

lmao I’m already cringing

[justnowee]

is this gonna be repetitive..... probably but it’s okay it’s for my own records

it was a busy day between work, church, AC, and naps lol

[justnowee]

I’m trying not to let my uneven eyes get to me but it hard lol

[justnowee]

me actually trying to reach aesthetics or something lmao for my personal records

[justnowee]

I deserved more. So much more than this bullcrap.

[justnowee]

soooooooooo will we ever meet in this lifetime?

[justnowee]

12/16/19 me: I miss being in love but also the thought of it makes me wanna gag

[justnowee]

me, currently: expanding my friend groups whilst not losing myself in the process

[justnowee]

If anything, this is just a timely reminder that there are plenty of fish in the sea!! Just gotta expand a little. Have some hope! :-)

[justnowee]

I think... I could tell when people are awkward around me or lowkey would rather me not be there. And I’m actually fine with it! Is it sadistic that I like to observe their reactions and actions while I’m there when they clearly wish I weren’t?

I’m learning to be content with who I am, even if that’s just the awkward weird person on the sidelines lmao.

I don’t think my loneliness stems from not having as many friends or not being able to make as many friends so easily. I think that was more of how much things have changed from a year or two years ago. My friendships are thriving, I would like to say. It’s the ex boyfriends and their families that I miss - that sense of comfort being away from home. I’m learning how to be more comfortable to not rely on it. And it’s easier since I have these solid foundations of friendships that I actually now have. Thank goodness for these few but genuine souls that continue to tolerate me, wahah.

[justnowee]

homesickness or loneliness?

I this point I think it’s the latter. I don’t feel like I’m welcomed anywhere anymore.

[justnowee]

whew, a huge wave of homesickness is hitting me.

I feel like a huge baby. I just want to be with my family in these last few months but not being able to see them this Thanksgiving or just the rest of the holidays this year gets the waterworks going!! I don’t truly feel like I’m part of any family here in the OC anymore. I feel like I’m going to intrude on my other friend’s family, seeing them all so close. It’s almost YETG, so I might not be able to see my own parents until after the new year. It sucks man. The nostalgia hits differently when everything has changed so much and there’s no comfort of consistency. I just want to spend time with my parents, just like everyone else is able to do.

[justnowee]

It’s crazy how my first committed significant other was actually so similar to my most recent one.

I’d gone back to read old Facebook messages from the first one and felt the same vibe as I had more recently from my last. Even after both breakups, there’s a huge level of respect and understanding.

Lol. This better not be just another cycle of my partners....!!