Parents will say something so devastating to you but will forget they ever said it. Meanwhile I can’t form emotional connections with anyone because of what she said to me

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@justoneofthose-days
Parents will say something so devastating to you but will forget they ever said it. Meanwhile I can’t form emotional connections with anyone because of what she said to me
I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am a sponge that absorbs all the trauma of the household. Life is spilt milk and I am a kitchen cloth burnt at the edges. I am falling apart at the corners, threads coming away, rips and ripples like I am torn and trembling in an ocean of nothingness. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I emphasize with everyone. The love of my life marries someone else, and I find myself hoping that he loves her the same. My brother wishes death upon me and I toss and turn in my sleep over the tears I saw in his eyes. Life is an accidental fire and I am water. I attempt to stop a tragedy I did not start, to go blindly into a catastrophe that I cannot halt. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am silent in my needs. My father asks me what I'd like to eat and I say that I am not hungry. I will chew on my guilt and swallow my pride before I even think of asking for anything. I buy myself a sweet and nothing tastes as bitter as it. Life is a metaphor for debt and I am drowning in the desire to be as insignificant as possible. I demand nothing and nothing demands me.
there's something about having a mother when you're a girl.
black swan //Buffet Etiquette, Hieu Minh Nguyen // Nayyirah Waheed//turtles all the way down// the cradell, berthe morisot// ??// the witch// Kyung-sook Shin, Please Look After Mom// lady bird// Take Care: Mothers, Daughters, and Inheriting Self-Hatred, Ella Wilson
Sergey Ershov
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idk who needs to hear this but your body is loveable
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lovers in the garden
Tardigarde